Naruto sat on a stump and sighed as he looked at Anko who was rolling on the ground laughing her ass off. She spent the last 10 minutes doing so after his little cock tease. Every time she started to calm down from laughing she would look at him and burst out laughing again.

Naruto said "It wasn't that funny."

Anko took a moment to calm herself down and with a smile on her face she said "It was if you knew all the things that went through my head after you said that. Imagine me telling everyone the reason I joined your clan was because you had the biggest cock I ever saw or had the biggest cock I ever had between my legs if I ever rode that damn rooster. There are so many cock jockes I could use with that set up you just gave me that I could go months before telling the same joke twice."

Naruto said "Alright, maybe it was that funny when you think of it that way but are you really going to join my clan."

Anko looked at Naruto and said "Kid, part of me wants to join you but I don't want to be a slave to someone else. My sensei's mark makes me his slave and if I join you then it means that I am a slave again."

Naruto nods his head and said "I figured something like that would be your answer but I had to try." as he reached up and took off the amulet necklace on his head and said "Here." as he tossed it to Anko who dodged it and let it fall to the ground.

Anko looked at the necklace and said "What's that."

Naruto said "If you touch it then it will transfer your curse seal to the amulet before creating a clone from the energy of the curse seal. Once the clone appears punch it and your free of the seal. I don't want you to think my offer to join me is slavery so I'm giving you your freedom and your choice. As long as you don't put the amulet on your not an Uzumaki and won't be in the reset. It's your choice if you decide to join my family. Only you can put it on and only you can take it off. As long as you are wearing it when one of us die then you will be pulled back to yesterday as an Uzumaki. This is my way of giving those who join me a test of what it would be like. I won't trap someone in this life if I can help it. Have a good life Anko and I hope you find happiness. I'll eventually kill Orochimaru so maybe that knowledge will bring you some peace." as he turned and started to walk away.

Anko looked at Naruto and said "Wait."

Naruto stopped and looked back at Anko who said "You wanted training...what kind are you wanting."

Naruto said "For right now I need more advance chakra control excercises then the leaf floating excercise. I also need elemental manipulation training for all 5 of the main elements. Not jutsu training. My clan can't do regular jutsu at first because we have to absorb the Yin half of the chakra from the elements themselves since we are unable to create Yin chakra. Once we have absorbed enough Yin chakra however we can create one of these." as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a diamond.

Naruto said "This is a chakra crystal. It naturally absorbs a specific type of element. By sealing this into our bodies we are able to absorb the energy this crystal would gather for us and use in jutsu. It's why my clan were known to be masters of shape manipulation because we really don't have to worry about manipulating our chakra to a single element. This is the secret behind many of the Uzumaki and Senju clans techniques including the Mokuton ability. Once I get my earth and water yin chakra high enough I'll be able to mix them together to create wood and other elements. I want to work on elemental manipulation training because it will allow me to more easily gain control of the elements I add to my jutsu...like this. Grasp of the dead."

Suddenly 2 dozen hands shot out of the ground and began to swing around for several seconds before they crumbled apart back into dirt.

Naruto said "That was me using some of my captured earth chakra and simple shape manipulation to create earth hands that would grab a person or peoples feet and legs and hold them in place for either me or one of my attacks to hurt them. I have more powerful versions of that attack that does secondary damage also but I am waiting on those...but you know the funny thing was...that attack just now was all chakra crystals and not one ounce of my chakra was used in it. Right now it takes about 30 seconds to recharge before I can use that attack. When I get larger crystals I am hoping to get it down to either less then 10 seconds or even instantly. Imagine what that would be like. Using an area attack constantly over and over again with a simple command."

Anko said "Grasp of the dead. Couldn't you think of an easier name."

Naruto said "Da spirits teach dat to me. I don't need to say the name though, just think the attack while mentally focusing where I want it and boom. Remeber your history. 20,000 enemy ninja attacked the island of Whirlpool that only had 1,500 people living on it. Many of them just civilians. Of that 20,000, only less then 500 returned to thier village alive while some people of Whirlpool escaped and scattered to different parts of the elemental nations. Now you have a glimps into how my clan kicked so much ass during that battle."

Anko blinked and blinked again and gave a low whistle and said "If your story is true then my sensei's days just might be numbered." before she looked at the amulet on the ground and she said "If I decide to join your clan will I have to gather chakra like you are with those crystals."

