Here we go... Ziva's next mail..

To:anthonydinozzoncis

Subject: Tali's first birthday and her first words

Dear tony,

Our daughter turned a year today. She's a lovely thing. She can walk a few steps on her own. She surprises me every day. Normally, I would have made her first birthday the grandest of all events but given the circumstances I couldn't do it. Orli came a few days ago, says that someone may be hunting for me. I should not let down my guard, now with Tali here. I couldn't save my sister. I'll do everything in my hand to protect Tali. We just had a quiet evening tea with Shmuel. He drives every weekend from Jerusalem just to be with his granddaughter. We baked a chocolate cake and had a fun time icing it. While Shmuel helped me put up the balloons, Tali went around pricking them with hairpins wherever her tiny hands could reach. You should have seen Tali's smile when she blew up the '1' candle. Now she asks for a candle evey minute. Even Orli who was extremely busy today showed up in the afternoon. She brought a gift-a doggy-Kalev for Tali. So far Kalev is Tali's favorite present. She refuses to let it go even while sleeping. I gave her a family ring- a ring that belonged to the original Tali. Mom had it made for her on her first birthday. I had discovered it a few weeks back, inside a box in the attic. We never went through that box, but I found it right around the time of tali's first birthday. Coincidentally Now it belongs to my daughter Tali.

But you know what compelled me to write this to you at this instant?

Tonight while I was putting Tali to bed, she grabbed our Paris photograph (which is at her bedside table) and muttered quietly "Abba?". A thousand tears stung behind my eyes. I don't know how I was able to hold myself together infront of our daughter. It was her first word, Tony,"Abba". Not "Imma", not anything else in the world but "Abba". If only her abba had been here to hear her. The little girl did not even meet you. True, I told her our tales, the madness in the bullpen, but she has an essential component missing from her life. To her 'abba' is just another character from the bedtime stories who has great spiritual presence in my life. How will Tali feel when she sees other children with their dads.

I'm afraid after all this time how do I tell you, explain you everything? I should have done something from the beginning. Do I even deserve to ask for your forgiveness. All my life I have been snatching happiness from people. Now I'm responsible for taking away our child from the love of my life. Oh tony! what will I say to Tali when she gets older. Will she not hate me for keeping her away from her father.

You must understand that I never realised my action will have such consequences. I only wanted you happy. As always, my decisions have brought me nothing but regret. This isn't doing good to any of us.

I have promised, Tony, that Tali is not celebrating her second birthday without you. We are soon coming to you. I did a grave mistake and if possible please forgive me for it. I'll do my best to mend the past.

There isn't any other person whom I have loved as I love you.

Ziva.

Ziva, I love you more than anyone has ever loved someone.

Tony cried out loud. not caring if he woke up the toddler sleeping beside him, not caring if the neighbors complain, not caring for anything. His Ziva was coming to him soon but fate snatched it from him.

Finally she had realised her damn mistake!

Tony was unsure if he could ever forgive Ziva after reading this. Tali's first words were 'abba' even though she did not know the significance of it. How cruel of Ziva to steal the moment from him. And how crueler of her to leave him alone to fend for himself. Without the love of his life, Tony did not feel a part of his heart missing, he felt it totally ripped out of the body.

"No" whispered a voice as familiar as his own. "I'm still alive in here".

A soothing touch placed at his numb heart and it started beating.

"Ziva". The same hazel hair, as messed as it could be, the eyes of Tony's favorite color, the ninja in tank tops was sitting beside him. Her eyes teasing him as they did the first time ever he saw them.

"yes its me, idiotic fool."

Tony seemed lost.

"don't tell me you were having phone sex." Ziva nudged his shoulder.

Tony recoiled from the shock. "The house, I saw it burn. did you manage to escape?"

"Of course I did or I wouldn't be sitting here, would I." She giggled sarcastically and proceeded to take Tali in her lap. She caressed her and stared humming a song.

She smiled and said "Our daughter is beautiful, don't you think? She has your eyes..."

Tony completed her "...and your smile. But her beauty is attributed to the Dinozzo charm."

Ziva sighed, " as usual, your boasting self."

What? Tony couldn't believe it. Ziva was acting as if nothing had happened. Like they were yet another normal couple bickering over their children.

"says the girl who kept my daughter away from me all this time" interjected Tony.

Ziva grimaced at once, instantly Tony regretted saying it. he had just got her back and he ruined the mood.

" I'm not apologizing to you because I know it won't be enough for what I have done."

"I kept my promise though. I told ya Tali will be celebrating her second birthday with you. and..." She dropped a kiss on his cheek " in a few months you will be doing that. Oh! our daughter will turn two soon." she sounded elated. " just do me a favour, celebrate it with great pomp. I coudn't do it last time. Now that Tali is safe, everything is possible." Ziva was rocking Tali now softly.

"Our little family will always be happy henceforth." She kissed Tali like any mother who hasn't met her child since three days and placed her back on her bed.

"Just wait till I tell the team that you're here. God knows what they have been through for you. Shouldn't you have have told us beforehand that you're all right. that would have saved some tears." Tony told her.

"the team. It has been a home outside home. Tell everyone I love them very much."

Tony replied, " But you can do that yourself. "

Ziva shook her head. " No Tony, I cannot do that. You have to do it for me. You have to live for me. You have to be happy for me. I am still alive but I cannot live. You have to live for me. I will always be with you, you just have to feel me" with that her lips met his. There was an interplay of tongue and teeth, a compensation for all the time of life they missed living together. Tony kissed her back so fiercely that he was nearly dizzy.

Slowly the soft feeling in his lips disappeared. Ziva was gone, but not forever. He would always have the love of his life with him.

He quickly gave a fluttering kiss in the forehead of the peacefully sleeping child and went to sleep beside her.