Chapter Thirteen

As promised, I arrive in Maryland nice and early on Saturday. I can't say that I'm in a good mood, though the sight of Bella does lift my mood. I don't want to be in a bad mood, but I also don't want to have fought with my mom before I left.

I feel like a complete asshole.

My sister even sent me a strongly-worded message that I read once, and then deleted. I feel bad enough.

I can't help my slight scowl when I approach Bella, but she doesn't look at me accusingly. I suspect that she already knows what's happened. Maybe my mom told her, or even Tori. I wonder if I'll get another telling-off. I deserve it.

But all she does is hug me close, and the stresses of the world seem to fall away.

"What did you do?" she asks eventually, and I just shake my head. What did I do?

I don't answer her, because I can't. I don't even know what to say. What can I say? What should I say?

She takes hold of my hands and tugs me close. "What happened, Edward?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"And I don't want my grumpy boyfriend walking in to meet my family, so I guess we're both not going to get what we want."

I swallow audibly. "Bella?"

"So you fought with your mom?" she asks. "People fight with their moms all the time."

"But their moms aren't dying."

"Is that why you fought?" she asks. "Or is it because she wants you to talk about it?"

I release her hands. "Jesus, Bella, what the fuck do you people want from me?"

She blinks innocently. "What I want doesn't matter, Edward," she says hauntingly. "This is what you need, and we both know it."

"Bullshit," I snap, and I step back.

Bella glances around.

Oh yeah, it wouldn't do for the First Daughter and her beau to have a lovers' spat in the middle of a crowded airport. Can't have that.

"Edward," she says calmly. "Don't you come and start all of this with me now," she says.

I run a rough hand through my hair.

"So you fought with your mom?" she tries again.

"I fucking fought with my mom, Bella," I say, practically growling. "I mean, she's dying. Who's to say how much more time she has with us, and I fought with her. I yelled at her, and I shouted, and I'm just so - " I halt. "I'm so fucking tired, Bella. So, please, please; I don't want to talk about this anymore."

She takes a breath. "Okay."

"Okay?"

She nods, absently reaching for my left hand. "Come on, we should get going before my brothers think we're going at it on our way back."

My eyes widen.

"That's right," she says. "I'm afraid it's going to be difficult for us to Christen anything with them around."

I follow her in silence, her hand warm in mine. I nod at Harry as we go. The SUV is parked out front and Harry takes my bags, before I climb into the back after Bella. We sit close together, her head coming to rest on my shoulder.

"Have you called home to tell them that you've arrived?"

I give her a pointed look.

"Of course."

I sigh. "Just how often do you talk to my family?" I ask, because it's something I've wondered about.

"Oh, I have your mom on speed dial."

I shake my head. "She probably loves you more than she loves me right now."

"I highly doubt that," she says. "Seriously, Edward, she's probably as shook up about all of this as you are. Maybe you should just call her."

I shake my head. "What am I supposed to say to her, Bella? Seriously? I mean, do I tell her sorry? Do I apologise? Tell her I'm wrong; that I didn't actually mean to fly off on her the way that I did. Do I tell her that I haven't actually been harbouring all these thoughts? That I'm fucking terrified of her dying; that I hate her! I fucking hate her for doing this to me!"

"Edward, don't say that."

"Why not, Bella?" I practically yell. "Why shouldn't I? It's true! It's fucking true." I shake my head. "She's leaving me. She - she made me promise that I would stay. She made me promise that I wouldn't leave, and now look what she's doing!"

Bella frowns. "What are you talking about?"

I drop my gaze. I don't know what exactly my mom told Bella about my running escapades, but that day that I was hospitalised for exhaustion was quite the day. My dressing-down was monumental. Esme Masen made me promise not to leave her; not to leave them the way my father did.

Even then, she was worried about how much I was actually Garrett Masen's son.

Maybe there's something clinically wrong with me. Holding it all in is dangerous, but I can't help it. I don't see another way. All of this is already hard enough without my adding all my feelings to it.

