I GOT A LAPTOP FOR CHRISTMAS. THANK YOU, JESUS. On a side note, I'm baaack. Hahaha. It's winter break. Merry day after Christmas. It's wrestling season. YAYAYAYA. Luckily for you, I'm all yours until New Year's, so I'm trying to update all of my stories at least once. Anyway, enjoy the chapter. It's ultra-crazy and innocently inappropriate as always.

Sidenote: I do not own rights to TMI, the characters, blah blah blah. I just make them crazy, delusional and senile.

Hi

IMPORTANT INFORMATION AT VERY BOTTOM!

Hi

Clary's POV

"Good morning." I opened my eyes and was met with the liquid golden pools of Jace. I smiled up at him and rested my head back against his upper arm. It looked like he had been awake for quite some time now and I felt my cheeks blush as I wondered how long he had been staring at me.

Uncle Luke always teased me when I came down for breakfast without getting ready and called me a hot mess. He said my hair would be sticking up in every direction and I would have dry drool crusted in the corner of my mouth. I wiped at my lips just in case. He also swore I had terrible dragon breath, but I didn't think it tasted all that bad right now. It reminded me of strawberries.

"Good morning to you, too." I grinned as it donned on me. I, Clarissa Adele Fray, had just slept in a bed with a boy over night for the first time. My mother would kill me. To make matters worse, it was Jace, the ultimate golden bad boy.

I rolled onto my other side and pressed my back into his firm chest. When I couldn't see his breathtaking face, I felt like I was still in control. My ratty old t-shirt had ridden up around my belly and his hand rested on my hip, heating up the soft skin around it. His warm breath tickled the shell of my ear. "How did you sleep?"

"Amazing." I hummed and he laughed at me. I elbowed his stomach defensively and he wrapped his arms around mine and pulled me against him to counter my attack.

"Ow." He whined and I rolled my eyes even though I knew he couldn't see it.

"That didn't hurt and you know it." I deadpanned, but I couldn't fight a smile. I knew we would have to get up eventually, but I would be okay laying around forever with him.

I snuggled into his side further and pulled the comforter up to our necks. I wiggled my butt to get comfortable and could feel something odd pressing into my back. "Are you allergic to bees?"

"What?" I could hear the smile on Jace's voice and I craned my head to look at his confused expression.

"Are you allergic to bees?" I asked again, trying to make sense of things.

"No, why?" He let go of my waist and I immediately felt the loss of warmth.

"I'm allergic to bees." I told him honestly and he shot me a strange look, but I sat up and continued on with my story. "This one time, I got stung on my toe and my entire foot swelled up for a few days. It hurt really badly and I cried and my foot was huge and hard and I couldn't walk on it."

"That's great, Sparky, but what does any of that have to do with me being allergic to bees?" Jace sounded a little annoyed, but I knew he was probably just hungry. Then again, Jace was always angry. I shouldn't take it so personally, but I did.

I wasn't sure how to say this without dying of embarrassment, so I tried to put on the serious face Mommy always used when I was in trouble or she needed to tell me something important. "I think a bee stung your pee pee."

Jace noticeably paled as his eyes grew the size of saucers and he simultaneously started choking. I tried to reach out and help him, but he recoiled from my touch and I frowned. After a few minutes, he had recovered from my accusations, but he wouldn't look me directly in the eyes yet.

"A bee didn't sting my-," If I didn't know better, I would have thought Jace was embarrassed. His ears were bright red and his low cut V-neck revealed blotchy pink skin. "Down there."

"Are you sure?" I pulled back the covers and looked at his dark wash jeans. Even through their thick material, it was obvious there was something up (A/N: Pun totally intended. ;D). There was an unusual bulge and I tilted my head in confusion, reaching out my hands to touch it out of curiosity.

Jace's hand shot out and latched on to mine before I could get too close and I looked away blushing. It's not like I knew what I was doing, anyway.

"I'm sure." His face looked almost as strained as his voice and I cocked (A/N: It's safe to assume any suggestive word play I chose is on purpose in this or any scene) my head to the side. I felt the urge to kiss the lines between his eyebrows away and I felt like butterflies were wreaking havoc in my belly.

"But, it's so big and hard." For some reason I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of it. I had never seen someone naked in person other than myself, so I didn't really know what it was supposed to look like other than the images I had created in my head based off of cartoons and the shows I had stayed up late watching on adult swim when I was little until mommy caught me one night.

