A/N: hey everyone! I hope you like this chapter. I promise that things are going to be much lighter and easier on the heart from now on! Things will be tough st first while she recovers, but I'll make up for it :)

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight!

BPOV:

A tapping sound succeeded in bringing me out of the darkness of unconsciousness. It was a nervous sound, uneven and restless.

I felt a light stroking sensation trailing up and down my forearm. Up and down. Back and forth. Slowly, yet comfortingly.

I hesitantly opened my eyes and warily glanced around the room. My heart leapt victoriously in my chest when realizing that I was in a hospital, and not in that cabin.

It turns out that the tapping noise was a foot, impatiently stomping against the linoleum floor. I looked over to find that it was Edward's foot tapping against the floor anxiously and Edward's fingertips gliding across my bruised skin.

I felt tears welling in my eyes at the sight of him. He wasn't looking at me, so he was unaware of the fact that I was awake and alert. He was looking at the TV across the room, but it didn't seem as though he was paying attention to the mindless sitcom.

His brows were furrowed, his hair even messier than usual. I could tell he had been assaulting it with his hands. He looked like a total mess, but he was still so fucking beautiful. A beautiful mess.

A beautiful mess that I didn't deserve. At all.

Just glancing at him made tears swim in my eyes immediately. He was perfect, far too fucking perfect. He was every single girl's dream, and he was stuck with a pathetic girl like me.

Could I really allow him to continue being with me? Could I be that fucking selfish? Hey, Edward, I know that you are literally the most perfect person alive - and that you deserve everything under the sun - but will you still settle for me? A girl who was abused for years, allowing it to happen? A girl who was so stupid that she legitimately walked into a kidnapping? A girl who was sexually assaulted by another man not even a full week after losing her virginity to you?

I scowled at the inner workings of my brain. Deep down, I knew my negative thoughts were right. Edward deserved to be with a whole woman who could give him the world, not a broken girl that he would be forced to put back together.

After Jacob - I hated to even think the word - raped me, I was too focused on surviving Phil's torture to give any thought to the sexual assault. Now, it was beginning to eat at me. I felt pieces of myself floating away, my spirit shattered. I was mortified.

Every time I blinked my eyes, I swear I was brought back to Jacob's bedroom. The horrid memories were as clear as if it just happened a second ago. Would it always be that way?

The worst part was that I truly believed Jacob was my cousin and that he actually wanted to help me. The sense of betrayal that I felt was very strong, and I grew scared that all the ones I've grown to trust would abandon me. I should have known that good things aren't meant for me. They never have been, and I guess they never will be.

I was disgusted with myself, and I felt absolutely filthy. However, I don't think any shower would make me clean. The realization was hitting me like a ton of bricks.

Edward wouldn't want me now. I promised him that i would only belong to him forever, but then I'm stupid enough to walk into a trap that involves me being… raped.

Suddenly, he glanced over at me, and I felt terribly undeserving of the love in his green eyes when he looked at me.

"Bella," he breathed in relief before lying down next to me, pulling me into his arms after carefully maneuvering around the wires attached to me. Could I really let this go? This feeling of warmth and protection when he held me like this? Despite all of these terrible emotions, I've never felt so safe than in this moment. My heart skipped a beat at his perfect touch.

He kissed the top of my head. "I'm so sorry, love. I'm so fucking sorry. Please forgive me," he croaked. "I should have gone with you... none of this would have happened. I'm so fucking sorry, baby. Are you okay? How do you feel?" He was talking a mile a minute, his words a jumbled mess of raw emotions. His arms held me so tightly against him. I relaxed a little at the sound of his voice. Angry, pained and scared, but still velvety and soothing.

"My family is downstairs getting food, do you want them to come back?"

"No, let them eat. What happened?" I croaked.

"We found your note, Bella. In the motel. It was easy to narrow down your location from then. SWAT drove up to the house first and Phil, Billy and Jacob immediately started shooting at them. Thank God they were drunk, because they didn't even get close to shooting anyone. SWAT took them down with no problem. They're dead, Bella, all 3 of them. They can't hurt you ever again."

I felt my jaw drop. They're… dead. Last thing I remember was Phil throwing me in the basement like a rag doll because I accidentally burnt their bacon and toast for breakfast. He spewed curse words at me left and right and punched me in the face before throwing me downstairs. I vaguely remember him shoving a needle into my arm, wanting me unconscious so he "didn't have to deal with me."

