One Year Ago

"I like you like this."

First overnight in his house, she thought, as they laid in each other arms. "No make-up, messy hair, morning breath, wearing your t-shirt?"

"You in my bed," John smiled. "I like your morning breath."

She laid her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. I've more than fallen for him. Freaking John Littleton. "I like you."

I think I'm in love with her, he thought, and she's getting there. "Good because I don't just let anyone wear my old shirts in bed with me. To be clear? I more than like you, Max. What are you doing tonight?"

She smiled at him through her hair. Pick up my kids, ballet, swimming, groceries, brunch. "Do you and Kara want to come over? I was planning on taco night."

Kara who knows, John thought, who teases me mercilessly about having a girlfriend…even if she really likes Max. "Let me run it by my teenager. She may have plans. She's dating…boys. Teenage boys."

She snuggled in closer to him and kissed him for a long moment. "She's as pragmatic and logical as you. She's smart enough not to let boys take advantage of her."

"She's spunky like her mom."

Max smiled at that. "What was Deanna like?"

He looked at her for a long moment. "She was so smart, Honey, independent, funny, strong…I fell in love with her the moment I saw her our freshman year in college. It took me two months to ask her out and…she made me a better man. She made me believe that I could do anything."

Max held his gaze at that, as he interlocked his fingers with hers. "You're a great man."

"She loved Kara. We were supposed to…we had so many plans and…life throws us curveballs. We both know that."

"We do."

He kissed her again, studying her for a long moment. "We're kid free for a few more hours."

"I should be responsible, get out of bed, do errands and," she started, as he rolled over on top of her. "Oh, hi. I like this better."

I do love her, he thought, as she kissed him for a long moment. She isn't there yet, I know that, even if she's wrapped around me. "Me too. Come here, Honey."

Present

"I can't," Max stated. "Just don't."

"Turning your phone off doesn't solve the problem," John said. "You don't run and hide."

"I ran away from Rome," she stated.

"You stayed with Kenny, even when he treated you like crap, to fight for you marriage. You fought through your own hurt and pain to be there for your kids. You pushed aside your own insecurities and doubts with you and me. You can do this. You can do anything."

She held his gaze, his confidence in her warming her up. "You know I'm so glad he's alive?"

History, John thought, long friendship, marriage, Nat and Regan's dad. As much as he hurt her, she loved him, she said she did, that she wanted to make it work. "I have your back, Max. No matter what you decide to do."

She looked at him with that. "Kenny being alive it...it doesn't change how I feel about you. I want to marry you. I want to raise our kids together and have this baby we keep talking about. I love you, John."

Pajama pants, t-shirt, barefoot, with a sloppy ponytail and zero make up, making her look far younger and vulnerable than usual, he thought, and so sure in what she just said. "I love you too. It isn't going to be that simple. You need a lawyer, one who isn't me. Don't look like that. You have kids, you're married to him, you took widow's benefits and you're not one anymore, you sold a house, stuff, and if you want a divorce? You need a lawyer, Max, to protect yourself, Regan and Nat. You and me? I'm more than looking forward to us getting married, but we need to figure this other stuff out."

"You are way too pragmatic."

He handed her the phone. "You need to deal with it."

9 Years Ago

I can do this, Kenny thought, keeping his arms around her. Max curled up next to me, her almost eight-month pregnant stomach poking out under her t-shirt. It's so round, big, this isn't the woman I married in that tight white dress. The one who spent our entire honeymoon either naked or in a tiny bikini. She's all nursery and baby.

"This was nice."

He reluctantly rested his hand on her stomach, feeling her squirming baby moving around. "Does that hurt?"

She smiled at that, resting her hand on his. "No. She's just making herself known."

"How much bigger is she going to get in there?"

"I don't know. I have 18 pounds of belly right now. Swollen ankles aside, I like being pregnant, feeling her grow inside me. I never felt more…feminine than I do like this."

He gulped at her soft words. No, Max, no, we're not going down this road.

Present

John kissing me good-bye this morning, telling me I have this. That he loved me, not to worry about the kids, that I probably shouldn't wear my engagement ring. Kenny…my very best friend, partner, the man I loved and married, we were supposed to be together forever. The one who I was so excited to have babies with, a family, until is all went to hell. I can do this. I need to do this. Just me and Kenny… It's like I'm 25 again, unsure, afraid, with something to prove. Catching sight of her reflection, she sighed. Snug jeans and this white lace top John said looked almost bridal. Go do it, he said, and then we'll take the kids out for mini-golf and ice cream tonight. I can do this…do not freak out and cry, Max. Just Kenny. My dead husband. Who treated me like crap before he died. Who I loved recklessly and with everything in me.

"Max."

I can't, she thought, staring at him in wonder and shock. I can't do this.

"Max," he said again, drinking her in. "Oh, Max, come here."

