Present

I can't move. Think. A shadow cast over her world, she squeezed Nat on her lap and Kara snuggled close to her side. Them. I need to be here for them. Be an adult. Wake up. They need their mom right now. I can't, I really can't. Regan, John, Kenny…John is okay…flesh wound. Being stitched up. Kara isn't losing her father… Nat isn't losing the man she wants to be her daddy. Regan, my perfect, smart, wonderful, Regan. Blood, so much, I couldn't…she's only eight. I need her. I held her that first time, when she first moved inside me…I never knew I could love so much. So still, so quiet…I can't cry, I won't be able to stop. Kenny….

"Max?"

She looked up, keeping Nat and Kara close. Blood, John and Regan's on me, Regan…no, she hasn't had a chance to live. "Mel."

She shook her head, staring at her sister in law. "What happened? Dad is at the station with Mom…she…Regan? Kenny?"

Max wiped her tears, as Nat sobbed against her. "We don't know yet."

"Mom did this?"

She nodded, as Kara squeezed Nat's hand too. "Yeah."

"And John?"

"He's getting stitches…it was a flesh wound. John is fine," Max said, squeezing Kara's hand for a long moment. "He's fine, Kara."

"She did this? To Kenny and Regan? Her son and granddaughter?"

Max nodded, not letting go of her girls. "Mel, I'm so sorry. I can't…my daughter is…she's only eight and…I can't do this. I can't lose her. Oh, Nat, Sweetheart, it's okay."

"Mommy."

Max pressed her lips to her hair. They deserve better. I promised myself I'd give them a wonderful life. They are the best things I've ever done. Regan…I can't…no, she'll be fine. I'll buy her every puppy she could ever want. Let her eat cake in bed. Anything…please let her be okay. So much blood…I'll kill Sharon for this. I'll rip her arms off and club her to death. "I'm right here, Nat. Me, Kara and Aunt Mel. No one is going to hurt you."

"Mommy."

"And I love you so much, Nat."

"Mrs. Lacos?"

No, she thought, no…I can't hear bad news. Nat and Kara, I can't…I can't fall apart yet. I can do this. "Hey, Kiddo, I need to talk to the doctor."

"Don't go, Mommy. Don't leave us."

"Never," she promised, standing and wincing at Nat's weight in her arms. Shifting her snuggled in six-year-old slightly, she felt Kara supporting her from the other side. John did really well with her… I couldn't imagine a better big sister. "Please, Regan?"

"Regan sustained kidney and liver damage when the bullet ricocheted. She needs a partial liver transplant and kidney removal," he said, as Max felt the tears stinging in her eyes at that. "As for your husband, Mrs. Lacos, he is listed as an organ donor and he is a match for your daughter. He is currently on life support, but there is no brain activity."

Max felt the floor drop out from underneath her, as she clutched Natalie tightly to her. I can't…he can't ask me to…Kenny, I can't do that to him.

"My brother," Mel sobbed, joining them. "He's braindead?'

The doctor nodded. "I'm very sorry."

"His liver," Mel said, as Max wiped her tears. "It can save Regan?"

"Yes. All his organs can go to people in need."

"Max, you have to say yes to this," Mel said. "He'd want to save his daughter."

The daughter he didn't want, Max thought, the one that drove a wedge so big through our marriage that we never recovered. The daughter who I love more than I ever imagined. Regan…

"Mrs. Lacos?"

She looked at Nat and Kara, her heart breaking into a million pieces. For them. Everything for them. This is most father-like thing he can ever do for her, she'll always have a piece of him. "He always wanted to help people. Okay, save my daughter."

9 Years Ago

Kenny looked at her in the break room, pouring coffee, filling out that uniform in a way that had driven him crazy for the past seven years. Just back at work from being shot, amazing all night sex with her…flirting with me all morning as Carter freaked out. Does she want to? Can I ask her? I can't ask her to marry me here…it's the perfect spot. It's where I fell in love with her. Love at first sight. Her smile when she faltered when Jimmy introduced us. She knew then too. I should have asked her then. I'm asking her now.