Naruto said "Only if you decide to become one of the mothers of my children. If you put that amulet on you will heal slightly faster and lived probably another 10 years before you die of old age. If you become a blood member of the Uzumaki clan like my childrens mothers will, then...well everytime I reset my remaining Yang chakra, including vitality, will be sent back to merge with my younger self which means I'll live longer and longer until I'll basically become immortal. It's how eventually the Shinigami will most likely take my soul. If I die of old age then I won't have any Yang chakra to reset with. The more I reset the longer I will live before my soul is taken."

Anko's eyes widen before she lowered her eyes and said "So your either going to have to live a long life where you watch everyone you know grow old and die or you get your soul eaten by the Shinigami."

Naruto said "All because dad wanted to keep the furball for Konoha. Mom was willing to destroy him but dad wouldn't let her...Luckily for me he's not here to stop me from destroying the furball."

Anko's gasped and looked at Naruto in shock and said "What do you mean by that gaki."

Naruto said "I'm part Yamanaka remember. The spirits told me how to destroy the foxes mind and then convert his chakra into new forms. Just like the treasure goblins. I created a few clones who are linked to the clones made of fox chakra inside of me. These clones each have a special task I gave them like one is a librarian whose job is to go out and collect books and scrolls from different places around the world and I will eventually have the worlds largest library collection in a home I am having one of the clones create."

Anko blinked and looked at Naruto and said "So the fox is no more."

Naruto said "The fox that attacked Konoha is no more. I still got one fox but it's actually a clone in the shape of the fox. I plan to use it to scare my enemies. Imagine one day another Bijuu was used to attack Konoha. Suddenly a Kyuubi appears and begins fighting the Bijuu outside the village and then suddenly a few moments later a second Kyuubi appears to help the first. Basically I made a summon out of the Kyuubi."

Anko shook her head and said "Your definately crazy gaki but I like crazy..." as she looked at the amulet again.

Sighing to herself she walked over and picked up the amulet and gasped as she fell to her knees as energy from the amulet rushed through her body and she closed her eyes and gave a moan before she looked at Naruto who had an amused look on his face and he said "Did I forget to meantion that because of how powerful my vitality is that it would be like having an orgasm. I figure feeling pleasure from having the seal removed would be better then the pain you would have felt if anyone else removed it."

Just then a clone of Orochimaru appeared in front of Anko and hands shot out of the ground grabbing the clone and then suddenly the clone disappeared and a ghost like form of Orochimaru was seen floating into the air screaming in agony.

Naruto said "Well there was a piece of the bastards soul. I hope that the Shinigaimi enjoys his snack cause he's not getting this soul ever if I can help it."

Standing up slowly on shaky legs Anko looked at Naruto and said "Damn gaki...that...that was the best orgasm I've ever had..."

Naruto said "The women who decide to become my childrens mothers will have an even more powerful one because you only got what little was stored in that amulet. They will be flooded with mine. I'll double thier vitality and then every time we make love I'll top them off...I want them in my life and I want them to have bodies that will be able to enjoy life."

Anko blinked and said "So basically your saying fucking you is like drinking from the fountain of youth...damn I really did orgasm from that."

Naruto said "If one of us is killed and the reset happen you will experience it again if your wearing that necklace but you will have to kill your sensei clone that appears. I'm telling you this because I have no idea where you were yesterday when the reset starts...now I got to get to the Hokage tower for team placements." as he turned and started to walk away.

Anko watched him walk away and then began to chase after him and when she caught up to him she said "I've been thinking about everything gaki...I got a question for you." as they walked toward the village.

Naruto said "I'll answer if I can."

Anko looked toward the village and said "If...If I decide to join your clan as an adoption does that mean I have to be alone."

Naruto looked at her and said "If you find someone you love and trust enough to be with I will give them a amulet but if they leave you or betray you I will step in as the head of our clan and take back the amulet. I will look after everyone who is in my clan to the best of my abilities. The spirit who spent the most time with me, Sally...loyalty is one of her most important qualities and I owe her more then you could ever imagine. If I could have her join my family I would do anything to have her...I could love her easiliy but she made sure that I would see her as a big sister and I will honor her wishes...that is why I will do everything I can to make her proud of me so when we see each other again she can smile at me and tell me she proud of the man I grew up to be."

Anko looked at him and said "She must be a hell of a girl."

Naruto shuddered a moment and said "Lets just say that I reset several times because of her and leave it at that. She was special but she could be scary as hell at others. She had a mastery of water...ever seen a man die from having his dick expode from water pressure...yeah, she could be...scary when she wanted to be."