"Edward?"

"I can't do this, Bella," I say. "I can't. Just, please don't make me. I don't want to talk about this, and I don't want to think about this. Not anymore." I sigh. "All I want is to be your boyfriend without problems, and meet your family, and make sure that they know that I am desperately in love with you."

"Edward?" she tries again.

"Please?"

She leans towards me and kisses me on the mouth. It's supposed to be a quick kiss but it's anything but. Really, I think she would have undressed me in that backseat if Harry hadn't cleared his throat, indicating that we'd arrived at our destination.

We're both blushing when we exit the car, and she slips her arm around my waist as we walk. I try to take it all in, but I can't. I mean, I thought I had an idea of what Camp David was like, but I had no idea. People think camp, but it's so much more than that.

Bella leads the way into the main building. It's a house thing, made of some kind of wood, and everything about it is so welcoming; so warm.

We're met by a woman, whom I recognise as Bella's mother, Renee Swan. Despite the both of us knowing who the other is; Bella still insists on introducing us.

"It really is nice to meet you, finally," she says to me, shaking my hand and holding it for a long moment. "I've heard so much about you." The way she says the words makes me believe her. If her intention is to embarrass her daughter; the colour of Bella's face proves that it's working.

Next, I get introduced to Sam and his wife, Emily. Their kids are running around somewhere. Probably with Seth. I meet Jared next, who immediately gives off this happy-go-lucky vibe that I feel both anxious and relaxed in his presence. I make a note to mention it to Bella once the formalities are through.

"Where's Dad?" Bella asks after a moment of comfortable silence.

Her mother and oldest brother exchange a look that both Bella and I don't miss.

"Where is he?" she asks again.

Renee steps forward. "He received a phone call while you were out," she says gently, and Bella's eyes narrow in disbelief. "He really did, and then he - "

"He left, huh?"

Renee drops her gaze. "Bella?"

"No," she snaps. "Just save it. I don't even want to talk about it." She looks at me, and reaches out her hand. "Come on, let me show you around."

I give Renee a sympathetic look, before I allow Bella to lead me away. She drags me through the house, pointing things out to me as we go. She tells stories of her own, and of First Families past. I feel a bit odd being in this place like this, but I'm trying to accept it.

Bella makes it easier.

The Swans hold a barbecue for lunch. It's a truly family affair, and I can't help but forget the rest of the world beyond this moment. Bella keeps a close eye on me as the afternoon progresses, and I'm trying not to be annoyed by it. What does she think is going to happen? Does she think I'm going to snap? Because I'm not. I won't.

Not here, at least.

Her brothers are welcoming, even though they aren't afraid to ask me probing questions. I answer as best I can, about my friends, my choice of career and my previous love life. Bella shoots them significant looks whenever they stray too close to topics that aren't supposed to be discussed. As soon as they catch on, the afternoon flies by.

Bella's nephew and nieces take a liking to me early on, and Bella claims that it's because of my hair. It's unruly, and it's bronze colour can be fascinating sometimes. She blushes when she explains, and then daintily saunters away. I just watch her go, smiling secretively.

At around four o'clock, something happens. I notice the moment that Bella disappears, taking her little followers with her. It's amazing to see, really. I've witnessed Bella with her friends, with my friends, and with my family, but it's wonder to behold seeing her with her own. Sam's kids, Brady, and the twins, Rachel and Rebecca, absolutely love her. It's as clear as day. I mean, they literally hold onto her legs as she walks.

Okay, so, Bella disappears, and then things happen. I'm on the back porch talking to Renee when I get accosted by her brothers. It surprises me, and I actually squeal as they lift me off the couch and carry me. Someone reaches into my pocket to relieve me of my phone, and my brain immediately knows what's about to happen.

"Oh, fuck," is all I manage to say, before I'm thrown into the large pool.

