Chapter 9
(Katniss POV)
After a few minutes, Peeta's back wheeling in a wheelchair. I'm perched on the edge of the bed reluctantly ready to go.
"Ok small set back," he says as he draws the blinds around my room.
"Told you they won't let you take me out of here," I make to lay back down.
"Woah woah woah, who said you weren't leaving, we just go to leave really really fast," he smiles mischievously at me. He has such a cocky demeanor about him as he struts towards me. I want to be annoyed but another part of me wants to laugh. He seems different from the last time he was in here with me.
Before I know it he's lifted me into the wheelchair and handing me his hooded sweatshirt "Put this on," He peeks out the door, and must believe the coast is clear, because swivels the chair around he slowly pulls me out the door like it's the most normal thing in the world to sneak people out of hospitals. We've almost reached the exit when we hear.
"MR. MALARK WHERE ARE YOU GOING!" and that's when Peeta starts running. I grip the handles of the wheelchair and pray for it not to flip over. The wind is whipping my face and it feels wonderful. Peeta's heavy breathing is in my ear and I can hear his laughs as people shout after us. I can't help the smile that comes so naturally, I even let out a few giggles. The elevator comes into view.
"We're almost there we just need to make it to the elevator," Peeta pants in my ear. We reach it and he pushes the button tapping his toe. I look over my shoulder. I can hear the running footsteps, but no one has appeared yet, but they'll be here any minute. The ding of the elevator comes with the doctor and guards running around the corner we just came from.
"Malark Stop!" one of the doctors yells," He swings me around and pulls me into the elevator so I am facing the oncoming stampede of doctors and guards. As the doors begin to slide shut I know none of them will make it in time to stop the elevator. I feel very brazen at the moment and lift my cast free arm and wave openly laughing at their dumbstruck faces. When there is only a half of feeling of space left between the closing doors Peeta yells.
"I'm really sorry Haymitch told me to do it," the doors close and we burst out laughing.
"You're going to get us in so much trouble," I laugh.
"Do you really care?" he asks.
"No,"
"Me either," We're gonna have to run again are you ready?" I nod. I watch the number of floors decreasing the higher up the elevator climbs. " Okay 1," he gets in his stance behind me "2" he breathes in my ear I can feel my adrenaline pumping and I grip the armrest of the chair once more "3" he yells and the doors open and we're running through people walking in the other direction. "excuse me please, we're on important business. If you have a problem talk to Haymitch," Peeta yells to people to get them out of the way. I mouth 'sorry' to people through laughter as we pass. Peeta turns a corner so fast that the left wheel of the chair comes off the ground but he holds it upright and then we're off again. after another 50 feet, we come to an abrupt stop and we are at a door. He comes in front of me and places his hand on either side of me. "Are you ready?"
"Yes," I breath. I don't know what about to happen but I feel so alive I refuse to question what I'm agreeing to.
"You trust me?"
"I don't think I have a choice," He smiles wickedly at me
"Then you better hold on," he grabs my arms and lifts me like a rag doll and swings me onto my back. "Don't let go," I nod. He opens the door and steps out. I gasp. Over the top of Peeta's shaggy blond hair, I see a field of damp green grass, and in the distance, there is a tree line. Trees that reach for the grey rainclouds that take up the whole sky. I breathe in fresh clean air. The smell of mud and spring air sends chills down my spine. Rain drips down my face as I take in the landscape around us. I can't recall ever feeling so free and exhilarated.
"Oh, my…" But before I can finish Peeta is running again straight towers the trees ahead of us. Once we are within the brush Peeta slows his pace a little but he continues to run for another 10 minutes. We finally come to a stop by a group of medium-sized boulders. Peeta lifts me off his back and sits me on one of the boulders and stands back clutching the stitch in his chest and tries to catch his me time to observe my surrounding.
The trees are so green that the color is almost too vibrant to look at. The air is so clean and fresh it feels like a cure to my lungs that have been so deprived for who knows how long. I rub my hand on the smooth wet rock under me and observe the dirt that comes off and paints itself on my pale skin. I wipe it off on my arm. observing how it hides the yellowness of fading bruises. I allow the tears to drip down my cheeks I feel no shame. I look at Peeta who no longer looks cocky and teasing. He has caught his breath and is no longer smiling or laughing at our escape mission. He looks worried, almost scared. "Thank you... Peeta, thank you," I see him visibly relax breathing out a sign or relief. After another long pause, he asks
"Do… Do you remember the last time you were outside?" I shrug. I search my memory but all I can recall is that -
"It was really hot and humid. Who knows if I was really outside. I can't be…"
"You aren't sure its okay... a lot of us aren't sure about things anymore. You're not alone in feeling that way," I take in his appearance he isn't the person they showed me in the videos he isn't some love-sick cocky capital dog that always has the right thing to say. "I never said this before but I am truly sorry for what happened to you in the capital," I can see him obviously getting upset. From the look on his face it looks like he could be physically ill "you shouldn't have been in there and that…that shouldn't have happened to you,"
"It… wasn't your fault," I say trying to convince him and myself of this. So many people continue to repeat that Peeta has nothing to do with the fact that I was being held prisoner, but it's hard to believe after having it beat into you over and over again.
