Chapter 12: Soaking in the tub makes you see clearer
It took Tris a long while to calm herself down. But how could she even begin to calm down when her dream was still so fresh in her mind. There was so much pain and suffering in it that Tris could only hope it was just that, a dream.
Tobias is confused. On one hand Tris is such a strong person, a badass who could take down any enemy, but right now, lying in his arms was this fragile being that seemed to fall apart at the slightest touch.
Why did he even care so much about her? He knew he didn't hate her. Even before he knew all about her he didn't hate her. He was pissed but that was it.
But he cares for her, more than he likes to admit. Back at SHIELD's base when they spent all that time holed up in her room, making love, talking to each other he could be himself for the first time. He couldn't pin point what it was that made her special enough for him to open up, but something about her emanated trust and love. He was close to Zeke and Shauna and even Will, but with them all living in New York he kind of lost that special connection.
But even with them he wasn't always comfortable sharing everything about his life. But Tris was different. He knew he could tell her anything and she wouldn't tell or judge. Maybe it was because she is a spy or maybe it's just her. On the other hand, come to think of it, she told him things she didn't share even with her agent friends. Or at least that's what she said.
He gently lays them both down, Tris still in his arms. He is holding her close to him trying to comfort her, but she is too alert to let sleep lull her back in. Thousands of questions and scenarios swirl around in her mind, one crazier and more frightening than the other. She wishes now more than ever to not be an agent, not be an Inhuman, not be part of all this crap. She wishes she would just lie down in this bed with her husband and be pissed that her mom and dad made her marry him. But no luck there. Life was never easy, especially not hers.
She often wondered how her life would have been like if she hadn't had joined SHIELD, but then something happens in the world and she remembers her promise: to protect all mankind to the last breath. It wasn't just something you say, but something you live. But after getting beaten up, stabbed, drowned, electrocuted, your nails ripped out, burned and shot multiple times you ask yourself, is it worth it?
Tobias can't sleep. Whatever woke her up and made her shake and sob the way she did must have been terrible. He can't imagine the horrors she had lived so far. And as much as he hated seeing her hurt and bruised he was also proud of her. She survived. Whatever that enemy of hers did, she survived it.
After she suddenly left and Uriah took her place watching his dad he confronted the younger man. Without giving too many details, probably he didn't know much either, Tobias found himself torn between his own feelings. Angry that she left without a word, confused by the sudden change of plans, irritated that he had to explain to his co-workers that his wife just took off, worried when she didn't answer, pissed because she didn't answer and finally terrified that he might not see her again.
He was also frustrated with Uriah because he kept joking about it, but Tobias could tell that he was worried too. Whatever the mission was it was something classified that only those involved knew about. He sighs. It doesn't do good to dwell on things that lie in the past and can't be changed.
He closes his eyes and slowly drifts off.
Tris on the other hand lies there in his arms awake and alert. She hasn't used her Inhuman powers much and while she avoids doing so, the dream left her very scared. She concentrates on the dream trying to trigger her powers to seek the truth. Was her dream a premonition or just her exhausted mind playing tricks on her? Tris concentrates and suddenly her eyes glow golden. The dream replays in front of her eyes, just like a movie, but what was blurry now becomes clear. The dream wasn't just a nightmare. There is truth hidden in it. But what she sees is something she can't really influence. But what about Tobias? She concentrates on him and then she sees something she didn't want to see. No, no, no. This can't be happening. Not him. She needs to prevent this. No matter the cost, she needs to prevent it.
Hours passed and Tris was unable to sleep. Her mind was preoccupied looking for solutions to her problems, but none came to mind.
Tobias stirs and yawns. He stretches a bit when he feels someone lying on top of him. He opens his eyes and finds Tris sprawled over him. She is still wearing the clothes from yesterday. He turns to his side where his nightstand is to check the time. Damn it, it's past nine a.m. He should go to work, but he doesn't want to leave her alone. He reaches out for his phone and calls his dad.
"Good morning, Tobias," Marcus greets.
"Morning, dad. Listen, would it be okay if I stay at home? I don't want to leave Tris alone. She might need help," he says.
