Holly sat at her desk at work, going through her emails with a yawn. It was a slow day since most of the lawyers at the firm were out with clients or in court. So she was stuck with next to nothing to do except take calls or do whatever she could to keep herself awake. She got an email from her aunt, asking about the upcoming holiday and if she was gonna come up. Her mom had never really gotten along with her family, even less so when she got married, so Holly didn't see her mom's family much. And her dad didn't have family anymore. She debated saying no, but her mom's side of the family came from Italy, so it was guaranteed to be good food. She asked if she could bring someone with her. Good food and entertainment. She smiled to herself when she got the ok, mentally trying to decide who she wanted to take with her to New York. Bobby would actually get along with her uncle, both of them loved Elvis. Chibs would probably get along with everyone. But Tig would offend EVERYONE immediately after charming them. Hopefully she could convince him to go.

Holly walked into the clubhouse, going over to Jax's room. Jax had called her, asking her to come over so he could talk to her. She knocked on the door, looking up as Jax opened the door, stepping inside when he moved so she could come in. He had just gotten out of the shower, wearing a towel around his waist, water dripping from his hair down his chest and back. She set her purse down on the dressed before turning to look at him, watching him shut the door.

"What's going on, Jax? Is Abel ok?"
"He's fighting, that's for sure. I just needed someone to talk to about something. I was going through mom's garage looking for stuff for Abel and I came across something my dad wrote. I started reading it and it's a journal. His views for SAMCRO and the direction he wanted the club to go in and watching it go from Harley hippy brotherhood bullshit to what we do now. And it's got me thinking about things. I want you to read it too."

"What? Why me?"

"Because you know me better than anyone out there besides Ope and ma. You'll know if I can do this or not."

"Do what?"

"Change the club."

"You wanna change the club? I thought you liked the club the way it is?"

"I do. But think of everything that we've done. How many times we've done time. The people we've lost because of the enemies we have. Almost all of us have kids. They don't deserve the kind of heat that this life brings."

She nodded, looking down at the folder Jax put in her hands. She put it under her purse before looking back at him.

"Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

"No. I also wanted to apologize for the other day. I shouldn't have done that and I'm sorry."

"Which thing are you talking about? Almost making me the other woman or freaking out on Tig like you did?"

"Both. It's none of my business who you sleep with. It's not like we're together. As for almost sleeping with you, it wasn't fair to just drag you in here to fuck. You deserve better than that. And I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Just, next time go find Tara? Or even a croweater if you're determined to sleep with someone else. Tara might not be my best friend, but I'm not gonna help you cheat on her. Ok?"

"Fair enough?"

Walking into the hospital, she ran into Tara on her way to go visit Wendy.

"Hey, Tara. How's Abel doing?"

"He's doing ok. He's fighting really hard. He's definitely got Jax's strength."

"That's good. How's Wendy? She wake up yet?"

"Yeah. I just left her room. She's watching TV at the moment. You here to see her?"

"Yeah. Is that ok? I figured she could use someone on her side at the moment. I know Gemma isn't really happy with her."

"Is anyone sympathetic to her?"

"Not particularly. Everyone's on Jax's side. Even I could think of a few things to yell at her about. But nobody could make her feel guiltier than she's probably making herself feel. So I brought her some flowers and some food from the diner. I just hope she really gets some help this time."

"Me too. While I'm thinking about it, have you heard from Jax? I left him a voicemail last night, but I haven't heard back from him and it's been a few days."

"I wouldn't take it to heart, Tara. He's got a lot on his plate right now with the club and the divorce and now Abel. I know he found something that belonged to his dad that has him a bit confused. He's just sorting through stuff right now. Why don't you go visit him at the clubhouse? Let him know you're there for him."

"I will. Thank you, Holly."

She nodded, walking away towards Wendy's room, knocking on her door before going inside.

"Holly? What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you. I brought you some flowers and a cheeseburger from the diner. I figured you were tired of hospital food."

"Well… thanks. You don't hate me?"

"I don't hate you. I don't like you too much, but there's nothing I could say that'll make you feel worse than I'm sure you already feel."

"So basically you're pitying me."

"Wendy, you've known me for a couple years now. Have you ever seen me pity someone?"

"Well then why are you here?"

"You want honesty? Fine. I think you were incredibly selfish. You cared more about a few hour high than your unborn son. I know you knew about Jax's family's heart defect because Jax has it and you didn't listen. The doctor told you what issues could be brought about to the baby if you kept using and you didn't listen. You've been to multiple rehabs where they've told you what could happen to you and once again you didn't listen. Your using is a major reason that Jax filed for divorce and you know it. So, I can stand here and say things that Gemma would say to you, which she undoubtedly will if she ever comes to visit, but it wouldn't do any good. Because the only way any of this is gonna change is if you decide to change. Permanently change. Not just say you're gonna get clean and then change your mind later. Because if you keep doing things this way, you'll get cut off from Abel and Jax. I don't hate you, but I hate that you hurt Jax like this."

