To the Reviewer Who Asked: Yes, I want to finish the unfinished stories. I have some ideas once I wrap this up. Some authors requested I didn't, and I'm going to respect that. I loved the first set I did, spinning it off into a three part series. The Kenny Cancer story there are ideas in there I would like to take and run with in something else too.
7 Years Ago
"No. Not without, Max," Kenny said from his hospital bed. "I need her. You can't let her think I'm dead. She won't be able to deal with it."
"It has to be real for her," Jimmy said. "The Vilati's are watching. It won't be forever. This will keep her and the kids safe. They can't vanish too if this is going to work. She's very pregnant, Kenny."
"I can't do this to her. She's my wife."
"She'll be here, and she can keep your kids safe and happy. Nothing bad is going to happen to them. This isn't going to be forever."
Witness protection, no, I need her. My Max…they could do this to her. Say she died having the baby, they could go to my parents…we could…she wouldn't ever leave Regan or her new daughter. All of us and…I can't leave her. "I want to take my chance here. I can't leave Max."
"If you stay, they will kill you. Max and the kids could get caught in the crossfire. You don't want that for them. I'll make sure she's fine. Kenny, you need to go with Morell. You can't contact her until this is over."
No, I…Max. I'm coming home, Max, this is for you. She'll be fine, she'll have the kids and…she'll focus on them, like she has been. My Max, she'll be okay. I'm coming home to her soon. "Let's go. Take care of her."
Present
"You want to go on a date with him?"
Max glanced back toward their kids eating hotdogs and ice cream in the park after mini-golf. "It is not a date. I have to tell him about us. That I want a divorce and…I don't want to hurt him, John. He said some shitty things to me, but…I did love him and…he doesn't deserve that. He had his whole life ripped away and he comes back to me engaged and handing him divorce papers. I suck so much."
"I wouldn't ask a sucky person to marry me."
She smiled at him, feeling safe and secure under his arm. "Yeah. He needs to know. His big fear was that I would leave him…he told me that when we first got together. He almost didn't want to try, take the chance…Oh, crap."
"Honey?"
She sat up and looked at him. "Do you think that's why he was so anti-kid with me? That he thought I'd take them and leave him?"
John looked at her for a long moment. "You should ask him that. On your date."
"I'm serious."
"I know you are. Fear didn't give him the right to treat you poorly," he said, brushing back her long hair and kissing her for a long moment.
"Dad, she's married."
"Kara?" he asked, as she stood in front of them. "It's more complicated than that."
"But she's going to go back to him. I don't know why we're doing his charade today."
"I'm staying right here, Kara," Max said quietly. "I loved Kenny very much, but…a lot happened and changed. I changed and I'm not the same person I was when I married him. I love your dad and him, along with you, Regan and Nat are who I want to spend my life with. Oh, Kara."
John sat back as Max stood up and hugged a crying Kara. I didn't see this coming, that prickly deputy becoming such a loving mom, my fiancé, the person in my life that makes me laugh, think, that I can talk to. Who is hugging my daughter, who gave me a family again with her and her kids. Who sleeps wrapped around me at night, smiles at me in the morning through her hair, this woman stole my heart.
"Hey," Max said. "You're good, Kara. We're good. I love you so much, Sweetie."
"Kara?" Regan said, tugging on her hand. "I love you too. My mom is awesome, and I want to share her with you."
"And you're sharing your daddy," Nat said. "We're sisters."
Jesus Christ, Max thought, when did they get so grown-up and smart? Best thing I ever did was them. This is what I wanted with Kenny…and I found it with John. Kenny. I need to tell him.
"Max," John said, catching her eye. "Let's head home."
7 Years Ago
Six months, Kenny thought, sinking onto the couch in his apartment. New name, job, and my wife is alone with Regan and baby I don't know. She loves them, she'll focus on them. She'll wait for me.
Present
"You didn't have to do this," Max said, two days later. "I skip lunch a lot. Work through it and stuff."
Kenny smiled at her. "I wanted to see you. We worked through lots of meals together."
The lawyer said to be clear on what I want, maybe it doesn't need to be awful. "How are your parents?"
"They want you and the kids over for Sunday dinner tonight. My mom can't stop gushing over you and them."
Your mom who called me a slut, tried to drag them out of Alice's, she thought, no one has said anything? Hank and Mel know we got engaged and…do they think I'll just break it off? Toss John and Kara out of my life and Kenny and I will…Oh no. "I'm not up to that."
"They can be a lot. You look good. I love your hair like this."