"Of course, son. Technically, this would be your honeymoon. Take your time and take care of her. I don't care how tough she is, she is family and she needs our help just as much as we need hers."
"Yeah," is all that Tobias can think of. He had no clue how strongly his dad felt about Tris. But he was right. They all needed each other, even if they wouldn't be family for long. In fact, Tobias isn't staying at home because she is his wife and he has to, but because he wants to.
"We'll talk later. I need to go now," Marcus says and hangs up. Tobias sets his phone back on the nightstand and wraps his arm around her.
"You don't have to do this," Tris says, her voice incredibly hoarse. She starts coughing and Tobias gently gets up.
"I know I don't have to. I want to," he tells her honestly. He helps her lean against the headboard of their bed and looks at her in the morning light. It seems now that the sun is out she looks even more bruised up than the night before. "I'll go make you some tea and oat meal. Afterwards I'll check the medicine cabinet if I have something for your throat, otherwise I'll run to the drug store to get something. Will you be alright?" he asks, his voice gentle and calm, so different from the ragging storm inside him. He is still angry and pissed at her for putting herself at risk, but it's her job and he has no right to tell her otherwise, even if he is her husband.
"Yes, thank you," she says in a loud whisper.
Tobias stands in his kitchen preparing everything for her when he hears her coming in. He turns around to find her standing completely naked there before him.
"Tris?" he asks unsure. Surely, she hasn't sex on her mind.
"This is how I look after a mission gone bad," she says and turns around so that he can see the bruises under her ribs, the cuts on her thighs, the scratches on her knees and elbows. Her right hand is still covered in bandages. "I was trained by some of the best people in the world to take a beating. This isn't as bad as it seems. I won't lie to you and pretend I'm not in pain, but I've learned to breathe through it. This is the life of a spy, of an agent of SHIELD. But these bruises are more than pain. They are a testimony of my loyalty. I'm not loyal to an agency or a person, but to an ideal. The ideal that we all deserve to live free and happy. But there are those among us who want to prevent that, who terrorize us, who beat us up and turn us into their slaves. Modern slavery is different from the one in the history books. You can walk around a free man and still be a slave, your mind will be enslaved by the fear these terrorists plant in there. We, SHIELD, fight for freedom, we fight for everyone. Being part of SHIELD means sacrifice and I will sacrifice if I have to, to keep you all safe."
Tobias stares at her in wonder. He doesn't know if he should applaud her, kick her or kiss her. She stirs so many things inside of him that he is confused most of his waking hours. Why did he have to marry Tris Prior? His life would have been so less complicated if he never knew her.
"When you're done drooling I'd like my tea please," she says and he snaps out. He frowns when he realizes what she said but before he can respond she turns on her heels and heads back to the bedroom. How is it that she can be bitchy even this beaten up and hoarse? Damn you, woman!
He takes the mug with hot tea into the bedroom only to realize she isn't there. At first, he starts panicking when he suddenly hears noises coming from the bathroom. He walks inside and finds Tris sitting in the large bathtub soaking her sore muscles. Her back is turned to the door and she can't see him, but he stands there watching her. Tris closes her eyes and moans softly when she finally allows the water to relax her.
Her moan caused a physical reaction in Tobias and he feels himself getting hard. Fuck. Not now.
"You can join me, if you like," she says and starts coughing violently. Tobias walks closer to her and kneels down. He offers her the hot tea and she thanks him with a small smile. She sips a little bit and allows the chamomile flavored beverage to soothe her throat. Tobias stands up and without a second thought undresses from his pajama pants and his tank top. Just in his boxers, he looks at her sitting in his tub, sipping the tea, her eyes closed and a content smile on her face. What am I doing? he thinks.
He never lets a woman order him around. Why is it so easy for her to do it then? Was it because she is a trained assassin? No, that can't be it. He knows she could kill him blindfolded and restrained, but that's not it.
He shakes his head lightly to get rid of the thought. He pulls his boxers down and gets into the tub, managing to maneuver himself behind her. Tris puts the mug down next to the tub and leans back against his firm chest. Tobias encircles her body and pulls her toward him.
