Went back and forth on this one a bit…changed a lot of it.

Present:

"I can't, John," Max said quietly. "Nat just balled, and Regan shut down."

He looked at her flopped back on their bed and staring at the ceiling. "He's their father."

"Biologically."

"It's his loss, Max. I know he still loves you. It was obvious, and you let him goad you. It was like I was looking at you 10 years ago for a few minutes, that prickly deputy I once knew."

"I know," she trailed off. Nat sobbing, saying he wasn't her daddy…that John was her daddy. Regan calling me Mommy, I haven't been Mommy in a few years with her. Following me around. "John, I don't know how to make this okay for them."

"Hey," he said, taking her hand and pulling her up so he could look at her. "You do make it okay. Those girls love you, and they know that they are safe and loved. I know it's hard. He's their father, and he needs to decide it was aspect he wants to be involved. I get that he loves you and wants you back, Max, it was obvious by the way he looks at you. If it's what you want…no, screw it, I don't want you going back to him."

"Going back to Kenny hasn't even been a consideration."

"Just like that?"

She held his gaze and nodded. "It wasn't working before. I loved him, with every part of me, but it still wasn't working. We still want different things."

John just looked at her. Ask her. I need to hear her say it. "Do you still love him?"

"What?" she asked, looking at him like he was out of his mind. "John, I love you."

"That's not an answer, Honey."

She shook her head, looking at her hand in his. "I'll always love Kenny, John, we have a lot of history and we have two kids together. He was my very best friend, partner, my husband. I'm not in love with him anymore. I'm in love with you."

He leaned in, rested his forehead against hers and didn't take his eyes off her. "I think we need to go out and do something fun."

"Chicken wings, beer and pool?"

"Nachos too. Friday?"

She smiled at that. "It's a date, Counselor."

1 Year Ago

"John, you don't," Max started, as Nat tugged on both of his hands. "Nat, let him breathe."

"Hey, it's been a long time since Kara was this little," he said, smiling at her. "It's kind of nice, Max. If she wants a few big pushes on the swings, I'm in."

"Please?" she begged. "Just for a few minutes, Mommy?"

I think I'm going to cry, Nat is just so…since I first had Kara and John over, she's been smitten with him. John Littleton, really? Who sat through a ballet recital, ice cream and my five-year-old begging for him to push her on the swings. Dangerous, Max, this is dangerous…and I want him to kiss me…I want to feel his hands on me. No, stop it, that isn't what this is. Oh, he's smiling at me, while Nat is chattering to him, oh what would he do if I kissed him? "How can I argue with the two of you? Go."

"What are you going to do, Mommy? Regan is playing with her friends on the slide. Come with us," Nat said. "You and John can talk about grown up things while he pushes me."

"Does it have to be grown up things, Kiddo?" she teased. "What if we want to talk about candy and rainbows?"

"Mommy, you're being silly," Nat stated, taking both of their hands. "John, Mommy is really silly sometimes."

He smiled over Nat's head at her. What are we doing? I can't really resist this kid, and Max is tempting…forget it, she looks about 10 seconds from fleeing from me. She feels it too, don't push her. "Is she? Come on, Nat, go pick out a swing."

Present

"She told me she wants a divorce," Kenny said. The Brocks…they were the only ones who knew. They promised to keep an eye on Max and she bolted. They promised that they would take care of her for me, and instead she is engaged and indoctrinated in mommy-hood with John Littleton. "That she has a lawyer. That she wants to marry Littleton."

Jimmy looked at his former deputy over beers for a long moment. "She's been very private about it."

He shook his head. "She wasn't supposed to do this."

"You know how stubborn she is," Jill said. "She made some rash decisions. She sold the house, practically everything she owned and left. She was devastated, grieving, and I didn't think she'd pull through. She dropped completely off the radar for more than two years. She committed herself to her kids, starting over, and even when we reconnected…she was very distant. Now, she's pretty angry that we lied to her."

"She stayed with my parents. They said she was a wreck. My dad said she pulled it together."

How cold she was at the park dedication, Jill thought, until I saw her light up with her daughters. Genuinely smiling and laughing, very similar to how she glowed when she and John were at dinner with us. How she tried not to smile when they looked at each other. They clearly adore each other. "She needs some time to sort through her feelings."

