Present
"Kenny," John said evenly. With flowers, waiting… "I assume you're looking for Max."
"She was hard to see with your tongue down her throat."
"Max and I have been seeing each for awhile now. I believe she's been clear on that."
"She isn't going to marry you. She was just lonely and desperate. We'll be fine now."
Lonely, maybe, committed to her kids and providing for them. She had figured most of it out, accepted herself in her new life, and we sparked together there. "That is for her to decide."
"You really want to be her sloppy seconds?"
"You might try listening to her. You might find out what is important to her and what she wants. She told me about how you felt about her being pregnant, Regan, what you said to her, and you missed out. Regan and Natalie are great. It's been almost two weeks, Max told them you're alive, she's been over and over it with them, and they want to see you. Try putting in some effort with your children."
"Max said she never told anyone."
"It's something Regan and Nat will never know. Not by me and certainly not by their mother."
"They're all she cares about."
John paused at that. "Max would run through fire for them. She is very much a devoted and loving mother. She's still her though...Pushing her away, harping on her about her baby weight, getting drunk all the time and neglecting your kid? I don't know what your problem was, but you had an amazing wife. Max has her flaws, she is stubborn, hard headed, emotional, argumentative, but she is smart, funny, kind, and she's not afraid to try new things. Have you even asked her about her life here? Her choice to move? To start over?"
"I don't need you to tell me how to talk to my wife."
Your wife who started at divorce papers with Mark. All she wants is custody and a divorce…and to grant you whatever visitation you want. She opens herself up to him so much and he keeps slapping her down. She practically begged him to come and see their daughters. Her confused daughters, asking why their dad isn't coming. Nat has been clingy with both of us. "You've sent her home to me in tears twice."
"Home to you. That's not going to last."
She's who I want to eat chili dogs with, he thought, sit on pool decks with, wake up with every morning, her breath reeked of chili when she kissed five minutes ago. Kara is right, she does make me happy. She always has. "That's really up to Max. She needs space and time."
"With you hovering over her."
"We live together. Whether you like it or not, we got engaged…and we still plan on getting married. We have a life together."
"You don't get to marry my wife. You couldn't find your own woman?"
"Max and I found each other."
Kenny shoved him, feeling his temper flare. "You touch her again and I'll end you. Stay away from her."
John stumbled back, caught off guard. "Don't touch me, Kenny."
"You're going to go tattle to Max?" he said, shoving him again. "She always liked it rough."
He dusted off his jacket and composed himself. "I really don't think she'd be surprised."
"Stay away from her."
"Let her do her job. She has meetings with families all afternoon. Good-bye, Kenny."
4 Years Ago:
"Are you out of your mind?" Morell shouted. "You could have gotten yourself killed! You could have gotten your wife and children killed!"
"I had to see her. She has to know," Kenny stated. "Let me see my wife."
"Your wife is safe and so are your children. You do not get to fly across the country and blow our case and their safety, do you understand?"
"No. Nothing about this."
Present:
"Max."
She looked up, as she walked out of her office and toward the train. "I didn't know you knew where I worked."
Kenny looked at her for a long moment. "Do you want to get a drink?"
She gulped, shifting her purse on her shoulder. "Um, I have to get home. It's kind of crazy on weeknights between swimming, homework, and dinner. I have to run by the store and cook."
"You don't cook."
She smiled despite herself. "I got pretty good. We do a lot of barbecue now that the weather is nicer, but I can crush a taco night."
We, he thought, she's talking about Littleton. "We need to talk."
She looked at him. "About what?"
"Us, Max. What do I have to do to fix it?"
Turn back time, she thought, go back 10 years and start again. I can't, I don't trust myself with him…and the kids. He still hasn't tried, they've been asking and… "There isn't anything to fix, Kenny. I have to get home."
"Home to him."
"Yeah, to John and our kids. I want you to know them, if you want to. If you don't…they'll be okay. They're surrounded by people who love them."
The kids I didn't want that Max centered her life around. The kids that made her different. Littleton, of course, it's Littleton. He acted like he knows her…talked about her like they really mattered. Like he knew her. She convinced herself she loves him. Go with it. Don't fight her. "You were really good with Regan. My parents have pictures everywhere. You moved here so they'd have family."
"We needed a fresh start."
