2.
The car was driving down the road, I was looking out the window at the houses we passed. After the show Ellen came back to thank me again, she was very nice. When she asked me to come on her show, I knew it was the show to go on to start this journey. I hadn't been on a talk show, or even done anything public in 2 years. Kyla was in charge of all my interviews, and she made sure Ellen didn't ask questions that I wasn't ready for.
"How are you holding up?" I didn't look over at my sister, I just kept looking out the window.
"Fine" I don't know what she wanted me to say, we both new I wasn't.
The car pulled into the driveway that was covered in trees on the sides. My eyes landed on the tree that hung a swing from it, my mind going back to when things were simpler.
"Higher!" I smile, pushing him a little higher.
"Higher!" I stepped back as I watch him kick the air to go higher.
"Its all you bud, your doing it!" I smiled at him as he looked over giving me the biggest smiled back.
"Ready?" I looked over at my sister, and nodded.
"I will leave the car here and get Aiden to come get me" I nodded.
"Thank you Kyla"
"Call me if you need me okay?" she place her hand in mine and gave it a squeezed. I smiled, getting out of the car and going up to the door that I have be through so many times. I slowly reached up and knocked.
"Come on in Ashley" I smiled at the older man, and stepped inside the house waving to Kyla one last time.
"How was the show?"
"It was good" He nodded as he took a seat at the kitchen table, sliding a cup of tea in front of me.
"This was a big step for you, I'm happy to hear you made the choice of coming to see me after" I nodded as I took a sip.
"Its not like I can go to meetings like a regular person Mr. C. Everyone knows me, and I can't trust anyone"
"Can't or won't?"
"I guess both. I don't want what happen to happen again, I caused so much pain for everyone" I looked down at my hands, they were shaking.
"Ashley you can't keep living your life in fear"
"Its not fear, its reality"
"What do you mean by that?"
"I thought I could trust the people around me, I thought they were looking out for me. Instead they turned me into the cliche drug addict rock-star who lost everything" The thought of them made my own blood boil.
"They didn't do anything Ashley"
"Yes they did! Its why I'm sitting here in the this fucking chair talking to you!"
"Did they force the drugs into you?" I rolled my eyes, of course he was going to play this card.
"No, but ..."
"No Ashley, no buts. They didn't make you do anything, and we have been over this. You could have said no, and you could have walked away"
"I would have lost everything! I would have lost being a musician Arthur!" I got up and folded my arms around me.
"Like you have?" He looked up at me. "Ashley we can't control what happened to us in the past, but we can learn from it. You don't have to trust people right off the bat, but you cant not trust people. You trust Kyla right?"
"Yeah well she is my sister, and I know she isn't out to hurt me"
"How do you know, what if she is getting you to trust her then she will turn around stab you in the back?"
"You are starting to pist me off Mr. C" I could feel my hands turned into fists, as I thought of my sister doing that.
"You did hurt Ashley, she has reason just like you not to trust you."
"What are you getting at?" He got up from his seat, and walked over to me.
"Kyla has helped you get back on your feet, even tho you hurt her. You trust her, so why can't you trust others?"
"I don't know"
"In time you will learn that you will need to have trust in order to live in this world Ash, but I do know its going to take you a lot to build that trust with someone."
"So what do I do?"
"You keep doing what your doing, and remember its your life. If you don't trust something, or someone your heart will tell you" I nodded.
"I have something for you" He walked over the counter, and brought me an envelope.
"What is this?" I opened it, and pictures fell out. I picked one up, and looked over at Mr. C
"He misses you, and he wanted to make sure you knew what he looked like"
"I miss him so much"
"I know, that is why I have arranged for you to go see him tomorrow" I looked over at Mr. C.
"What?"
"You have stayed sober for a year, you are attending meetings, and I think its about time you get something good out of this"
"When, where?"
"3pm here after he is done school. He knows he gets to see you, he hasn't stopped talking about you for days"
"Days...when did you know about this?"
"I asked Spencer last week, and she needed time to think about it." I nodded.
"Will she be here?"
"I think she is going to drop him off, I don't think you are ready to handle both of them right now" I nodded.
"Thank you so much!" I hugged him, and let some tears fall from my eyes.
Until next time...