Fifth chapter. hope you enjoy it. Warning: Mentions of rape. I don't own any of the characters.
Leonard thought he misheard what his friend said, and nearly swerved but was able to stop himself. Telling himself it was a misunderstanding and wanted to clarify. "What did you say?" He said trying to should as normal as possible.
"I was raped" Sheldon repeated, with no emotion, as if he were stating a fact that he saw on the discovery channel. Leonard knew now that he didn't mishear his friend. He didn't know what he could say as a reply to this without reacting the way Sheldon told him not to react. He settled for questions.
"When?" Leonard tried his best to hold himself together.
"Last Tuesday, when I took the bus to exchange my bed sheets and everyone was too busy to take me. I wore my bus pants" Sheldon explained.
"Sheldon," Leonard breathed, trying to abide by Sheldon's requests to react in an unrealistic way. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"I wouldn't have said anything, ever, if I were able to control my own emotions and thoughts without having to succumb to the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. I can't seem to stop my mind from having flashbacks and nightmares, obviously disturbing you at night when I have them". Sheldon said nearly frustrated that he had to express himself to someone. He also knew that if he could talk to someone about it that it may help him with his symptoms.
"Do you know who it was? Did you report it?" Leonard had so many questions and he wanted to be emotional and hug his friend and make it all better, but he knew that Sheldon would regret telling him that if he expressed any kind of sympathy or pity.
"No, I did not report it and no, there were three of them, I didn't get a good look at their faces. They accosted me and took me into an ally, it was dark" Sheldon said, looking out the window, having problems discussing this and remembering the event. Leonard could hardly form words. They arrived at their building and Leonard put his car in park, before taking off his glasses, trying his best not to tear up, placing his forefinger and thumb on the bridge of his nose.
"I'm not saying this to be pitying you Sheldon, but I'm very sorry that happened to you" He tried saying this in the most professional way possible. Sheldon nodded. "I wish that your attackers can get what's coming to them". Sheldon looked again out the window avoiding Leonard.
"Yeah, well they escaped with my virginity and dignity" Sheldon continued to avoid eye contact and suppress his emotions.
"I don't remember you coming home Tuesday night, I just remember seeing you in the morning," Leonard said fixating on the steering wheel of his car.
"No, it was 11:57 pm when I finally arrived at the apartment, I took a shower and changed into my pajamas and went to bed. I threw away my bus pants and the other clothes that I wore that day because they were dirty and had blood on them. My underwear is probably still in that ally somewhere, but I don't need it anyway, I was going to throw it away if I did bring it home. No one was awake at that time." Sheldon then opened the door, ready to get out of the car and into their apartment, he was starting to feel uncomfortable talking about this. Leonard followed suit and got out of the car. They walked as they usually did to their apartment and entered. Leonard went to the fridge and took out two cold bottles of water and handed one to Sheldon who was also standing in the kitchen quietly looking at Leonard. Leonard was avoiding eye contact and staring at the counter. "Are you disgusted with me?" Sheldon asked suddenly. Leonard snapped his head up to look at his friend in the eye.
"No of course not, why would I be disgusted with you?"
"Because I was violated and penetrated by three different men in a dirty alleyway. They made me do unspeakable things to their genitals and threatened my life if I didn't comply with their demands, I could have let them execute me and it wouldn't be as disgusting, but I complied because I was scared" Leonard frowned, Sheldon thought that he had a choice in the matter.
"No Sheldon, that doesn't make you disgusting"
"But the act of allowing those men to-"
"No! Sheldon, they attacked you, threatened to kill you if you didn't do what they said and then forced you into submission! The only people that I'm disgusted with are those three men, not you, never you!" Leonard was angry, that someone would hurt his friend. His innocent friend. Sheldon remained silent, recognizing anger in Leonard's tone. "You didn't have a choice" Leonard lowered his voice.
"But I did, I could have let them kill me instead" Sheldon argued.
"You could have let them kill you and who knows what they could have done with your body, Sheldon" Leonard said trying not to yell at his friend.
"But I would be dead, I wouldn't know or care"
"Sheldon! Do you hear yourself? Do you wish you were dead?" Leonard was enraged.
"Yes" Sheldon simply said, Leonard was not expecting that answer. "I wouldn't be in pain right now, or going through the humiliation of revealing this to my best friend. I wouldn't be having nightmares, and flashbacks, I wouldn't be having any of the symptoms that resulted from this incident" now Sheldon was showing some emotion, his eyes became watery. "If I were dead, none of this would be taking place right now" He stared at Leonard, who looked back into his eyes. "I hurt, Leonard" Leonard didn't know what to say.
"I know, buddy" He said trying to not cry.