Chapter Eight

"The fact that it's not raining has got to mean something," Tori says, getting my attention.

I rip my eyes from the night sky and spy my little sister walking towards me over my shoulder. She has a bowl of popcorn with her, which she's clutching very close to her body. I'm probably not going to be getting offered any of it. I might even have to resort to tickling.

"At least we'll get to see some fireworks this year."

"I reckon I've seen enough fireworks for one holiday," I mutter, and I know she knows that I'm referring to her and her new boyfriend. Who apparently isn't even that new. I was apparently just left out of the loop of this new development as well.

"Oh, I'm sure you'd be just as sappy as James and I," she says, deftly punching my arm.

I shudder. "You two are on your own there, little T."

She's quiet for a moment, seemingly making a decision about something. Just from the determined look on her face; I should have known. "Mom told me about a girl named Bella."

A smile automatically spreads across my face at the mention of her name. I have to call her some time before midnight. If not only to wish her a Happy New Year; then just to hear her voice. I can feel us moving towards something; something real. Something important.

"Is she really the first daughter?"

I nod.

"That's insane, E."

I'm inclined to agree with her. It really is rather insane. Sometimes I don't even believe it. Bella's just Bella to me, and it's always a surprise to me whenever I'm reminded that Bella's so much more to other people. She's Isabella Swan, America's Sweetheart.

I'm about to make her mine.

"I've always wondered what they're all like," she tells me. "And her brother, Seth, is so hot. I mean, have you seen him? Have you met him?"

I chuckle. "If this is how my family's going to act about it, imagine what the rest of the country is going to be like," I murmur.

"I think it'll be fine," she says, her voice so confident that I'm truly inclined to believe her. "Other people have made it work before you, you know?"

My head turns so I can look at her. "Well, whenever either of us is in doubt, we'll call you."

"And if you can get Seth to call me as well, that would be great."

I laugh out loud. "And what about James?"

"I love him," she says; "but he's no Seth."

"Poor guy. I kind of like him. I mean, if anyone can put up with you for any amount of time; then he's got to be something special, right?"

"Hey!" she squeals, chucking a handful of popcorn at me; "that's mean."

I look at her. What the hell? Is this whole family made up of squealers? I let us fall into silence, before I ask her a serious question. The mood has shifted anyway. "How are you, really, Tori?"

Her expression turns serious, and she links her arm with mine. "I'm getting by," she says. "People at school know. James has been a Godsend. He helps me forget."

Bella does the same thing for me. I feel a little guilty about it, actually. It's definitely something we're going to have to talk about. "I'm sorry," I say.

"It's not your fault, Edward."

Logically, I know she's right but, in my heart, I can't accept it. I feel like I've failed. I'm supposed to save her. My mom's supposed to live long enough that I can. She and Riley are the reasons I work so damn hard.

"She's ready," Tori says softly. "I think she's been ready for a while. She's fought so hard, and she knows herself better than anyone else."

"I just wish someone would have told me."

"And then what would you have done?"

I don't answer, because we both know that I would have turned my life inside out to make sure that our mom did everything possible to live.

"Make sure that you talk to her properly before you go back," she says solemnly. "I know you're angry and, yes, you had every right to be, but it's enough now, okay? You have to talk to her. Just, make peace, all right? Both of you need it."

I just nod.

"Good man." Tori kisses my cheek, squeezes my forearm, and then heads back inside, leaving me with my thoughts. My mind hasn't been able to relax since I arrived in Seattle, and I'm realistic enough to know it won't start now.

I stare up at the stars for a long moment, before I take out my phone and call Bella.

She answers on the fifth ring. "Hey you," she says, sounding breathless. "I was wondering if you were going to call."

I can't help my smile. "You could have called me, you know?"

"I was waiting until at least eleven thirty my time," she says, laughing lightly. "I didn't want to impose on time with your family."

"You would never be imposing," I assure her. "Are you having a good evening?"

"It's better now."

I close my eyes for a moment. What this girl does to me. "I've been thinking, Bella," I start. "You told me things about your life, before, and I, well, I haven't done the same."

She's silent on the other end of the line, patiently waiting for me to say whatever it is that I need to.

"There are things that I have to tell you about my life," I tell her. "About my parents, about my m - mom, and about my dad's death."