Everyone is in heaps of laughter when I resurface, and my initial irritation falls away. A moment later, they all jump in as well, and our impromptu pool party begins. It takes me a moment to start enjoying myself, though that becomes much easier when Bella and her bambinos reemerge from the house, all dressed for a swim.

It's difficult wading through the water with all my clothes on, but I don't think that stripping down to my boxers is appropriate. So, I'm pretty much exhausted when the cold of the water gets to me. I'm pruning, and I'm halfway to shivering.

I climb out of the pool, and Renee hands me a towel.

"You're welcome to head inside and warm up," she tells me. "I suspect you know which room you'll be staying in."

I look at her, my eyes widening slightly. Which room I'll be staying in. Bella showed me only her room. "Umm."

She laughs lightly. "Bella's room, Edward."

I swallow nervously.

She looks deathly amused. "I'm under no disillusions about what you and my daughter get up to, Edward."

Ohh, fuck. I blush a deep red.

She laughs again. "Go on, head inside. You look like you're freezing."

I don't say another word, as I turn and head into the house. I wrap the towel around my thighs, and walk on the edge of the towel, hoping I don't leave a trail of water behind me. I race up the steps, and rush across Bella's carpet to her bathroom. I quickly strip off my wet clothes, before I go back into the bedroom to get my toiletries. I have goosebumps on my skin as I search through my bag.

As soon as I have everything I need, I head back to the bathroom, deposit my items on the counter.

"Edward?" Bella calls out.

I move towards the door. "In here," I return, and I hear her footsteps pad through the room until she joins me in the bathroom. Bella's dressed solely in a towel, and just the thought of what's underneath it makes my body tense. Oh Bella. She must know what's going to happen, now that she's here.

The moment she closes the door and locks it, I realise that she does know.

"We don't have a lot of time," she says, dropping her towel and moving towards me.

I blink innocently, and force my eyes to stay on her face. I am decidedly not thinking about what her mother may or may not know about what we do. "Why, Miss Swan, what ever are you talking about?"

Bella doesn't humour me for a second. She just grabs for me, and I'm literally at her mercy for the next seven minutes. Seven minutes in fucking heaven, I'm telling you. She tries to be quiet, but it's never really been her strong-suit.

She joins me in the shower after we finish, and I literally can't keep the shit-eating grin off my face.

"You're going to have to school your features when we step out of here," she tells me, and I just grin some more. "Oh, what am I ever going to do with you?"

My gaze softens. "I love you, Isabella."

She looks at me for a long moment, taking me in as I am. "As I you, Edward Masen."

I reach out for her, and she steps towards me. We're both under the stream of the water now. It's amazing, really, what this wonderful human being does for me. I mean, sure, there's sex and that's great, but then there's this. This moment right here, when she's entirely mine, and neither of us is ashamed to think it, or believe in it. I can hold her in my arms, and the great big world seems less scary.

Because she's with me.

Bella kisses my chest, before she steps away. "It's time for me to go," she says. "Those little bambinos are probably running around looking for me by now."

I laugh. "If they only knew what dirty things their aunt was just getting up to."

"Are you complaining?"

"Definitely not."

"Don't take too long," she informs me, and then leaves me in the shower, my heart content and my mind and body satisfied.

I head out moments after her, and just catch her as she's finishing getting dressed. I get a quick kiss, and then she's rushing out. I take my time getting dressed, run a hand through my hair, and then head downstairs. Most of the family's congregated in the main living area, and Sam's stoking a fire. It's all so homely, and so normal. It's perfect.

"Edward," Renee says when she spots me. "Come. Sit."

I do.

It's odd. I didn't expect to feel this comfortable with her family. Of course, I'm under no pretense that I would be this calm if Bella's father were here. Maybe he was doing us all a favour by leaving, though I don't think even I can convince Bella to see it that way. She's avoiding dealing with what it means that he left, and I'm willing to let her. She wants to enjoy this time, and that we shall.

