This wasn't the first time she held this in her hands. Countless times as a doctor with little emotion given as she passed it over, watched the woman (sadly sometimes the girl) take the liquid all in one swallow, their hands often shaking as the cup is set back down as Abby tried to ignore the threat of their tears. It was life on the Ark, the limit of life so more could survive.
Abby had also consumed it twice before. The first time she and Jake had only been joined as man and wife for month, if that, when they received the news. There had been no joy and celebration. It was too soon they had too many plans and goals to reach. A child was in their cards just not that child. Abby barely flinched emotionally speaking as she had drunk the death.
The second time was different, that one did hurt. Clarke was five years old, a dream for them both, and there was an old fashion accident and a sibling was conceived. Abby imagined another one though she knew it could never be. Still seeing the possible out come in front of you smiling, laughing, saying I love you mommy it hurt, bad. The Exodus Charter gave the answer. She cried herself to sleep that night and made Jake finally get the vasectomy he kept holding off with weak excuses.
She knew it had to be done. It was not only the right choice it was really the only choice. She had no right to want this child, she had no memory of its conception besides little flashes of memories that held nothing for her. This was a child of a double rape essentially, she had no right to want this. Still Abby only is able to stare at the liquid unable to pick it up.
"Arg!" She screams the cup no longer on the desk but now running down the wall of her quarters. She couldn't shake the feeling this was wrong. There was so much suffering from the journey to City Of Light the idea of something positive happening held a small comfort. And it was Marcus's…or at least she grasping on that hope.
Before Abby had Jake to talk to. Able to lean on him, had his shoulder to cry on. This time there was no one. Jackson only but he didn't need to know of this struggle, nothing he could say would be able to help. She trusted him if she did pour another dose and consumed it instead of throwing it he would never share what he knew.
Her hand rests on her flat stomach, tears welling up. "I'm sorry." She had to do it. Like that second time she'd adjust to the pain and lose. Abby stands up taking a second to compose herself before exiting and heading to the hospital section where more the solution awaited.