In Spying, Love, and War

by BitterSweetTeller

After coming back from a spy mission, two spies and best friends thought they found great girls to date. But, in spying, love, and war, a certain beautiful woman coming into their lives named Lauren may not be who she seems to be. My version of the movie This Means War. Rated Teen for strong suggestive humor, spy drama, at least some suggestive content, and at least some action.

2. Chapter 2: Lauren in the Picture

In Spying, Love, and War: A This Means War Fanfiction Story

Chapter 2:

Later that morning, in a historically preserved western saloon...

TBN is getting ready to shoot some pool with FDR.

They're by themselves. The pool table is all set up.

They're both wearing blue jeans.

FDR is wearing a white polo like T-shirt. TBN is wearing a very gray green polo like T-shirt: With some weird tattooed gibberish with O's showing over his chest and a thin metal chain around his neck.

FDR comments with some concern, "let me get this straight. You put your personal private details on a very public website? I thought you weren't risking your cover."

TBN very faintly laughs. He figures, "yes and no. I went with most of the truth: A ex-soldier named Tuck who went through post traumatic stress and checked into a mental hospital for several months. That's all."

Candidly... FDR suggests, "you sure that's not taking it too far though?"

TBN asks kind of nervously, "what do you mean?"

FDR figures, "you have your mental health put on that website. What? You think that won't bring all sorts of crazy women? Half of them are likely to get on the C.I.A. watch list."

TBN shakes his head dismissively.

He insists, "yeah. That's nothing to worry about. We're not stones you just trample on. We're spies, right?"

FDR faintly laughs.

He says solemnly, "well, you're right about that. But, we've never really gone out looking for girls since the academy. Besides, Karl Heinrich is still looking for us. Just take care while I check out girls at the rental store. Okay?"

TBN faintly laughs. He points out, "I thought you were looking for me to get first in line to date so you can get some pointers before getting back in."

FDR laughs lightly. He faintly sighs.

He remarks, "I said maybe, cheeseball. Besides, with jukebox music and a lot of DVDs to break the ice, who knows? I could get lucky."

TBN faintly smiles. He adds, "okay, man. You'll need it."

FDR kind of sarcastically mutters, "yeah, thanks."

More seriously... TBN says, "you're welcome. But...I'm kind of scared for you. You sure you don't need me on ringtone just before it's time for my date?"

FDR deduces casually, "not really. I can at least get a rental while I'm there. But...thanks Tuck."

TBN says, "anytime, FDR. Anytime. Now...are we going to just talk or play pool?"

FDR faintly laughs. He adds lightly, "I'm going to kick your ass."

He grabs up a cue stick.

TBN lightly shakes his head. He goes, "no. I'm not sold on it yet."

FDR challenges, "I can get you sold on it." TBN adds, "give me your best shot."

FDR hits two solid colored balls into a pocket with one shot. TBN then starts to make his shot.

As the sun was setting, at a Irish pub not so subtly just called the Blarney Stone...

The neon sign above the mostly red brick laid pub is a shamrock: Because of course it is.

TBN is sitting in a black wooden chair before a outside wooden table. A matching open seat is across from him.

He's kind of lying back in his seat, wearing gold rimmed black sunglasses. He also is wearing a plaid red buttoned overshirt over his very gray green polo like shirt.

Then... A familiar looking woman in a light blue sleeveless dress with white flowery patterns comes walking his way.

She has very slightly curled long sunny champagne blond hair. She's wearing Hollywood styled black sunglasses and carrying a dark brown handbag.

She asks, "Tuck: Are you Tuck?"

Tuck wonders kind of suspiciously, "maybe I am. Who wants to know?"

Lauren very faintly chuckles. She puts down her sunglasses, still holding them in one hand.

She gladly introduces herself, "hi. I'm Lauren."

Tuck puts down his sunglasses on the table. He gets up.

Looking somewhat stunned... Tuck goes, "oh my gosh. Hello. How are you?"

They shake hands before they both sit down at the table.

Kind of awkwardly... Lauren adds, "I'm ok. It's very nice to meet you."