Dinner is an informal affair, consisting of leftovers from the barbecue and fresh salads. At some point, the twins convince Bella to watch Frozen, and she pilots an entire mission to get popcorn, blankets, M&Ms and milkshakes that she drags only me into. Sam, Jared and Seth head out back to play pool, and Emily and Renee excuse themselves. To do what, I don't know.

I'm put in charge of the popcorn, and Brady offers to help. It's boys versus girls and, really, we end up making a complete mess in the kitchen. Brady and I finish long before the milkshakes are done, and Bella, the dictator, sends us to get blankets and pillows.

We've just about set up our blanket palace when Rachel and Rebecca come running in, Bella following behind with a tray in her hands. It takes us another few minutes to get settled, and then we start the movie, with three little kids sandwiched between Bella and me. I make it to the part where Anna and Elsa lose their parents, and I can't watch a minute more.

Without a word, I extract myself from the blanket palace, not look at Bella, and head outside. Bella's brothers are nowhere to be found, and I'm a little relieved. There's something that I have to do, and I need silence for it.

I come to a stop at the end of the back porch and look out at the backyard, trying to convince myself that I actually want to do this. Eventually, I just suck it up, take out my phone and pull up my mom's contact. I take a deep breath, before I dial her.

She answers on the third ring. "Oh, Edward."

I close my eyes, hearing the concern and relief in her voice. "Hi, Mom."

"Hi, sweetheart."

I open my eyes and look out at the backyard, using it to keep myself calm. I don't know what I'm supposed to say but, once I open my mouth, it all just comes tumbling out. "I'm so sorry, Mom," I say. "I didn't mean to say all I did this morning. I mean, I did, kind of, but not that way. I definitely shouldn't have said it the way that I did. You didn't deserve to hear it that way. I'm just, uh, I'm not ready to talk about whatever you want to talk about, and I should have said that in a much better way than I did." I take a deep breath. "I know you're worried about me and, believe me, that's the last thing I want. You don't have to worry about me. I'm not fine, but I'm convinced that I will be. I will be, Mom. I promise I will be."

She's quiet for a moment. "Okay," she says gently. "Just know that mommy's here when you're ready to talk."

I blink back tears. She just called herself 'mommy.' It's been years since I, or anyone else, called her that. The day my dad died, we were all forced to grow up.

"Are you enjoying your time with Bella and her family?" she asks.

I take a breath, and then proceed to tell her everything that happened today, save for the shared shower with Bella. My mom definitely doesn't need to know about that. Nobody does. I wish people could understand that.

She laughs when I mention our impromptu swim, and gushes over my experience with Bella's 'bambinos.' We're able to have a conversation - well, I talk and she listens - for almost an hour, before she tells me that I should probably get back to my hosts.

I agree, because I know she's tired. I can hear it in her voice: her words are lagging and she's slurring slightly. That was part of our fight as well. The moment that Carlisle and I mentioned Hospice, she all but lost it. I just don't get it though. She's the one who's accepted what's happening, and yet she's being so fucking proud. Doesn't she understand that we can't do this alone? We need help. We need other people to make the end bearable.

"I'm glad you called, sweetheart," she says.

"Me too," I whisper, and it's the truth. I am glad. "Goodnight, Mom. I love you."

"Goodnight," she returns. "I love you too."

I wait a beat before I hang up and pocket my phone. I wouldn't say that I feel better, exactly, but I'm still glad that I called. I needed to hear her voice, and I think she needed to hear mine. I never want to be in a fight with her ever again. Never. Especially not when any day is potentially the last.

I mean, I'm sure we still have some days to go, but they're running out. Every time I leave home from now on could be the last time I see her, and I went and fucking fought with her. I shudder to think what would have happened if something -

No. Just, no. Not thinking that.

"Edward?"

I turn sharply to spot Renee standing at the edge of the back porch, looking at me with curious eyes. "Hi," I say quietly, my hands buried deep in my pockets.

"What are you doing out here?" she asks, tightening her cardigan around her. The temperature's dropped considerably since this afternoon, and it's the first time I actually notice.