She lets out a steady breath. "Okay, Edward."

I want to tell her that I love her. Somehow, I just need her to know before all my skeletons come out of the closet. I need her to know, but I'm not nearly that selfish. So I settle for the next best thing. "I miss you, Bella."

"I miss you too," she says with no hesitation. "I also had a good, long conversation with my mother about you."

"You used the word 'good.'"

"I did."

I let out a long breath, fighting off my sudden rush of fear. If she's talking to her family about me, then that's good, right? "Do you know that you are literally across the country right now?" I say sadly.

"And what would you do if I wasn't?" she asks, her tone light and playful. I admit that it's a little disarming. She's never really been like this before, and I don't know how to handle it. It might be because she's with her family, or she could even be a little tipsy. Tonight is supposed to be a celebration, after all.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"If you were with me right now, I can assure you that I would be holding you in my arms," I tell her. "Your back to my front as we stand on the front porch of my house, and watch the night sky. The stars are beautiful tonight, Bella. We don't even have to do anything else." The thing is that I mean it. I've only ever been with one girl, and that was in high school. Frankly, I haven't found a girl worth my time.

Well, that was until I met Bella Swan.

"Just, my arms wrapped around you, my chin on your shoulder, and your breath against my skin."

"Lips against my neck?"

My breath hitches. "Possibly." Then: "Probably against your lips, if I'm being completely honest."

She's silent for a moment. "I like it," she says quietly. "Thank you for calling, Edward. I didn't even realise how much I needed to hear your voice until I did."

"Like I said, Bella; you really could have called yourself."

"I'll bear that in mind for next year," she says, and my heart skips a beat. Next year? That's a really long way away, isn't it?

"I should probably head back," she says. "My brothers are getting a little rowdy. Swans and their alcohol, Edward. Sometimes it's not pretty."

"But it's hilarious?"

"Deathly."

I laugh. "All right, you better get going then. I'll, umm, message you later."

"Happy New Year, Edward Masen."

"Happy New Year to you too, Isabella Swan," I say. "I hope that this year brings you everything you've ever wanted."

"It's definitely looking up," she informs me, and my heart feels like it's going to burst. Why on earth did we spend any time not doing this? "In my family, we always do this thing where we spend like five minutes spouting out all these ridiculous things about the new year, like 'the next time I shower will be next year' and 'the next time I eat will be next year.' My brothers can get really creative." She takes a breath. "So, I'd just like to say that the next time I talk to you will be next year."

All I can think about is that she said 'in my family.' "It sounds like it's a long way away."

"It's not that long."

I'm inclined to believe her.

When our call ends, I go back inside the house. My mother is sitting in the living room watching coverage of New Year's Eve in Times Square. Watching the Ball Drop is one of her favourite things to do. Has been since I can remember.

I move to sit down right beside her, and she looks surprised. I absolutely hate this. I don't want any of this to be happening.

This is probably the last time we'll be able to watch the Ball Drop together. I kind of wish I'd had the forethought to take her to New York City to watch it live. She deserves that. She deserves more. So much more.

I take hold of her right hand and hold it to my chest. Tori wants us to have a conversation, but my mom and I have never really needed words.

Her eyes are on me, and I feel them until I turn to look at her. Her eyes are shining with something that makes my heart ache. How am I supposed to be happy when this is happening? How can I? All the happiness that Bella brings will be tainted by this. How is that even healthy?

But this is my life now. I've survived it so far, and Esme Masen will make sure that we all survive what's to come.

"Happy New Year, Mom," I whisper, gently squeezing her fingers.

"Happy New Year, sweetheart."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"I love you."

She smiles widely, tears in her eyes. "I love you too." She leans back and relaxes. I can practically feel the tension leave her body.

We sit for a while, in complete silence, until my mom lets out a small laugh. "Mom?"

She shakes her head. "Do you know that I practically had to bribe your nephew not to take his poster outside into the snow?" she asks, sounding deathly amused. "I swear, if he could; he'd bath with it."

I can't help my smile. Riley absolutely adores his Spider-Man poster, and I couldn't wait to tell Bella all about it. Riley even wrote her a letter, which I'm to deliver back to Chicago. I'm supposed to give it to her as soon as I see her, but I don't have the heart to tell him that Bella and I kind of have something else to discuss first.