Floral dress, blazer, boots, all business causal me, she thought, he keeps staring at me. "Thanks."
"I want to come home to you. Max, we can do this. We can make it work. You're the reason I made it through the last seven years."
She wiped her tears, her heart breaking in two. Tell him. He has to know…this isn't fair. "Kenny, I…Damn it. It isn't that easy. I know we're still married…I was getting ready to…there is…there is someone else."
"What?"
"I'm engaged."
"You're not engaged. You're my wife."
"Currently I'm both."
He stared at her. "How could you do this?"
"What? I thought you were dead. I grieved, cried, and…I had to live my life. It took me a long time to even want to go on a date. It caught me off guard."
"When are you breaking it off? Does he know?"
"He knows. I'm talking to a lawyer."
"What?"
"I'm married and engaged. The kids are confused. There is property, money, stuff."
"It doesn't matter. You and I do."
"I'm not the same person you married. Your death gutted me
"You're still you. It's always be you and me. You know that. Come on."
She looked at him for a long moment. "No one told you. Your mom is so mad at me…I should have told her, she walked into my living room to us…I didn't know how to because they've been so good to me and the kids."
"Max?"
"I was your widow to her and a lot of other people. That I should be crying all the time, broken and…I thought I'd be fine alone, raising my kids, and when I ran into John...we reconnected as friends. It wasn't about us both being widowed, but he never pitied me because he understood. I could talk to him. By the time I realized what was happening…I was ready for it. We moved in together, we got engaged, we're trying to have a baby, Nat and Regan really like him, and its part of the reason they're so confused right now."
"John who?" he asked lowly. "Tell me."
She gulped. We were all friends. "John Littleton."
"The DA."
"Legal Aid now."
"You're engaged to John Littleton. You live with Littleton? You're sleeping with him? You let that son of a bitch…Where is he? You are not marrying him."
"I'll marry whoever I want."
"You're married to me. You're the mother of my children. You not marrying Littleton and letting him raise our kids."
"The kids you never wanted? The kids you haven't ever asked me about."
"I want them now."
"No. You want me. They're just part of the package. And they are wonderful and deserve better than that."
"Because I was never good enough for you."
"Bullshit. I loved you with everything in me. I wanted to spend the rest of our lives together…there were things we should have talked about. Kids being one of them. We broke up because I bleached my hair, and we got back together because I got shot. You proposed to me in the break room, we rushed into it and…we were falling apart. Maybe if we took more time, I loved you so much, and it…I loved you too much to give up."
"I still love you."
"I let you go. I had to let us go."
"Max, no.
She wiped her tears and stood up. "I'm so sorry."
"Max," he said, standing up and pulling her in close. "Stay with me. You're the love of my life."
"Stop."
"No. We belong together. You know that."
"Let me go."
He wiped her tears, tilting her face to his. "I love you. I've been waiting to come back to you. I need you. You're the love of my life, Max. You're what kept me going these last seven years."
This isn't fair, none of this is fair. I can't. I loved him, I would have fought to make it work. "No."
"You are the love of my life. We belong together."
She pushed back from him. "Stop. Let me go."
"I love you. You're my wife," he said, pulling her closer. "Come home with me. I want to touch you, really touch you, I love you so much."
She wiped her tears and shook her head. "It's too late. We were crashing and burning and…I'll never keep you from your kids. You and me? No, I can't. Not again. Don't!"
"Max," he said, as she ducked away as he tried to pull her back and kiss her. "You know this is right. That we're right."
I can't stop crying. I can't do this. I loved him so much…so much that I wanted it to work. "Just let me go. We're drawing up divorce papers."
"Never."
Present
She's fine, John thought, shaky this morning. She should have brought our lawyer. I hate her meeting him alone, and that's just me being jealous. She wrapped herself around me in bed, smiled at the thought of us just making a baby, and then went to meet Kenny. I trust and love her. She's up in her own head…She hugged Regan and Nat tightly this morning.
"Dad?" Kara said. "Is Max coming home?"
"Of course, she's coming home," he said, looking at Regan and Nat in their backyard after school and swim team. "This is a shock for her."
"Are you still getting married?"
He nodded. "As soon as she gets divorced. You know, this doesn't change how Max and I feel about each other, or how she feels about you."
"What if it…If it was the other way? If my mom came back?"
"That isn't fair, Kara."
"I don't remember her."
"She loved you so much. I really like to think she'd be so happy that you and Max are so close. That you, Regan and Nat are like sisters. You know they think of you that way. If this was reversed? What Max and I have is different from what I had with your mom. Your mom and I were 22 when we got married. Your mother loved you, Kara. She watches over you now. She would smile knowing that you're getting to be a big sister to two girls who adore you."
