Holly woke up to Jax crawling into bed next to her, rolling her over to get a look at her face.
"Tig tell you what happened?"
"Are you ok?"
"I'm fine, babe. And no, I don't wanna talk about it. I'm just glad you're home."
Before he could say another word, she pulled him in for a kiss, tangling her fingers in his hair as she sat up a bit. She looked at him when he pulled away, meeting his eyes.
"Things are crumbling around us, Jackson. I know you wanna change things, and I know that change isn't gonna happen right away, but this isn't working. You and Clay have butted heads before, but never like this. And never so hard."
"This shit with Donna….I don't know how to get right with that. I know why he would go after Opie. It looked like Opie had rat. But Donna paid that price. It was a mistake that he didn't even try to right. He told lie after lie after lie. He's been watching Opie lose his mind over Donna's death. That guy we killed was a dick and deserved to die, but not like that. And not for that reason. Opie's taking Clay's side on everything and he doesn't even know that the people he's choosing are the people that killed his wife. And I'm the bad guy. I'm the asshole that's undermining Clay."
She took his hands and kissed them softly before looking up at him.
"We need a break, Jax. Just you, me and Abel. How about we go up to the cabin and ignore the world for a little while? Turn off our phones for a couple days and just be a family? A couple?"
"That would be good if I could leave town. I have to stay in town until the trial."
"Oh right. I forgot."
"But how about you go? You need a break too. You've been through as much shit as I have."
"I don't wanna leave you alone to deal with this shit. I won't."
"Babe, Stahl is back in town and I don't want her anywhere near you or you anywhere near Zobelle or Weston. So why don't you head up to see Jury? Or go to Vegas. Anywhere that isn't Charming for a while."
"No. I'm not gonna leave you or Abel behind. We can't take Abel too far away from the hospital for a while, you can't leave because of the trial. And, to be honest, Jax…..If I leave, there's no guarantee that I'll come back."
He looked at her in confusion and concern, still holding her hand.
"I won't deny that I need a break, cause I do. But I'm doing so well here. With everything going on, I feel like I'm losing myself. That fight with your mom made me realize something."
"What is it?"
"I don't know who I am without the club. I know who I am without you and I don't like that girl. The girl that'll jump into bed with the first person that calls her pretty or shows her even the tiniest fraction of the attention she craves. But the club is all I've ever known. I was raised around all of this and when something happens I know exactly what I need to do or who to go to for what thing. But this? The fighting between you and Clay, the thing with Kohn and now Zobelle? I've never been more lost in my life. And that scares me. I've never been more afraid that I'm gonna bury you than I've ever been in my life and I don't know how to handle that."
She sighed shakily and stood up, tears dripping from her eyes as she went to get her laptop, opening it up and setting it down in front of him, showing him the page she'd been on last.
"My parents used to talk about taking me to go see the countries they came from and how upset they were that they never got to go. I was hoping that I could convince you to come with me. Then it became apparent that that would never happen, but I've been dying to see Russia and Italy. And now…..I wanna go, but if I do, I'm afraid I'll never come back. And it's not because I don't love you. I've loved you since I knew that boys were who I wanted to date. But because I wanna know who I am and I wanna get away from all of this bullshit. I've never doubted my safety because of the club before and the fact that I am is something that I can't get right with."
Holly let Gemma inside, shutting the door behind her, holding onto Abel as she went over into the living room. As soon as Gemma walked into the living room, Emika started growling at her, stopping as soon as Holly snapped her fingers.
"vniz devushka"
"What the hell was that?"
"Russian. I've been brushing up on it. That and Italian. I've been trying to teach Emika and Abel both languages."
"Why?"
"For Emika, it would mean that only I could tell her what to do. And for Abel, it would mean that it would be easier for him to to get ahead in life. Some places ask people to learn or know at least two languages so that they can help people easier."
"That's stupid."
"That's life. Times are changing and we need to change with it. And Abel's not your kid. You don't get to decide shit."
She put Abel in her bouncer, watching as Emika walked over to him immediately, plopping down in front of the little boy protectively, before she looked at Gemma.
"What are you doing here, Gemma?"
"I'm doing a dinner tonight and I want you there."
"No. I think it'd be beneficial for both of us to spend some more time apart. Especially after what happened the other night. We agreed not to press charges because we didn't wanna deal with the hassle, but I'm reaching my breaking point, Gemma. You keep pressing me, I'm pressing charges against you, I'm telling the club about what happened with Zobelle and Weston and I'm gonna make sure that you never see Abel again. I don't care if Jax hates me for keeping you from my son."
