Chapter7

(Peeta's POV)

What's wrong with this girl all I wanted to do was talk to her, and clear the air. She's so irritating though throwing everything I already know and hate about myself right back in my face. All I want to do is scream at her to make her understand. Before I can respond in any way the light goes on and I'm temporarily blinded. When my eyes finally adjust I go back to glaring, but now I'm staring into stormy grey eyes. Stormy grey eyes I've woken up across from, I've stared into, and I've loved since I was five. I blink and try and refocus my eyes 'no that's not right,' I saw those eyes close when Katniss was murdered. I don't know how, but I end up on the ground staring up at this girl that continues to glare at me the same glare I got whenever I teased or annoyed Katniss. Haymitch is in front of me "Not here boy," what does he mean not here? I zone out the rest of his words. This is a bad dream it has to be. 'You'll wake up any minute' I try and tell myself, but the way Haymitch's eyes are beginning to turn red, and he avoids my gaze confirms everything. I

We're out in the hall I'm mess "No…no!" I scream into Haymitch's shoulder as we pass nurses. I try and push back against him, but he rushes me into the empty room we used last time. I fall to the floor my hand pulling at my hair to wake myself up from whatever nightmare this is. "Haymitch, tell me…please tell me that's not her…tell me I didn't leave her there…Tell me Haymitch!" I scream at him as tears come like rain down my cheeks. I lock eye with him. He turns away and stands with his back to me and nods his head I can see his shoulder beginning to shake "They've been torturing her this entire time," gasp out. I feel like my lungs are collapsing in on themselves. "And we…we just let it happen," I feel like a toddler sitting cross-legged on the floor the "We abandoned her, and now she doesn't know any of us," I focus my eyes back on Haymitch "She doesn't know me" he turns around looking up towards the ceiling avoiding my gaze but his I see the tears. He can not hide them from me "She doesn't even know who she is," I put my elbows on my knees and let the sobs roll over me until there is nothing left. I lean against the wall feeling completely numb. Haymitch sits beside me. "This is what Coin told you last week?" he nods. I want to scream and demand to know why I wasn't informed. But it's obvious why no one told me or anyone else. She may be here but that isn't Katniss.

"Her execution was in another one of the files along with the record of how they revived her," he rubs his eyes "We've been running tests to see if it's really her, and results have been…good. She just forgets everything afterword," He's shaking his head next to me "She knows all about the games up to the 74th, she knows about the districts rebelling, she even knows about the escape plan from the quarter quell she just doesn't know she had any part in any of it. Peeta she thinks she's 16 years old that's all she knows about herself. She doesn't remember 12, or her family, Gale, or us..." he pauses an I glance to my left to watch my mentors expression "How can we tell Prim, and her mother when she won't even remember them?" his voice gets choked up "She's unrecognizable after what they did to her. When she got here from the Capital her mom was one of the doctors working on her, and even talked to her. She didn't even recognize her own daughter. I even sat down and talked to her… looked her right in her eyes, and…." He breaths out deeply.

"How do you think I feel? She freakin attacked me, screamed at me, and I thought she was just some damaged Capital prisoner…. " we sit in silence again. I try to let the information run through me but it just doesn't feel real. "We have to tell them Haymitch its only right. And if we got them involved then it would be easier to rekindle memories," I get up now I have a purpose "We have to tell her,"

"That's what Coin wanted to do to, but she has to remember it on her own Peeta. We can't force the past on her. It would break her before she had a chance to remember," He stands "We'll tell her family, and have them try to help, but let her stay Jane Doe until she remembers who she is on her own," I nod even though it will be hard I have to remind myself it will be better for Katniss this way.

That night I'm a tossing turning mess every time I close my eyes I imagine the horrible things they must have done to her. The pictures from the file keep popping in. I think of the bruises that are fading from her skin. The cuts and gashes that we're all over her shaved head. Her fractured ankle and a broken wrist. The entire time she was there she knew no one was coming for her, even if she didn't have any memory of us she still knew she was alone. 'This is your fault. You let her out of sight in the arena. You didn't push hard enough for a rescue mission. You could have taken the Capital sooner instead of having Coin flaunt the Districts happiness with Finnick and Annie's wedding.' "Stupid…stupid… stupid," Snow must feel so smug right now. He's either laughing at how Katniss is right under my nose and I have no clue, or that I know and I can't bring her back to me.