"Nat and Regan love you, Dad. I know Nat says it a lot and Regan is more guarded."
"Ah, Regan is like Max that way."
"Max makes you really happy, Dad."
"She does."
"Did you like her back in Wisconsin?"
"I did. We…We were different people 10 years ago. If we had tried, who knows? I think we're very lucky that we found each other again. She needs to work through this, Kara, and we need to give her the space to."
6 Years Ago
A year, Kenny thought, sipping his beer at the bar. A year waiting to testify, working in a warehouse…sleeping alone every night. Rolling over in bed, reaching for my wife, who is never there. Who I'm not allowed to call, to contact…she thinks I'm dead. She doesn't know I'm coming home to her. She has to feel it deep down, we're connected. Eyeing the redhead at the bar he smiled. She never has to know.
Present
"Mommy, you're hugging me too tight," Natalie said. "Mommy!"
She pulled back, smoothing back her dark hair. Oh, she does have Kenny's eyes…not sure where her innate sweetness came from, this ball of sunshine of mine. My Nat, who just loves John, thinks of Kara as her sister. "Maybe I missed you, Kiddo."
"Did you go see my Daddy? That's what Regan thinks. Mommy, why can't John be my daddy?"
She gulped at that. "I think you're lucky, Nat. You get to have two dads. Two people in your life that love you. Me, John and your father need to work some things out. You and Regan? You're surrounded by people who love you."
"I want to live with you and John, Mommy. Can I still call him Daddy when you get married?"
Don't cry, Max, do not cry. "I think he'd like that. Where is everyone else? I missed you guys today."
Nat took her hand and tugged her toward the backyard. "Come see, Mommy."
"Oh, you guys," she sighed. This is where I belong. This is my family. Don't cry. Don't fall apart, Max. "What is this?"
John looked at her, with Natalie holding her hand. She looks wrecked. "Hey, Honey."
Oh, I missed you, she thought, just your calming presence. The way he looks at me…his hands on me. His faith in me to come back to him. "What's all this?"
"Mom!" Regan said. "Look what John taught us."
"A new sport?" she smiled. "Nat, are you going to show off with your sisters?"
"I love you, Mommy," she said, before running to hug John too. "John, I love you too, and I want you to be my daddy."
He looked at Max again. Wrecked. She told him. "Hey, nothing is going to change, Nat."
"Mommy says I have two daddies now. I don't want two. I want you."
"Your dad did a brave thing that helped a lot of people. He never got a chance to see what great kids you and Regan are. Your mom is right," John said, smiling over Nat's head at her. "You and Regan are lucky kids."
"But I want you to be my Daddy. You take care of me. You love Mommy and she loves you."
"You're making your mom cry," John said. "Nat, I love getting to your and Regan's dad. Kara loves getting to be your big sister, and I love your mom very much. Your Dad lost out on a lot with you and Regan…it wasn't fair to any of you. You got to give him a chance."
"Mommy?"
"Oh, Nat," she said, shaking herself out of it and joining them. "We're going to go slowly, okay? But we love you so much, Kiddo, and that will never change."
"And you love each other? You're going to get married?"
Max held his gaze. "Yup. I believe the four of you planned the whole thing? I'm in."
She giggled. "Mommy likes kissing you. She loves you."
"What if I kiss her right now? A big, sloppy, wet, one? Think I can make her squirm?"
He's wonderful with her, oh and Nat loves him so much. Do not cry, Max. "Kiss me then, John."
He smiled back at her, seeing the teasing light in her eyes. "Better look away, Nat."
She hugged him again, before running out into the yard. My kid, Max thought, all love. "I missed you today."
"Ah, come here," he said, wrapping his arm around her, as they sat on the deck steps. Kissing her, he pulled back to really look at her. "I missed you too."
I love his arms around me, she thought, I belong in his arms. Not sobbing in a coffee shop with Kenny. Oh, I hurt him. He's going to hate me forever. His entire family is…the people that kept me together and let me heal. My kid's family. How can I do this? Is this selfish? Wanting to be with John? Our life when Kenny had his ripped away so unfairly?
"You okay?"
She looked at him and smiled. "Just stuck in my own head. Nat is…I'm not sure where she came from. No way did Kenny and I create that child."
"You always had a softer heart than you let on. She is all that part of you…while Regan is as hardheaded, stubborn, and reminds me so much of you 10 years ago."
"Ah, so she irritates you?"