"Max, I'm so sorry for all of it. I lost the best part of my life. I never wanted to leave you."
"I know…Kenny, I understand it. It's just," she trailed off, looking at him. "We were fighting all the time, it's been so long and…we don't know what would have happened with us. We're not the same people who got married nine years ago. I don't think you know how much the way you were treating me really hurt."
"I still don't know how to be a dad. Pushing you away was how I dealt."
She gulped at that. "You learn how to be one. We made two great kids…but if you don't want to know them, tell me now because I need to explain it to them."
They're what matters to her. I need to do this for her, it's the only way. Littleton is in her life. Raising her kids…our kids. She's wearing his ring. "I want to know our kids, Max."
She nodded. "Okay. Weekdays are crazy, but…we have a swim meet Saturday. You should come."
1 Year Ago
"You're such a swim mom," John said. "How did you let yourself get talked into this?"
She smiled at him, as he dropped down next to her on the bleachers. "Maybe I'm just a joiner."
He grinned back at her. Ah, I like her, he thought, she is different…and too damn adorable in those low-slung jeans and gray sweater. Don't. Not her. "You're going to be running bake sales and timing for years now. Just wait…I did it too. Rookie mistake."
"Okay, professional swim parent, what should I do?"
You should stop being so adorable, which she would hate, are we flirting? She should not smile at me like that if she isn't. "Flee. Delete emails. Sit here engrossed in your phone. Pretend we're having a serious conversation. You're going to be baking racks of cookies and making pounds of pasta."
"Uh, I make great cookies. Seriously…they sold out at Regan's school bake sale. Be impressed."
"Who are you?"
"Your irritating and antagonistic old friend? Who can bake. On the last snow day from school, when we got that two feet, that's what we did. We made mountain of cookies, trashed our kitchen in the process, and gorged on them while we watched movies. Don't tell the organic and health food moms, they'll shun me."
"You are less irritating. I watched you trying not to laugh at the debate about kale versus spinach. Were you thinking about chili dogs and cookies?"
"Pizza and brownies."
"You're making me hungry…Do you guys want to grab dinner after practice?"
"Can Kara handle it? She's baby-sitting for me on Saturday night, I don't want her to be totally scared off."
"She likes them. Regan can be intimidating, that girl is wise beyond her years and who couldn't love Natalie? Seriously, Max, you hit the ball out of the park with those two."
"They're pretty great."
"So is their mom."
She stiffened at that before forcing herself to relax. Just John, she thought, my old friend John Littleton. This isn't anything more than poolside chat…how is he getting to be one of my closest friends? The guy who I look forward to talking to every day? Who I like drinking wine with? No, Max, no…that's not what this is. He isn't like those guys I hop into bed with. Friends, a real good guy. Grinning back at him, keep it casual. "Right back at you, John."
He gulped, not taking his eyes off her. Dangerous, he thought, flirting with her is dangerous. It isn't what she wants. "How does pizza and wings sound?"
"Perfect."
Present
"He waited for you after I left."
Max nodded, as they split a bottle of wine on the porch later that night. "Yeah."
"You think he's going to show up to the meet?"
She let out a long breath. "He wants me back. If he has to make nice with Regan and Nat…I don't want them to get hurt."
"What do you want?"
She smiled at him. "You know what I want."
"You sure you should be drinking that? You have a bag of tests upstairs. I'm serious, Honey, does he have a lawyer yet? Mark is ready to file papers."
"No. He believes I'll scrap the divorce, kick you out, and…I don't think…I don't think he'd like me that much anymore. I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago. I know having kids changed me, then him dying and… Am I really different?"
"You're still feisty, determined, smart, hard headed, but…there is something softer about you. You let people in more. You're more fun. I love watching you in court fighting for kid's rights. So yes, you are different, but at your core? You're still you…and I love you…and maybe what you're growing inside you."
She smiled at that, as he interlocked his hand with hers. "You want me to go take the tests now? It makes it real, John."
"We're going to make a great kid if you are."
"Hmm, we will. Boy or girl? I mean we're three-for-three with girls."
"I'm surrounded."
Nat and him on the porch swing reading together, while Regan and Kara played soccer when I came home. Nat, curled up next to him, if I am pregnant, this baby will be so lucky to have him as their dad. My kids are lucky. I'm lucky. "Well, I'm going to do the private and extremely unattractive task of peeing on a stick. Care to join me in 10 minutes?"