"Oh, I just made a call to my mom," I tell her. "Haven't gone back in yet."

Her features soften. "How is she?" she asks, and I stiffen. "I'm sorry," she immediately says. "Bella told me about her, and - I'm truly very sorry, Edward."

I drop my gaze. "She's - she's not doing so well," I say. "Talking is getting harder for her, so I basically just tell her about my life. She wants to hear us talk, even if she can't reply. It's - I - " I stop. I hate this. I just fucking hate all of this.

Renee steps forward. "Did you tell her about what the boys did to you this afternoon?" she asks, deftly changing the subject. Maybe she can tell how much I'm decidedly not coping with the impending loss of my mother. Maybe they all can.

Are they prepared for when I crack?

Am I?

"I did," I say. "She was thoroughly amused and showed me absolutely no sympathy."

She lets out a light laugh as she steps towards me again. We're close enough that we can have a proper conversation now, though I'm still not sure what to say. Renee, thankfully, keeps talking. "You'll have to forgive the boys," she says. "They're terribly excitable, and a little too protective. But you must be able to tell that they like you. You're very likeable, Edward."

I can't help my blush.

"Bella's had a rough time of it when it comes to finding decent boys," she tells me. "Or, they start out decent, and then they..." she trails off.

"Not everyone has the best intentions," I finish for her. "Is that why her father isn't here?"

Renee drops her gaze. "It's not about you, Edward," she begins. "He's a busy man."

I nod, but we both know it's a lie.

"Bella's mad at him, isn't she?"

I don't respond. I don't think that it's my place to divulge Bella's feelings about the fact that her father left Camp David before I even arrived.

Renee laughs. "I admire that," she says.

"What?"

"That you won't discuss it with me."

"It's not for me to discuss," I say. "I suspect that he and Bella will have a conversation about it at some point."

"I don't doubt it," she agrees, sounding amused. "Those two are a complicated pair. I think it's because they really are just so similar. Jared and Seth are like me, free-spirited, happy-go-lucky people, and then Sam and Bella are serious and stubborn just like their father."

I nod, because I can see the truth of it. Bella and her mother aren't alike at all. It's amusing to watch them interact sometimes.

"Who are you more like?" she asks quietly.

I look at her. "I like to think that I'm a momma's boy, but I'm coming to realise that I'm more my father's son than I first thought." I shudder involuntarily, and Renee notices. "I suppose it's in the way that I'll do just about anything for my family." I close my eyes for a moment. "I'm a Hufflepuff, you see."

She laughs out loud, and it's a laugh that sounds a little like Bella's. "Loyal and trustworthy people are difficult to come across these days," she says thoughtfully.

I didn't realise the truth of that until I officially started dating Bella. Just from the mere fact that it made people suddenly wanted to be my friend. It was odd, and deeply sad at the same time. This is our society now. This is what we've come to.

"It's what she was worried about," I say. "There were things that happened, before me. She made me wait. She tested me, whether she knew she was doing it or not."

"She's never thought she was worth it; that it went beyond who her father is."

"She's ridiculous," I say with a shake of my head.

Renee smiles at me. "I'm glad she has you."

"I'm glad I have her too."

We fall into comfortable silence. I can tell that there's something she wants to say to me, so I wait. It's actually quite nice being out here, and the company's not half bad. Though, there is a topic of conversation that I'm hoping she never brings up again.

"She has good friends, right?" Renee eventually asks. "There are good people around her? We didn't make a mistake allowing her to go to school so far from home, did we?"

Okay, I have no idea how to respond to that, so I try for humour. "She has me," I say.

She lets out a small laugh. "That she does. I know I shouldn't be worried, but I still do."

"You're her mom. That part makes sense."

She raises her eyebrows. "There's a part that doesn't?"

"I wouldn't know; I'm not a mom."

She shakes her head. "I don't know what just happened."

"Me either."