Still… dead. I never would have thought that I would win. There was a war between Phil and I for years, and he won every single battle. In what story has the winner of every battle ever lost the entire war? It was a fucking miracle. I gasped for air, feeling myself hyperventilating. I couldn't control the raging emotions, they were soaring through me at the speed of light.

Edward glanced at me with a wary expression. He brushed his thumbs across my cheekbones, wiping my tears. "Shh, love, it's okay now. You're safe."

I didn't deserve any of it. I didn't deserve the emotions behind his worried words. I didn't deserve the pleasantry of his arms. I didn't deserve his fucking love.

I couldn't do this to him any longer. I loved him too much to watch him settle for a girl like me - a person with countless demons and insecurities. A girl who lacks the strength to keep the demons away.

"Please... just stop," I whispered, keeping my eyes cast downward.

"What's wrong? Do you need a nurse?"

I sighed. "No, Edward, I need you to stop."

The confusion in his voice was strong. "Stop what?"

"Just... stop caring."

He grabbed my chin gently and forced me to look up at him. His eyes held frustration, his brows receding into his eyelids.

"What do you mean, Bella? Why are you saying this shit?"

"I'm not worth your time anymore."

He opened his mouth, but he seemed to be at a loss of words. Finally, he found his voice, and it was laced with anger. "Don't you fucking dare do this, Bella. Don't you dare."

"Do what?!"

"Don't let those sick fuckers break you! None of this was your fault, and you couldn't have done a damn fucking thing to stop them. Don't let them do this to you!"

"Too late." I couldn't believe how dead my voice sounded.

He scowled, pursing his lips. "Stop it, Isabella Marie Swan. I love you more than you could ever know. The way you see yourself has nothing to do with the way I see you."

"How do you see me then, Edward?! How do you not see a pathetic excuse of a girl who seems to attract nothing but negativity and pain?! How do you not see a charity case?! I'm not worth your fucking time. I deserve to be stuck with someone like Jacob. Someone without a beautiful soul like yours." The tears were flowing down my cheeks, landing on my hands.

If he looked angry before, he was absolutely livid now. "Don't even say shit like that. How could you say that to me?! Do you know how much I wish I was the one to kill Jacob? And then I hear you saying that you deserve to be with him?! Damnit, Bella! Stop this right now! You're letting them get to you and they're not even alive anymore!"

"That's the problem, Edward. That's what I'm getting at. No matter what happened to them, I will always be scarred by what they did. I will never be a normal girl, and that's what you need. A. Normal. Girl. Why can't you see that and accept it?"

"Because it's not fucking true. Why can't you see that and accept it?" He quoted me sourly. "I love you, Bella, through thick and thin. I don't fucking care what you think I need. I know what I need, and it's YOU. Do you even know how much pain I was in while you were gone? My life is nothing without you. NOTHING. So, tell me why you think it is in my best fucking interest to let you go."

"You just don't understand," I mumbled, upset by the anger I caused him.

He sighed, and the anger in his eyes disappeared and was replaced with nothing but raw pain. My throat grew tight when I saw a few tears fall out of his orbs. I couldn't stand the sight of him so distraught. I felt like I got punched in the fucking gut - and that's a pain I know a lot about.

"Please," he whispered, cupping my cheeks in his smooth hands, searching my eyes in a pleading, desperate manner. "Don't let him do this to us."

"Edward-"

"Bella, I never thought love could be so strong until I found you. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you. You are my entire life, no matter what. Don't you see that?"

My heart felt like it was disintegratingh in my chest at his words. I knew he was saying this now, but he would change his mind once he really understood everything they did to me. I was nothing but dirty, used goods now. He would see that, eventually, and want nothing to do with me.

He continued. "I'm sorry I yelled at you a second ago. That was stupid of me. It's just that the thought of losing you sends me into a panic. My heart is yours, love, forever. I don't want it back. It's yours to keep."

"Bella?!" Alice's voice rang out as she opened the door. She wore a huge smile on her face as she ran over to me, hugging me against her. Edward still held me against his chest, so it was an odd hug. He made no move to let me go. I was suddenly thankful for Alice's interruption. That conversation with Edward was not something I was ready for.

"You don't even know how happy I am to see you awake!" Alice began to cry into the crook of my neck. "We're so sorry, Bella! I missed you so much."