I can't breathe, she thought, as he pulled her toward him and hugged her. Kenny…oh, god, Kenny. Inhaling his familiar smells, she sunk into his strong embrace. I can't think or move. Just us, in a coffee shop…Kenny.

He hugged her tighter, before pulling back to tilt her face to his. So beautiful, he thought, shaking, my wife…the love of my life. "I missed you, I missed you so much. It's okay, we're together again now. Max, I'm so sorry."

Together, she thought, not able to look away. Kenny and me. After all this time…he did come back to me. My husband.

He hugged her tightly again, running his fingers through her hair. "I'm never leaving you again."

She closed her eyes. Get it together. Say something. Anything. He's all over me…it's so familiar feeling…what is he doing to me? Years of this…My husband, the man I pledged to love forever.

"Max?" he pressed, not taking his eyes off her. "I'm so sorry for everything. I wanted you with me…you're all I thought about the last seven years."

I can't speak, she thought, my brain is nothing but mush. He needs to stop touching me. Say anything, Max. It doesn't matter what. Get a word out. Letting out a long breath, she looked back at him. Crap, Max, crap.

"Max," he breathed, leaning down to kiss her.

No, she thought, no, as his lips met hers. Trembling a bit, as he pulled her closer with it. Kissing him back, she fought to get control of herself, as she pushed back.

"Max?"

She stepped back, watching him. "Stop."

"What's wrong?"

She stared at him. Focus. Run. No, I can't run from this. "Stop touching me."

"I've waited almost seven years to touch you again."

She shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself. I can't, she thought, keep it together. "I'm glad you're not dead."

"What are you doing?" he asked, as she moved to put a table between them. "Max?"

She didn't take her eyes off him. He died…left me alone. He shoved me away, treated me like crap and I still loved him. It could have worked. "I don't know what to say to you."

"I never wanted to leave you."

She gulped at that. It's been too long and…it would be so easy to fall into his arms. Kiss him…go home with him. "I know. I understand that. We should sit. Talk."

One Year Ago

Oh, this is nice. Normal, Max thought, sipping her beer, familiar and comfortable. Smiling, as he gave her a long squeeze. "Yes?"

"Any excuse to touch you."

Max smiled at that, shifting under his arm at his family barbecue. "You don't need an excuse. I'm all yours."

That smile, he thought, her so easily snug against my side. Way more at ease than I would have thought, making small talk with my siblings, mom, Nat and Regan happy with my nieces and nephews. A few comments, looks, at my pale and redheaded girlfriend, who seems very content. "Good to know."

"Max," Alice said, looking at how closely her son was keeping her to him. "Why don't you join us? John, let the poor girl breath."

She should be a Littleton, he thought, no, we're six-months in. We need more time before that happens. Nope, I want to marry this woman. Don't push it with her yet. What we have is great. "I can't help it, Mom, she's good company."

"I'm sure she is," Alice said. "Max, your children are very sweet. Can you help me in the kitchen?"

She nodded, a bit reluctant to leave John's warm side. "Of course."

Present

"You're doing what?" John said, looking at Kara, Regan and Nat giggling together. "You do know that we can plan our wedding?"

"Dad," Kara sighed. "Stop being practical. Do it for your children. We want to see you guys to have a special wedding."

John smiled despite himself. Two hours and nothing from her. She's fine, I trust her, do not call her. "What are you three planning?"

"Mommy should wear this," Nat said, sliding him the picture. "She'd look so pretty."

"That's something, Nat," he said, looking at the satin ballgown, covered with roses and jewels. Max wouldn't wear that even to make Nat happy. "You should show it to your mom."

Kara smiled. "I don't think Max likes those giant dresses, you little monsters. Come on, we were planning them a beach wedding. She can't wear that. Show him the other ones, Regan."

She's already married, he thought, she needs a divorce before we do this. Let them plan it. "Your mom looks pretty no matter what she wears. What beach, Kid?"

"Hawaii," Kara said. "We like this one. You and Max are making us all a family. You can get married and them we can have a family vacation. It's perfect."

"You should be a lawyer," John said. "We can run it by her. Regan, this dress looks exactly like something your mom would wear."

Regan giggled at that. "When is Mom getting home?"

Present

Max wrapped her hands around her coffee cup and looked at him. "Morrell told me what happened."

"I wanted you with me. You moved here to be closer to my family."

She nodded. "I needed a fresh start. The girls needed to know their family. I wasn't in good shape at that point."

"You look good now."

Thin and pretty. He always liked my hair long. "Not like that. I stayed with your parents until I could function. I got it together eventually."

"Max," he started, reaching for her hand, as she pulled back from his again. "Why won't you let me touch you?"

She looked at him. All that hurt…him dying…I let it go. I let everyone have their positive memories, I can't take that from them. This is between us. "It's been seven years. Do you expect me to jump into your arms like nothing has changed?"