She's finding it hard to look right at him though. But then again, so is Tuck.

A little awkwardly... Tuck says, "you too. Um...wow. I saw your pictures. But, it's like..."

Lauren smiles, looking right at him now.

She comments, "...not like seeing the real "product"? Faint chuckle. You don't know how glad I am you think so."

Tuck compliments, "you are also really, really beautiful."

Lauren blushes a little.

She wonders, "could you say that a few more times? Because you're even cuter when you talk."

They both chuckle and laugh at that, kind of grinning.

Then they both lightly sigh.

Before Tuck can add something though... Lauren admits, "although...I feel like I need to apologize for that bizarre profile."

She throws her hands up a little.

Completely unphased... Tuck starts insisting, "no, no, no."

Lauren insists back, "please let me." Tuck just says, "ok."

Lauren figures, "thank you. My friend Trish is... Heavy sigh. She means well. But, I was thinking of killing her this morning."

Tuck reasons, "oh, no. I get it. Everybody should have a cover: Case someone is watching you. Besides, you said she means well."

Lauren says, "true."

After a bit... Lauren very awkwardly says, "well... I don't usually admit this so soon. But...I don't always mind being watched or watching."

Tuck faintly laughs. Lauren faintly chuckles.

After a bit... Tuck assumes, "wait. You're a spy?"

With a playful grin... Lauren questions, "could I be?"

There's a suspicious glare forming on Tuck's face.

But... Lauren assures him, "I'm kidding! God. I meant sexually."

They laugh and chuckle loudly.

After they have some drinks...

Lauren suggests, "so tell me one thing that's not on your profile."

Tuck recollects kind of nervously, "um... I had a son and a wife. But...you really want to know?"

Lauren puts a sympathetic hand on his.

She brings up, "I know from your profile you went through some post traumatic stress. But, if you don't want to tell me..."

Tuck gets teary eyed.

He admits, "it's not that I don't want to. But...another time?"

Lauren solemnly says, "sure. I'm sure there's things you don't know about me either."

She pulls her hand away. But, she isn't going anywhere.

Lauren adds, "but...I have a very important question to ask. One you could answer."

Sounding a little better... Tuck figures, "good. Go on."

His eyes start to dry up.

Lauren questions, "have you ever been or do you ever plan on being a serial killer?"

Kind of all too casually... Tuck supposes, "well, I mean...you gotta keep your options open. But, I'd rather be a spy that kills killers before they do."

Mostly unphased... Lauren says, "okay. Fairly good answer."

They both faintly grin.

Tuck tells her, "Lauren, you're incredible."

Lauren tells him, "you're not so bad yourself Tuck."

Fifteen minutes later, at a one floor rental store called Vick's DVDs...

Lauren is standing on a moving escalator, heading below ground level into the mostly dark blue walled rental store.

Interestingly, she's got her sunglasses back on. But, she's grinning all the way down.

The eight super wide mostly black aisles are marked with two way plugged in plug styled signs over bright green: Going from Family to Collectors Editions to Drama. DVDs and Blu-Rays line the aisles.

Lauren looks through some DVDs. But, she faintly sighs with faint frustration.

She puts them back.

Then, as she's reaching for something in the Spy section... She almost bumps her hand into FDR's hand, who's also reaching for it.

Soon as they realize it... They both kind of awkwardly pull back their hands.

Lauren apologizes, "oh, I'm sorry."

Brushing it off casually... FDR insists, "no, it's okay. You take it. I was about to change my mind anyway."

He's wearing a open sleek gray black jacket over his white polo like shirt.

Lauren checks, "okay. You sure?"

FDR figures firmly, "you're not gonna like it. Twist ending you'll see coming a mile away."

With her head kind of tilted up... Lauren wonders, "and how would you know what I like?"

FDR confidently answers, "I know movies and women."

Lauren faintly grins in amusement.

She says, "really? I'm not like most women you might know. You could get disappointed with me."

FDR faintly smiles back.

He faintly laughs. Lauren faintly chuckles.