"Bella did a lovely thing for him," my mom says. "For you, as well."

"I know," I say. Because I do know. I'd never really be able to explain just what Bella does for me, but I do know.

She kisses the side of my head. "So, Carlisle says that you're the one who invited him," she says; "is that true?"

I nod.

"When did you even do that?"

"When I went to see him," I reply truthfully. "I had some questions."

"About?"

"You."

Her eyes narrow for a moment. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

She blushes. My mom actually blushes, and it's like nothing I've ever seen before. It sort of reminds me of Bella in a way, and I just know the two of them will get along. Not because they both blush - I mean, human beings blush - but because of who they are.

And, frankly, I love them both.

She's the one to change the subject. "Riley wants us all to go on a ferry before you boys head back," she informs me. "It'll probably be the last time that we'll all be together like this."

It's as if there's a hand squeezing at my heart, and it fucking hurts. "We'll go in the morning," I tell her. "He likes the early morning mist."

She nods her agreement. "Do you hate me, Edward?"

My eyes widen. "Of course not, mom. I just hate the situation."

"Will you hate me? When I'm gone? When I leave?"

I open my mouth to speak, but she cuts me off.

"What I'm doing isn't the same as your father."

My breath hitches.

"Believe me, sweetheart," she continues. "This is it for me. I can feel it. The last thing I want is for you to hate me."

"I don't," I assure her. "I won't, Mom. I promise I won't."

She pats my knee. "My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to; that your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, and that you never need to carry more than you can hold."

I stare at her for a moment, before I burst out laughing. "Are you seriously quoting Rascal Flatts right now?" I ask.

She joins in the laughter. "They're wise men, I'm telling you."

"Sure, Mom." My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I fish it out. I've got a message from Bella, which is accompanied by a picture of her and her mother. Its caption is: Hello, from the New Year... Also known as the future :)

My mom giggles when I show it to her, and then she suggest we snap our own picture. She pulls me in close, and makes me take a shot of us. She also decides on the caption - Wait for us? - and I happily oblige.

Bella's reply comes seconds later.

I think it's safe to say that we've waited long enough, Edward Masen. I reckon I'm done. I suspect that that's a text for solely my eyes, because she sends another one straight after. You and your mom are adorable, by the way. You have her eyes. And her smile.

I look at my mom, and she's smiling at me. "What?" I ask.

"You do, you know?"

"I do what?"

"Have my smile."

It's the first time I notice that I actually am smiling. It must match hers. "I do, don't I?"

She runs a hand through my hair. "Yes, you do."

"D'you reckon they're all here because of Emmett, or because of Jasper?" I ask Eric Yorkie as we stand in the front foyer of the house and watch freshmen mingle with our Upperclassmen.

"I think they're here for you," Eric says.

"Huh?"

The Sophomore laughs. "You're a bit of a legend," he informs me. "And you're friends with Isabella Swan."

I can't stop my smile. Friends with Isabella Swan, huh? Sure I am.

"How many are we recruiting this year?" he asks me.

"Right now, the maximum is eight," I tell him. "We decided not to take in too many, given the fact that our Senior numbers are quite high for next year."

Eric nods his understanding. He's actually interested in this kind of stuff. If I didn't know any better, I would think that he was making a play for the Presidency, but I think that we know each other well enough that he would talk to me first.

I wouldn't be against the idea of him running. It's just that I would still win. Hands down. It wouldn't even be a competition.

Wow, I really am sometimes an asshole.

"I love Recruitment Week!"

Eric and I turn our heads towards Emmett, who's grinning like a schoolboy as he approaches us. "And just what do you love about it?" I ask.

"These freshmen are so fucking cool, Masen," he says, clapping my back quite hard. "I mean, usually we get some of the riff raff - just look at Eric over here - but it looks like the cream of the crop has turned up."

I laugh. "So you reckon they can hang with the big boys then?"

He nods. "Oh, yeah, definitely." He punches Eric's shoulder. "Go mingle." Once the Sophomore is gone, he turns his attention to me. "Are you planning on saying anything more to our potential recruits?" he asks.