"Where were you yesterday? Morell said he told you, and you bailed. You didn't pick up your phone."

She looked at him with that. "I needed to process it. I'm trying to figure out how to tell Regan and Natalie. They are happy and well adjusted and I'm about to torpedo their life."

"Your kids."

She looked at for a long a moment with that. "They're our kids. They're amazing. I'd like you to know them, but they need to understand what is happening first."

"And us?"

She held his gaze. "What about us?"

"You're my wife."

"I haven't been in seven years. I don't blame you for this. You got a lot of bad people off the street. We weren't doing so hot before it though."

"You were pregnant and hormonal."

Present

"There," Kara said, hitting send on her phone after her selfie with Regan and Nat. "What? We're going to be sisters."

"Are you and Mom going to have a baby?" Regan asked.

"Oh, you should," Kara said. "He's the best dad, guys, you have no idea how lucky you are he's going to be your dad. Dad, you and Max should have a baby."

He sat back and looked at the three of them. "Anything else? Married in Hawaii, have a baby, any other plans you have for us?"

"If you have a baby, we need a bigger house."

"You three," he sighed. Max needs to get divorced. We need to talk this out with them. She's not on birth control. Out with Kenny. Who I know she loved, despite it all. I trust her. "What do you think? Boy or girl?"

Present

"I was pregnant, and we had an 18-month old. You were drunk all the time. You pushed me away. You wouldn't talk to me. You never touched me. The last thing I said to you was that I wanted divorce."

"Max."

"And I never told anyone. I loved you, I wanted it to work. I would have fought to make it work. I loved you for as long as I could remember. I married you thinking we'd be together forever."

"Max."

"I'll never keep your kids from you."

"I want you. I need you."

You're all I wanted, she thought, it was love at first sight for me. My very best friend. "You really hurt me."

"We have a second chance to get it right."

She gulped, as she let him take her hand. He held my hand so many times. He didn't let go the entire time I was in labor with Regan. He learned to love Regan. He did stuff with her…it could have worked with Nat too. He loved me enough to accept them. Acceptance…no. Not good enough. They deserve better. "I need to go."

"Max," he said, not letting go of her hand. "Come home with me. We can start again."

John and our girls, she thought, waiting for me at home. John who trusted me to do this, wasn't worried for a second that I wasn't coming home to him. "I need to get home to my kids. We have things to do today. Do you want to know them? Do you want me to tell them that their father is alive?"

This is important to her. Those kids are important to her. She is my wife and…when I get her back, they are a part of this. I don't want them, I never did, but for Max? "Yes. Tell them. I'll come with you."

She shook her head and pulled her hand from his. "No. This is something I need to do with them. I'll call you tomorrow, Kenny."

One Year Ago

"John is very taken with you. He hasn't been this happy for a long time."

Max smiled despite her nerves at being alone with his mother. "He makes me happy too. He is a really good guy."

"You're a widow too."

She nodded. "For about six years."

"Your girls are very sweet."

"They're pretty great. We haven't really told them about what is going on between us, but John is good with them. The adore Kara."

"You aren't what we expected, and it has nothing to do with your skin color. I didn't think John would ever bring someone home who makes him smile as much as you have. Do you love my son?"

She gulped. I'm getting there. I can't, we haven't… "We're taking our time. We haven't said that to each other yet."

"It's obvious how the two of you feel about each other."

"Oh?"

"Deanna dying devastated him, just as I'm sure your husband's death did to you."

"It did."

She smiled and patted her hand. "You and John have healed each other in ways you don't even realize. Come on, grab that tray, Max."

Present

"Oh, I missed you too, Kiddo," Max said, as Nat hugged her tightly. Squeezing her almost seven-year-old back, she gulped back her tears. "Did you have fun today?"

"It's more fun with you, Mommy."

Max looked at her for a long moment. Kenny's coloring, she thought, all this dark hair and those too blue eyes. She would run to him, hug him, love him on sight. She's all love, this kid of mine. "Yeah? What did you do after swim practice?"

She giggled and hugged her again. "Mommy, you have to come see. Me, Kara and Regan planned your and John's wedding."

Max froze at that, forcing herself to smile. "Yeah? Did you pick me out a big dress, Nat? Something with a lot of sparkles and super poufy?"

"Kara said you wouldn't like it. John liked Regan's dress better."

"Oh, you dragged John into your wedding planning too?"

She nodded. "John is going to be my Daddy. He makes you happy, Mommy."

He does, she thought, happier than I thought I could be. "Where is your sister? I need to talk to you guys about something."

"Max?"

She looked up, Nat still chattering to her. "Hey. I heard the kids were planning our wedding."

"Nat and Regan compromised on a dress and Kara is booking us tickets to Hawaii," John said. "Barefoot at sunset. Just the five of us. Then we're buying a new house, down on the lakefront, and having not one, but two babies. Kara gave me a list."