Holly sat in her living room with dinner, watching a scary movie, curled up on the couch as she ate. She had spent the better part of the afternoon reading John Teller's journal and she could see why Jax was all confused about things. The club wasn't supposed to be into gunrunning and crime. It was supposed to be a brotherhood. A camaraderie of men coming together. She'd been around Clay's way of things for so long that it wasn't an issue for her. But to know that it was supposed to be something entirely different was surprising. Now she knew what her dad had meant whenever she asked him why he would leave the only family he'd known. He used to say that things had gone completely different and that he didn't want to deal with the fall out. It would be nice for future generations to know something safer and nicer, but she doubted that it would be easy to change or change quickly. Clay was a nice enough guy, but he tended to over react when his power is threatened. She didn't wanna be around if the idea of changing the club was brought up. He would end up thinking that it was a call for a change in leadership. She was brought of her thoughts by someone knocking at the door, gasping loudly as she jumped a bit, pausing the movie before getting up. She looked out the peephole and saw Jax standing there. She took a breath before letting him in.

"Jax? What are you doing here? Is everything ok?"

"Yes and no. Did you get to read dad's journal?"

"Yeah, I did. And I can definitely understand why you're so confused about things. You know I'd support you if you decided to change the club, but it's not gonna be easy with Clay in power."

"I know. But things should change. Don't you think?"

Holly just nodded, putting her plate in the sink. She was only in her sports bra and her old cheer shorts, which had been well worn since her high school days and the bottom of her ass was hanging out the bottom with no chance of covering it.

"When are you gonna get rid of those shorts? They're too small for you."

"Shut up, Jackson. These are my favorite pajama shorts. And they're lucky."

"How the hell are they lucky? Your ass is hanging out."

"The last time I wore these shorts, I got a raise. The first time I wore them I was made head cheerleader my freshman year. These are my lucky shorts."

Jax laughed and shook his head.

"You're insane, darlin'. But you really need to throw the shorts away. I can buy you another pair."

"You already got me the apartment. I'm not letting you buy me anything else. For a while, anyway."

"So how are you gonna make it up to me?"

"By not allowing your mother to do time for killing your ex wife for what happened to Abel?"

"Hmmmmm….. Still not enough. But thank you for that."

"What do you mean it's not enough? You want your mom to go to prison for murder?"

"Of course not. But Clay keeps ma from murder all the time. It's a normal concern with Gemma Teller."

"That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard."

He laughed, before pulling her into a hug.

"I love you, Hol. You're the best."

"You say that now, but wait until I need something from you."

Holly walked into the clubhouse, looking around for Clay. Rosen had a message that needed to be passed on, so she was playing mailman. When she was that the door to the church was closed, she sat at the bar to wait, asking Half-Sack for a glass of white wine. She took a sip when it got to her, looking at Half-Sack.

"So, what made you wanna prospect for SAMCRO?"

"The brotherhood appealed to me. That and the excitement. I get the same feeling of excitement prospecting here that I got when I was fighting overseas."

"So you're fully aware of the risks?"

"It's just as dangerous here as it is overseas."

"Not really. You were a soldier working for the country. Here, almost everyone outside is gonna look at you like you're a criminal, and to them, you'll be counted as one. I don't know if you've ever been to prison, but prison's no joke."

"I know. But I'm not afraid. There's not much that really scares me anymore."

"Maybe you'll fit in here after all."

He smiled at her as the guys came out of the church, causing them both to look over. Holly looked over at Clay, getting up and going over to him, handing him the file that Rosen asked her to give Clay.

"Once again, I'm playing note passer. I didn't read it, I don't know what's in it, nor do I care."

"Thanks, sweetheart. Bobby?"

She smiled a bit when Clay kissed her head, watching Bobby going to get her usual amount of cash that Clay gave her for note passing. $200 even. She put the cash in her purse and squeezed Bobby's hand in appreciation before going back to the bar for her wine. She didn't have any plans for the rest of the day and didn't feel like driving anywhere else. So she was gonna drink until she couldn't anymore. Not the healthiest thing to do, but that was her choice for the rest of the night. She talked and laughed with the guys for a few hours before most of them left. Jax was the only one around anymore. The last thing she remembered before everything went black was making out with Jax in his room, their hands all over each other.