"So, Max?"

Present

Regan, Max thought, clutching her hand tightly and staring at her pale and still eight-year-old in the hospital bed. I'm never leaving your side again, anything you want is yours. Puppies, candy, hot air balloons, I'll protect you from everything out there. No, Max thought, shaking herself. That's what they did to me, tried to shield me, coddled me and Regan will react like I did. Angry, hurt…pushing back. Just the puppy. She'll love the puppy. Her gaze flicked to a sleeping John in the other bed. Stitched up, pain killers and passed out. Kara curled up next to him, and Nat still not letting go of me. My family. The people I love.

Kenny, I'm sorry, Kenny, I'm so sorry.

1.5 Years Ago

"Max!"

"Hey," she smiled, as Kara plopped next to her on the bleachers and smiled. That's usually her dad's move, she thought, when we flirt and pretend we're not, at swim practice. "You're done already?"

"I won the get out swim. Dad says he's cooking you dinner this weekend."

"Yeah. I was tempted to stay home and clean, but your dad insisted."

"My dad really likes you."

Max paused at that and looked at the teenager for long moment. "Your dad has been a really good friend to me. You're very lucky to have such a great dad raising you."

"A friend?"

Oh, she's like John, she thought, who has taken really touching me lately. Holding my hand, the long hugs, how he kept his arm around me after getting chili dogs. I like his hands on me. "You do know your dad used to push all my buttons when we worked together?"

"He said the same thing about you. He called you prickly."

Simmering, she thought, and I bolted from him when I realized it. I let my own insecurities and that town get in my head and now? He's the guy I want to spend time with. "I was. He knew how to push me…and I let him."

"But you guys are friends."

"Yeah," she trailed off. Friends…John who looks at me…John who my kids adore. Crap, Max, crap. "Am I giving you a ride home?"

Kara nodded. "You guys should come over tonight. Dad's making chili."

Present

"Max, I'm fine," John said, looking at her still holding a sleeping Regan's hand. Keeping his good arm around Kara, he looked at his shattered fiancé with Natalie wrapped around her. "How is she?"

He doesn't know, she thought, looking at him. His arm, she thought, Kenny died and…Regan. She has part of his liver, he saved her…in a way he will never know. "She hasn't woken up."

"John?" Nat asked, lifting her head and looking at him. "Mommy? John is okay?"

Max pressed her lips to her head again. "Yeah. It's just like a bad cut, Kiddo, remember what the doctor said? You can't use him as a jungle gym for a while."

"Regan?" John asked. "Max?"

"She's," Max faltered, looking back at her. Not with Nat and Kara here…I never want them to leave. Nat needs to sleep, regroup and I don't want to let her out of my sight. Ever. I won't…they don't deserve to have me go off the deep end too. Alice is coming to feed them, let them crash, if Nat will ever let go. "Later? The doctor's said she is going to be fine."

9 Years Ago

I should have given her a ring, Kenny thought, looking at a sleeping Max in his arms. I can even deal with the blonde hair, it's kind of hot…even if I miss the sexy girl next door redhead. She's going to be a beautiful and sexy bride…she's never leaving me again. We'll get married and everything will be okay. Me and Max. Like it should be.

Present

"They need to rest."

I can't stop crying, Max thought, no Nat and Kara are fine with Alice. Nat… "Your arm?"

"I still have one good one for you," he said, squeezing her tightly. "I'm good, Honey. Really. What happened? Regan?"

She needs to wake up. I need to hear her voice. I need to be an overprotective mom for a while. Leaning into John's good side, she sighed. "They took out one kidney, it was too damaged…John, the bullet destroyed her liver and."

"Max?" he asked softly, wiping away her tears. "Honey? Talk to me. Max?"

She laced her fingers through his. John. My Love. My heart. "John, I…I can't stop crying."

"Regan is going to need you. Get it out now. Cry, scream, throw something, get it out."

She buried her face in his neck. I want to turn back time. It should have been me. Not my innocent baby. Not Kenny, who just got a second chance with his family. This isn't fair. "Sharon she…Sharon, she shot Kenny. He was braindead and…John. We…Damn it."