"She wants a divorce. I think she sorted through them."

"Max is prone to rash decision making."

Kenny shook his head. She loves him, it was all over how she held herself, looked at him, the easy way they had between them…and the kids. The kids I had with Max…Natalie clung to him and cried. Regan, after she interrogated me, she wanted Littleton. The way she looked at him…No. Just no, Max, she isn't this person. This is what I knew would happen if she had kids. She even said swimming took over her weekends…how can she stand it? "She's too stubborn to admit when she's wrong."

"You two need to talk. You have two kids together. If Max is talking about a divorce and getting remarried, have you talked about your kids?'

"She wants full and physical custody. I'm not fighting her on that."

"Have you seen them?"

"Once. One cried and didn't want anything to do with me. The other interrogated me and then begged Max to leave."

"She's been a single mom with them for a long time."

How do I let her go? Can I do it? Be a dad to those kids, Max will never accept anything else. Littleton obviously is their father figure right now. Natalie in Littleton's arms, crying, wanting to go home…calling him Daddy. Regan asking all the same things I knew Max was thinking. Those are my kids and my wife, and they went home with another man. The other man who wrapped his arm around her, made her laugh and smile, even as she tried to make me feel welcome at a swim meet. Just for a few minutes, it felt like we were okay…she felt it too. I know she did, even with him there. "She isn't one anymore."

1 Year Ago

"You're great," Max admitted, as he laid a passed-out Natalie on her couch. "She's going to be devastated that she didn't get to tell you good-bye. I think Nat likes you better than me."

John grinned back at her. "I'm some guy who pushed her on a swing and ate ice cream with her. Regan and Nat are all about Mommy."

She looked at Regan sleeping on the other side of the couch. "I always wanted to be a mom. I didn't know what to expect when I found out I was pregnant with Regan, but…the first moment I held her? Changed my life in ways I never saw coming."

He reached out and took her hand without thinking. Seeing her look up at him, she didn't fight him, as he guided her toward the front door. "I felt the same way about Kara. I suddenly had someone dependent on me that I would do anything for. It's hard, huh? Being a single parent."

She nodded, very aware of her hand in his, as they stood by her front door. "It's worth it. I wouldn't trade them for anything."

He squeezed her hand for a long moment. Kiss her. "I need to go. I'm driving swim team carpool. We should get dinner this week."

Max nodded, as they just looked at each other. Get away from him now. If I don't I'm going to kiss him and ruin this. Oh, the way he is looking at me is making me melt. Get it together, Max. "I'd like that. I'm flexible most nights."

Kiss her, no, not when I have to run out the door. "I'll call you."

Present

"Oh, not fair!" Max laughed, as John wrapped his arms around her from behind. "This is cheating."

"I don't see a ref," John countered, as Regan kicked the ball through their goal. "Good shot, Kid."

"You guys are ridiculous," Kara giggled. "Seriously, you'd get detention for that."

"What if I gave her a sloppy wet one?" John teased, as Max squirmed in his grasp. "Would we get suspended?"

"Kiss her!" Natalie giggled. "Mommy, let John kiss you."

Max turned in his arms, feeling a bit reckless with him. Kissing him for a long moment, she ducked out of his arms and kicked the ball toward, Nat. "Come on, Kiddo. Don't fall for John's distractions."

"Those are fighting words, Honey."

She grinned at him, as Natalie kicked the ball toward her and froze in place. "Mommy?"

She looked toward the driveway and at the car pulling in. Oh…Kenny. Oh, Nat, blubbering against my leg. Rubbing her back, she tried to keep her voice light. "Hey, Kiddo, it's okay. I'm right here, Nat."

"I don't want him."

Max crouched down and hugged her. "Remember? He's just one more person in your life who loves you."

"Make him go away."

"Nat, stop being a baby," Regan said, taking her hand. "Mom and John told us nothing was going to change. Come on, let Mom talk to him and stop crying. He's our dad and we should be nice to him."

"You are getting way too grown up, Regan," Max said, smoothing back her long hair. "Stay right here, I'll be back."

"Do I need to be jealous?" John asked.

She shot him a look. "I didn't ask him to come."

Tense, hurting, a far cry from her giggling and kissing me a few minutes ago. He does this to her, he gets all under her skin and in her head. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just give me a few minutes," she said. "I'll be right back."

