Chapter 51, Saying Goodbye: 3 January 2067
Where Charles and Chaim found the twelve passenger van on short notice and on a holiday weekend, I have no clue. When they came to drive us to Slater's, all eleven, the five DiNozzos, and their spouses, as well as Uncle Tim had a way to stay together. Somehow, each of us felt that instinctual need to "circle the wagons" and stay together as a family.
As we stood or sat in the receiving line, a blur of coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances, and others passed through. We relied on each other for support when one became overwhelmed and broke down sobbing or just needed a hug. We held hands, all five of us, just to have the connection and I think the realization of why Ima and Abba had been so insistent on touching the other dawned on each of us at the same time. I felt a sense of peace and love come over us. The others felt it, too.
When the services began, we were escorted to our front row seats, and we held hands as we entered the chapel: me, Anthony, Rivka, Beth and LJ, in order. Chaim, Katie, John, Charles and Savannah sat directly behind us. Uncle Tim was at the end of the row, next to LJ.
The urn containing the ashes of our Ima and Abba was surrounded by flowers and behind the urn the picture of them in "TIVA-land" sat on a display easel. Rabbi Stein and Father Grigorio, who often led services for Slater's customers, conducted the service together. Before they began, Mary Chapin Carpenter's version of "Grow Old With Me" played softly along with the slide show. Tears ran down my face and I felt Chaim place a hand on my shoulder. I looked down the row at my brothers and sisters and every one of us had tears streaming. Uncle Tim sobbed quietly and LJ took hold of his hand. Beth took LJ's other hand, then grasped Rivka's hand, who, in turn clasped Anthony's hand, and he took mine.
As the slide show ended, a clip from "Soul Mates: A Love Like No Other" queued:
Abba and Ima are looking at each other, and the interviewer asks them for their definition of soulmates:
Abba: It's hard to put into words… it's like
Ima: his soul reached out and grabbed hold of mine
Abba: and her soul grabbed my soul, and they never let go. (ABBA RAISES THEIR INTERTWINED HANDS)
Ima: The two souls knew each other before we met…
Abba: and when we found each other those two souls…
Ima: became one. We completed the other with
Abba: pieces neither ever knew were missing
Ima: until we came together.
They leaned towards each other and touched their foreheads together.
Ima and Abba: We are of one soul that fused from two.
People who knew our family knew that clip was completely unscripted, unedited and as it was actually recorded. There wasn't a dry eye in the chapel; I heard a LOT of sniffling. Anthony squeezed my hand and leaned his head on my shoulder. I heard his breath hitch as he stifled a sob.
Rabbi Stein wiped his eyes, and stood up. "That's a tough act to follow." As he wiped his eyes again, there were some tearful grins in the family rows. "I watched that clip for the third time earlier this morning, trying to find the right words to say. Tears have poured from my eyes each time. If I, as a passing acquaintance of Tony and Ziva could be this moved, I cannot even begin to understand how their family feels. Talia, Anthony, Rivka, Elizabeth, and Leroy: my prayer for you is that your parents will live on through you and the next generations."
Father Grigorio stood next to his counterpart, "Rabbi, I too, was moved to tears as I watched the clip. Tony and Ziva had a bond that transcends this world and continues for eternity. When I looked out during the slide show and clip, the first thing I saw was the five children of Tony and Ziva hand in hand. The love of the parents is reflected in the love of the children for each other, for their own families and for their extended family.
"At this time, I welcome the family members who wish to give tribute to come forward."
Uncle Tim stood up, and walked to the podium. "How does one say good bye to a brother and a sister? I had a whole speech written out, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that Tony and Ziva loved. They loved each other. They loved their children. They loved their grandchildren. They loved their great-grandchildren. They loved their extended family. Tony is my brother and Ziva is my sister. Even though we do not share a blood connection, we have been family of the heart for so long; I can't remember when they weren't. I love you, Tony, my brother. I love you, Ziva, my sister." Uncle Tim choked back a sob. He stepped back from the podium, tears running down his face.
Levi and Anthony (IV) were next to speak, representing the grandchildren. Before they spoke they hugged Uncle Tim. As he made his way back to his seat next to LJ, each of us reached a hand out to him.
"Saba and Savta, our grandparents, showed all of us what unconditional love meant. They lived love every day. I only hope that my children will see that love reflected in their grandparents and parents." Levi couldn't go on. Through tears he said, "Saba and Savta, I love you."
Anthony put his arm around his cousin, "I had the honor of being a part of the making of the documentary of Saba and Savta's love. If I can show even a small part of the love they had in my relationship with my wife, I will feel that I have succeeded in passing on their legacy. Saba and Savta had something special. As we got more and more footage for the documentary, my Dad and I realized just how special. They truly were one. I love you, Saba and Savta." Anthony and Levi embraced, and sobbed, leaning on each other as they returned to their seats.