"No more than you did," he smiled. "How did it go?"
"I told him everything. John, he…all he wants is me. Not them…part of me is terrified that he'll use that to, that Sharon will…they let me heal and grieve and…they're going to hate me."
"It isn't fair. I know that."
She looked at him for a long moment. "What should I do?"
"What do you want to do, Honey?"
Marry you, she thought, raise our kids together. I'm my best self with you. "I want my kids to know that they're safe and loved. I told Kenny I want a divorce, and…that I would never keep his kids from him. He doesn't want them. How can I tell them that?"
John squeezed her for a long moment. "You don't tell them. We're going to raise them. They'll never know. Ah, Max, come here."
"He told me he loved me. That I was the only reason he made it through these seven years."
"What do you want?"
"You. Us. Everything we talked about. I'm so in love with you and then I feel so guilty because of it. He lost everything and…all I want is to marry you and raise our family together."
"It's a wonderful thing Kenny didn't die. You know that. We have some things to work out with it."
"Divorce and custody."
"I'm not going anywhere, Honey. We have time."
"You're the best guy. I mean that. Of course, I'm glad he's alive, he was my very best friend, for his parents and family…it's wonderful. We had so many problems, maybe if we didn't have the kids it would have been fine…and I can't imagine my life without them. I want full legal and physical custody. I don't want to hurt him, John, I already really did."
He nodded, as she snuggled in closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. She fits so well next to me, he thought, just listen to her. Help her through it. We know what we have. "I know. Max, it isn't fair…he got a raw deal. He's alive. He gets a second chance with Regan and Nat."
But not with me, Max thought, he just touches me, and I start shaking. Crying. There is just so much history… How do I do this? John and me…effortless, easy, I love this man so completely…and Kenny touching me makes me crumble. He wants me…only me. "I'm so scared that, they'll get attached and pull that distant and cold…it hurt a lot, but they're my babies. They don't need to have anyone treat them like that. What?"
He smiled at her. "I know, Mama Bear."
"Can we not talk about it? Just hang out? I will talk to you about anything besides this."
"How about we go out this week? Adult quality time, you and me? As much as I love our standing hot dog date."
"I adore Wednesday hot dog date. I would love to go out on a date with you."
His grin broadened, as the just looked at each other for a long moment. "Okay then. How about we go play some soccer with our kids?"
Our kids, she thought, they really are. "You want to go, Counselor?"
He pulled her up with him. "We can take them. Come on."
5 Years Ago
"It's been two years and no movement," Kenny stated. "I can't do this anymore."
Morell looked at him. "We're making the case and moving in. Once they're put away, it will be safe to go home."
"No. I need Max. She can do this with me."
"Max and your children are doing very well."
My kids…Max's kids. "Max would do anything for them."
"She has. They'll be there when you're done."
Present
"I love hot dog date," Max admitted, as he walked her back to her office. "Seriously, John, I should be embarrassed by my chili dog love."
He smiled back at her, squeezing her hand. "And you know you're feeding the kids healthy tonight."
"I'm pushing 40, I deserve a chili dog," she laughed, pausing to catch her balance on him. "Whoa."
"I got you."
"Sorry, I just got really lightheaded. Wow, that was," she started. "Sorry."
"Are you nauseas too?" he asked, not letting her go. "Are you okay, Honey?"
"No, I'm not," she said, staring at him. "I would know. I've done that two times. No way… maybe? Wow."
His grin broadened, as he looked at her. "Maybe we should go buy a test."
She smiled back at him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I need to go back to work…I have to be in court tomorrow. Tonight?"
He nodded, really looking at her. We can't be…we've been talking about it. Working on it. "It could be a very good night."
She leaned in, kissing him for a long moment on the street. "It will be. I love you. I'll see you tonight. Oh, hi."
He pulled her back in close to him for a long moment. "You're very touchable, Max. Lovable. Kissable. Pregnatable?"
She smiled at that. "I'm not sure that is a word. I have to go. Work. Save the children. My bleeding heart and all…I'll meet you at home."
"Get on that, Honey. I'll grab the kids and see you tonight."
Oh, he should kiss people for a living, she thought, kissing him back. "I'll cook then."
"Go, save the world."
Oh, he's so good, she thought, I'm my very best self with John. Looking back at over shoulder at him, damn, Max, damn. Go to work. Finish your files…Go home and pee on a stick. Hang out with my kids. Work.
How did I get so lucky, he wondered, we're going to be better than okay? Rock solid.
"What the hell are you doing to my wife, Littleton?"
TBC