"I know." Jace was smirking arrogantly like he knew something I didn't, which I guess he did. Finally he covered himself with his hand and I looked up at him feeling oddly jealous of a hand. "Didn't they make you learn about the birds and the bees in fifth grade?"

"I was home schooled after third grade and they only taught me about bees after I got hurt." I explained. I still wanted to know why it was like Jace had woken up with a block of cheese in his pants, but it was clear he wasn't going to tell me. I liked cheese. Colby Jack was my favorite.

"You're so oblivious it kills me, Red." The blonde groaned loudly and threw himself back against my mattress. He had one arm slung across his eyes and the other was still covering himself casually.

I sat straight as a rod and looked between him, Theodore, his crotch and the door repeatedly. "Do you want me to go get Hodge?"

"By the Angel, no. Lay with me." Jace finally stopped touching himself and patted the spot beside him. I happily used his arm as a pillow and faced him, making sure to keep my distance from his lower region

"Okay." We were quiet for a while as he played with my hair lazily. Finally I turned my head and he immediately met my innocent gaze. "Does it hurt?"

"Sort of." He tried to shrug his shoulders, but since I was on top of him, he just wiggled around awkwardly and I giggled.

"What does that mean?" I wondered if his lips were as smooth and soft as they looked.

"It doesn't hurt like when you scrape your knee or get a shot. It's just uncomfortable." He tried to explain and I nodded along like I understood but I didn't. I thought it would be worse than getting a shot. Jace made it sound like it happened all the time. Maybe it did.

"That doesn't sound fun." I tried to imagine walking around every day with a balloon in my pants. Could he even walk right now?

"Oh, relieving it can be." Jace was studying the ceiling design as he said this, but I caught the suggestive tone of his voice.

"How do you do that?" I questioned, my curiosity peeked. Whatever made Jace smile like that, I wanted to do it to him, especially if it was fun.

"We're not having this talk anymore." Jace cleared his throat and stood up tersely, his mood changing with the shift of the wind. "Go ask your friend Mia."

His back was facing me and I could see how ridged and stiff he had grown. Frowning, I joined him and placed my hands on his shoulder blades like I had seen Mommy do to Uncle Luke when he was drunk and they would fight. "You're not still mad at me for that, are you?"

Jace swiveled around suddenly, catching me off guard and nearly knocking me off my feet, but he caught me by my wrist before I could fall. "If you want to be friends with people that may try to kill you in your sleep, then fine, go ahead. You're the one with a death wish."

"Simon says the same things about you." I could feel tears stinging my eyes from his words and threatening to spill over.

Jace released my hand roughly. His eyes were dark and hard. "Maybe you should listen to him."

"Maybe I will." I swallowed the growing knot in the back of my throat and blinked as tears began spilling down my cheeks. I turned away from Jace, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had gotten to me yet again.

"Clary, I'm sorry. I don't want to fight." I felt his strong arms wrap around me and he spun me around. He began to wipe away my tears with the pads of his thumbs and he kissed my forehead. "Please don't cry."

"You're a jerkface, you know that, right?" I looked up at him and laughed weakly, helping him to dry my cheeks.

When I was as good as new he ran his hands through my hair twice and smirked down at me. "I know. Come on. Let's go get you some breakfast."

"Okay, let me just tuck Theo in." I walked over to my best friend and blushed when he gave me a knowing look that told me he had been watching the whole exchange. I placed him back in the middle of the bed and kissed his cheek sweetly before pulling the blanket up to his shoulders. "I'll bring you a jelly biscuit, okay?"

I returned to Jace's side and he grabbed my hand. I moved to shut the door, but paused as he stuck his head back inside. "Bye, Theodore. Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on her."

He winked at me and I rolled my eyes. Theo was going to give me an earful later. "Let's go."

We were almost to the dining hall when Jace dropped my hand. Sadness washed over me and I thought for sure he was ashamed to be seen with me. "Hey, you go ahead, but I'm going to make a pit stop at the bathroom for a while, okay?"

"Does this have to do with relieving your problem?" I whispered and looked down at his pants. Yep, he was still hard as a rock.

"You could say that." Jace smirked and I really wanted to kiss him. I wish we were FWB like Magnus suggested.

Suddenly a thought popped into my head. "Does peeing make it go away?"