I pecked the top of her head. "I missed you, too, Ali. It's okay."

She sighed, wiping her under eyes before glaring at me. "It's not okay."

"Oh, dear!" Esme smiled through thick tears as she approached the 3 of us, grabbing my hand and holding it against her heart. "Oh, Bella, sweetie. How do you feel?"

I frowned, debating. How did I feel? How much time did Esme have? I needed hours - maybe days - to lay my feelings out on the fucking table.

I settled with "Okay... just uncomfortable."

"Bella," Carlisle waltzed into the room, his eyes swimming with relief. An older man followed him in a white labcoat. His hair was extremely long and dark, like Billy Black's. I shuddered at the memory, my heart beating heavily in my chest. "I heard you talking, so I grabbed your doctor. How do you feel, dear?" He asked, gently placing his fingertip on my chin and softly turning my head in order to examine the damage on my face. The doctor stood next to him, writing on a clipboard.

"I'm okay," I muttered.

"Bella, my name is Dr. Aro," the man introduced himself. He smiled warmly, but made no move to touch me at all. I liked him already. He seemed to respect boundaries.

Or, he probably was aware of the fact that I was abused, kidnapped and raped, and figured I would flip out if a stranger touched me.

He was probably right.

"How are you feeling?"

"O-okay," I stammered weakly.

"It's great to see you awake and alert. He began checking different dials on the machines attached to me. He was silent as he wrote on the clipboard. Edward's family kept their eyes trained on me, which made me a tad uncomfortable. It looked as though they were waiting for me to combust. I guess it looked like I would to them.

"Bella, if it's alright, I would like to speak with you privately for a moment."

Without realizing, I grabbed onto Edward's hand and squeezed for dear life. I shouldn't have, if I plan on forcing my way out of his life, but it was completely on impulse.

Dr. Aro noticed my distress. "He can stay, if you wish," he murmured as Edward rubbed circles into the back of my hand and smiled in encouragement.

Esme kissed my forehead, and Alice and Carlisle smiled with warmth before the 3 of them left the room.

Dr. Aro sighed. "Bella, this will not be pleasant to discuss, but I need to know if you would like to be examined for sexual assault."

My eyes widened, and I felt Edward's hand tighten around mine, his body growing rigid. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Not a peep. Could I really talk about that? In front of Edward? He would definitely leave me if I did. He would be utterly disgusted.

"Bella, love, relax, it's okay, you're safe now." I didn't realize my heart was racing - shown by the monitor - and I was hyperventilating until Edward spoke.

"I know it's scary, Bella, but it is a great course of action to take a time like this."

Tears fell from my eyes, landing on my hospital gown heavily. All I could do was shake my head. I was terrified that an examination would force me to relive that night. To relive his rough hands holding me down. His putrid breath so close to my face. His angry eyes boring into mine. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.

"She doesn't seem comfortable with the idea, sir," Edward was polite, but there was a warning in his tone.

"I understand, but-"

"Please, no," was all I could whisper.

Dr. Aro sighed in frustration, but nodded in defeat. "Would you at least like to talk about it?"

I hid my face in my hands, hoping he'd get the memo.

"She doesn't want to discuss that, doctor. Please, allow her to heal in her own way."

"Mr. Cullen, I understand your concern - I truly do - but it would really be best for Bella to express her emotions and talk about what happened."

"And she will," Edward growled protectively. "But she hasn't even been awake for 30 minutes yet. Don't rush her."

Dr. Aro gave Edward a bit of a dirty look before mumbling something about grabbing something for me. He shuffled out of the room after smiling gently at me.

Edward immediately grabbed my face in his hands, searching my eyes wildly. "Baby, listen to me. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. This isn't your fault, and it certainly does not make you any less of a person. You'll always be my warm, strong, beautiful Bella, okay?"

I felt my lower lip trembling as I gazed into his eyes. He leaned forward and gently kissed my forehead. "We will get through this together, love. I will never leave you. I will never give up on you, especially because of this. I'm yours forever, I promise. I know I said it before - and failed you - but I will never let anyone hurt you ever again. You're safe with me."

I smiled gently, not knowing what to say. Because, the fear of him leaving me because of this would not go away. It was a weight on my shoulders that I simply couldn't lift. I knew Edward deserved better, I just didn't know when he would finally realize it.