"Abel is not your son."
"The law would disagree and so would Jax. And I have the papers to prove it and multiple copies so you can destroy as many as you want."
"You try and take Abel from me and I'll…."
"You'll what? You can't do shit without getting in trouble for it. You go to Jax with this and all I have to do is remind him that you broke my fucking nose. You go to Unser with this and all I have to do is show him the papers. You try to go to court with this and all I have to do is show the judge my record. I may have a couple speeding tickets, but I've paid them all. I don't steal, I've never assaulted anyone without provocation, I've never killed anyone, I don't do drugs nor have I ever done drugs, and when I drink I make sure that Abel is taken care of. My record is spotless. You, on the other hand, have a few notches on your belt. Don't start this war with me, Gemma. You will lose. Royally. And I won't bat an eye over it. So, no. I'm not going to your dinner tonight. I'm gonna stay at home, watch some TV with my son and my dog and then when Jax comes home, we're gonna fuck and then go to bed. Like a normal couple. You should go so you have time to make dinner. I'd appreciate it if you'd call before you come over in the future."
Holly walked into Chibs' hospital room with Abel's carseat draped over one arm, her purse over her shoulder, a bag of homemade food in the hand of the arm with Abel's carseat and a bag of stuff from Chibs' place. She put the food down on his little table before putting Abel down on one of the chairs in the room and then the bag and her purse on the chair next to him, not hearing Chibs wake up.
"Lass? What're you doing here?"
"You're awake. It's nice to see those beautiful eyes. How're you feeling, Chibby?"
"Like I got landed on my head after getting thrown from an exploding car."
"At least you're alive. And you remember me. That's the most important thing. You hungry? I brought you some food. Chicken and broccoli alfredo, a salad with homemade dressing, breadsticks and a big peach raspberry iced tea."
"I was wondering what smelled so good."
"It's the food. I'll sit you up so you can eat."
She kissed his cheek before sitting the bed up before going to unload the food, pushing the table over to him after loading up his plate, pouring him some tea before pulling over one of the chairs next to him, sitting down.
"I also brought you some clothes and toiletries from home. The soap and shampoos they have in hospitals suck balls and I doubt you're gonna want to wear that gown the entire time. No matter how beautiful it makes you."
She smiled when he chuckled as he ate.
"What happened to your face, lass?"
"Gemma and I got into a fight. We're fine. Just a misunderstanding."
"Was it about the rape?"
She sighed softly and nodded.
"Things are going to hell, Chibs. I still haven't been able to tell Jax and now I'm afraid to."
"Why?"
"Things are worse between him and Clay. I won't give you all the details, but Jax feels like he's alone in this. I don't know how to help him, but telling him that I was raped by the people they're trying to take down isn't gonna help."
He reached for her hand, pulling her up so he could kiss her cheek gently, whispering in her ear.
"beidh rudaí níos fearr, grá. geallaim. ní bheidh tú gortaithe go deo."
Holly smiled at him and kissed his head gently.
"How do you always know the right thing to say to make me smile, Chibs."
"Filip's always had that ability."
Both of them turned to see Fiona, Chibs' wife, standing in the doorway, watching them both with a smile. Holly smiled at her and went over to hug her tightly.
"Fiona. Chaill mé an oiread sin duit."
"I've heard a lot about you, lovey. You're even sweeter and prettier in person."
"Oh, stop. You're the only pretty one in the room."
"Oh hush, love. You're gorgeous. I'm just an old lady."
She smiled and shook her head.
"I'm gonna go and let you two have some time. The big bag is his and there's plenty of food if you're hungry. There was only one plate, though."
"You weren't gonna eat with me, lass?"
"I already ate. Sorry, Chibby."
"Thank you, Holly. It's nice to know that Filip is being taken care of."
"He's easy to be around. He's a good guy."
She smiled, kissing Chibs' cheek softly, feeling him kiss her back.
"I'll come back later, ok? I'll bring my laptop and some movies. Any requests?"
"Nothing scary. You're the only one that likes that horror shite."
"So romance movies. Got it."
She winked playfully, grabbing her stuff before leaving, hugging Fiona on the way out.
Holly smiled when she heard Jax come in, watching Abel crawl around the floor. He finally started crawling and she couldn't stop smiling.