Prickly, he thought, gearing up for a fight. She's fine.

"Hey," Max said, stopping in front of him. "Uh, I wasn't expecting you."

She's breaking my heart, Kenny thought, whatever this is. Her happy playing soccer with her kids and Littleton? I forgot she played in college. I've never seen her look happier. "I needed to see you."

1 Year Ago

"Hey, Stranger."

Max smiled, despite her nerves around him. Dinners, she thought, drinks, a lot of them lately. Talking late into the night…how when he hugs me good-bye, they are always a bit too long and tight for a friend. "Stranger, huh? We've seen a lot of each other lately."

I can't, John thought, look at her in shorts, some swinging tank top and her hair so shiny and loose. Those legs on these bleachers. "You're good company."

My friend, she thought, it's more than that…what am I doing? John Littleton, who is so kind to my kids. He makes my heart beat faster, even just sitting here. I can talk to him, he makes me laugh, think, and oh, I'm so attracted to him. "Even drinking wine and playing Jenga?"

"We can move up to Scrabble. How about it, while our kids are all having sleepovers? I might even take you up on your soccer challenge."

"Oh really?"

"Wine, hot dogs and soccer. What do you say?"

Run. Danger, Max, danger. "I'm in."

Present

"Oh," she said. "I wish you told me. We're going to barbecue but got caught up with soccer and…we still are."

"I want to take you out to dinner."

She paused at that, looking at him for a long moment. "Right now?"

She didn't say no. She's sweaty, in some old athletic shorts and tye-dye. Flushed, looking very wary and unsure. "You should probably change first."

What is he doing? Am I considering this? God, Nat is a sobbing mess right now. "I can't. It's a school night."

"Stop being a mom for a few hours and come with me."

I want a hot dog and to play a few more rounds of soccer. I need to make this okay for my kids…Kenny isn't a bad person. We just never should have gotten married, at least not without being clear on what we wanted. He couldn't handle when I bleached my hair…why did I think he could handle us having a baby? Ugh, I suck. "I can't drop everything and run off with you. Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Littleton will go for that?"

"You're not his first choice for company…but he wants Nat and Regan to get to know you."

"You seriously think you love him?"

"Why is that so hard for you to believe? It's been seven years…did you expect me to be alone for the rest of my life? Did you really think that we'd just…even if I was single…Kenny, it wasn't working. We wanted different things…we got married in a kneejerk reaction to me almost dying."

"You getting shot made me realize how much I didn't want to live without you."

"And if I hadn't? Would we have gotten married? Or even gotten back together?"

"You're only saying this because of him."

"John has nothing to do with what happened between us."

"He is a big part of what is happening now. You know you're using them as an excuse not to deal with us. This is what you want? This isn't you, Max. You're going to wake up one morning and regret all of this."

"I'm going to regret being with a great guy and my kids? Having a family? Divorcing the man who spent most of our marriage making me feel like crap? Ignoring me and his daughter? You shoved me into the counter when I was pregnant, I had bruises, because you were drunk, and it was the only way you could handle having sex with your fat wife. Well guess what? You blew it. I have no intention of ever coming back to you. I wanted a divorce seven years ago and I want one now. And it has nothing to do with John, and everything to do with what an ass you were to me."

"Max."

She stepped back from him, her temper flaring. "Just go. Don't come back. We can let the lawyers handle the rest."

"Max, wait."

"Good-bye, Kenny."

8 Years Ago

"Push, Max," Jill said. "One more big one."

"I can't," she sobbed. "I can't do this."

"You have to. One more. I can see the head."

"You can do this," Kenny said, not letting go of her hand. "Max, look at me, you have this. You heard her. Push."

She pushed with everything she had, ignoring the pain. Falling back against the pillows, as a shrill cry of their newborn pierced the air.

"She's beautiful," Jill said, holding her up for them to see. "Congratulations."

No, Kenny thought, no, as he watched Jill clean her up and hand her to Max. Max, no…my disheveled, sweaty, exhausted wife, has never looked as happy as she does right now.

"Max?"

She looked up at him in wonder. "We did this."