"But it was…" he stops then says "It was because of me, that this rebellion was started, and it's my fault you were in the capital." I think about this statement then remember
"You won the Hunger Games," He looks disgusted by this statement.
"I shouldn't have,"
"Katniss Everdeen she won too?" he pauses and looks at me and nods. "You loved her?" he nods again. "She loved you too?" he nods again very slowly. There is a part of me that finds it hard to believe the star cross lovers bit after watching the 74th Hunger Games. "What happened to her how'd she die?" I can sense how blunt my question is and I know I've struck a nerve cause now I can see tears filling his eyes.
"Snow… killed her," Peeta walks off towards a large Oak tree. I don't know how I feel about his lost love or her death, but I know I don't like seeing him this way.
"I'm so sorry," because I don't know what to say.
"It's ok," I raise an eyebrow at him "its obviously not ok, but I don't know it feels like she is still here," His eye bore into mine, but I fidget under his stare "can we not talk about... Katniss"
"Ok," We are silence as I admire our surroundings I can't explain the overwhelming sense of comfort I feel at the moment. I close my eyes and breathe in the damp air willing it to consume me. "Why did you bring me out here?" I open my eyes and look at Peeta, and he smiles. It's not cocky though it has a boyish charm to it.
"I took you as an outdoors person… and I thought you could use a break from all those drones poking and prodding at your brain. You'll remember what you need to in time and all those doctors treating you like a lab rat won't help anything so they're gonna start. You're the only one that can bring your memories back," I hang my head and examine my hands.
"What if…What if I don't want to remember?" Peeta is silent and when I look at him his brow is furrowed. I haven't said any of this to the doctors. These are the thoughts that keep me up at night and I can't stop them from spilling out of my mouth "I mean things are starting to come back to me from my time in the capital and all I can remember is, how they said I was being punished for my action against Panem, and causing hundreds of deaths," My shoulders sag "I don't want to remember what I did if I hurt a lot of people. I don't want…." I suck in a breath and force myself to stay calm and not cry. "I don't want to be the person that deserved that kind of torture," I stare straight at Peeta my eyes burning and wait for him to respond. He doesn't say anything he just comes to sits beside me and hesitates before he puts his hand on mine.
"You are not a bad person, and no matter what you remember Snow telling you, it was all a lie. Whatever you did was not a crime against Panem it was against Snow. You probably saved thousands of lives. You have to take it from someone who has actually done horrible things. Please trust me that you are a good person," I look at him and take in his glassy blue crystal eye, and know for no reason at all that I can trust this man. I nod my head.
"Thank you," I wipe my eyes. The rain continues to drizzle down on us for another 15 minutes before I speak up again. "How did you know the song I was singing earlier?" I watch him furrow his eyebrows.
"My friend's dad used to sing it. He was a hunter in our district and he'd come into my father's bakery to trade when I was a kid and he'd always be signing"
"How do I know it them?" he takes a minute to consider my question
"Even though the districts were separated things travel, stories, songs, its probably just something he learned through word of mouth. That song could've come from anywhere" There is an undertone in his voice but I can't interpret its meaning. Another pause follows his words. The drizzle begins to turn into a steady down pore and the sweatshirt he lent me is starting to stick to my skin. Then he breaks the silence again.
"I know this is probably the last thing you want to talk about, but it is important. Do you remember anything from the videos they showed you this morning?" I think back and remember the little girl and the man. I feel anger build in me, but I breathe deeply to calm myself.
"Yes."
"Ok those people are Prim and Gale, and we believe that they were used against you like I was in your time in the capital. Snow wanted you to blame the three of us for what he was doing to you,"
"Why? Would he do that if I don't know any of you? Is there any connection between the three of you?" I ask. Peeta pauses.
"….We don't know…but I do want you to know you can trust them. Just like you can trust me, Finnick, and Haymitch. We've all grown to be allies since coming to thirteen," Though I am resilient I agree to trust him, and them.
"Why do you need me to trust them?"
"Because we think the three of us can help you unlock your memory. If we were used against you were should be able to be used to help if you are willing to let us help," I nod my head.