Then the worst part comes. This evening when she was screaming at me. Blaming me for everything and she was right. I am the reason she was there and she knows it. She may not know why but eventually she'll find out and resent me for leaving her. Recent me for letting her go so quickly without questioning if she was actually gone. I let her go and now look at her.

I roll out of my bed after a fun night of absolutely no sleep. I go straight to command Haymitch asked to use the room to have a meeting. Finnick, Joanna, Gale, Prim, and her mom are all waiting when I get there. "Peeta whats going on," Prim walks up to me and takes my hand "You look like you're going to be sick do you feel alright?" just then Haymitch walks in looking as sick as I must look. This isn't going to be easy for him. It won't be easy for any of us.

"Everyone please take a seat," he stands at the head of the table looking down at the file in front of him. "You all heard of or met the…Jane Doe," I watch as they all nod. They're about to have their world blown apart.

"Yeah, that bitch attacked Peeta," Joanna snorts out a laugh, and I shoot her a look that warns her to shut up.

"After going over the files we found more information about her…" he doesn't want to keep going.

"Haymitch what is it?" Prim asks Haymitch in such a tender voice, he looks straight at her not hiding his puffy eye. Prim sits at the end of her seat looking concerned. She has grown attached to Haymitch throughout our time here. She's been helping him with withdrawal and I've seen her sneak sleeping pills into his hands. They probably don't stop his nightmares but it makes help him get at least a few hours of sleep. I can't believe how old she is how much she has grown and how much she has helped all of us. She's grown into the person who has so much strength just like her sister.

"It's Katniss," he chokes out, barely audible but he says it right to Prim whos face morphs into confusion. After another lingered look at Haymitch, she spins and locks eyes with me. And I see the realization dawn on her before anyone has a chance to understand.

"What about Katniss?" Gale demands

"The Jane Doe... she is Katniss,"

"We all watched her die how could she be Katniss?" Gale looks to me to be the voice of reason"Do you believe this?" he looks outraged like someone has just punched him in the face or taken away everything that's ever made sense. Once again, just like when 'Katniss died' Gale and I are on the same page. Confusion, doubt, almost a sense of betrayal is bubbling in my stomach and I can tell he feels the same way.

"He figured it out," Haymitch interjects before I can say anything. Gale blanches at me. Then sinks back into his seat, staring down at the table. Joanna uncharacteristically places a hand on Gales' arm and squeezes it. Gale locks eyes with her, and even though I can still see the tension in his clenched jaw I know he won't fight to deny this information.

"Haymitch," Finnick interjects, and then stops sinking into deep though. Then looks at me "How did you figure it out? Shouldn't I have realized who she was when we were in the capital?" he says frustrated with himself for looking over this fact. His seafoam green eyes focus in as if he's trying to recreate that night in his head. Looking for signs or indications that he had failed to identify Katniss.

"You weren't looking for her, none of us were," says Ms. Everdeen putting a hand on Finnicks shoulder. "I treated her right when she came here, and I didn't realize it either," she begins to get choked up "She woke up screaming from a nightmare and I didn't even recognize the screams I heard hundreds of times after she came back from the games," tears fall freely down her cheeks but she refuses to wipe them. I feel the need to comfort her, but I can't bring myself to get up. Everyone falls silent listening to Ms. Everdeen cry. My mind wonders to the day we rescued her and how I carried her up from her prison. I held her, stared into her face, and didn't even recognize her.

"She doesn't remember anything or any of us?" Prim asks surprisingly calm and collected pulling me out of the memory.

"The doctors have been trying to get her memory back by showing her videos, but it hasn't been successful. "

"And what do you mean by successful Haymitch?" Prim asks leaning forward in her chair again.

"The doctors have gotten her to remember the districts, and the Games. She remembers the rescue mission, and the rebellion but doesn't know she played a role in any of it it's like she watched it on TV while it was all happening…. She knows the victors," he looks at me "and she knows who Katniss Everdeen is, but she doesn't know that she is Katniss Everdeen." he pauses and bites the inside of his mouth "She blames 'Katniss and Peeta' for everything. She hates them both. And we have good reason to suspect she hates you two aswell" he points between Gale and Prim who eyes widen in horror. This is new news to me. I straighten up in my seat a little. I can understand why Snow would turn me into an enemy but why Prim and Gale.

"Why don't you just tell her who she is then?" Joanna says exasperatedly.