Anko blinked and said "The spirits can interact with you."

Naruto said "I can hear and see them sometimes when they are here but Sally was able to pull me into the spirit realm you could say. There they were as physical as we were...there's more to it then that but I can't tell you unless you become a full time member and not just an adoption. I hate to say that but some secrets have to be held to blood family for reasons."

Anko said "I get it gaki...maybe someday but for now." as she put the amulet around her neck.

Naruto's eyes widen a moment and said "Really."

Anko said "Yeah...you said you know the leaf floating. Next is tree walking, to much chakra and you blow off, not enough you don't stick. After that is water walking where you walk on water. To much and you blow off, not enough you sink. Elemental training is similar to leaf floating. Fire you make the leaf burn, water make the leaf damp, wind you cut the leaf, lightning you make the leaf crinkle, and earth you make the leaf crumble."

Naruto smiled a small smile and said "Thanks Anko Uzumaki and welcome to the family. I hope I can make you happy and proud to be called an Uzumaki...well when I'm not joking or pulling pranks. I got to go have fun with everyone now because DA WITCH DOCTOR'S IN DE HOUSE."

Anko blinked a moment before she giggled and said "Hey gaki, you know that a witch is a woman right."

Naruto said "Yeah but VOODOO doctors are also called witch doctors."

Anko said "No gaki, you don't get it. Your a woman doctor. Obviously your a guy but if your a guy and a woman doctor then you must be an ob/gyn. Are you going to give your future wives papsmears." as she laughed and shushined away in a swirl of leaves.

Naruto blinked a moment before he giggled to himself and walked toward the Hokage tower ignoring the looks people were giving him.

At 10 minutes to noon, all the accademy students who graduated were at the Hokage, minus Naruto, were on the flat top roof of the Hokage tower and were sitting on chairs waiting there when the Sandaime walked out of the stair well along with the teachers for the 3 classes that graduated and the 4 ANBU who notified all the students to meet here. The Sandaime walked to the podium that had been set up in front of the chairs and he began to look around before looking at the 4 ANBU and asked "Did one of you inform Naruto to meet here. I don't see him."

A male voice was heard echoing across the roof top saying " Da ANBU tell me to be here at noon. Da spirits tell me to eat before showing up since dis would take some time."

The Sandaime looked around ignoring the looks everyone on the roof had as they also looked around and he said "Impressive Naruto, I can see how you were able to paint the Hokage monument in the middle of the day without getting caught until you were done. Where are you."

Suddenly a puff of smoke appeared in front of the Sandaime and a figure walked out of the smoke shocking the Sandaime and everyone else as the figure was standing in front of the Sandaime in only a pair of bear hide shorts that stopped right above the figures knee's. The figure was bald on his head and had tattoo's all over his body while wearing a wooden face mask that had the night sky with a moon on the forehead of the mask. The figure also had a ring on one finger on each hand.

The Sandaime said "Na...Naruto, is that you."

Naruto said "Da Witch Doctor is in Da house. Like my new look Jiji."

The Sandaime looked Naruto over and said "What...what did you do to yourself."

Naruto said "Da spirits not happy so I grow stronger to make spirits happy, Bad VOODOO be happening here." as he pointed toward himself.

Off to the side a female giggle was heard.

The Sandaime frowned and said "What are you talking about."

Naruto looked to his left and right and said "My family be cursed to protect dis village. 3 members of my family carry curse. My children be cursed after I die to carry da curse. I break da curse so my children not have da curse. Village safe now. Curse no more."

The Sandaime and several other adults looked at Naruto in shock and the Sandaime said in demanding tone "What did you do Naruto."

Naruto said "Bad Voodoo. Horrify."

Suddenly the Kyuubi was standing over the top of the village and in a monotone voice said "What is thy bidding master ob/gyn."

That was to much for the person who had the female giggle and now everyone on the roof was being distracted from the towering Kyuubi by the woman who was rolling on the roof top laughing her ass off.

Naruto laughed while ignoring the scared looks everyone had and the Kyuubi disappeared and Naruto looked at the Sandaime and said "Here, catch." as he tossed a toad toward the Sandaime who dodged back away from it.

Naruto laughed again and said "So want me to explain what happened to the fox." as his voice echoed across the entire village

The Sandaime was looking at Naruto in fear and said "What's going on Naruto." as his voice echoed across the village also.