"You're so fucking cute, Little Red." Jace grinned at me ear to ear. "Now go eat some breakfast."

With that he was off in the other direction. I stood there staring after him for a moment before finally taking his advice and heading for our usual table. Most of our friends were already half way through their meals by the time I loaded my plate and sat down. There had been a huge line of people looking for seconds, so I had to wait for what seemed like forever.

"Look who finally decided to show up." Magnus drawled lazily as he bit into an apple.

"Yeah, we were starting to think you were gonna ditch us." Mia shouldered me playfully on my right side.

"Sorry, I was preoccupied." I explained vaguely as I munched on a toaster strudel and observed Simon's plate of carrots carry out a conversation of their own.

"By whom, may we ask? Jace isn't back, is he?" Alec asked as he shoveled bacon into his mouth. He was trying to come off casual, but we both knew he was anxious to see his companion. I wondered if I was supposed to bring up Ally or if he even remembered anything. I decided against it.

My silence was apparently an answer in and of itself, because everyone was suddenly littering me with questions.

"Oh my God! He is, isn't he?"

"When did he get back?"

"Where has he been?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" They all spoke so quickly I wasn't sure who said what or what half the questions even were, but I knew the last one was Max, and his face looked extremely hurt.

I wanted to hug him and tell him that I'm sorry and that I don't know why I didn't tell him as soon as I found out, but suddenly all of their questions stopped. "Jace!"

I whipped my head around to find Jace taking his usual seat beside me. I couldn't help but glance down and I noticed his pants were much baggier again. Whatever he had done, it had clearly worked.

"Hey, guys. Long time no see." Jace stole a bite of sausage off of my plate and waved at everyone. He made sure to wave at Max the longest and even gave him a wink. I couldn't help but feel jealous, or at least I did until he took a swig of my orange juice.

I slapped his arm roughly and scowled at him to show I wasn't playing around. I may not be big on food, but that didn't mean I was big on sharing it either. "Get your own plate."

"Fine, I will." Jace stuck out his tongue smartly and stole the remainder of my sausage link to show me who was in charge as he walked off. I rolled my eyes at him and if I was one of the mean kids on the bus, I would have flipped him off.

"Um, what was that?" Mia asked me suspiciously.

"What?" I had no clue what she meant.

"Sassy pants is on to something." Magnus agreed and leaned across the table. "Why are you and Mr. Tall Dark and brooding all flirtatious?"

"I have no clue what you're talking about." My cheeks were so hot I was nearly positive I could cook my own breakfast on them. Were we that obvious?

"Don't even try playing that game." Mia threatened me, but I just shrugged innocently and crammed my eggs into my mouth as fast as possible to avoid having to answer.

"What game?" Jace was back and he looked me right in the eye. I nearly choked as I tried to swallow the entire heap at the same time.

"Nothing. We were just wondering what we would do after you finish up." I covered quickly and Alec gave me an approvingly nod, though I knew he was about as found of Jace and I being together as Simon was.

"I'm not really up for games today. I was thinking we could just break off in groups and hang out." Jace contributed as he stabbed his stuffed omelet with his fork. His other hand crept onto my knee and I bit back a squeal. He began to draw simple designs with his finger tips and it tickled faintly deep inside my bones. He raised an eyebrow at me questionably.

"Actually," I cleared my throat, "I was thinking we could do something like that, too. You, Max, Alec and Simon can all hang out. Then Mia, Magnus and I can all hang out. Kind of like a boys and girls day. What do you guys think?"

"That sounds great!" Max agreed and he stood up, already clearing his plate and ready to go. I noticed that Jace had dropped his hand.

"Sounds good with me. We are going to have a blast!" Mia finalized the plans and they all got up, leaving me to finish my juice and Jace who was almost finished. He was such a typical guy.

As soon as they were all out of ear shot I turned to look at him. "Are you mad at me?"

Instead of answering my question, he asked one of his own. "Why don't you want to hang out with me?"

"I do." I insisted and glanced at the group. They would me returning any moment. "Max mentioned how you haven't been spending a lot of time with him since I got here and he really misses you. I don't want to be the reason he is sad. Besides, you can just come over later if you want."

"Oh. Well, now I feel like a selfish asshole." Jace grinned at me and I wanted to kiss him again, but I reminded myself that he still wasn't my boyfriend or my FWB.

"You are." I reassured him and threw away my trash.

