Jax sat in Holly's hospital room as she slept, watching her and rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb, crying softly to himself. He looked back when he heard someone knock on the door, seeing Chibs walk into the room with Opie.
"What happened, Jackie?"
"She was pregnant. We were gonna have another baby and she lost it."
"Shit. I'm so sorry, brother."
"That's not even the worst of it. The baby grew in the wrong place. She can't have kids anymore."
Jax walked into Holly's room, setting the bag he'd packed down on the chair in the room, going over to Holly and kissed her forehead gently. She hadn't talked or really moved over the last couple days since she was told what happened. Jax watched her scream and cry and beg and plead and that was nearly impossible to watch. But this was worse. Holly had to stay longer because she had been refusing to eat or talk or anything. They only movement she made was when she laid down to sleep when the pain meds would kick in. Jax hadn't wanted to leave her at all, but he'd been going back and forth between the house to be with the kids and Holly's room. Every once in a while he'd come in and caught her crying to herself. She wouldn't let the kids come in and she wasn't talking to anyone. This was hard for him. He wanted to help her but he couldn't cause she wouldn't let him in. In a way, he understood. Things had been going so great for them only to have something like this happen. He sat down on the bed with her, holding her hand.
"I know you can hear me, even if you won't respond. But I want you to know that when you're ready, I'm here, babe. I know it's not the same kind of pain, but I'm hurting too. I wanted this too. The kids miss you and so do I. I know you're hurting, so I'm not gonna rush your progress. But please come back to me."
He sighed softly when she didn't move. The only indication that she'd heard him was the tear that fell down her face that he missed as he walked out of the room.
Jax grabbed his phone when it went off, changing Lilia and putting her down for bed, going to the bedroom to answer it.
"Hello?"
"It's Tara. Holly's asking for you. She says she wants a burger and fries."
"She's talking? Has she eaten anything else?"
"I gave her a couple granola bars and some water."
"I have to call someone to watch the kids."
"Why don't you bring them here? I have some time before my shift ends. I don't mind watching them for a bit."
"I can't ask you to do that, Tara."
"You're not, Jax. I'm volunteering."
"Alright. Thanks. I'll leave now."
It was half an hour later that Jax walked into Holly's room after dropping the kids off in Tara's office, going over to Holly, seeing her looking at him and reaching for him. He took her hand and kissed it before kissing her.
"How are you feeling, babe? Is there anything I can do for you?"
"I just want food right now. And you."
"I'm here, darlin'. And I always will be."
He set up her food for her, climbing into the bed with her, letting her curl in as she ate, turning on a movie on netflix for her, laying with her in silence until she fell asleep. He looked over as Tara came in with the kids, who were still asleep.
"Hey. I would've watched them longer but I gotta get home. I called Opie. Lyla's coming to get them for you."
"Thank you, Tara. I really appreciate this."
"Did she eat anything?"
"Yeah. Everything."
Holly woke up feeling Jax's arms around her, looking over to see him asleep. She kissed his head gently before untangling herself from him carefully and going into the bathroom. She sat on the toilet and put her hands on her belly, tearing up. She couldn't believe she'd lost the baby like she did. After 2 failed pregnancies and an abortion, the sting wasn't as traumatic anymore. But the knowledge that she could never have another baby? That hurt pretty deep. She buried her head in her hands, crying softly, not hearing Jax come in until he knelt down in front of her, holding her close as he rubbed her back. She held onto him, gripping his shirt in her hands tightly.
"I'm so sorry. I lost our baby."
"I know it hurts, and it will for a while, but it's not the end for us. We have 4 amazing kids. And we have each other. That's all we need right now."
"I'm sorry, Jax…."
"It's not your fault, Holly. It's just not right for us to have any more. But we'll be fine. I know it."
Jax went down to let Venus and Lyla in, getting them some coffee.
"How is she doing, Jax?"
"Not so good. She's doing a lot better than before, but she's able to be around the kids longer and longer. I just think she needs some extra help."
"Where is she?"
"Upstairs watching a movie with the kids in the bedroom. She hasn't been doing much else since she got out of the hospital."
"Alright. We've got her and the kids."
"Thanks, Lyla. Tell her that I'll call and check in on her later. We're finally getting to start rebuilding the clubhouse so I'm gonna go talk to the contractor."
He left, going to his bike and riding off to TM and parking when he got there, clapping Juice on the back as he hugged him.
"How're you holding up, Jax?"
"I'll be better once Holly's not so broken. Again."
"So what happened?"
"The baby developed in the wrong place and destroyed some of her tube. They had to tie her last good tube after they removed the damaged part of the other tube."
"Shit, man. That sucks."
"It means we can't have anymore kids."
"Shit. I'm so sorry, man."
"To be honest, I'm not overly upset about it. I feel like we're good with 4 kids. I just hate seeing Holly like this. She's someone that needs to take care of other people. It's just who she is. That's the one good thing mom taught her that she kept."
"Let me know if there's ever anything I can do to help, Jax."
"Thanks, man. I just wanna get started on rebuilding the clubhouse now that we have the funds to do so."
Holly stood in the kitchen, making dinner as she listened to the kids play in the living room, staring off into space as her hand made its way to her belly. She couldn't believe she'd lost yet another baby. At the moment she felt like she was cursed. Doomed to have something so tragic happen right when things are going great for her. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed that she was burning dinner until Jax pulled her away from the stove and put the pot in the sink, letting out a deep, defeated and sad sigh, burying her head in her hands.
"Hey, it's ok."
She felt him pull her in for a hug, holding onto him, starting to cry. Again. She hadn't even meant to. She held onto him as he carried her up to the bedroom, curling into him in bed.
"I know it doesn't seem like it, but things'll work out, babe. I promise. Another baby would've been good, but we have 4 amazing kids, godkids and careers that we're crazy happy with. We'll be fine. It won't hurt forever."