Naruto said "Mito Uzumaki Senju, wife of Hashirama Senju, the Shodaime Hokage, sealed the Kyuubi into herself to protect Konoha from the Kyuubi and to use it to defend Konoha from the other villages that held a bijuu sealed into one of thier ninja to be used as a weapon. True or False and do not lie. Da lies ends here. Konoha won't survive da fallout of anymore lies about me. Da spirits are angry. Dey tell me what to do. I do it. As we speak, dozens of messages are being sent around the elemental nations. Expect messages back soon from other villages. Big meeting coming. Uzumaki clan uniting again. Stronger den before. Konoha once allies of Whirlpool. Maybe not in future if da lies continue."

The Sandaime frowned as he thought over what he just heard and said "What spirits."

Naruto said "Shinigami seal makes it where I can speak to spirits. Now answer da question man."

The Sandaime pursed his lips as he heard this and said "True. Mito did seal the Kyuubi in herself and kept it until shortly before she died."

Naruto nods his head and said "Kushina Uzumaki Namikaze, wife of Minato Namikaze, de Yondaime Hokage, also held da Kyuubi until de day I was born when she was attacked by masked ninja who released da Kyuubi on Konoha and controlled it with a Sharingan eye, possibly a transplant stolen from dead Uchiha."

The Sandaime sighed and said "Also true. Your mother held the Kyuubi until the day you were born when an unknown man with a Sharingan eye attacked killing my wife who helped deliver you before releasing the Kyuubi. To this day we still don't know who the masked man was which is why I've kept all info about him quite in hopes of learning more about him." ignoring the shocked looks everyone was giving him.

Naruto said "Not known to you but Minato Namikaze was son of Nawaki Senju. Old enough to kill, old enough to gamble, drink, and have sex. Mito caught Nawaki and girl having sex. Shortly after, Nawaki was killed. Girl pregnant, Mito helped her until girl died giving birth to Minato. Mito named him Minato after common male name from Whirlpool, birthplace of Uzumaki clan. She also gave him de name Namikaze which was Mito's mother's maiden name to protect him."

The Sandaime and many others were shocked hearing this and the Sandaime asked "How could you know that."

Naruto said "Da spirits told me. Remember dad summoned Shinigami to seal Kyuubi into me. Seal created and bound Kyuubi be Shinigami's seal. Seal have side effect. It allows me to see da spirits. Remember when young I told you I was afraid of ghost I saw. You told me dey not real. Turns out I saw spirits who begged Shinigami to seal my seeing ability until I was older since they were scaring me. Now I adult da ability return. Dat how I saw Sally. Sally is with Shinigami now. Da spirits tell me many dings like how you have Kakashi spy on me to learn more about Sally should she return. One of da spirits said you still fling shit everywhere monkey boy."

The Sandaime eyes widen as he heard this and he took a step back and said "Mito...You spoke to the ghost of Mito Senju. That's how you learned about your grandfather being Nawaki Senju."

Naruto laughed and said "Maybe. Hahaha. I tell you dis so you know what happened to da Kyuubi. Nawaki's mom a Yamanaka. Yamanaka's attack da minds. I attacked da Kyuubi's mind. Destroyed memories using da knowledge da spirits teach me. Used Kagebunshin to replace da Kyuubi's mind. People of Konoha dink I Kyuubi, fear me because dad sealed da Kyuubi in me da day I was born to save Konoha. I make myself the Kyuubi to make da people of Konoha happy. Konoha got dier wish. Horrify."

Suddenly the Kyuubi appeared above Konoha again and Naruto said "Lower your head Kyuubi. I want to sit on your head."

The Kyuubi lowered his head and Naruto jumped on top of the Kyuubi's head and said "OK Jiji. It noon and I here. Sort teams so I can get a head."

The Sandaime frowned and said "You want to have sex." causing Anko to burst out laughing again.

Naruto laughed harder and said "Maybe if it's with sexy lady over dere who has black panties but I'm talking about a real head like this." as he pulled out a bear skull out of his pants pocket and Naruto said "Dis be the head I be needing. I be Konoha's Witch Doctor, malpractice makes perfect. I be da voice of da spirits. Oh, da spirits have message for Sasuke Uchiha. Important message, life changing message."

Sasuke Uchiha like most were looking shocked by all they have seen and heard in the last few minutes and Sasuke said "What are you talking about dobe." as his voice echoed over the village like Naruto and the Sandaime's.