1 Year Ago
"You came to help me bake," Max smiled. "Really?"
No, to spend time with you, he thought, I really like hanging out with her. "You have to do 200 cookies. I'm in. Impress those bake sale snobs."
"Regan and Nat end up eating most of the batter...I would be half done, but they are now in a sugar coma in the basement. I think they zoned out to cartoons."
"I can't promise not to eat batter."
"Oh, you have nothing on them. I could toss a package of cookie dough on the floor and they would turn into beasts."
"You have great kids. Seriously, Max, they're great. You're great with them."
She held his gaze at that. "They have their moments."
What would she do, he wondered, taking her in wearing old sweats, t-shirt and ponytail, if I kissed her? No, get it out of your head, it isn't what she wants...even if I can't stay away from her. "Kara likes to baby-sit them and not just because you pay well."
She smiled over her shoulder at him, her heart beating faster. Calm down, it's just John, relax. In my kitchen, baking cookies…I'm baking cookies with John Littleton. "She's their favorite baby-sitter. Seriously? I can't believe that's the same girl who would sleep on your office couch."
"You'll have teens soon enough."
"Oh, God, no, can they stay five and seven? I can't believe they're that old either…I blinked, and they're grown up."
He grinned back at her. "They'll be dating, obsessed with their phones and driving."
She laughed, as the leaned back against the counter together. "I wanted a houseful, John."
"Really."
She nodded. "I've made amends with my parents, somewhat, after Kenny died I thought it was important to mend fences, rebuild relationships and…it's not perfect but I think we get each other more. They spoil Nat and Regan. I always wanted a big family growing up and I would have loved to have more kids."
"You're 37. You have time."
She smiled and shook her head at that. "It's tempting some days, but no. It works with the three of us."
"Yeah? What if you meet someone?"
"That is something…I don't know. I hate dating. I want to work, raise my kids, go out with friends and…it's hard."
"Max?"
She smiled and shook her head. "To do this alone. I'm busy all the time, but…do you ever in the morning just…wake up and…and really wish someone was with you?"
I want you, he thought, no, don't think of her like that. Not sad and lonely, he thought, she's content raising her kids, I can't push anything on her. Let her set the pace…if we even have a pace. "Every day."
She nodded. He has such beautiful hands, his eyes are so kind when he looks at me, it's like he sees inside me. No, just John and me...not him. Focus, Max, focus. "We should get started…Eggs are in the fridge.
Present
"Max?" John said, knocking on their bathroom door. "Are you alive?"
She sat on the toilet staring at the row of tests. "Uh, yeah. Hold on."
He watched as she opened the door and stood there for a long moment. "You okay?"
"I took all six and…John, they're all negative. I really thought…maybe. I was getting excited about being a mom again."
"It doesn't mean we have to stop trying."
She smiled at that. "Should we? John, how do we bring a baby into this? Regan and Nat are pretty shaky over their dad being alive, and I don't want to implode their life anymore."
"Hey, if we end up with the three that we have, I'm good with that. I just really like the idea of us making a kid."
The best guy, she thought, oh what is he doing to me? "Do you want to lose your pants, Counselor?"
"Only if you lose yours first."
1 Year Ago
"You're a saint," Max smiled, as he handed her a cookie at the meet. "Patron saint of cookies."
Max, he thought, a swim team shirt, tight jeans, making nice with swim team moms. We should go out, no, we're not there. She's adorable. "Do want to get something more healthy after? Kara is sleeping over at Molly's. Aren't Regan and Nat staying with their cousins? What do you say? I'll cook."
She paused, looking at him for a long moment. I was going to go out, pick some guy up and…screw his brains out. Dinner with John? Quiet night in his kitchen? Whatever this is with us, I think he feels it too. Simmering…I'm not…No. I should run from him. "What are you going to make me?"
"I'll surprise you. How about seven?"
"I'll be there."
Present
"Oh, you two. Congratulations," a swim mom said, joining them. "That is a beautiful ring."
Max looked up. "John has good taste."
"But I heard a rumor…You know that your husband is back from the dead…that he was some undercover agent who faked his death."
