Author's note: THANKYOU THANKYOU for your reviews. You make me so happy. I am glad you are enjoying the story.

This is the part where it gets difficult. Developing and expressing jasper's inner turmoil is tricky and I gave it my best shot. Tell me if it is satisfactory. Is it what you thought jasper's thoughts are like?

Enjoy!!!

Chapter 4

Alabama

My eyes glowed a vibrant red now, as I made my way back, slowly, to Alice's hotel. It was nearing midnight now. Her words were running through my head, over and over. She had made me face, once again, the cause of my depression; my loss of humanity. I was a nightmare, I knew it. I had killed hundreds, hundreds! The slaughter I witnessed, the carnage I partook in. I was a monster of the grisliest kind. Now, I wanted simplicity. I wanted peace. But who was I to ask for these mercies when I was so…so, evil? I did not deserve it. That was for sure.

A small part of me argued the defense. It was what I was taught. I was bred to do Maria's bidding. I had no control over my actions, I was a puppet. I could not be blamed for my upbringing. I could not be blamed for my lack of a…conscience? I had no conscience then, but it sprouted sometime later…didn't it?

My inner voice continued. No, I still don't have a conscience. The only reason I hate to feed is because of the way it makes me feel, the way it makes me remember what I lost. I don't feel remorse for the human's loss of life, just for mine. Not like Alice. She feels real remorse. So pure, so kind she is. She is everything that I am not.

And that, of course, was the reason that I was now sprinting up the stairs to her door.

She opened the door and threw her arms around me, taking me completely by surprise. Her aura swathed me in gratitude and the other thing-the warmth. My chest was so warm now, I was sure a thermometer would note the difference. How to reciprocate? How to reciprocate, purely? I carefully put my hands behind her back. Her cheek was pressed firmly to my chest. I stroked her long hair tentatively. She breathed deeply. "Thank you," her voice was saturated with sincerity.

"So what do we do now?" I asked. We had been quiet for quite a while. She was laying face-up, eyes closed across the bed with her right hand on her chest and her left hand in mine. I was sitting at her side, my thumb gliding back and forth along her fingers. I had just been listening to her breathe, sunbathing in her aura. With every new inch of her skin that I brushed, the warmth seemed to grow. Without looking at her, I unbuttoned the cuff around her wrist, meaning to expose some more skin in an effort to increase to pleasant temperature. That was when her body went rigid.

"I'm sorry Miss Alice…I swear I meant no harm," the words tumbled out of me. Her eyes were open now but they were unfocused- or rather- they were focused on something distant. "Alabama," she gasped.

"Alabama?"

"That's where Carlisle and they are headed next." She explained

"So you want to go find them?"

She winced slightly and looked at me apologetically, "No," she said softly, " I hope it's not too much to ask…I want us to go find them," she looked into my eyes. I wondered if they betrayed how much I enjoyed her presence.

"Alabama is a big place, you know," I answered, her arms were around me again and I couldn't help it, I leaned my head down to her shoulder and rested it there. It had been a long time since I had felt this closeness to anyone.

In only ten hours, this strange girl and I had bonded immeasurably. I was addicted to her presence and she seemed to like being near to me. I was happy. Of course, this girl had never met any other vampires, creatures that could share her nature, so she probably was not the best judge of what 'good company' was. She didn't exactly have a choice though. I didn't let this possibility shroud my happiness. Happiness was such a fleeting thing for me; I did whatever was necessary to prolong the feeling. I imagined that she liked travelling with me, that she preferred my company to anyone else, that she liked me for me. Ahh, wishful thinking.

We left immediately. To move around, comfortably and inconspicuously, we needed funds. In the dead of night, Alice and I infiltrated a few closed shops and raided it of all the cash. To remain discreet among humans I snagged a pair of dark sunglasses for each of us. It was a necessary part of our plan to get to Alabama. Before we got to the train station, Alice fed in her 'moral' fashion and then we were on our way. Our alienness ensured us a cab to ourselves. She sat across from me and smiled, "Thank you," she repeated. In the close, little space , she made me feel toasty warm. My mouth pulled up involuntarily at the corners.

"How are we going to find them once we get there?" I asked.

"Just like I found you, I will have to pay very close attention. It will take some time, but it's the best I can do." She replied. She leaned back and closed her eyes. Her breathing slowed and she raised her hand to rub her temple.

About two hours into the train ride, her eyes snapped open, "Emmett and Edward are planning a hunting trip next Wednesday. Carlisle cannot go because he has to work," she informed me.

"What does he do?"

"Oh, he is a doctor," she said nonchalantly.

"A doctor, as in, he treats humans…humans that have blood?" I asked incredulously

"Yes, yes."

"Are you sure he doesn't feed off them?" I asked suspiciously.

"No," she replied confidently, "His eyes are always yellow-gold."

"Animal blood makes their eyes yellow," I mused, "but, your eyes are red, why aren't they yellow?" She was overcome by guilt and sorrow.

"Remember, I killed a man before I met you," she said softly, "Human blood makes our eyes red, it will take a while before the animal blood changes it back," she sighed. I reached out for her hand. She smiled at my gesture. Her hand was so small, so smooth. I stroked her palm, always acutely aware of how this made her feel.

"Can you make me happy?" she asked suddenly. Her question carried several meanings in my head. "I mean now, can you make me feel happy," she clarified. I understood. "Yes," I replied.

"Well, do it. I want to feel happy." I could see no harm in her request so I obliged. I was already happy right there so I just stretched out my aura to meet hers. Her mouth pulled up in a breathtaking smile and her features relaxed, her whole body relaxed. She leaned back again, leaving her hand in mine and closed her eyes. She remained like that for the rest of the trip.

I checked us in at Hotel L'Amour. It was a large, fancy hotel. Our room was white walled and a crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling.

"I can see them more clearly now because we are closer." She explained.

"I was thinking," I began, "If Carlisle is a doctor… that means he must be registered at a hospital. Do you know his surname?"

She wrinkled her nose, " I can see things that they do and things that they say, the information I gather is restricted to what I am able to see and hear and I haven't heard him use his surname yet. But that is an excellent idea. If I can get lucky and hear his last name then we can check the nearest hospital. They must have a list of all doctors in the state." She flashed an adoring smile at me. I could tell she was impressed at my thinking. I nodded and returned the expression.

"We should get some clothes though. We don't want to draw attention to ourselves. We could go shopping in town." She suggested. Shopping, I sighed, vampire or not, women are all the same. But she did have a point.

I walked toward her, took her hand and said, "Well we'd better go now because it is four already and we don't want the stores to close…unless you were planning to break in," and I smiled wickedly.

"No, no, lets do this the normal way, like everybody else."

Author's note: So tell me… is it what you thought it would be? Did you like it? Rate the chapter out of ten. Review please!!!