Naruto said "Uchiha clan has rules about da head of Uchiha must be de strongest and purest of Uchiha blood. Forbidden Uchiha clan head to have daughter. Daughters killed so dey can't give Uchiha strength to oders. Your parents make deal with my dad, Yondaime Hokage. Hide daughter of Uchiha clan head. Dere be female Uchiha alive."

At this many eyes widen in shock and Sasuke said "There's a female Uchiha alive."

Naruto nods his head and said "Big deal made to protect daughter of Uchiha. My dad, Yondaime, agreed to make your dad, new elder advisor after first of year if Kyuubi attack never happen. Daugher be betrothed to me and our child would have had Kyuubi sealed into him or her giving Uchiha clan partial control of Kyuubi in exchange for not killing daughter when dey learn about her uniting Uchiha clan and Hokage family. Kyuubi attack screw all dose plans up but daughter already placed in hiding and lives. She be here."

Sasuke asked "Where...where is she, who is she."

Naruto smirked and said "Genjutsu seal placed on her head. Same seal Tsunade uses to hide her looks. Need blood of Uchiha and blood of Uzumaki to break seal since my mother be female Uchiha's godmother while your mother be my godmother. Help unite families."

Sasuke looked at Naruto and said "Where is she."

Naruto looked at Sasuke and said "She be you. You be girl. Seal on your head where I often joke dat your head looks like chicken ass. Dat be seal circle. You can't activate your Sharingan or have children as long as seal on you. Dis done to protect you from being killed for being born girl."

At this there were many shouts of denial at what they just heard and the Kyuubi roared scaring everyone into silence and the Sandaime said "Are you sure Naruto that Sasuke is actually a girl."

Naruto pulled out a kunai from his pocket and cut his hand and said "Take my blood, mix with hers, den place on da spiral on da back of her head and rub it in. Den have her flair her chakra for genjutsu release. Spirits tell me seal will shatter and reveal her real looks. I be only repeating what da spirits tell me. I already dink of her as a bastard, now I learn she's a bitch. A bitch our parents wanted me to get freaky with...Sorry, spirits tell me she's not bitch. She's just sexually frustrated and needs to get her rocks off. Spirits suggest that I show her why stamina better then strength...I don't care if she has to restore her clan and I have to restore 2 clans myself...What...Your telling me dat Sasuke and Sakura are my teammates and our teacher is a porn addict who fails every Gennin team he is given because it messes with his porn time and we should have a threesome in front of him if we want to pass our real Gennin test...kagebunshins can be used for what...kinky."

Sasuke and Sakura both went red in the face as nearly every eye looked at them and Naruto and Naruto laughed and said "Dat be a good one spirits. Hey Jiji, da spirits said dat I should make a deal with you. Da spirits said dat I should request a new sensei for my team. Dey suggest Anko be our sensei. Sasuke needs someone to help her understand her body since she's lived as a boy all dese years. Sakura's been claiming she's in love with Sasuke all dese years just found out the boy she loved is a girl. If she really loves Sasuke den her gender won't really matter. Either way, Sakura needs a strong female whose not afraid to put up and make Sakura shut up in order to make her a real ninja and not a fangirl. Da spirits are teaching me since no one else knows what I am learning so Kakashi could teach us dings but dey wouldn't be de dings we need. Kakashi won't be reminded of his dead teammates and Konoha has a Jounin who can go on any missions without restrictions. What do you say. Da spirits are willing if de bodies are able."

The Sandaime who had for the last several minutes observed everything looked at Naruto and then at the rest of the gennins and put his fingers to the bridge of his nose and said "I am almost willing to bet that I know which spirits are talking to you and I fear for my sanity and the sanity of the people of Konoha if I am right...If I agree you promise not to destroy Konoha Naruto. If your being taught by who I think you are then my fears are justified."

Naruto said "No problem man, de spirits want to make me strong because women love strong men. de spirits don't have much to do besides watch the living. De want excitement by having me get it on with several women who will brag about my skills the spirits are going to teach me. They want to make fun of the living by showing how stupid. Ask Anko, she seen my cock earlier. She said it biggest she ever seen when I asked her if she be wanting to ride it. Maybe that why most Hyuuga angry when de see me and why Hinata faints. Perverts, all of dem. I'm sexy and I know it."

Anko glared at Naruto a moment before she burst out laughing and said "It was so big I don't think I could fit it between my legs. Gaki's packing."

Naruto looked over at Sasuke and said "So Sasuke, you ready to trade your dick for tits." causing Anko to burst out laughing again as she rolled across the ground and off the Hokage tower and Naruto screamed "Nooo."