I looked down the line of my siblings and we stood as one, hands joined and walked forward. I had no idea if we could get through speaking or not. I knew if one broke down, we all would. We had decided to start with LJ, the youngest and proceed chronologically, meaning I spoke last.
LJ took a deep breath and turned to speak to the group. "The meaning of the name Ziva is 'radiance, brilliance, light, brightness' and the meaning of the name Anthony is 'highly praiseworthy.' When I think of my Ima and Abba, their names fit them perfectly. Ima and Abba together created light. Abba's devotion to Ima was most definitely praiseworthy. My Grandpa Gibbs had lots of rules for living, but the one that fits Ima and Abba best is 'Rule 5: you don't waste good.' What Ima and Abba had together was better than good. There are no words to describe Ima and Abba's relationship succinctly. They were soul mates, lovers, best friends, partners, each other's better half, and each other's completion. I love both of them so much.
"Ima loved her books; Abba his films. One quote that was in both a book and a movie that is so appropriate for them is from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry : 'And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.'
"See you on the flip side, Abba and Ima!"
LJ stepped back to let Beth have her turn. She choked back a sob, and Rivka stepped up next to her twin and they joined hands. "When you can wake up each morning next to the same someone and fall in love all over again, then forever isn't long enough." Beth couldn't continue. Rivka pulled her twin into a hug, "Ima and Abba we love you." They stepped back and LJ put an arm around each of them as Anthony moved to the podium to speak.
"Your soulmate is not someone who comes into your life easily. Your soulmate makes you question your perceptions. Your soulmate brings out the best in you just by having a connection to you. Your soulmate is the one who makes you realize that love is worth working for, fighting for, and changing for, at the same time creating that line in time of before and after you found each other. Your soulmate is the one whose soul says to yours, take my hand, be by my side and let's travel the wondrous journey of life together as equals.
"Ima and Abba had to fight for, work for, and change for their love. The result? Sixty one years, three months on each other's six; fifty years married.
"When they gazed into each other's eyes, time and space stood still; only they existed in their 'TIVA-land,' the rest of the world on the periphery. The picture behind me is one that was taken during a family photo shoot several years ago. My assistant was checking the lighting to get the best image and Ima and Abba just slipped into their own world. The candid shot was taken at that moment. They have eyes only for each other; totally focused on each other, totally wrapped up in each other.
"Ima and Abba had a king sized bed as long as I can remember. I used to wonder why they had such a big bed, because they never took more than the middle half when they slept. The only reason I could ever think of was that they wanted extra space so we kids would have a safe place to come to when the monsters under the bed or in the closet threatened to shatter a peaceful night.
"Ima and Abba had a special love, and the five DiNozzo kids are a legacy of that love. I hope I can pass that along to my children and grandchildren.
"I love you Ima and Abba. I won't say goodbye, because I will be seeing you again." Anthony stepped back and suddenly it was my turn. We hugged and he whispered in my ear, "I feel them here," and choked on a sob.
I took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly and told myself I would get through this. "Ima and Abba, Abba and Ima, either way they are together. They were always holding hands, touching each other, kissing the other, and in each other's personal space. Ima called it their 'grounding' in each other. Abba once told me it was their chi or life energy combining to make a force stronger than either one alone.
"Whatever it was, both were so comfortable in their love for the other, they had no hesitations in showing that love for each other. As a teen, I was mortified when they held hands and kissed in public. Their 'TIVA-land' shutting out the rest of the world made me want to hide or at least disown them.
"Now, I understand that communication between them and that closeness defined them. I miss it already, as I miss seeing Abba's smile or hearing Ima's laugh. I am so blessed to have had you as my parents. I love you Abba and Ima."
I had planned to say more, but couldn't hold It together any longer. I turned to my brothers and sisters, and we had a group hug. As one, we spoke, "We love you, Abba and Ima. See you on the flip side!"
We joined hands in our family chain and went back to our seats with tears on our faces and smiles in our hearts.
The rest of the service is a blur; all of us were emotionally drained, the hurt still raw, but the peace began to slip in.
~TIVA~
After the service, we all went to the house that Ima and Abba made into a home for their family to grow and grow up in. As the oldest, I was given the urn with their ashes as we left Slater's. In the van ride to the house, we decided to display the urn, with the picture that had been behind it at the chapel, on the mantel in the family room. It would stay there until we could all make the trip to Israel to fulfill their final wish by placing the urn in the olive grove in Ima and Abba's special spot. (Ima once told me that spot was where they created me. At the time, I didn't want to hear it, trying to silence her with a comment about too much information.)