"Can you help me wash up?" she asks, her voice raspy.
"Of course."
"But let's just lie here for a moment," she requests and he nods before kissing her temple. He has no idea why he did it, but it felt right.
They remain silent for a long while. Tobias even thinks Tris drifted off, but then she stirs and alerts him. He tries to figure out what she needs but then she turns around and straddles his hips. She wraps her arms around his neck and immediately his go around her waist. She starts crying and Tobias feels miserable hearing and feeling her so sad. He pulls her closer and tries to comfort her as best as he can.
It takes Tris a while to calm herself down and internally is kicking herself for being so weak. She hates showing people this soft side of hers. Romanov taught her to be tough and don't take crap.
"I'm sorry," she says hiccupping.
"It's okay," he says. He feels bad for wanting to argue with her about her job.
"No, it's not. I should have tried harder to get the money for my dad's company," she says between sobs. Tobias' heart constricts. He thinks she is absolutely regretting marrying him. And who can blame her? She never wanted this. "If I would have gotten the money, you wouldn't be in this situation right now. I'm such a fucked up mess and you deserve better than babysitting me," she says and cries even harder. Tobias blinks a few times. He tries to put his thoughts in order and understand what she said to him. Is she feeling guilty?
"Tris, we're married, nothing can change that now. I'm not here because I have to, but because I want to. I've told you that," he says reassuringly, while rubbing her back. "I'm sorry for yesterday. I know your job is important, but seeing you so hurt, just made me feel," he stops, unable to continue. How did it make him feel? Sad? Angry? Frightened? Maybe all of the above and more.
"I can take care of myself," she stubbornly says, her voice a whisper.
"I know, babe, but I was worried about you and seeing you the way you looked last night made my heart stop," he confesses. He surprises himself with the confession actually. He didn't think of it before, but seeing her hurt made him feel useless. He needed to change that. He needed to protect her.
Whoah! What the hell? Protect her? Wasn't this supposed to be a short-term thing, a pretense? A "friends with benefits" kind of thing and that's it? When did he start caring about her so much to reconsider his life?
"I'm sorry for scaring you and everyone else too," she says and pushes herself away a little to look him in the eyes. "I had to go on that mission. I had my orders and I went. It went south almost immediately and I can only hope that Stark got enough intel to help us from this point on. Despite my orders, I would have gone anyway, because there was a chance I could find out who is behind your abduction. I need answers and need to prepare to keep you all safe." Tobias looks at her.
Even while she was in extreme danger she thought of them, all of them. How could he have been so wrong about her? But then again, she did a pretty good job being annoying and obnoxious. But this threat was real. Whoever kidnapped them might have wanted Marcus or maybe any of them. Tobias needed to be able to defend himself better. He couldn't rely on his wife to fight his battles.
"Babe, I want to train with you. I want to be able to fight and protect you," he tells her sincerely and with force, leaving her no room to argue.
"You can't protect me," she says and he frowns. "But I'll teach you to protect yourself if necessary." She was glad he brought it up. She wanted to suggest it as well, but the emotional roller coaster had her weak and unfocused. She was glad he was here with her. Whatever happened since they first met until this moment changed her, him, them. They were friends, family even. And you don't leave family hanging.
Tobias leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips before pulling her back to his chest and rubbing her back. This was weird, but this was his new life. He knew that the shit that happened at his wedding reception had nothing to do with her, but with his dad. It was actually a God's gift that he married a covert operative for SHIELD, because otherwise they all might not be alive anymore.
Damn it. He cared. He cared for her and a lot. There's no denying it. He would have never stayed home for any of his girlfriends if they were sick, but the thought of leaving her alone when she needed him just sickened him. Whatever happened to change his feelings happened without him noticing. He could only hope this wouldn't end in a disaster. For what it was worth, even if they didn't end up with a happily ever after he still hoped they could be friends. He never trusted anyone so much the way he trusts her. With her, he is himself, he is even better. He wants to be better. In the short time he knew her, she taught him so much and he'll be forever grateful for that.