"Max?" he said, as she shook in his arms. "Oh…Max."

"It's his liver…She's alive because of Kenny. Sharon, she killed him and…John. Regan would have died and…John."

He squeezed her tighter, his lips lingering on the top of her head. I should have been there for her. She had to make that call, she's still legally his wife. Her call…she shouldn't have had to do that. This gutted her, on top of Regan…be there for her. She's shaking. Regan needs us. "You're okay."

John has made me a better person…I'm a better mom because of him. "It hurts."

"You're okay. Regan is okay. Kenny saved her, Max."

She nodded. "He shouldn't have died. He didn't…Having him back was a gift, even if I didn't want…This isn't fair."

"He loved you too. He came to save you from her. Saving Regan this way...he knows how much you love Regan and Nat."

"He didn't need to die."

"He'll always watch over you. I know he loved you…and somewhere deep down, Regan and Nat too. You're okay."

"Regan?" Max said, as her hand shifted in hers. "Oh, Regan, Sweetie, Mommy is here."

"Mommy?" Regan said, opening her eyes. "I hurt. Mommy? Are you crying?"

"Only happy tears because my beautiful Regan is awake."

8 Months Ago

Regan giggled, as they watched their parents on the porch. "Kara, he's kissing her."

"Ssh," she shushed her and wrapped her arms the both. "Our parents really like each other."

"But Mommy never kisses anyone," Nat said. "She said it's just the three of us. I like your daddy, Kara…if Mommy keeps kissing him, is he going to be our daddy too?"

Kara smiled at them. "I think so. Come on, let's go finish Uno…and let our parents keep thinking we don't know what they're doing together, you little monsters."

Present: 8 Weeks Post Shooting

"Mom?" Regan asked, as she handed her a bowl of ice cream on the couch.

She sat down next to her. "Regan?"

"Are you and John fighting?"

Maybe, she thought, I've been…stop, Max, he's not mad because I'm focused on Regan. He isn't Kenny who hated that I spent time with my kids. It's me. It's losing Kenny again…throwing that wall up. I need to talk to him…he got shot too. "Nah. We're good."

Regan smiled at her. "Kara said I should ask for stuff since I got hurt. Mom, I want you and John to get married and be happy. More than I want a puppy."

Don't cry, not in front of my kid who just got her Dad's liver after her grandmother shot her. Marry John, that's what I still want…I'm so in my own head. "We can do both. How about a puppy you can ride around like a horse?""

"I want to be outside playing soccer too. I miss swimming. Even school. I miss having fun. A puppy horse would be awesome. Mom?" she pressed. "Don't be sad like Grandma."

"How can I be sad when I'm with you?"

"Max?"

She looked up. John…who had his arm heal in two weeks. Who even with a healing arm, took care of Nat when I was practically living at the hospital with Regan. Who came to see her every day…made sure I was eating and taking care of myself. Who I have been weirdly distant with…the man I love beyond reason. Smiling at him. "Did Kara and Nat win?"

"It's like you run a secret soccer school with them. What do you think, Regan? Soccer and swim in the Fall?"

She nodded. "And you and Mom getting married?'

He looked at her for a long moment. Too thin, not sleeping, and so hurt. Kenny dying, the Lacos' cutting her off from them, they're all so hurt… "Hey, I'll get a judge over here right now and marry her. What do you think, Honey?"

She smiled at that. "We did plan on the backyard wedding…before our industrious kids planned out Hawaii."

He sat down on the end of the couch. Gutted. Even with Regan making a full recovery, Sharon taking a plea, Kenny was her best friend before she married him, she lost that twice. She really wanted him in the girl's life, even if she didn't want to be his wife. "Your call, Regan…And Max? You need a dress, or Nat is going to get you a hoop skirt and tiara. Are you sharing that ice cream, Kid?"

Regan giggled. "Mom gave me too much."

John smiled over her head at Max. "Your mother is spoiling you. Enjoy it before she makes you start cleaning your room again."

