Three days out of Tanzuka Town a loud cry split the desert air, "NARUTOOO! What have you got against me? It's an easy E ranked water jutsu, look, your wife has got it, the kid's got it and hell, even you're genin bodyguards have it. So, why can't you get it!?"
Said ninja looked at the ground as his instructor, Kanta Mizuno, better known as Sunabozu, glared at him as he drip dried in the desert sun, "Sorry sensei but with my chakra reserves as large as they are my control gets worse the lower the rank of the jutsu."
"I see, so that's why you carry as much water in a scroll that you can?"
"Yeah, that and I know other ways of getting water in an environment like this."
That made the Namikaze guide and survival instructor raise an eyebrow in question, "Oh? And pray tell how do you do that I ask."
Shooting a dirty look at the older teen Naruto walked over to a large group of large squat cacti. He then drew a kunai and began to cut into one of the plants. As he sliced through the outer skin he failed to notice that the plant had begun to swell a bit. As he cut deeper the quite of the desert was shattered by a loud 'BOOOMPHH!' followed by the yowls of pain from one blond pin cushion.
Stifling his laughter Kanta yelled for a medic and walked off as Sakura began using her husband as a training aid for Hanabi and Moegi since the girls were medics in training. Meanwhile Kurama was inside the mind scape rolling on the ground laughing so hard he was nearly in tears.
After a fifteen minute break Naruto was ready to go and class resumed, "So, tell me about these cacti, I've never seen anything like them before," the blond teen asked.
Kanta and Taiko exchanged a look before answering, "Well," the girl began, "they're found all over the continent and without a bloodline like yours are deadly, the water it stores is highly alkaline and the spines are it's defense. They...act as hypodermic syringes and inject a portion of that water into it's victims."
Naruto and Sakura looked shocked, on Earth a barrel cactus was a godsend of water, here on their own home world it was a death trap. Nodding to himself Naruto realized that he was right, no two deserts were alike and what worked for one didn't carry over to another.
"I see, well look, my chakra control precludes the use of low ranked jutsus so...I need to be creative."
Saying that he produced a square of black plastic, some string and a hex nut. Without a word Naruto began to dig down a few feet before he hit moist sand. After that he set down a metal canteen cup at the bottom of the pit before covering it and the pit with the plastic. Threading the string through the hex nut he then tied it off to the center of the sheet and allowed the nut's weight to pull the plastic into a slight cone with the weight just above the cup.
Before anyone could speak up Naruto staked the corners firmly to the ground and then sealed down the edges with the sand. Looking at the confused looks Kanta and Taiko were giving him Naruto just grinned,
"Okay, this is a solar still. It takes some time but if done right you can produce a cup of water per day. That's is you're moving at night and laying up by day such as we, Sakura and I that is, were trained to do."
"Really," the Punk asked not convinced, "So how does it work?"
"Well, the sun heats up the black plastic, see? Just give it a touch," Kosuna did and looked surprised.
"Kanta, that this is like a frying pan already and it's not been in the ground for more than ten minutes." she gushed.
Nodding the Desert Punk looked at his student, "Okay, it's hot. How does something hot make water?"
"The heat is transmitted into the ground and if water is present it rises to the underside of the plastic where it collects, condenses actually and then rolls down the plastic and follows the string to the nut where it cools even more and drips the water into the cup. Over the course of the day and the water content of the ground you can get like I said a cup or more per day. If you have more plastic you can make more stills," Naruto explained.
"I see, the plastic, does it have to be black?"
"No," Sakura replied as she placed the last bandage on her husband. She knew that Kurama wouldn't heal Naruto from these wounds so as to remind him of his stupidity. That said Naruto knew better than to complain. Looking at Kanta she continued, "It can be any color, even transparent, but darker colors are more efficient. Now, this is how Naruto gets water should he run out of what is packed but it's a good backup plan if you've run out of or low on chakra."
Both Kanta and Kosuna nodded in agreement at what Sakura had said, they then remembered that Naruto had told them about a Senior Genin named Rock Lee that was unable to use most chakra based techniques higher than a D rank. Water acquisition like this would be a life saver for the civilian level clansmen.