"No," I say, and I mean it. I feel like I've spent this entire week talking to potential recruits. They've gotten to know us through our casual sporting events, our service events and our fortnightly open Sunday-night dinners. It hasn't just been this week, but even the events from before the Break. "I think they know all they need to know. We'll send out our invitations tomorrow, and then see what happens."

"We've got a lot of boys eyeing the Sig Eps," he says. "Whitlock's already got his own list going, you know?"

I laugh. "I heard. Should I be worried?"

"Deathly."

"We'll convene in my room when the house clears out," I say. "We'll send out ten, and see what happens."

"Those Lambda Chi are set to poach."

I shrug. "I'm not really concerned," I say, and I mean it. There's no use trying to entice recruits with things. We're supposed to form relationships. We're supposed to become a family with these people.

By the time the house does empty of potential recruits, it's late enough that the other Sig Eps also retire to their own rooms. The first few days of the Winter Quarter have been like a shock to the system, particularly after the ease of the Christmas Break.

I've been all right, I think, but Bella isn't back yet. She's in Ohio somewhere for another night, and I honestly can't wait to see her. I think maybe it's better that I do deal with all the admin of my position before she and I have that all-important talk. Things change after that talk, and I need to be ready.

Jasper and Emmett are already in my room when I'm done with my final rounds of the house. It's what I usually do, morning and night. Sometimes I even check in with the other boys. It's important that they know that they can talk to me if they so need to.

Jasper is sitting at my desk, the unaddressed invitation letters piled in front of him.

"Emmett says you have a list," I say to him, as I shut my door and make my way towards him. There's a clipboard on one of the shelves above my desk that has the list of interested recruits that I need to get. We have two 'Legacies' coming in, which is always interesting. Some of them can be entitled, but we're very quick to put them in their place.

I almost smile.

Emmett is sprawled out across my bed. "It's fucking long, Masen."

I look at Jasper. "Jazz?"

The blond shrugs. "It's not that long."

"How many?"

"Fifteen."

"Fuck."

He chuckles. "Let's discuss, Lamb Chop."

So we do. We spend the next two hours going through the official list, and couple it with Jasper's. Emmett takes into account all the interaction he'd witnessed with the Recruits and the members in the house. I take into account academic and political standing. Ephraim was very clear about the kind of boys he wanted. No riff raff, and definitely not boys who could potentially not afford the Chapter House.

"This Tanner guy was asking if you would tutor him," Emmett tells me. "You're on demand, bro."

I shake my head. "I thought I made it clear to everyone that I physically cannot fit in any more students to my schedule." Then: "You reckon he wants to join us just for that?"

"Like I said, Masen; you're on demand."

"And to think I was thinking of joining the track team."

Both of them just stare at me.

"Are you serious?" Jasper asks.

"I don't actually know."

"Is this about Bella? About your mom?"

I shrug. "I was just thinking about it. No decisions have been made, man. Can we finish up here, so I can get some sleep?"

Emmett and Jasper exchange a look. "Oh, you just want to get your beauty sleep, because your girl gets back tomorrow, doesn't she?"

"Shut up, McCarty."

Emmett laughs. "All right, all right."

I look at Jasper. "So we're decided then?" I wait for his nod. "Will you write the invitations out?" Another nod. "Now get the fuck out."

When I'm finally able to crawl into bed, it's the early morning. Even as I lie in bed, I just know that I won't be able to sleep. Bella is back tomorrow, and I'm both frightened and excited by the prospect of it. We're going to talk, and I'm going to tell her about my family. She'll know, and then we'll move on from there.

The night moves slowly, and the day moves even slower.

Bella messages me when she lands - somewhere that isn't O'Hare, I suppose - and then she tells me that she'll pick me up at nine thirty this evening because, of course, I have a prior engagement.

I really am too busy to be trying to get myself a girlfriend. But, I've stuck with it for this long; I may as well see it through.

Hah.

"Will you sit still?"

I look at Jasper. "Will you shut up?"

He leaves me alone until nine thirty rolls around and Bella lets me know that she's outside. I tell Jasper that I'm leaving, and I leave Emmett in charge, though I'm sure that Jasper will do most of the Vice President work. Emmett's easily distracted sometimes.

I head out the front door, shuffle to my left, and slip into the neighbour's yard. When I spot the black SUV, my heart starts to race. Bella's right there. She's right there, and I'm going to see her, in three two one.