"Because even though she doesn't know who she is she still is as stubborn and defensive as ever," I finally speak up. "She needs to remember for herself we can't force it on her,"

"And why the fuck not?" Joannah sneers "Stop babying her and tell her the truth and let her work through it now. Why delay it. You all want the fucking Mockingjay back so sort her out and put her in a propo and then-" But I cut her off before she can continue her rant.

"No!" I stand up and look down at Joannah who returns my glare "You want to force the fact on her that she participated in the killing of 22 children and then another 18 adults? Cause even though she didn't kill all of them you all know that if you left the arena all their blood is on your hands? You want to throw the fact that twelve was bombed in her face too? Because Technically that her and my fault too cause we survived and I escaped because of her. Then on top of all that you want to inform her that a fucking war is being fought in her name...Don't fucking look at me like that you know that this all happened because of her. You know districts are in ruins and hundreds of thousands have died for her. And if you force that on her she'll break before we can even get her memory back. Because she will not know anything besides the death and destruction because she doesn't remember living it!" my chest is heaving and my eyes are stinging but I don't take my gaze of Joannah " She won't know that there was more to all of that. She already blamed herself for everything before the Quarter Quell and if you force everything on her now she'll be lost in the guilt" I finish quietly. Joannah doesn't say anything by her eyes soften and she nods at me in understanding.

"The boys right…" Haymitch says after a moment "We can continue treating her with the tapes to see if that helps to bring anything back... but the only issues is that the doctors showed her 2 tapes this morning and….her reaction was very violent," Haymitch says.

"What were the videos?" Prim asks. Haymitch looks somberly at her

"The first one was of Gale. It was one of the propos we shot in 8. And the second one was of you Prim from right before the victory tour,"

"How violently?" Gale ask

"Screaming..." he looks at Prim and doesn't continue. It's obvious he's trying to protect her as much as possible from this. How can you protect her from this though? Snow hijacked her sister into thinking Prim, Gale, and I are her enemy and were the cause of all her pain. Granted we were, but we had no control over that. He turned the 3 people who loved her most in this world against her and made her believe that she had absolutely no one. "We believe…" Haymitch continues but I know what he's going to say. I know all the theorys and facts. The capital kept her alive as punishment and brain washed her so that when we finally got to the capital and brought her back here she would take out the three of us. Killing 3 birds with one stone. And then when or if she got her memory back she would break all over again when she learned about what she did if Coin didn't execute her first. I feel the bile rise in the back of my throat at the thought.

"Then we'll help her through it," Prim says matter a factly. "You showed her the same tap over and over won't help anything. They're probably the same or similar ones that Snow was using the hijack her. If anything that'll make it worse. We have to start from scratch with real people. We have to go and sit with her. Let her scream and get mad and then once she's exhausted herself we talk to her" Prim pauses thinking "We cant talk about anything relevant we just have to make her feel... comfortable. Or at least as comfortable as we can. We have to get her to trust one of the three of us first" Gale makes to speak but Prim cuts him off "You and I cant Gale, I think it should be Peeta," She looks at me with her wide blue eyes "You have always been the only one to calm her down. Whether it was nightmares or an argument, if anyone can do it it's you," I nod at Prim. I don't know how to respond to her mature approach to this whole thing. Surprisingly Gale is the next to speak directly to me.

"Prim's right, you're the only one that can calm her and ...remind her who she was before the games" he glances at Haymitch almost like a child trying not to be caught in the act then I meet his eye and he looks up directly up at the ceiling and then back at me. I shake my head barely a fraction and he does the eye motion again. 'remind her who she was before the games' and I think I know what he means. My gaze switches to Haymitch who is eyeing the back of Gales' head with suspicion.

"When can I start? the sooner the better" I'm itching to get to the hospital.

"Let Finnick and I go talk to her. She already trust us so let us try and cushion the blow before you go barging in theirs. Give us an hour and then you can go up there," I let out a disappointed and heavy breath but I don't argue. Haymitch makes a good point, so I'll give him an hour. Everyone starts to rise Finnick and Haymitch head straight for the door, and even though I want to follow them and sit outside Katniss' room I don't. Instead, I make my way over to Ms. Everdeen who Gales' arm is draped over. I come to stand next to prim and pull her into a hug. Now feel her shaking with grief. of course, she'd have the strength to wait to truly grieve over the gravity of the situation.