Present

John held onto me a long time this morning, Max thought, he does give the best hugs. Told me he loved me, and he makes me feel so warm inside. That we were a team, that finding me was the best thing that could have happened to him and Kara, and that he loves and trusts me. Now, Jill Brock…who I'm not pissed off at. No, don't be angry. At least not about knowing about Kenny's not death, but the pity she heaped on me when she knew. Oh, I am angry. I want to throw and break things, scream, why can't I just enjoy my life? I like my job, I have some friends, I adore my kids, my future stepdaughter, and I have a great guy who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Kenny throws me off kilter, he knows how to push my buttons, and I let him.

"I'm glad you agreed to this."

Max sat back and looked at her. "Why wouldn't I?"

"You did throw a water bottle at Jimmy."

She winced slightly. "My aim was off that day."

"How are you and Kenny?"

"That is off the table for discussion. As are John and our kids."

"Max, that isn't healthy."

"I'm not some child who needs a shoulder to cry on. I'm fine. I've made my decision and there is nothing left to discuss," she said evenly, the hurt still very real. Nat crawled into bed with us last night because she was still confused. "We're getting divorced."

"Max, you can't mean that."

"I do mean it, and before you say it? It has nothing to do with John. I'd want one even if he wasn't in the picture. You don't know," she stated. No one but John knows. "We're not the same people."

"He loves you."

Max looked at her for a long moment, her temper simmering. I can't, I can't do it to Regan and Nat, they can't know that he never wanted them. Even if people hate me, they can't know. Me and John will love them enough, so it doesn't matter. "He doesn't know me anymore."

"You were all he talked about yesterday. He's devastated about you wanting a divorce and his kids not wanting to spend time with him. Max, John isn't their father."

"Kim calls you Mom. You don't get to sit here and tell me what I should do. I'm not a child who needs you to coddle and pity her. I'm tired of it. I get the witness protection part, I really do, what I don't get is how why you treated me like a perpetual victim. I'm not broken. I know what I want, and it isn't being married to Kenny."

"You want to marry John."

"That's not the only reason I want a divorce. Can we drop it?"

1.5 Years Ago

"Dad," Kara whined. "Come on. You need to tell Max already. It's so obvious that you love her."

"Max is my friend," John said. "Can I not have friends?"

"Max is your friend? You guys hang out all the time. You went to Natalie's ballet recital…her kids really like you. I saw you holding her hand. Dad, you don't look at Max like she is your friend."

"How do I look at her?"

Kara giggled. "Like you want to kiss her. Seriously, on the bleachers at the pool? You always look like you're going to kiss her."

"What would you think if I do kiss her? If Max and I decided that…what if I took Max out on a date?"

"Dad," she groaned. "You and Max go out all the time. You can say it's as friends, but you're so dating her. You and Max need to talk. Then date. You're going to marry her, Dad."

"How about if I take her out to dinner before you plan our wedding?"

Present

"You're not awful."

"You are biased," Max stated, as they sat across from each other at the kitchen island. "They don't get it."

"Well, you didn't ever tell anyone what was going on."

She nodded at that. "I know."

"You married him, he died, he came back…it reads like a book, except I'm supposed to be the evil interloper after you for your widow's benefits that I can use to pay off my massive debts to the casino."

Max smiled despite herself at that. "You really are too good for a mess like me…and you are way to practical to have gambling debts.

Adorable, he thought, and she'd hate that. "Nah, finding you again made my life better. I'm a lucky guy…and you and me? This is a forever thing, Honey. We're going to have a magical life together, I want us to see the world, raise our kids, grow old and wrinkled, spoil our grandchildren, the whole thing. Whether it happens this week or next year? It's you and me."

Damn it, she thought, he's going to make me cry. John Littleton…the D.A. that got under my skin and saw right through me 10 years ago. His gentle fingers on my face right now, his kind heart and passionate kisses…the best guy. "I'm in."

"Good," he smiled, squeezing her hand on the island. "Should we appease our kids with the beach wedding in Hawaii? They put a lot of work into it."

"As long as I don't have to wear that hoop skirted ballgown. I may go more flowy, simple, and concede to maybe a sparkling headband for Nat. Maybe."

"You could show up just like this and be the most beautiful bride."

"Your bride," she smiled, as their porch door exploded. Stifling a scream, as John grabbed her and threw her behind the island as a swarm of bullets flew in.