Max nodded. "Something like that. It's complicated."
"But the two of you? I mean you've been the talk of the parent board. Such a lovely romance bloomed on this pool deck. You have a husband and…"
Max clamped down on her temper. My personal business. Why I toss and turn at night, and John just pulls me against his chest, nuzzles my neck, and holds me until I fall asleep. "I know. Listen, my kids are pretty stressed out and we're trying to make this easier for them."
"If you want to bring something back to the parent board," John said. "You can tell them that our lovely romance is going swimmingly."
1 Year Ago
"Hmm, what time is it?" Max murmured. "Where am I?"
John cracked his eyes open, suddenly very aware of her in his arms, sleeping on his couch. We both conked out, ah I like her here. "Max?"
She shifted slightly, lifting her head from his chest. "Oh…Hi."
She fits here. Snuggled under my arm, wrapped around me. "Hey, it's late. I guess we fell asleep."
"Hmm," she murmured again. "I need to go home."
Stay, he thought, please stay. "It's three in the morning."
She smiled through her hair at him. I don't want to move…that's why I should. John's arms around me, I'm practically in his lap…no, this is way too dangerous. Home. Alone. My bed. "I know…I need to go."
"I have a guestroom. Max, if you want to go, I'll drive you. You walked, remember?"
I can't stay here. Not with him…what would we do if I…no, not John. I need to stay away from him, he's making me feel things. No. "Yeah. Can you?"
Kiss her. Make her stay. No. Look at her, something is freaking her out here. Go. "Come on. Let's get you home, Max."
Present
She's flirting, Kenny thought, Littleton's arm around her. Smiling, talking, laughing, she never looked at me the way she looks at him. She's wearing that ring he gave her…her legs in those tight jeans, a swim team shirt and her hair so long and loose. This isn't Max. She doesn't make small talk, go to kids sporting events, she brought a plate of cookies…who is this? My daughter getting a piggyback ride from him and my other one bouncing around his daughter. He just smiled at her, said something to make her laugh…no, Max, no…she's serious about this. Him. How do I go in there and be cordial to the man that stole my wife?
1 Year Ago
"I thought you were standing me up."
I should have, Max thought, I wake up feeling your arms around me. He didn't want me to go, I know that, he held onto for a moment longer on that couch than was friendly and…he's smiling at me now. Something is happening. "I can't pass up a chili dog. Sorry, I was going to call and tell you I was going to be 15 minutes late. I got wrapped up meeting with a social worker."
"Careful, your bleeding heart is showing."
She smiled back despite her stirred up emotions. Freaking John Littleton. "I'll be in court tomorrow, the Mahoney case, I need a chili dog booster."
"Yeah? Me too. How about a drink after?"
She held his gaze. No, run, I can't do this. Not a guy I could really fall for…that I may be falling for already. No, stop it, Max. "You know I would love to? I'm taking a half a day, Nat has an extra ballet class before her recital. Next time?"
"Is this the one with the pink and purple tutu she was telling me about?"
Max smiled at that. Nat does like John…she always asks about him. "Yeah. It has glitter too, she's in heaven wearing it. Listen, I know she asked you come, you really don't have to."
"Hey, I like your kid. I wouldn't miss it. Eat up."
Crap, she thought again, just crap. I can't stop this…I don't think I want to.
Present
"Swimmingly? That was corny."
"Well, Honey, so was her our lovely romance blossomed."
She smiled at him, looking at their girls on the pool deck. "It has been lovely."
"You look lovely," he teased. "Like such a swim mom, Honey."
"Seriously, between soccer, ballet, school, and swimming, I have a collection of sports team shirts…Did I tell you that Nat wants to do gymnastics and Regan softball? I'm never sleeping again. Should I give them phones, so they can be obsessed with those instead?"
"You love it."
"I do. Am I a total sap?"
"Partial sap."
"Max?"
She stiffened at his voice. No, I can do this. For Nat and Regan. Stop flirting with John. "Hi. You made it."
"I told you I would," Kenny said. She looks so happy…John Littleton makes my wife happy in some way I couldn't. "You look great."
"Thanks. We saved you a seat."
We, he thought, she is a we with him. No, Max, no. She lights up with him, she was smiling, Littleton keeps touching her…Max has her hand on his knee. "Which kids are ours?"