For a moment, we just stare at each other, and then burst out in uncontrollable laughter. I don't know how long we stand there laughing at nothing, and it takes Seth's arrival to get us to control ourselves.

"What's so funny?" he asks, coming to stand next to his mom.

Renee shrugs. "I really have no idea."

Seth shakes his head, and looks at me from around his mom. "Well, Edward, all I can say is 'Welcome to the family.'"

I grin at him. I can't help it.

"The kids are all past out, by the way," Seth tells us. "Sam's taken them to bed and Bella's making hot chocolate. Apparently the movie's made her cold." He rolls his eyes at his sister's antics the only way that an older brother can. "She's a weird kid, you know?"

"We know," Renee and I say together, and then share a small laugh.

I can't help but feel as if I do fit in with this family. After a moment, I excuse myself and head into the house to find Bella. As Seth said, she's in the kitchen, hunched over a mug of hot chocolate and reading something over her phone.

She looks up when she spots me, and smiles. "Hey, you."

I move to stand right next to her and nudge her with my shoulder. "What are you doing?" I ask.

She lets out a laugh, and shows me the screen of her phone, revealing a picture of two of our friends enjoying life poolside. "Look at Angela and Ben," she says. "They're definitely enjoying their Spring Break."

I raise my eyebrows. "And you're not enjoying yours?"

She shoots me a dirty look, basically telling me that I'm a fucking idiot, before she leans towards me and kisses me soundly. "Did you want a cup?"

I shake my head. "I think you've fed me enough, Isabella."

She takes a sip of her hot chocolate. "Did you have a good talk with your mom?"

I blink in surprise. "How did you - "

She just smiles at me.

"Did she message you?"

"No," she says. "I just know you, and I know you called her."

I grin at her.

"Also, I love you, and I kind of want to go to bed now, so do you intend to stay up any longer?"

I let out a light laugh. "Why, Miss Swan, are you trying to take me to bed?"

"Indeed I am."

I kiss her forehead. "Finish up, and let's go to bed."

"I'll just take it with me."

And, with that, we spend the next ten minutes bidding everyone goodnight and forcing away our blushes at her brothers' teasing. Bella just rolls her eyes, grabs hold of my hand and drags me up the stairs.

I don't think that she's intending for us to have sex, because I have to admit that, despite my obvious acceptance, I'm a little terrified of her brothers. It would never happen if her father were around, and I reckon that we've already tested our luck enough.

But Bella locks her door, and that's pretty much that.

Bathroom christened, and now her bedroom. A few times, if I might say so myself. She definitely has missed me, hasn't she?

I want to fall asleep immediately, but Bella makes us get dressed, claiming that Rachel has a little habit of sneaking into her room if she has a nightmare. I'm not really sure what that means for me, but I do as instructed, and then climb back into bed. I pull Bella into my arms and hold her close as I drift to sleep.

When I wake up in the morning, there is a little human between us, and I have tiny fingers dangerously close to my nostrils. I don't recall when this little human joined us, but I'm not complaining. She kind of reminds me of Riley. And she's warm.

Though, I'm definitely aware when she wakes up, because I receive a lovely backhand to the face, which is followed by a timid giggle.

"Want to go watch cartoons?" I whisper, and I get a quick nod in response.

Rachel and I crawl out of bed and head downstairs. It's still relatively early, so nobody else is up and about. We get our cereal, and then settle in the living room for a cartoon marathon of epic proportions. I love the fact that, even though she's part of this new generation; she still watches the classic shows. Though, by the time Rebecca and Emily show their faces, Rachel's got me emotionally invested in the potential love of Adrien and Marinette in Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir.

Like, invested invested.

"Ask Bella for it," Rachel tells me, laughing as I ask her all the questions.

"I will," I say, because I will. I definitely will.

The morning goes by too quickly. We're all so relaxed, and I love it. I love being here, and just being. With Bella. With her family. Just, this. I exchange a few texts with my mom, and Tori even deigns to send me a meme. Maybe she's decided not to hate me anymore.