Clary's POV

"Wait, are you trying to tell me you put Jordan's," I tried to think of a more appropriate word than what they had been using all night, since Magnus told me pee pee mad me sound like I was three years old and that wasn't attractive. "Wiener in your mouth?"

For the last hour and a half, the two of them had been trying to explain to me what exactly a hard on was and what exactly it entailed. It all started when I asked Magnus if it ever felt like he or Alec had a block of cheese in their pants when they woke up.

This led to him and Mia sharing lots of new terminology with me, drawing diagrams, acting out scenarios and answering all of my ridiculous questions. Thank the Angel that the asylum didn't have Wi-Fi or I probably would have been scarred by whatever videos they could have found on the dark side of YouTube or on the adult websites Mommy blocked on our computer.

"Yep. You should try it. It's fun." Mia licked her lips and it reminded me of the wolf in the three pigs' story after he blew down the first two houses and devoured them.

"It really is. It's even better when you use your hands and your mouth." Magnus insisted with a wink and mimed wanking off Alec as he licked what I now knew was called the shaft. The image was all two vivid in my head and I felt myself turning green.

"You two are disgust. Guys pee out of there." I informed them and fought the urge to puke all over my cute shirt. I had changed after breakfast into a bright blue dress shirt that I wore to church on Sundays. We hadn't been to church in a long time, but it was always my favorite shirt to wear.

"That's not the only thing we do." Magnus began, but I clamped my hands over my ears and curled up in a ball.

"I don't want to know!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. I was sure the entire building had heard me. I had told them that probably a hundred times in the last hour, but for whatever reason, they decided to take me serious this time and they actually fell silent.

Finally I sat up and let out a sigh. It was nice just sitting here not being bombarded and having your childhood ruined. I watched the rain outside fall in light sheets. I liked the weather today. It was still sunny outside and the raindrops were multicolored like rainbows. The clouds were also transparent and looked more like marshmallows than cotton balls.

As I was noticing was beginning to be a trend, my thoughts drifted back to Jace. I was the first to break the silence. "Does that mean that sleeping with me makes Jace excited?"

"Wait, you guys were sleeping together?" Mia's eyes were huge and I just gave her a strange look.

"I don't think she means it like that. That'll have to be a talk for another day." Magnus told Mia and I felt left out, but after our last talk, I was perfectly okay with it for once.

"Why were you and Jace sleeping together?" Mia rephrased her questioning.

"I don't know. I had a bad dream and he heard me screaming in the middle of the night. He had just got back I think and he crawled into my bed and we fell asleep together." I was blushing, but I wasn't sure why. The moment was intimate, but these were my friends, I could tell them anything.

"So, that's why you were asking about blocks of cheese." Magnus laughed and I glared daggers at him, making him stop short. "Why didn't you just ask him about it?"

"I did." I thought about telling them about my allergy to bees theory, but remembered how red Jace had gotten and decided against it. "He told me to talk to Mia."

"Now I know why you grouped us the way you did. You're a crafty little one, aren't you? I'm going to keep my eye on you." Mia waggled a finger at me and I pretended to nip at it.

Suddenly Izzy popped up out of nowhere and jumped onto my lap. "Meow."

"Izzy! Where have you been?" She rolled onto her back and meowed again as she stretched out, allowing me more access to her pinkish belly. I noticed she looked a little dirty on her feet and hands and her hair had mud like on Jace's boots.

"You're not allowed to just disappear like that anymore, okay? I missed you." I kissed her cheek and we all started cooing over her until she passed out sprawled on all of us.

Tadaaa. There you guys go. I loved this chapter personally, but feel free to review or PM me your opinion. Actually, please review/PM me. I'm needy. I'll try to update SVGW and ALLW soon and I updated TDACF yesterday. Update: Still depressed, but coping well and thankful for every day and your reviews, PMs and concerns. You guys are wonderful and I love you. God bless!

IMPORTANT: I'm thinking of including a Halloween or simply costume party in the next few chapters. What should everyone be? I need ideas! THANK YOU.

ALSO IMPORTANT: I am considering doing part of the next chapter in Jace's POV. Specifically the boner scene starting when they wake up and lasting until after he "relieves" himself. Tell me what you guys think and you guys can decide how exactly he relieves himself i.e. shower, hand, etc. Possible chance for first real smut in the story. Obviously, I'm excited, since I'm an open perverted freak.