She watched the two of them for a long moment. He could have died. Regan…All of them. How can he look at me like that? That he still loves and wants me? Believe it, Max, he loves you. He loves my girls, our girls really. "Anything else, John?"

A smile, he thought, a teasing light in her eyes. I miss that smile. The way she always lights up with them…how much she loves them. I miss her, selfishly I miss us, in the middle of this. Although this loving and devoted mom side of her is something I never saw coming. Ah, Regan, is such a trooper. Badgering her mom about our wedding. "Maybe I should take you out before dragging you to Hawaii. What do you think, Kid? Should I take your mom out for a fancy date?"

Regan giggled again. "Mommy, you should put on a pretty dress. You take such good care of me. John wants to take care of you."

"Did you two plan this?" she asked. I can't leave her here alone. Maybe not ever again. Stop it, Max, stop it. She's healing, physically, emotionally. I can't be this person. John does take care of me, he has since we met at the pool, I didn't see it coming. "Okay. Fancy date and a wedding."

"Can I buy a dress with you, Mom? You know Nat wants you to be a princess."

"Not a princess," she sighed. "We'll get her a tiara and she'll love it."

"I think you can pull it off, Honey."

Oh, he's too good, patient and kind for me. Flirting and teasing me in front of a smiling and healing Regan. I adore this man…it's us forever. Damn it…we've earned this. I can do this, I can be okay. Better than okay. Regan is fine, laughing with John…who is just looking at me in that familiar way. "Nah, I'll go for a full crown."

"That's my girl," John said, as he watched Regan yawn and start to doze. "I think she's out, Honey."

"What are you doing?" Max asked, as he pulled her up with him. "Hi."

"Nat and Kara are upstairs," he said, pulling her in and smooching her. "Regan is doing great, especially if she's following Nat's lead of hoopskirting and princessing you up. Come here. Max, I love you and your Mama Bear tendencies, but ah, Max."

"John?" she asked, as he held her tightly to him, before letting go. "I just…she, Regan, I want to hold on and never let go. And she hates it, I knew she does because I hated being treated like that. I know I've been ignoring, neglecting you, us…even Nat and Kara…I'm sorry."

He leaned in, so their foreheads rested against each other. "Do you really think I'm holding taking care of our daughter against you? Yes, you are being over protective and coddling, you were with me too, but I love you for it. This warm and fuzzy side of you is really endearing and adorable…which makes me want to marry you."

Max smiled, her gaze flicking to a sleeping Regan and back to him. "I believe I agreed to that. Are we serious about this beach wedding thing? I know how happy it would make the kids if we ran with it…and we think we all need a break. We need to clear it with the doctors, but I am in with this one. Just us and the kids would be amazing…then just hanging out? Kind of a kid friendly honeymoon?"

"With Nat using me as a jungle gym?"

Nat who has called him Daddy a lot recently…which he loves. Our weirdly wonderful blended biracial family. "Better you than me."

He pressed his lips to hers and laid his hand on her still flat stomach. "I'd like to make you Mrs. Littleton before this surprise pops out."

She laid her hand over his. The tests were wrong and I am. Going on three months, our kid growing in me. "I'm going to be fat in the pictures."

"Nah, glowing and beautiful, cooking our kid in there. Think boy, Honey, you have a monopoly here."

8 Months Ago

"Dad?"

He looked up from his case file at his 14-year-old daughter watching him from the doorway. "Kara?"

"Where did Max go?"

Ah, crap, he thought. "How did you know Max was here?"

"You two are so obvious."

He closed his file. A few dates, a few great kisses with her…she fits in my arms. "How do you feel about it, Kara? Me dating Max?"

"I like Max, Dad. She's fun, she pays more than anyone else I baby-sit for, but I do like Regan and Nat a lot, and she makes you happy. You don't have to hide it."

John nodded at that. "Noted. We're going slow, Kara."

"Dad, I bet you $100 you're going to marry Max."

Present

"Mel," Max said, feeling her heart drop at her sister-in-law at her front door. No gun, she knocked, no one is going to hurt my family again. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?"