Renee and Emily prepare a delicious roast for lunch, which we devour. Well, Bella makes sure that I get at least some of it before her brothers are set loose on the poor, unsuspecting bird.

We take a walk around the grounds after we've eaten, and these moments right here allow me to forget about the world, even if it's just for a little while. I know that I'll have to go back to the worries of my life when we leave this place. For now, they'll have to wait. I'm under no illusion that they're going anywhere.

Bella leaves the flight to Chicago to the last possible moment, but we have to leave at some point. Renee is the one to tell us that there's a flight plan filed for us, leaving at seven thirty, and we had better be on the plane.

Bella huffs, and then trudges upstairs to start packing.

Renee rolls her eyes, before she sends me up as well, and I feel like a four-year-old being sent to my room, but it's still rather amusing. I freely admit to Bella that I'm kind of in awe of getting to see her act like a kid. She's a little petulant, even stubborn about having to leave, and I love it.

Renee packs us dinner for the flight, even though Bella reminds her that they'll definitely have food for us. Saying goodbye isn't quick, and Harry keeps checking his watch. Bella notices too, and she's forced to pry Rachel's arms off of her.

Only, I'm the six-year-old's next victim. Her arms literally clamp around my legs, and I think she stops blood circulation.

Sam is required to get her to let go, and then we're on our way. And, as we drive away, I can't help the content feeling that settles over me. As terrifying as what's coming is, I get the feeling that I'll get through it. Because there's this girl, and there's this life.

I don't know how, and I don't know why, but I can't help the feeling that it's going to be okay in the end.

But fuck.

Just, oh my God, like, fuck.

I was so fucking wrong.

The period after Spring Break is a strange one. I can't really describe it, but it's the period in which everything kind of falls apart. Maybe I speak too soon; maybe my non-existent luck runs out, but the great big world just goes to shit.

And there's really nothing I can do to stop it.

As the days roll by, I manage to make headway with convincing my mom that it's time for her to accept Carlisle's plans for, uh, 'making her comfortable.' I hate the term, and I'm sure that Carlisle does too.

The good thing is that I didn't fail anything, and I tell my mom immediately. She tells me that she never had any doubts, which is both welcoming and terrifying. I talk to her every day, without fail. She really doesn't say much these days, but that's okay.

It's going to be okay. If I keep saying it, I'm bound to believe it, right? Maybe if I believe it hard enough, I can convince the world of it.

Because when it all starts falling apart, I don't really see it coming. Or I do, and I do that thing where I ignore the signs.

I've just made it back to the room when my mom calls. I flop down onto my bed and bring the phone up to my ear. We haven't had a video call in a while, and I know it's by design. She doesn't want me to see her. It's her pride, I know, but I'll give it to her. I'll give her everything.

It took a while but Carlisle and I did manage to convince her that it was time. Time.

They call it the end-of-life preparations. Apparently there's someone you can hire to take care of everything, but we don't want that, do we? I mean, it would make it easier, but I can't. We can't. Carlisle told me that he would rather do it himself than have some stranger come in and -

And what?

"How was your day?" she asks, her voice low and slow.

My day was fucking terrible, but I don't think she has to know that. I'm definitely not going to tell her that I barely had any sleep, and I'm pretty sure that I fucked up my presentation this afternoon.

"Tiring," is what I finally decide on. "I had a meeting with our Chapter House director during lunch today. My to-do list is longer than the Constitution, I swear. Even Jasper had a coronary when he saw it."

"What things do you have to do?"

"Oh, it's a lot to do with budgets and stock-taking. I also have to finalise the prospective house list for next year, which is hard to do when people aren't even sure if they're graduating. Also, I don't even know if I'll be President next year."

"When is the election?"

I think maybe it's a good idea to tell my mom that I'm thinking of moving out of the fraternity next year. With it being my final year, I think it makes sense. That way, I can focus more on my schoolwork without all these added responsibilities.

But I don't.