1.5 Years Ago

"You what?" John said, his heart breaking. "Impressive."

Max shrugged. "I met him at the grocery store coffee counter. He seems really nice and…I'm bad at this, John."

"Come on, he's a lucky guy. You are a catch, Max."

She groaned at that. "Not even close. Disaster date is more like it. I'm more looking forward to our hot dog and soccer plans than going out with Tim."

I hate the idea of her on a date. With anyone. Ever. "Cancel, we can do it twice."

"You have to have more exciting things to do than hang around with me."

"Nope. I like hanging out with you. Even if your kids think I'm a jungle gym."

My kids, especially Nat, adore him. She smiled at him, her heart pounding in his chest. He just looks at me and…what is happening? John Littleton…This can't be happening. It is happening. I'm falling.

Present

"Lock the door!" John yelled. "Right now, Kara, upstairs, stay there with Nat and Regan!"

Max pressed her sweatshirt to his bleeding arm, as someone kicked out the glass of their door. They're safe. No one will hurt them.

"You bitch! You did this!"

Max winced. Did she really shoot up my kitchen? Focus…she's out of her mind. I've been a terrible daughter in law lately. Divorcing her son. She shot John… "Sharon?"

"You did this! He's leaving because of you!"

She tied off the sleeve around his flesh wound. My kids are safe. John is okay. She won't hurt my kids. "Who is?"

"I saw the papers. He signed the divorce papers, he's giving up his parental rights! He's taking a job with the FBI! He's leaving us again!"

Giving up his parental rights? Oh…Crap. Focus, she's nuts. "I'm going to stand up. We can talk about this. We can fix it and make it right for Kenny, Nat and Regan."

"You are his wife! Those are his children! They are coming with me right now."

"Don't," John hissed, holding her down. "Kara is calling 911. Don't."

Max stifled a scream, as a bullet ripped through the island. He's shaking, sweaty, going into shock. "You're okay. Deep breath. It's a flesh wound. I love you, John, I love you so much."

"Now, Max!" Sharon shouted, firing again. "I want my grandchildren, now!"

She leaned in, kissed him for what felt like the last time, and stood up slowly. "Sharon? You don't need that. I'm right here. We can talk."

"You bitch."

"You saved my life, Sharon. Your whole family did. Your grandchildren are great because you took us in. Please put the gun down. They don't need to know this violence."

"The don't need their whore of their mother shacking up with that black man! Kenny loves you! He needs you! He's leaving all us because he can't have you!"

Running, she thought, away from what he doesn't want to deal with. Like I did. Damn it. "I'll talk to him, Sharon. I'll do whatever he wants. Please, put the gun away. You know how much I love Kenny…I'm just afraid. It hurt so much, I can't…I can't handle losing him again like that. I don't want my girls to feel it…lets go right now. I'll tell him."

"And him?"

"He won't be a problem. You shot him," Max lied, gulping back her terror and tears. "I need to stop lying to myself. I love Kenny, he was just a stand in."

"Mom?"

"Regan, go upstairs," Max said evenly, her heart dropping at her eight-year-old in the kitchen doorway. "Now, Regan. Go find Natalie and Kara. Right now."

"Grandma?" she asked, staring at a passing out John. "Mommy? What's wrong with John?"

"John is fine. Go upstairs."

"Grandma are you hurting Mommy too? I need Mommy and John…they're getting married and John is going to be our Daddy."

"Mom, Jesus Christ!" Kenny cried, running into the kitchen. "Dad told me and…Max? Are you okay?"

She stared at him, moving to shield Regan from the line of fire. "I'm fine. Your mom and I were just going to leave together to come find you, so we could start over."

Kenny heard the lie in her voice, as she stood between Regan and the gun. "Mom, we need to go. You don't want to hurt Max or Regan. I'm the one who screwed up our marriage before I vanished on her. I'm the one who hurt her…and she deserves all the happiness in the world because of it. Her kids, and Regan and Natalie are hers, deserve to be happy with her and Littleton. We need to go. Now."

"Mommy?"

"You're okay, Regan," Max promised. "We're all okay."

"You lying bitch!" she screamed, pulling the trigger again.

"No!" Max cried, shoving Regan down, as Kenny tackled Sharon and she fired again.

TBC…One more chapter to go