"That's Regan," she said. "By block three and Nat is…oh, on the bench with those bright pink goggles. She really loves those."
And I love you, he thought, our kids…who she seemed perfectly happy with Littleton. She gave him our kids. "You do this every weekend?"
"Swimming has taken over Saturdays," Max said. "Regan wants to be in the Olympics, and Natalie is more into it because her sisters are."
"Sisters?"
"They think of themselves as sisters."
"That girl is not their sister just because you're having an affair."
"An affair? I thought you were dead for seven years."
He goads her, John thought, and she lets him. This is the prickly Max I remember, hackles up, gearing up for a fight, letting her emotions get the best of her.
"I'm not dead. I get me being be would make it easier for you. You could just run off with Littleton and forget I existed."
"Seriously? You being alive is a wonderful thing. Just because we were fighting all the time and that it wasn't working doesn't mean I'm not thrilled you're alive. You were my partner and best friend before we were anything else and…I missed you. God, Kenny, I cried myself to sleep for a year…I couldn't take care of myself or our kids. I'm so glad you're alive."
"You want a divorce to marry him."
"That isn't what this is about. We were crashing and burning. I wanted it to work, I was fighting to make it work and…it shouldn't have been that hard."
"You were all over him in the pool lobby and out here."
"I was not, and it has nothing to do with the core of our problems. Today is about you meeting your kids. Your very happy, well adjusted, wonderful, kids…who are really freaked out. I'm going to get a refill on this. Can I leave the two of you alone together?"
1 Year Ago
"She's adorable."
Max glanced over at John. At Nat's recital with me…nothing but my good friend John. Stop thinking dirty thoughts at ballet. I want to straddle him right here and kiss him. No, Nat is dancing, pay attention. "She is pretty cute up there."
You're more than cute, he thought, in this Ombre sundress and sandals, watching your kid dance. Nat is a heartbreaker…and Regan looks so proud of her little sister. Ah, Max, you did good here. Her mouth is begging for me to kiss it. Stop it, this is Max, stop thinking about her like that.
Present
"My kids like you."
John shot him a look. "They're great kids…Max has done a wonderful job raising them."
"With you."
"We're recent additions to each other's lives."
"Not so recent that she agreed to marry you."
"She did. It's on hold."
"She's wearing the ring you gave her. She looked," Kenny started. "She never looked at me the way she looks at you."
"This snuck up on both of us. Max was okay, she was very committed to raising her kids, she has a good job, she made some great friends, she was okay. Neither of us planned on what happened between us."
"But it did happen."
It was the best thing that could have happened to me, he thought, if she hadn't kissed me in the yard that day, I would have kissed her. "It happened."
"My sister told me what my mother tried to do, right before her heart attack. Max really didn't tell them about our problems?"
"She wouldn't do that them. Your kids think you're a hero," John trailed off. "Max has gone over this with them a lot."
The kids I didn't want. The kids that Max loves and adores…that she seems happy to raise with Littleton. He'd probably adopt them, knock her up a few more times, and give her the family she always wanted. Max is all that I want…and kids come along with her. He looked back toward the pool door at her. Looking at her kids getting read to swim, a smile on her face…this life and Littleton makes her happy. Damn it, just damn it, Max.
1 Year Ago
"You were great, Nat," John said, as Max hugged her tightly. God, Nat is adorable, just the sweetest kid.
"She's such a princess, John," Regan stated, before hugging her sister too. "I want to be a knight, Mom."
Max hugged her too, smiling up at John. "There is the difference between these two."
Nat giggled. "Regan can fight dragons and I'm going to ride a unicorn. John, are you coming to get ice cream with us?"
"Depends. What kind, Nat?"
She giggled and ran to hug him too. "Please, John? Mommy, can John come too? I have extra allowance and can buy him ice cream."
Oh, my kid, she thought, watching them for a long moment. "John, you're more than welcome and Nat? Ice cream is on me today."
She giggled and tugged on John's hand. "I like chocolate chip."
Present:
"John! John!" Natalie cried, running to him in the pool lobby and throwing her arms around him. "Did you see? I won! I never won a race before!"
He hugged her back. "Of course, I saw. Great job, Kiddo. You didn't hear your mom and me cheering for you?"