The back door opens, and I practically dive into the backseat of the car, the door closing again. My head comes to rest on Bella's lap. "Hi," I say, looking up at her and smiling as the car immediately starts to move.

She gently runs a hand through my hair. "Hello, you."

"Why did you take so long to come back?" I whine. "I've been going crazy in this place without you."

"You were fine."

"That's what you think."

She shakes her head. "Are you staying down there, or are you going to sit up?"

I huff. "That depends. Where are you taking me?"

"It's my intention to throw you off a cliff."

"Just my kind of girl."

She laughs lightly, and I've missed that sound. "I thought we could go somewhere quiet," she says. "You said that you wanted to talk."

I sit up, but I don't move away from her. "I do want to talk."

"Then that's what we'll do."

Bella spends the next fifteen minutes telling me about what her week was like on the campaign trail in Ohio with her mother. Because of school, she's not expected to be overly involved, though her parents do expect her to make appearances when she can.

She reasons that it makes sense for her to leave Illinois the same times that I do, and I can't even explain to her how warm that makes me feel.

When the car comes to a stop, I realise that we're in front of Jefferson Library. A library that closes at nine o'clock.

"Bella?" I query, checking my watch. I'm not wrong. The library should be closed for the evening. And yet...

"Come on," she says, as her door opens and she climbs out.

I'm expected to follow, so I do. I shut the door behind us, just as Harry emerges from the driver's side.

"It's safe," he says. "We had Marcus do a sweep."

"Okay," Bella says over her shoulder, before she blindly reaches for my hand and tugs me up the steps towards the front doors. She pushes through the large turnstile doors, and then we're inside. It's so quiet, and only the dim lights are on.

"Are you sure it's safe?" I whisper, tugging her closer to me as we walk.

She glances at me. "Are you scared?"

"No."

She stops walking. "Edward, tell me the truth."

I release her hand and slip an arm around her shoulders, hugging her to me. "By all means, lead the way, Miss Swan," I say. "Just know that I expect you to fight the big bad guys when they come out of the shadows."

"Don't you worry; I'll protect you."

I kiss the side of her head, absently breathing her in. "I'm going to hold you to that."

Bella takes us to a small nook, which houses one of the most comfortable couches I've ever seen. It's big and puffy, and oh so inviting.

Without a word to me, she slips off her coat, and I do the same. She sits down and tugs me down beside her, before she snuggles into my side. "Now, what is it that you want to talk about?"

I don't know if I'll be able to do this with her so close. Seriously, I can smell the strawberries in her hair. How am I supposed to concentrate when she's right here? I can practically feel the heat of her through my cardigan.

I make a move to release her, and she lets me. I shift to one end of the couch and turn my body to face her. "You're a little too intoxicating," I tell her. "I can't quite think straight."

Of course, she blushes, and I have to resist the urge to fly across this couch and attack her lips with my own.

"I have to tell you some things, Bella," I say. "It's important that you know them before we really do this. I didn't tell you before, because I think I liked the fact that you didn't know; that I could pretend that that part of my life didn't exist when I was with you. Which is a stupid thought, I know. I just, well, I've had to face reality now, and you should know that my life is definitely not sunshine and roses."

She sits perfectly still as she listens, hanging on my every word.

"My mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer when I was ten," I begin, and her eyes widen in surprise. "It was just in the one breast, and they had it surgically removed. She wore a prosthetic for years, because she refused to have a 'boob job.' She's always been so proud, you know?" I look down at my hands in my lap. "The summer after my junior year of high school, it came back. She didn't tell us until they scheduled her for another mastectomy. It was supposed to work, you know, like it did the last time. Only, it didn't.

"Our healthcare was already shitty..." I trail off here, knowing that she probably knows that her father may or may not be a factor in just why that is. "So we blew through our savings with the chemo and the radiation. It was hard on my dad, because he could see it happening, you know? He could see the money going, and he could see her not getting better. I had a college fund, sort of... My plan was to work through college. My dad said that I should do all I can not to take out student loans, because he didn't want me to start off in the workforce with that kind of debt over my head.

"I don't really know what happened," I say. "I think he thought he was out of options. I think maybe he went a little crazy at the end, because only someone who was desperate would do what he did." I fall silent, trying to find the words. "My dad died in a car accident," I finally say. "His brother was driving at the time, and he's the one who survived."

