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Emily wished she felt nothing. But there was pain. Always pain. There was no escape. No escape from her mind, from the memories, the nightmares, the reality. She tried to pull out of it, but couldn't. She was trapped.

It had been a trap, the whole thing, and who knew how many more bombs were waiting for them.

She could hear Rogers scream as Bentley struggled to lift him without causing any more damage. Emily forced herself to stand and an explosion of pain came from her leg. But she stayed standing. She went to Rogers and grabbed his legs while Bentley had his shoulders. Together they carried him out of the building.

Smith and Diaz were just ahead, Smith carrying her in a fireman's lift. Each step Emily took was hell, but she knew she had to make it back to the van. She stumbled as their speed increased, but didn't fall. She turned back when they reached the van, just in time to see the third explosion cave in the roof.

XXX

There was a light knock on the door, JJ looked over from where she sat beside Emily's bed. Savannah stood there in a pair of scrubs and a doctor's coat.

"Can I come in?" She whispered.

JJ nodded. The room was dark, the lights were off and the sun was low in the sky, barely casting any light. JJ gently stroked Emily's arm, trying to give her any comfort possible. "What do you think?" JJ asked, turning back to Emily, "is she going to be okay?"

"I'm not her doctor, so I really don't know much about her condition," Savannah said apologetically.

"Nobody will tell me anything," she brought her hand to her face, fighting back tears of frustration and fear.

Savannah squatted so that her face was level with JJ's. "I'm so sorry, JJ," she said. "I wish I could tell you more. But she's strong, she's a fighter."

"I already lost her once. I can't–I just, I can't..." Tears fell from JJ's eyes and she didn't bother to wipe them away. She reached out and took Emily's hand with her right one, and Savannah took a hold of her left.

"Is there anything I can do?" Savannah asked gently, "do you need anything?"

"I just need her to wake up," JJ bit back more tears, knowing it was unfair to ask Savannah for that.

Derek walked into the room, "has there been any change?"

JJ shook her head and Savannah looked up at him. JJ let go of her hand, knowing that she wanted to go to Derek. Savannah stood and pulled him into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. I came as soon as I could get a break."

"Thanks," Derek kissed her on the cheek.

"How're you holding up?"

"Alright," Derek nodded toward JJ, "Emily's strong."

"That's what I said," Savannah agreed, "I have a few more minutes if you want to go grab a coffee? Or I could go get something for you."

Derek looked from Savannah to JJ, "do you need anything, JJ?"

"I'm fine," JJ said, "go, take a break."

XXX

At first JJ thought it was a dream, or even, as she blinked her eyes open, her imagination. But then it came again. Her name. Quiet and raspy, but urgent. Frightful.

JJ sat up and blinked, it came again, her name, Emily. Emily had said it. JJ jumped from the chair she had fallen asleep in and went to Emily's side.

"I'm here," JJ said, "I'm here, Emily. It's okay."

Emily said her name again, it was a croak. Then she reached her arms out for her, trying to find her. "JJ?" She panicked.

JJ took her hands and held them, "I'm here. I'm right here."

Emily's eyes finally blinked open and she looked wildly around. "Where am I? What happened?" Her voice was frantic.

"You're in the hospital," JJ explained, "you're sick, but you're going to be okay."

"Where?"

"The hospital," JJ repeated.

Emily shook her head, "where?" She was trying to get up.

JJ stood there for a moment, and then it clicked, "DC," she said, "you're in DC."

Emily stopped trying to move then, she froze. It all seemed to come back to her.

"Lay back down," JJ tried to coax her.

But Emily wouldn't move. Because when she had been unconscious it had felt so real. It had been so real. But when she woke, she was here. She was here and she couldn't help them. Again. She couldn't save them.

"How are you feeling?" JJ asked her, "you really scared me."

"I'm sorry," Emily sputtered, "I'm sorry. I couldn't–"

"No, no," JJ said, "don't be sorry, it's not your fault."

But Emily kept talking as though she hadn't heard her, "I should've... but I couldn't get there, I didn't realize. I'm so sorry," tears came to her eyes and she began to shake, "it's my fault, it's all my fault. I couldn't save them. I couldn't and... I'm sorry... it's my fault."

JJ wrapped her arms around Emily as she cried, "shh," she whispered, "it's okay. It's not your fault, Em. You're okay. I love you."

She didn't know exactly what Emily was talking about, what she was apologizing for, but JJ knew it was for whatever woke her up in the middle of the night. Whatever gave her nightmares and made her jump when someone walked in the room. Whatever kept her trapped inside her own head.

JJ held her and rocked her and spoke softly into her ear. She wanted to take all of her pain away. She wanted to make her feel safe. She wanted Emily to feel all of the love that she had for her.

But all she could do was try.