"What do I have to lose," We sit and let the clam damp afternoon wash over us. Our clothes are soaked and I am freezing. My figures are still intertwined with Peeta's, but I leave them there. I oddly don't mind and would give anything to stay out here like this longer, but I know our time is coming to an end. But I enjoy our last few minutes of peace. Peeta gives my hand a little squeeze then slips his figures out of mine. I try to ignore the feeling of emptiness I'm left with when we are no longer touching.
"I think our little adventure has to come to an end," he frowns at me. "I can't wait to hear the earful I'll get for this one," he laughs. I want to hug this man who risked punishment just to get me out of the hospital for an hour or so. But I don't. I just get up and take slow painful steps to a nearby tree and feel the the roughness under my touch. It feels more real than anything I have experienced in a while. Peeta watches and waits until I'm finished then pulls me on to his back and we walk through the forest I continue to scan my surrounding taking in the animals that dart between trees and the birds that fly overhead. Once we get to the tree line I glance back taking one last look. We make our way across the grassy field towards the door we exited earlier. Before we are 10 feet from the door I say.
"Peeta." He stops
"What's up?"
"Thank you…I may not remember…a lot, but I'll remember this," the corners of his lips turn up in a small smile.
"Me too," He continues towards the door. Once we are through we are greeted with Haymitch leaning against the wall looking at us like a disappointed father. As Peeta lets me slide down his back I sit in the waiting wheelchair.
"He looks angry at us," I whisper
"He's angry at me not you," Peeta says. We stop in front of him
"Have a good walk? You're lucky I talked Coin down she would've had 50 guards after you. What a stupid idea you -" Haymitch glares at Peeta continuing to rant. I feel defensive of him and snap at Haymitch.
"Yeah, we did have a good walk actually. It was nice to see a change of scenery, in I don't even know how long. And you can tell... This Coin person that. You know I only remember ever being in a cell and then being put in another cell in that freaking hospital. So if you have a problem with me going outside I don't really give a damn. So go have a drink and relax you're not as grumpy when you're drunk," I turn my head forward and lift my chin in defiance waiting for Peeta to push me forward, but he doesn't move me. I look over my shoulder, and Peeta is staring at me with his eyebrows raised. I look towards Haymitch and his mouth has gone slack and hangs open. "What?"
"You remember…. how did you know I was a drunk?" Haymitch answers. I'm taken aback by his questions. How did I know that? I push the heels of my hands against my eyes trying to think. A fuzzy image of Haymitch passed out with his head resting on a table. Then another memory of him falling off the stage at a reaping. I take my hands away from my face and look around trying to work out what I just saw.
"Everyone knows you're a dunk….I need to go back to the hospital," I say
"Are you.."
"Bring me back. Please," I whisper
"Ok," Peeta pushes me toward the elevator without saying anything. In the elevator, Peeta stays behind me but I know he is staring at me. We walk into the hospital and are greeted by the disapproving stares from the nurses. I see the blond girl from the video they showed me, and even though I initially want to hate her I can't help but recognize how innocent and pure she looks. 'Peeta said you can trust her,' I remind myself. She looks up from the clipboard in her hand and gasps. Before I can get a good look at her there is a flash of a blond braid and she's disappeared into a room. I look over my shoulder at Peeta but he's staring after the girl with a concerned look painted on his face. We get to my room and Peeta helps me back into bed. I didn't realize how tired I was until my head rests on my pillow. "How did I know Haymitch was a drunk?" Peeta watches me and then says
"Everyone knows Haymitch is a drunk you must have remembered the year I got reaped he fell off the stage. It was pretty priceless and it was caught on camera," he says without any humor in his voice.
"Yeah that sound familiar," I fidget with my blanket. I do remember Haymitch falling off the stage at the reaping but I don't remember watching it on tv. "I need to go to bed,"
"You…you mind if I sit here for a little? I'm not ready to get yelled at my Coin,"
"Sure," and then I close my eye. "Peeta, who's Coin?" When Peeta answers his tone is dripping with sarcasm
"Coin is our devoted and beloved new President... until an election can be held...Like that'll make a difference,"
"She's that bad?" I ask still with my eyes closed feeling sleep tug at my consciousness.
"Snow is worse but shes just as manipulative and power hungry," He signs.
"Sounds like a bitch to me," i state and I am rewarded with a answering laugh from Peeta.
Exhaustion consumes me faster then I anticipate, but as I start to enter the fogginess of sleep a dreamlike feeling consumes me. There are strong warm hands holding my hand and soft lips pressed against my forehead.
"Stay with me," I try to remember where I heard those words before, but I am consumed by the blissful darkness of sleep.