"Pridi ko mne, mal'chik."
"Babe?"
"Jax, come here. Abel's crawling!"
She stood up and watched Abel crawl over to Jax, who smiled happily, picking up the little boy as Emika sat by Holly, happily wagging her tail.
"Are you crawling, little man?"
"He'll be walking in no time."
He smiled and kissed her, while holding Abel.
"While you're in a good mood, I want you to come somewhere with me. But you need to get dressed first."
"Tell me where we're going."
"It's a surprise. Neeta's gonna watch Abel tonight. She's right behind me."
She decided to trust him, going to put on a pair of jeans, a good shirt and tied her hair up in a nice ponytail before coming out to put on her favorite pair of boots, saying hi to Neeta before kissing Abel's head and scratching Emika's ear as she laid in front of Abel. She was glad that Emika had taken to Abel so quickly. That was her biggest worry.
"Ready to go, babe?"
"Yeah. I'm coming."
She climbed on the back of Jax's bike, holding onto him as he rode off to his mom's. When they got there, Holly sighed deeply, punching Jax's arm.
"Why the fuck did you bring me here, Jax? I already told her I wasn't coming."
"This shit between the two of you needs to be solved just as much as the shit between me and Clay. This is the start. And I want you here."
She rolled her eyes as she walked in with him, biting back so many comments. She stuck close to Jax until she saw Lyla, going over to her and giving her a small hug before going over to Opie, pulling him into the other room.
"I know you've heard this from a lot of people, Harry, but I'm gonna be another person that you hear this from. I know you're hurting over Donna. I am too. But you cannot take this out on Kenny and Ellie. What happened is not their fault anymore than it is yours. I will always be there for you and for them, but I'm godmother. Which means I get custody if something happens to you AND Donna. Not just one or the other. I will take care of them whenever you need me to but I am not their mother. And neither is Gemma or Lyla or Mary or Neeta. Take care of your fucking kids, Harry. Because if you don't, they'll either be taken from you or they'll grow to hate you. Just like you hate your mom. Is that what you want for them?"
"Would you stop calling me Harry?"
"No. Because I'm mad at you. You've been through horrible shit, but so have they. You lost your wife. They lost their mother. And speaking from experience, there is nothing worse than knowing that my parents are gonna miss so much in my life. And no matter what happens, even if I get Clay or Chibs or Piney to walk me down the aisle when I get married or if I get Gemma to give me away, it will NEVER be the same. Kenny and Ellie are gonna need you now more than ever. I love you, Harry, but I will not let you ignore those kids any longer. Now if you need someone to vent to, you can come to me. You need someone to let you crash for a night or two, my door is always open to you. But take care of your kids. Or things are gonna go to hell for you cause you'll lose them."
She walked away from him, hoping that he'd listen to her words, grabbing the beer that Bobby handed her, taking a big drink.
"You ok, sweetheart?"
"I don't wanna be here."
"Jax said he had to drag you here. Why don't you just hang out with Lyla while you're here?"
She nodded, kissing his cheek before going over to Lyla, sitting down to talk with her for a little bit before she went to talk with Opie, leaving Holly to sit by herself to watch over everyone quietly. She looked as Jax came over to sit down next to her, trying to hold her close until she pulled away from him.
"Please don't hate me."
"Oh I don't hate you, Jax. I could never hate you. But I'm not your biggest fan right now. You know why I don't wanna be here and you still made me come. Your mom and I aren't gonna get along for a while and you're just gonna have to fucking deal with it. Just like the guys are gonna have to deal with you and Clay not getting along for a while."
"Why do you hate her so much? What did she do to you?"
She looked at him for a second before putting her beer on the table next to her and turning to look at him again.
"I'd love to tell you EXACTLY why I hate your mother, but I can't. And if you wanna know anymore than that, ask her."
She looked over when Gemma called everyone to the table, grabbing her beer and getting up, going over to the table, sitting down as Clay came in, a fight breaking out almost immediately. Holly got Kenny and Ellie into the other room as Tig started talking about club shit, bringing them upstairs to play before going back downstairs as David came in. She looked at him in shock when he dropped the bomb that Luann had been beaten to death. She had been standing next to Opie, looking over at Lyla when another fight broke out. When Tig shoved Bobby again, Bobby got knocked into her, causing her to fly back, hitting her head on the cabinet behind her, letting out a gasp as she hit the floor, closing her eyes as she passed out.