Max smiled at that, despite everything. "Well, I'm glad our kids planned out the next 20 years. Nat, you want to be a big sister?"

"Yes."

"Go find Regan for me, okay? I have to talk to you two."

She nodded, hugging her again, before running to John and hugging him too. "Okay."

"What about?"

"They need to know he's alive. I spent an hour walking around the park after I left him trying to figure out what to tell them, how to explain that…I get it, John, I understand how it happened, but…they're my babies."

"They love you. We'll make it okay for them. How is he?"

She bit her lip. "He wants me back. He made that pretty clear."

"Yeah?"

She looked at him for a long moment. "I'm staying with you and our family. It's not even a choice for me."

"Max?"

She pressed her lips to his for a long moment. "I love you. I love our life together. I was excited to marry you in two weeks, which we have to put on hold for a bit. Today, with Kenny, it really... he said he could accept Regan and Nat if it meant he could have me back. Accept them, like they're… he expected me to just jump into his arms with that and… I want a divorce."

"You're shaking."

She shook her head, as he wiped her tears away. "I loved him."

"I know you did."

"It hurts."

He hugged her tightly, inhaling the sweet scent of her coconut shampoo, coffee, and vanilla lotion. "I know."

"I'm okay."

He pressed his lips to the top of her head. "You're full of crap on that one."

"Can we pretend I am? I need to tell them, John."

"You need an assist?"

"Only if it's you."

"You need to save this for Hawaii," Kara stated. "Regan, Nat, don't look, they're all mushy again. We should ask for pizza and ice cream for dinner when they're like this."

John kept his arms around her, feeling her relax in his arms a bit. She's okay. We're okay. "I can go for pizza. Max and I have to talk to you three first."

"Mom? Are you crying?" Regan asked. "Did Grandma do something crazy again?"

She gulped. "John just says some very sweet things that get my teary eyed. Wait until Hawaii, I'll be crying through our whole wedding. Which I would love to know the details of later. Let's sit down, this is important."

9 Years Ago

"A few more days," Jill said. "Where is Kenny?"

Max looked at her distended belly. "I think he's stuck at work. She's okay in there?"

"You're going to have a perfectly healthy baby girl, Max."

"Are you okay?"

He doesn't hate me. He's nervous. Scared of this. We'll have this baby, he'll hold her and…we'll be fine. We have to be fine. "Yeah. I'm going to be a mom…I'm more excited than scared. I've always wanted to be one."

Present

Max gulped, wrapping her arms around Nat and Regan on the couch. My babies. The best things I've ever done. Do it. Tell them. Make it okay. Do not burst into tears. "All right…Do you remember when we talked about your dad and what happened to him?"

Regan looked up at her. "He was a hero, Mommy. He died saving that family."

"Yeah," she started. "That's what we thought. Guys, yesterday two policemen came to see me. To talk to me about your father."

"Mommy?" Nat asked, snuggling in close to her. "Mommy, what is wrong?"

She squeezed them both tight for a long moment. "Nothing. It's a wonderful thing. Your father didn't die…he saw some very bad people hurting others, and the police put him into hiding so they wouldn't hurt him. He…he went to court, like John and I do, and he helped put the bad people in jail. He doesn't need to be hidden anymore, and he's with Grandma and Grandpa right now."

"Our dad isn't dead?" Regan asked, sitting perfectly still. "Is he coming to live with us?"

"No, he's not…I talked to him today. He isn't going to live with us. He does want to spend time with you and Nat. When you're ready."

"But John is going to be our Daddy," Nat said. "I want John to be my Daddy."

"Nat," John said. "This doesn't change anything. You just get another person in your life who loves you."

"But that means Max is still married to him," Kara said. "Right?"

"Yeah," she said softly. My husband. The guy I loved longer than I can remember. Until we…we fell apart. We wanted different things. "We're going one day at a time."

"But you and Dad are supposed to get married. We're going to be a family."

"Oh, Kara, we are a family," Max said. "Nothing will change that."

"Do we have to?" Regan asked. "Mom, I want to stay here with you and John. I don't want another dad."

She gulped at that. "Your dad helped a lot of people, Regan, and he missed your and Nat's entire lives. We need to do this."

She's shaking, John thought. How do we do this, he thought, she needs a lawyer, a plan, we need to sit alone and hammer it out. She's only holding it together for them. Mama Bear. God, I love her. Protect her.

She hugged her girls close, watching as Kara began to cry along with Nat. "Kara, Sweetheart, it's okay. We're all okay. There is no one more important to me that the four of you."

"I always wanted a mom," she sobbed, throwing her arms around Max. "I want it to be you."

Max hugged her back, catching John's eye. "Oh, I want that too. I'm not going anywhere."

TBC