Her face is completely expressionless now, but her eyes tell me more than I ever thought I wanted to know.

"There was an investigation," I tell her. "By my dad's insurance company; apparently it's standard procedure, and their findings were damning." I laugh humourlessly. "My dad is such a fucking idiot," I hiss, but she doesn't react. "We were doing fine. We were making it work. But then he had to decide that we'd be better off with his life insurance money instead of him." I notice her eyes widen, and I know that she knows now. "It turns out that my dad was the one actually driving, and my uncle just said that he was, because he didn't want there to be any questions asked. But there were, and then there were answers.

"He killed himself." I very rarely say it out loud, and it completely winds me. "My uncle told me later, after they arrested him for insurance fraud, that my dad just snapped. He was watching his wife die, his money disappear, and his children suffer. He just left us. He left us! He left me, Bella!"

In a flash, Bella's in front of me, her fingers wiping away the angry tears on my cheeks.

I close my eyes tight. I don't want to see her face. "I hate him!" I say through gritted teeth. "I fucking hate him!"

Bella doesn't say anything. She just continues to run her fingers over my skin and through my hair.

My eyes fly open. "Do you know what we've had to do? Without him, and without my uncle!" I shake my head. "I mean, fuck! They were going to take our house, but Peter and his wife, Charlotte, moved back in, and somehow we settled the ship. I wasn't going to come here, you know? I was going to go to State or something, but my mom said that it was okay. She said I could, so I did. I signed those forms, Bella, and now the banks own me. I'll never get out from under them." I jerk back, out of her grasp. "You know what's so funny now though? She went into remission."

Bella just blinks, clearly deciding that she's not going to say anything until I've got it all out.

"It was a miracle," I tell her. "Or something like that. The entire thing is so fucking ridiculous." I feel my body go limp. "And, while we're all basking in all of this wonder... Riley... My poor, baby Riley. I just - I couldn't believe it. How could it be? He was so small, and so healthy. It didn't make sense.

"He's the reason I switched to Pre-Med," I say. "He's the reason I got all these jobs; he's the reason I moved into a Chapter House. I was going to do everything I could to help my brother, because we weren't going to lose him, Bella. I mean, what kind of fucked up family do I have? How fucked up must my DNA be?" I tug on the roots of my hair. "And then he went into remission. He's young and he's a fighter.

"But everything is different now." I drop my head, and my voice goes with it. "Riley's sick again, and so is my mom. She's not responding to treatment, and they're using that terrifying m-word when they refer to her. Do you know how scary it is to hear the word 'metastasised?' It's paralysing. I feel paralysed; like I'm just frozen in this space and time while my family just falls apart around me. I'm just holding on... I'm holding on for dear life here, Bella." I'm crying so hard that I can barely see.

Bella wraps her arms around my shoulders and holds me close, soothing me with quiet assurances that I'm okay; that it's going to be okay. I don't believe her, but her soft voice does wonders to my racing heart. Her fingers in my hair are so comforting.

I don't know for how long she holds me, but I eventually calm down enough to wipe at my own eyes. I take a deep breath when she releases me and, for a while, we just look at each other.

"I'm sorry I don't have a tissue," she says quietly.

I just about manage a smile.

Bella takes hold of one of my hands and squeezes it gently. "I can't imagine what you've gone through," she whispers. "I'm so, so sorry." She lifts my hand and kisses its back. "I'm also sorry for adding to it."

"I love you."

Her eyes widen, and her grip on my hand goes slack.

"Oh God," I groan. I did not just say that. "Bella, don't freak out."

"Don't freak out?"

I blink. "Okay, just, you know, don't bolt or anything, okay? Just - " I stop. "Wait. I tell you all about my fucked up genes and perilous family situation, and you're fine... But I tell you I love you and you freak out? What's up with that?"

Bella just stares at me.

I stare back.

A moment later, we both burst out laughing. It's the uncontrollable kind; almost maniacal in sound. I can't seem to stop, and neither can she. What the hell is wrong with us? The air is so emotionally charged and, the moment we make eye contact, it ignites.

Because then we're kissing.

