A Heart Locked in Frozen Winter

by Zara Allegra Vespertine

Satsuki Shishio is struggling hard after breaking up with Suzume Yosano. Weeks of doubt, uneasiness and lack of self-confidence forced him to re-examine his true intentions toward Suzume. Breaking her heart was not an easy thing to do, especially if you see her everyday. He considers it as punishment for failing her. A multi-chapter series in bits and pieces from his POV.

8. Chapter 8

A/N:

Whoa! Seen that latest chapter? Poor Mamura. I understand the hurt feelings he is experiencing right now. I like him for being such an understanding guy. Maybe once I finished this I can do Mamura's POV. :P

Do check out this manga if you happen to just stumble upon my work. I may be putting some spoilers here, so be warned!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ramblings here.

Of Movies, Radios and Heart-wrenching love songs

Every time I think of you
I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here
And you're miles away
And I'm wondering why you left

I cringed at the man waiting pathetically in the rain, watching the woman he loved being hugged by his bestfriend. He looked like he was about to cry, and I turned my head, diverting my attention from the white screen in the darkened theatre.

Catching a movie with some of my friends was something like a last minute activity that I was reluctant to go. I had declined previously, but one of our friends called in sick, and for lack of nothing better to do on a Friday night, I decided to accept the invitation this time.

I thought the movie was supposed to be a pure action movie. I was not expecting the shot of romance. It was tastefully done, to be honest, however, watching some actor get its heart ripped out in such a manner reminds me painfully of what I am still going through.

There's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time thinking about you
And it's almost driving me wild

Entering the burger joint with my friends, the song played in the movie was the same song being played inside the food establishment. I raised my eyebrows in recognition, but kept my mouth shut. I would hate to be such a spoilsport in the company of friends. Only a couple of them knew of my relationship with Suzume Yosano. I would like to keep the knowledge that way.

I plastered on a fake smile and grabbed my order of burger as soon as the my friend slid the trays of food in front of us. I should start bashing the characters to make me feel better at least. I know it's a poor attempt to dismiss the song being played above the din of the crowd inside the restaurant.

And there's a heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter what I might say

After our dinner, we went our separate ways, jiggling the keys of my old, serviceable car, I made my way towards the parking lot. A light drizzle of rain began to fall. I quickened my footsteps and turned my coat up in the collar. Pretty soon, I was inside my car, fumbling about to start the car with the key in the ignition.

The car's radio sprang to life. And I almost groaned out loud with the song being played.

There's a message in the wire
And I'm sending you this signal tonight
You don't know, how desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
In your world, I have no meaning
Though I'm trying hard to understand

I leaned back against the driver's seat, admitting defeat. If fate is trying to tell me something, I'm listening now. It's telling me how much a fool I've been, I get it now. When will it stop?!

And it's my heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line
But I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say

I let out a slow exhale, watching the rain pour down in torrents outside my car, making my breath all foggy and warm. Placing my hands on the driving wheel, the car continued its hum, warming its engine. My heart, when will it stop aching? I can't force it to hum like a car's engine. I've been running around in circles, trying to convince myself I did the right thing. But if I did the right thing by breaking up with her, why the hell I'm still stuck like this? This unbearable longing is driving me crazy.

And there's a message that I'm sending out
Like a telegraph to your soul
And if I can't bridge this distance
Stop this heartbreak overload

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I can lie to myself

I missed her. So terribly. God, why didn't you make me younger? Or her older? Then things would have been simple. I felt tears brim my eyelids and I sniff back my tears.

I watched the rain outside continue to pour, relentless and raging. So much like the storm inside my chest. I should stop lying to myself and admit I'm a wreck without Suzume Yosano.

And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say

Ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I keep lying to myself
Ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you

A/N: I do not own the song lyrics. These are courtesy of the song, Missing you by John Waite.

Let me know what you think.