"What did they do to here Peeta?" She pulls away to look up at me begging for an answer with her eyes "How can someone have stripped her of her memory and beaten her to the point that none of us can recognize her." Her body is trembling harder now "I haven't seen her. I don't know if I want to see her. How bad is it? How can it be so bad that my mom, Haymitch, Finnick, Jo, and you couldn't tell that she was..was...Katniss" She hides her face back in my chests and sobs harder than I have ever seen her cry. Even when we though Katniss died Prim cried but she voice that even though she hated the fact that she lost a sister she was relieved she wasn't being tortured anymore. Now the nightmarish thoughts that haunted me last night will haunt Prim the moment she sees Katniss' bruised, bashed, and scared face.

I don't answer Prim's questions I continue to let her sob until there is nothing left. Soon enough she will know what Katniss has been through, so I will let her remain in the dark as long as I can. Gale and I walk Ms. Everdeen and Prim to their quarters. I promise Prim that I will update her on my visit to Katniss later in the evening and only once I've promised it three times does she let me leave. Gale stands with me a silent second before he asks

"Do you mind... I mean if you tell Prim... could you-"

"I'll tell you everything I tell her Gale, I swear" Gale only nods and then heads in the opposite direction towards his family's quarters. Once he has disappeared around the corner I break into a jog and head straight for the hospital. I don't meet any delay on my way so when I reach the doors to the hospital I head straigh in swerving between the doctors and nurses and head for Katniss room, but before I open the door I hear singing from inside. My hand freezes on the handel and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up

Are you are you coming to the tree

They strung up a man they say who murdered three

Strange things did happen here no stranger would it be

If we met at midnight in the hanging tree.

This is the first time I've heard her sing since we were five. It's not the same voice as when she sang to Rue in our first games. The voice is more rough and quiet but now that I know she's Katniss I can hear her old voice behind this new scratchy one. Selfishly though, I knock and the singing stops. Deep down I hate myself for stopping it but I can't handle those words coming out of her mouth when there is so much sadness behind them.

"Who is it?" Her voice is skeptical. I open the door and peek my head in. and she rolls he eyes at me.

"I'm sorry I know you don't want to see me, but can I just talk to you for one minute," she looks me up and down with a scowl and shrugs. "My…best friend's dad used to sing that song," I comment. Her eyes soften a little. " I know you hate me, but"

"I don't hate you." She says flatly

"What?" I look at her a bit baffled I expected to be screamed at or have a pillow thrown at me again.

"I don't hate you. I just don't trust you," I nod my head.

"Understandable," I run my hand through my hair "Maybe you can see me as an ally right now,"

"Ally?." She test the word on her tongue and then nods. I look at her and take in her face is still bruised and there are too many scars to count, but the swelling has gone down her hair has started to grow in but not enough to covers the scars. Especially the long pink one the runs from the top of her head down to behind her ear. "Haymitch and Finnick said you would come" she huffs out almost disappointed that they weren't lying to her "What do you need," I can tell she's trying to keep the venom out of her tone but it's still there.

"Oh, I don't need anything I just wanted to umm tell you some information we found out," She looks at me expectedly and I start to think fast. "Thirteen has some high tec technology, and they were able to figure out your age, you aren't 16 your 18." Her eyes widen. "Sorry that must make you really confused, you must feel like you've just lost 2 years of your life,"

"I'm no longer surprised by what the capital has taken from me," she says in an angry grumble. She looks up at the ceiling her eyes are glistening but I can see her refusing to let tears fall. My heart wrenches all I want is to reach out and touch her hold her so she feels comfortable but that won't help. The memory of Gale during the meeting comes floating back into my memory.

"You want to get out of here?" She raises her head and squints at me.

"And go where? I'm pretty sure after what I did to you in the dining hall they wont let me back in, and from what I've deduced from the 'cheerful' doctors I'm sure there is nothing else to do around this place except work, and do chores,"

"That is true, but I think I can find somewhere. If you trust me I can take you to my favorite part of this hell hole," I watch her contemplate this for a second.

"I thought I already made it clear I don't trust you," she snapped back at me. I can help the mischievous smile the plays across my face. I know how to deal with stubborn Katniss.

"Fine, Then I'll just sit with you in here the afternoon if you prefer that," She glares at me and I refuse to break the eye contact. She starts to bite her lip and I know my threat of confining her to this room with me is pulling at her resolve.

"Fine, but they'll never let you take me out of here," she says exasperatedly

"I don't know I can be very persuasive," I wink and stand to go talk to a nurse.