FDR then says, "mm. Is that a challenge?"

Lauren casually shrugs. She faintly smiles.

Lauren figures, "you found me in a good mood. Why not? Why don't you tell me what I want?"

She walks by him.

FDR smiles to himself just before walking by to catch up.

After a bit...

They're both standing in front of some DVDs on shelves at the end part of a aisle.

Lauren questions, "The Lady Vanishes? Why is that?"

She's holding a DVD copy of it as she asks.

FDR concludes, "well firstly, you can never go wrong with Hitchcock: Ever. It's got comedy, drama, romance, and thriller. It's classy but not stuffy. A little obscure. So, if you haven't seen it, you'll thank me for introducing you to it. If you have, you'll know what a good choice it was."

After a bit... Lauren recalls, "well, I have seen it."

FDR adds, "mm-hm."

Lauren faintly smiles. She states, "and it is a really good choice."

FDR smiles back. He goes, "mm."

Then... Lauren considers, "however, not as good as Rebecca, Notorious, Vertigo, Topaz, or pretty much other movies outside of Hitchcock's films I like. In fact, it's sort of a second tier title in my book. Sorry to kind of disappoint you."

Looking incredulous... FDR murmurs in near disbelief, "second tier?"

With a serious tone... Lauren says, "I don't mean to hurt your feelings. But, I see you surveying girls like they're DVDs to buy. The two problems are no one looks like a clean getaway, and girls don't like it when a womanizer comes in looking for easy targets."

FDR faintly nervously laughs, trying to still seem casual in front of her.

FDR asks, "what? Are you arresting me now?"

Lauren highlights, "no. You seem harmless. I'm perfectly capable of choosing my own movies. But, when you stop trying to look for easy targets and begin to really look at girls as girls, you'll find a lucky someone. Or, you'll find drama, one rental romance, and thrill on DVDs instead."

Lauren then puts back the DVD on the shelf.

She starts to walk away.

FDR is left speechless. He shakes his head in frustration.

As he starts to walk away though... Lauren suddenly turns back.

She stands facing him, making sure he catches her from the corner of his eye.

Catching the hint, FDR turns back to her.

Sounding very unsure now... FDR wonders, "what? You know where I can find her?"

Lauren faintly chuckles.

Lauren considers lightly, "well...you're cute. And, you're starting to sound like you're not trying too hard. I'll tell you what. I'll give you my number, and we'll see if you change your mind about trying to look for easy targets. Because to get me dear, you got to try harder."

FDR smiles. Lauren very faintly smiles back.

FDR concludes, "seems like a challenge. But, that's not all. You already seem to be the most interesting and thrilling woman in the room."

Lauren blushes a little. She says, "thank you."

FDR politely says, "you're welcome."

Lauren gets out her notepad from her handbag, ripping off a empty corner of it.

She gets out a pen. And over a empty part of a shelf, she writes her cell phone number on it.

Lauren then hands it to FDR. He pockets it in his open jacket.

After putting her notepad and pen back into her handbag, Lauren heads for the check out line.

On the way, she waves back to FDR.

They faintly smile to each other.

Before disappearing from sight, Lauren gets a copy of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.

On his way up the escalator up... FDR keeps smiling.

With a clenched hand in a ka-ching like motion down... He goes, "yes!"

Late that night, in C.I.A. headquarters in California...

On a mostly rustic DVD menu styled gray screen... Data Channels 1 and 2 windows are open: One dark blue and one gray. A Hash Table Length-Extension Attack window is open.

At the computer screen... There's a technical guy with medium black hair and glasses.

The technical guy asks, "so sir, you want me to hack into a rental store database?"

Sounding somewhat nervous... FDR contemplates out loud, "I think it could very well be a drop site for a unidentified spy. It could be for the Heinrich case. I'm not sure. That's why I'm asking."

Sounding kind of nervous himself... The technical guy says, "okay. Searching database."

FDR says, "all right, keep on scrolling."

Shipping records and DVD orders for stocking up come up on the Data Channel windows.