"Okay, since I shudder to think about your control of fire jutsus I suppose you have a way to make fire?"
"Sure, this tube here," Naruto said as he pulled out a plastic container that looked like an unmarked toothpaste tube, "just squeeze some here on this piece of wood and then light it like this."
Digging down a bit Naruto squeezed a line of a translucent blue substance, "A little dab will do ya," with that he touched a match to the line and a hot yellow-orange flame leapt up and set the wood on fire.
Sakura then smiled, "If you liked that, you'll love this," with that Sakura tore a corner off of a bock of C4 plastic explosive before touching a small fire jutsu to it. The oily white clay sputtered to life with a very hot blue flame, "This is not recommended but it's a field expedient for starting a fire and warming food and drinks."
Seeing that Naruto had more than one work around to his lack of chakra control the instructor pair breathed a sigh in relief. They didn't have to worry about a fellow clansman not being able to survive the sandy wastes and could place their attention on the others. Under Jiraiya's orders they were to concentrate on the others not Naruto and Sakura. Seeing that Naruto and his wife could take care of themselves made their job that much easier.
Evening was approaching and Naruto had unsealed a bow and quiver of arrows. Once he did he then summoned a fox and sent it to track down some dinner. Although he was good with a bow he would've liked to have used his 10-22* for the job the fact that persons outside of the village forces were around precluded that. So, with a small desert fox casting for a scent Naruto the Great Hunter strode off into the desert.
After an hour passed he found a good sized rabbit that would be dinner for at least five of the group. Sending the fox ahead to tire and corner the large bunny Naruto ran after the animals. Ten minutes had passed and Naruto saw that the rabbit was cornered next to a rock out cropping. He also saw that in addition to the fox he summoned had been joined by several other large and small foxes and a coyote.
As he moved forward he lost sight of his prey for a few seconds as he walked down one dune and up the next. As he regained the target he noticed that the coyote and one of the foxes were done and unmoving. Keeping his eye on the rabbit he called to one of the other foxes to attack only to see that fox dismembered in the wink of an eye by a white streak.
Ducking behind a berm Naruto called on the summon for advice, "What in God's name is that thing? I've never seen rabbits like that."
"Well, if you must know, that's one of the most foul tempered beasts of the desert let alone the planet. It's teeth can dismember and kill with ease, not only that but it's as foul tempered a beast that you'll ever meet in this life time."
"You mean there's something hiding behind the rabbit?"
"No you stupid human, I'm telling you that it is the rabbit. He's fast as lighting and can leap..." the summon stopped at seeing Naruto's unconvinced face before continuing, "Ahh, you're not convinced huh? Look at the things teeth boy, look at the carnage, loo..."
Pulling his combat knife from his web gear risers Naruto scoffed at the summoned fox, "You almost had me shitting myself, nice try but it's just a rabbit," turning to the remaining foxes Naruto gave a shout, "Come boys a nice rabbit stew coming up."
The teen and foxes came within ten feet of the beast when it attacked. The white terror jumped this way and that trying to get to the blond teen as the foxes valiantly tried to protect him from the rabbit's furry. Gaining the safety of a nearby dune he heard the summon laughing at him, "I warned ye didn't I? But no, it's just a harmless bunny. 'I'm the big strong ninja, I don't fear anything! Ha ha! What a jok..."
"Watch your mouth you, you work for me and..."
"And what? You going to charge headlong again? That would make that pink vixen pleased wouldn't it? Knowing her husband died at the hands of a bunny rabbit, ha ha ha...sniff..sniff" as he sniffed the air the fox turned it's gaze at Naruto, "Oh my, it seems like you need to change your armor little ninja."
"Shut up idiot, it's not me it's...it's the dead over their, some of them got their guts torn open," Naruto yelled as he tried to cover up his 'accident'.
Rifling through his equipment Naruto found an M67 grenade. As he readied the device he turned to the summon, "Call to the remaining foxes and tell them to scatter behind the dunes and to cover their ears, this is going to be loud."