We meet halfway, lips crashing against lips, teeth scraping teeth and tongues battling. If I were thinking clearly, I'd probably want to take it down a notch. I mean, I always expected out first kiss to be something sweet and gentle; not this passionate fight for dominance.

Bella's hands are in my hair, tugging hard, and my hands are already under her top, claiming the soft skin of her back. I'm so lost in her; I can't even think. What are we doing? What the fuck are we doing?

Bella's hands abandon my hair, and run down my neck to my chest, where she fists the fabric of my cardigan and tugs. She falls back on the couch, taking me with her. I don't know if I wind her, because she lets out a puff of air, and then she laughs.

"Edward," she whispers, sounding breathless.

"Bella," I say, my lips against the skin of her neck.

Her fingers are back in my hair, and she uses them to lift my head so she can look at me. "I'm not freaking out," she says.

My eyebrows rise up. "You're not?"

"I most definitely am not."

I smile. "That's good to hear." This time, when I kiss her, it's much gentler, slower, and I feel like I'm telling her I love her over and over with each caress. I'm not surprised that she hasn't said it back. I mean, we haven't even been on a first date yet. What on earth was I thinking? I'm just so relieved that she's still here, lying beneath me, and just letting me love her.

Truthfully, I don't know for how long we stay in that position, but the sound of a throat clearing forces Bella to push on my chest. She's completely flushed, her lips swollen and her eyes utterly dazed. I climb off of her, and just about manage to hide myself as she addresses Harry. I'm barely listening as I try to calm myself down.

Suddenly, Bella's hand is on my thigh. "We have to get going," she says, squeezing my leg. "Are you ready?"

I just about manage a nod.

Bella glances down at my lap. "Do you need a minute?"

I laugh nervously. "This is your fault," I tell her.

"I should hope it is."

I lean into her to steal a kiss. "Have I told you lately that I missed you?"

"I think you mentioned it."

This has probably been the greatest night of my entire life. And the worst, somehow. I haven't had to talk about my dad that way since Makenna. I'm probably going to have to tell Bella about her at some point as well. At what point do we discuss ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends?

By the time I'm ready to go, it's really late. Bella leads the way back out, her hand in mine. Okay. This has been the best night of my life. Officially. I feel that notion reaffirmed every time Bella looks over her shoulder and smiles at me. She has my heart. She really does.

Frankly, I don't think that I've had my own heart since I met her.

We sit really close together in the backseat of the black SUV. Really, I don't know where I end and where she begins. She's not saying anything, and I don't want to break the silence either. But I have to, before we get back to Fraternity Quad.

"Bella?" I whisper.

"Hmm?"

"Can we just talk about something quickly?"

"What's up?"

I take a breath. "I don't want to be that guy, but I already am, so I have to ask: does this make you my girlfriend?"

She shifts to look at me. "I don't know; does it?"

I look into her eyes, losing myself in their depth. "Will you be my girlfriend?" I ask.

She smiles brilliantly. "Edward. Manners."

I laugh out loud. "Please will you be my girlfriend?"

She answers me with a kiss, sighing against my mouth. "It's not going to be easy," she eventually says. "When they find out; it's going to be a thing."

"I suspect as much."

She takes a deep breath. "Promise me that you'll tell me if you ever start to feel like you can't handle it, okay?"

"I promise."

She kisses me again, and we don't exchange any more words until Harry pulls up in our favourite side street.

"Soon, you're going to be pulling up front," I say, my fingers running through her hair.

She watches my movements with wide eyes. "Full disclosure, Edward."

We bid each other goodnight, which takes longer than Harry and Billy care to know. I don't really want to go, and it's clear that Bella doesn't want me to go either. I can barely worry about the morning, when I'm here with her right now.

Eventually, I do go inside. My entire being is electrified, and there's no point in trying to get to sleep. I do the rounds quickly, checking the various rooms; ensuring that lights are off and that there isn't any open food left lying out. It's a certain way to invite unwanted friends.

I'm a little exhausted when I make it to my bedroom, so I make quick work of getting ready for bed. I'm tempted not to get undressed, because I smell like Bella. Eventually, I do strip, and then I crawl into bed. I'm just conscious enough to see that I have a message.

From Bella.

Bella: Hold onto me, Edward. You can hold onto me as tightly as you need to. I promise you that I'm not going anywhere. Xx