A Hit List Cross-Reference Attack window is also up. But, it comes up blank.

The technical guy points out, "I'm looking at the shipping records. But, there's no suspicious activity: Off or on the record."

FDR faintly sighs. He holds up his head contemplatively over the chair with a arm.

FDR figures, "okay. The possibly unidentified spy gave me a number before she left. Can we trace it back to who it is?"

A little nervously... The technical guy says, "we can."

FDR stands upright, taking his arm off the chair.

He firmly nods.

FDR tells him, "I'll give you the number."

After reading off the number from the scrap of paper... The technical guy starts a search.

A dark blue bordered Internal Gov Database Cross-Reference window comes up.

Names and pictures of California residents speed down in blurs.

After a bit, it stops at a certain name and picture: Lauren's.

A address is right under her name: 6226 Placido Drive Pasadena, CA 91105 USA.

FDR points a finger at the screen.

He realizes, "that's her."

The technical guy pauses, tilting up in his chair to turn to him.

The technical guy checks, "sir...you sure Collins authorized this? I want to still keep my job."

Not so casually... FDR admits, "so do I. I want to fully check this out before filing in a report to the boss."

The technical guy drops it, "okay then."

He scrolls through her driver's license, resume, cell phone contacts...

Then, he stops at the house mortgage.

The technical guy concludes, "now this is odd."

FDR wonders, "what is odd?"

The technical guy points out, "well, look at the mortgage payments."

On the screen is one big mortgage payment of over 10,000 dollars in June 18 2010.

But, the business lawyer that oversaw the deal has a message window in red letters next to it:

Company folded. Reason pending.

Investigation open, June 18 2010. Investigation closed, June 20 2010.

Somewhat nervously... FDR realizes, "there's only one big payment from two years ago. It was under a front company that folded. No explanation."

The technical guy adds, "exactly."

The next day in the early morning, in FDR and TBN's shared room...

The private pool and windows no longer have shutters over the glass. The electricity for the TV and the boombox is back up. The room is clean.

Silver rimmed black laptops are now on their desks. Some pens, CIA ID badges, some sizable stacks of dusty CIA reports and manila folders, and their pistols are also on their desks.

FDR and TBN are sitting at their desks.

FDR wears a mostly light blue buttoned shirt with dark tan blue stripes down it. TBN wears a dark gray T-shirt.

TBN casually inquires, "what were you doing on the computer last night?"

With some nervousness... FDR says, "I have a photo of my girl."

TBN firmly smiles. He comments, "that fast? Good for you."

FDR faintly smiles.

FDR figures, "Thank you. What about you?"

Sounding a bit amused... TBN figures, "man, I was doing the same thing. My woman said I could save a copy."

With some mixed feelings... FDR admits, "sure. For me...it's not that easy."

TBN brings up, "what do you mean?"

FDR says, "I think she could very well be a spy, TBN. I had to do a background check to try to be sure. But...I'm still not."

TBN looks off put some.

He comments, "I don't know if that's really creepy or romantic."

FDR supposes, ""spymantic". She was wearing sunglasses the whole time we were talking. But, she never said her name: She just gave me her number. I found out she had one big mortage payment for her house with a business lawyer. The company folded. No explanation. The investigation was quietly buried. But, I'll be sure to file a report to the boss as soon as I know for sure what the story is."

TBN concludes, "yeah. That does sound like she could be."

Sounding more casual all a sudden... FDR figures, "yeah. But, hey: Maybe she's for the good guys."

TBN firmly smiles. He says, "yeah. Hopefully."

FDR adds, "thank you." TBN adds, "you're welcome."

FDR wonders, "wanna see?"

TBN goes, "yeah sure. Wanna see her?"

They both smile.

FDR says, "yeah. I'd like to: Even though yours is probably from space."

TBN remarks, "I bet your spy woman has got claws under her gloves and howls at the moon."

FDR jokes, "she does. But she's still incredibly attractive without gloves."

TBN faintly laughs.

He then adds, "she's a 10."

FDR eagerly suggests, "go on three. I'll sound off."