The idea of telling her about the life I'm going to live without her just doesn't feel right. I don't like it, so I won't do it.

"Soon," I tell her. "So far, nobody's mentioned that they'd run against me, but the year's not yet over."

"Do you want to run again?"

"I haven't yet decided." Which is a semblance of the truth. I actually haven't. "How is Bree treating you?" I ask.

She huffs in annoyance, and I can't help my laugh. She hates Bree, but she loves her as well. It's quite funny, really. And sad. Deeply, deeply sad. See, Bree is my mom's pain specialist. Esme Masen hates to admit that she's in pain, which is why she hates Bree; but she loves her because of the eventual pain relief.

It's quiet for a long moment, and I wait it out. I think she's waiting for something too, and now is the moment I'm going to give it to her.

"Mom?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Are you scared?"

"Of what, darling?"

I take a deep breath. "I think you know what I'm talking about."

She's silent for a long moment, before she sighs heavily and answers the question I know I shouldn't be answering. "Yes, and no."

This is the type of conversation we can have only over the phone. That much is clear to both of us.

"There are things that terrify me, yes, but death is not one of them," she says slowly. It hurts for her to speak, I know, but these are words that we both know she has to say. "I am a believing and God-fearing woman, Edward, so my passage from this life is not a fear that I have. But, what does worry me is what happens to you all after."

I swallow audibly.

"I worry that you won't recover. I worry that what has happened to me will ruin you beyond what - "

- what losing my dad has already ruined us. Or, me.

She says a host of other words, but I'm stuck on the word 'ruin.' Ruin. Her death is going to ruin me. Everybody knows it. It's the one thing that we don't talk about. The family secret that isn't actually a secret.

My mom sucks in a deep breath, and then sighs. "I should let you get back to your work," she says. "Say hello to Bella for me."

"As if you don't already talk to her."

She laughs lightly. "Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you."

"Goodnight, Mom," I say quietly. "I love you too."

She hangs up first, and I just stare at my screen for a long moment. I don't know what I feel right now, but I know I don't like it. It's also a feeling that I doubt will go away anytime soon.

When Bella arrives, my mood lifts for only a moment. It's clear that she's not staying for long. It's really more of a visit; a quick drop-by.

There's something in her eyes that I don't recognise, and it makes me uneasy. Truly. She doesn't stay long; she's just as stressed about school as I am. Perhaps more, if the heavy-set frown on her face is anything to go by.

"I should get back to my room," she says, looking at me with the kind of expression that makes me wary as we walk back towards the SUV. She's about to say something that she knows I'm not going to like. "Angela's set up an entire command centre to get us through the fifteen assignments we have due in the next two weeks."

I just nod.

"Also, I have to go to D.C. this weekend."

I blink. "Weren't you just in Boston?" I ask. I don't want her to go, but it would be too direct using those words. I'm just a little confused. We made plans. I mean, sure, I initially resisted the idea of going on a group date with our crazy friends, but they managed to convince me. And now...

"Something's come up,"

There's something she's not telling me. I can hear it in her voice, and it's all about the fact that she can barely look at me. "Bella?" I question.

"I just have to go home for a little while, Edward," she says, sounding a little exasperated. It's almost a snap, and I can't help but wonder if she's acting this way because of me. I think back on the past few days, but I can't pinpoint if or when anything changed.

I mean, there was that strange call she received yesterday.

Bella's right hand reaches up to cup my cheek. "I'm sorry," she says; "I know we had plans, but this is important."

I just nod.

"I'll be back before you know it."

There really is something there; something in her voice that I just can't figure out. I look past her at Harry, but he's decidedly not looking at me.

She reaches up to kiss me. It's a quick one, more at the corner of my mouth than anything, and I should have known. I should have acknowledged that niggling feeling in my gut, telling me that I needed to hold onto her and never let go. I should have made her stay, told her that I love her - just, I should have done so many things.

Because, the moment she gets on that plane to D.C., nothing is ever the same again.