"Kara and Regan said I have to win every time now."
"You know Kara and Regan are really competitive?"
"I just like to swim," Natalie asked, as Kara and Regan finally came out of the locker room. "Mommy said I was awesome. Where is Mommy?"
"You were, Kiddo. Your mom was about to cry she was so proud," John smiled. "Your mom is over there."
Nat froze and frowned. "Is that him? My other daddy?"
"Is it?" Regan asked, joining them. "He came? Mom said he was going to try to. Why try? It isn't hard to come. Is that him, John?"
Ah, Max, he thought, trying to keep it casual. Come to the meet, we can get lunch, and he looked like he wanted to flee the entire time. How can he not want his kids? I'd adopt them. "Yeah, that's your dad. He was proud of you today too. We were thinking of taking everyone out for lunch, getting to know each other. What do you think?"
Regan frowned. "He's been back here for weeks. Why did he wait so long to come see us?"
He's an asshole, John thought, this is going to hurt Regan and Nat. "I think he had a lot to deal with."
"He could have tried, Dad," Kara stated. "Like you and Max do. Come on, Regan and Nat want you to be their dad. Not this guy."
"We're going to work it out," John said. "Max!"
She looked back at them and forced herself to relax. We're okay. Looking back at Kenny. "Are you ready to meet your kids?"
My kids, he thought, one who is pressed next to Littleton's side and the other who is frowning at me. The kids I didn't want. The only back to Max is by being their dad. Littleton isn't their father and Max isn't going to divorce me for him. Do this for her. Show her that I can. "They look like you."
"Regan acts like me too. It's scary sometimes. Nat is…I call her my little ball of sunshine. She's nothing but love and happiness that kid."
"She's glued to Littleton."
"Yeah. She pretty much latched onto him before we even started dating. Nat is…I'm not sure how she came from you and me sometimes."
"She was on his back."
Max nodded. Nat who wants John to read with her every night. She runs to him and gives him a big hug every day. "She really likes John."
"Like you do."
"This isn't about me," she started, as Regan marched over. "Hey, Kiddo."
"Are you my dad?" Regan asked bluntly. "Mom said you died a hero, but then you had to hide because there were bad people who wanted to hurt you. Grandma was super sad and crazy because she missed you. Mom doesn't cry anymore. Mom says we get two dads now and we should be happy about it. Why did it take so long to come see us? Mom and John told us a couple of weeks ago. That's not what dads do."
Kenny glanced at Max, who just wrapped her arms around Regan and held her close. That squirmy toddler, looking at me, just like Max does when she's annoyed. "Yeah. Hi, Regan."
"Mom, Nat is crying," she stated, before looking back at Kenny. "Nat never cries. She's always happy. Grandma made her cry too. Mom, why did he wait so long? You and John always change the subject about that."
She glanced back at John lifting a sobbing Nat up in his arms. Catching his eye, he just gestured toward the door. My baby, I want to throw my arms around her and never let go. No, she's good with John. Regan, deal with Regan interrogating her father. Don't cry, Max thought, as they ducked out with Kara. "Well, Kiddo, you know how sad Grandma is?"
"She's crazy, Mom."
"Because she's sad. Your dad knew that you had me and John with you and Nat, and you guys were okay. He needed to be with his mom, to make sure she was okay," Max lied through her teeth. "He had to help Grandma get better…and now he's here to see you and Nat."
Regan looked back at her dad. "Is Grandma better?"
It's like talking to Max, Kenny thought, this kid is pushing me. "She is doing better. I know she misses you and your sister."
"She tried to take us from Ms. Alice. We like Ms. Alice."
Kenny nodded, shooting Max a helpless glance. "I know she wants to see you again."
Regan frowned. "Mom is marrying John. We planned a wedding, even if she doesn't want the princess dress Nat picked. But you and Mom are married?"
"We are."
"Mom?" Regan asked, tugging on her hand. "Can we go find John, Nat and Kara now? I want to go home."
Max glanced at Kenny and back to Regan. "Yeah, of course, Kiddo. Go grab your bag."
She snuggled in closer to her and buried her face in her side. "Come with me, Mommy."
"I'll call you," Max said quietly, squeezing Regan tightly. "Come on."
I can't, Kenny thought, I can't lose her…and I already have to him.
TBC