TBN says, "one, two, three and go? All right."

FDR confirms, "okay."

FDR starts counting, "One..." TBN starts counting, "one..."

FDR goes, "...two, three." TBN goes, "...two, three."

They turn around their laptops at the same time, facing the opposite desk so they can see the photos on them.

But, as they each look at the opposite laptop screen... They look stunned.

For on both laptop screens...it's the same exact close up of Lauren's face: Slightly turning to a camera and grinning.

TBN kind of nervously realizes, "that's, uh..."

FDR is quicker on the last part of his thought, "...Lauren?"

He's pointing at the laptop screen opposite him with his elbow on the desk.

TBN asks, "that's your spy woman?"

FDR recalls, "right around the corner from the pub. I met her at the DVD store."

Kind of nervously... FDR tries to be assuring, "oh wow. I...I had no idea."

A little awkwardly... TBN reasons, "of course. How could you know that?"

FDR lies back in his chair, looking down nervously.

After a bit... FDR looks up.

He figures, "you know what? I'm gonna make this really easy. I'm gonna bow out. You date her."

TBN looks at him kind of funny, with his arm kind of out over the desk.

He asks, "hang on. Didn't she say she wanted to go out with you?"

FDR nervously gulps.

He insists though, "it doesn't matter. You're my best friend, and I don't want to make it unfair to you by getting in the picture."

TBN looks right at him. He argues, "yeah. But, you're my best friend too."

Firm sounding... FDR says, "yeah. But, you go date her."

TBN looks at him a little confused. He says, "well, I'm sorry. What does that mean?"

FDR implies, "come on Tuck: What else could I mean?"

TBN gets teary eyed. He moderately sighs.

After a bit... TBN thinks out loud, "I mean...yeah: I screwed up with Katie and my son Joe. But, that doesn't matter now. We haven't really been back out dating since spy academy. And, like anything..."

FDR adds, "... practice makes perfect, pal. Kind of yeah. But.."

TBN insists back, "you don't have to bow out because of me."

FDR looks kind of surprised. He straightens up in his chair.

He checks, "I don't?

TBN bluntly remarks, "I'm not concerned that she's gonna fall in love with you, pal. She works in product testing. You're still looking for werewolves. Spy, no spy, she'll roast you really bad. I'd be concerned for your dignity."

Kind of glaringly... FDR sarcastically comments, "yeah. How "very" nice of you. Thank you."

Kind of grinning... TBN adds, "you're welcome."

FDR casually goes, "sure. So, you do your thing: Whatever that is. And, um..."

TBN finishes the thought, "...just let her decide."

FDR kind of nervously adds, "yeah." TBN kind of nervously adds, "yeah."

FDR, "while we're at it, why don't we put some ground rules in?"

More serious sounding... TBN concludes, "yep. We should. One, I think we should tell her we know each other."

FDR firmly nods. He says, "right. Good idea."

TBN then adds, "two, we stay out of each other's way with dating."

FDR goes, "all right. And three: No hanky-panky."

TBN faintly laughs.

He comments, "god. What are you, five?"

FDR briefly puts up his hands like TBN is pointing a gun at him.

He says, "hey. I could maybe still use some pointers. Cut me some slack, pal."

TBN says, "all right. And if this ever starts to affect our friendship or seriously compromise our spy work..."

FDR is quick to say, "which it won't." TBN repeats, "...which it won't..."

FDR finishes the thought, "...then we walk away."

TBN adds, "done."

FDR concludes, "so then, we...we have a gentleman's agreement."

TBN confirms, "yes. We do."

FDR lightly says, "may the best man win."

TBN adds, "the best man for Lauren."

FDR figures nervously, "right. For the lady, for her, the best man for Lauren."

There's a awkward silence.

FDR moderately sighs.

TBN asks, "what's wrong?"

FDR realizes, "I can't ask you for pointers now, can I?"

TBN laughs.

Sounding a little amused... He points out, "sorry man. But, we just agreed. Too late now."

FDR mutters kind of annoyedly, "damn."