Max gulped. Last Lacos here nearly killed Regan. "How about outside?"

"How's Regan?"

Max shut the door and leaned against it. "Better every day, bored out of her mind, and wants nothing more than to play outside with her sisters this summer. She's good."

Mel stared at her for a long moment. "And John?"

"Good too. Fully recovered, resting, back to being Nat's jungle gym."

"You know she took a plea."

"An insanity one. Mel, I wanted to," Max started. She shot my daughter. She killed her own son… "I don't know if I can every forgive her for what she did."

"Losing Kenny, when we thought he was dead, destroyed her. You and his kids, coming here, it meant everything to her to have her grandchildren close. And you, we all knew how much Kenny loved you. You moving on, and as great as John is, it hurt her. She thought you'd take them away. Kenny signed the divorce papers, Max. He realized how happy you were and didn't want to hurt you. He told me."

"Told you what?"

"About how he felt about Nat and Regan. How he treated you in your marriage."

"I never wanted you to know. I thought…we had problems, but I loved him so much. I wanted it to work so badly, but…he learned to love Regan. I think we would have been fine if I hadn't gotten pregnant with Nat. We fell apart, he was drunk all the time, but I still loved him."

"He didn't want them now. Just you."

She nodded. "They deserve better than that."

"Like John?"

"He's a wonderful father to them. He's a good man, Mel. Can I tell you something?"

She nodded. "It better be good."

"I'm pregnant. The kids don't know yet."

"Max."

"I know. John is thrilled."

"Honey? Hi, Mel," John said, opening the front door and looking at her. Not another Lacos gunfire episode. "It's been awhile."

"I thought I'd check on my niece. Max just told me that she's pregnant. Congratulations."

He shot her a look and nodded. "Thanks. We're happy about it."

"When is the wedding? Max, you're still wearing your engagement ring…I assume it's still happening."

"She's a pretty solid mom and I'm thinking she's going to be a great wife too. We just got the all clear from Regan's doctor, the girls planned a beach wedding for us and we caved…we really caved on this one, Max."

Max smiled at him. "I can't say no to Regan now, and all she's used my lack of willpower for is me promising her a puppy and this beach, wedding, vacation."

"She wants rescue abandoned puppies and dogs. Talk her down."

"When?" Mel asked. "I knew you got engaged, now pregnant…really? Kenny is barely…really? Regan has his liver and... you're doing this?"

"John and I got engaged before he came back. I want to marry him, that hasn't changed. I want to have this baby with him. It isn't fair, none of this is, but we're happy and having a baby. You don't have to be happy for me, Mel, I get why you're not."

"Congratulations."

Present: 6 Weeks Later

"Looking good."

Max smiled at him, rubbing her five-month pregnant stomach. "This thing is beginning pop."

"You're a beautiful bride," he smiled, laying his hands on her stomach beneath the flowing white dress. "I love you like this. You're glowing."

She laid her hands over his. "Probably because you're going to be outnumbered five to one at home."

"Hey, you're giving me a fourth daughter and you're marrying me in about 10 minutes. Shall we, soon-to-be-Mrs. Littleton?"

Max smiled at that, looking down at her swelling stomach. This baby, us talking about him formally adopting Nat and Regan, us really becoming a family. This peanut inside of me that I'm excited to meet, hold, and love with John. Even at this late stage, I'm ready for it. "I'm all yours, Counselor. Make me your wife."

Present: Prison

Sharon smiled to herself at the good news. Another grandchild for me to love when I leave this place. I'll bring Kenny all his children when I'm finally free.

The End

Authors Note – This is it. I enjoyed writing this (always had a soft spot for the deputy and D.A) and will be doing more stories in the future…both finishing the unfinished ones here and some other ideas tooling around in my head. Short hiatus (Back Mid-May) with something new. I did consider killing Max off in this and make Kenny get custody of the kids despite his objections of being a father versus his death saving the daughter he never wanted. I did fall in love a bit with John and Max's romance with this and wanted them to get a happy ending. There may be a sequel, not entirely sure, as I'd like to leave them alone in their happy ending