The fox did as asked and then turned to the boy, "What do you mean lou..."
"ONE, TWO, THREE...FRAG OUT! Get Down!" was all the fox heard before he was yanked to the ground and a loud boom was heard.
The two waited a second before they looked over the top of the dune. What they saw when they did was that the rabbit was now a mass of tattered white fur and bloodied, torn meat. Sighing at his loss of a meal Naruto just stared for a moment at the sight of a laughing summoned fox before sending it back to it's world.
Defeated, he returned to camp and began to dig out a box of MRE's, better known as Meals, Rejected by Everyone. It's not like he could send Makoto to San Diego for Mexican take out now could he? No, he was in the middle of the desert on his home world with others not in the know. He and Sakura had to keep a low profile for the time being. As he opened one of the entrees Sakura walked up to him with a look in her eye,
"So, the great hunter is back, you didn't find anything?"
Pulling the igniter on the heating element Naruto gave his wife a dirty look, "Fuck off, I don't want to talk about it."
"Oh, but I do", she smirked with a gleam in her eye, "Mind telling me what the explosion was about?" If there was one thing she enjoyed doing to Naruto besides doing him it was teasing him. She knew something happened that caused him to make a fool out of himself and his reaction was a sure sign of it.
"No, now go play doctor or something."
"You know, I could just ask uncle, I'm sure he would just love to tell me what happened. Now, be a good husband and tell your loving wife what happened. I know you don't eat those damn things for the taste, now tell me, how did you fuck up dinner?"
Taking a drink of water as he finished up his meal Naruto sighed in defeat, he knew that Sakura was not going to let this go and most likely will get the kids involved.
"Oh for fuck's sake why do you ask 'how I fucked up dinner? On what grounds do you base thi...sigh. Fine, not here. Come on, I'll show you," with that the young couple vanished into the sands.
After a shorter walk then he remembered Naruto and Sakura came upon the rabbit's last stand. After explaining his encounter Sakura was in tears with laughter. Most of the time her sounds of joy sounded like angelic chimes but this time they were aimed directly at him and it didn't sound so sweet. That said he had to agree that had been someone else he would've been laughing by her side.
"So," she said, "the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch huh?"
"No, just an M67 but look, that little bastard was vicious..." seeing the look in her eyes he sighed once again (he's been doing a lot of this lately) "Look at the bodies! He had teeth like thi...LOOK AT THE BONES!"
At that Sakura was holding her sides, "Oh please babe, this is just too funny and you need to stop, you're making a spectacle of yourself"
"Fine, you don't believe me ask the fox I summoned", with a few hand signs the fox from earlier appeared along with Makoto and Asahina.
"Oh, it's you," the fox said with a smirk while the other two were snickering and making no effort to hide it, "Want to find another bunny rabbit? Or do you want to try and find a badger?"
At that the foxes lost it collapsing in laughter, even Sakura was biting her lip at her husbands antics, "What the hell Naruto? You didn't really use a grenade on a rabbit did you?"
"Well, you saw the results. Anyway I bet it was too tough and stringy to eat as it was. Bet that we didn't have enough Tabasco sauce for it anyway," came the pouted reply.
As Sakura went to hug her idiot husband a polite cough broke the silence,
"Ahem," the fox that had been originally summoned broke in, "In all fairness to the young lord, that was one very deadly and dangerous rodent. He's one of many in this desert so be warned about his breed. Now if there's no hard feelings allow me to lead you both to a place where game is abundant."
At that the couple found themselves chasing after the fox leaving their familiars still laughing in the background.
* 10-22/ Proper term or name is the Ruger 10-22 Carbine. A .22 caliber rifle with a ten round rotary magazine used by both beginner and avid shooters. The recoil is so minimal that it's one of the best weapons to learn the basics with. Naruto and Sakura use them to hunt small game such as squirrel and rabbits. Of course in this case the rifle was not an option.
A/N:
No idea where this came from...
Actually it was going to be part of the next update to Tip Of The Spear but it got out of hand. It was still fun to write but it'll go here instead of the main story. For those who care, the name of the fox that was summoned was...Tim.