Author's note: Hi everyone...thanks for your comments. I felt so bad after yesterday's short chapter that I decided to post again today. This one is still a tad shorter than my usual length...so forgive me plz. School again tomorrow..ughh..if only the weekend would last forever. Enjoy!

Chapter 15

Weak

I felt an aura of panic behind me without hearing the source. The distance between us closed quickly even though I was running at top speed. My throat still burned, yearning for blood. I could still taste the flavor on the back of my tongue.

My pursuer did not try to attack me but ran parallel to me. "Jasper, think…think about what you are doing." It was Edward. My mind was still clouded by the echo of the pain in my throat. My muscles relished the release.

"For Alice," He whispered. And I slowed. The part of my brain that retained sanity knew that Alice was a reason to stop, to endure. Edward kept pace with me. The haze in my head was clearing as I thought about Alice and what she wanted for us. My brain now sought to catch up with the missing moments in between the overwhelming pain and being here.

Alice had her arms around me, holding me to her. I had tried to breathe her in but that did not work for long…and then I broke. I had ripped myself away from her in search of a way to easy my pain, my pain.

I was at a standstill now. I was barely aware of Edward in front of me, eyeing me warily. I had ripped myself away from Alice? Away from the only person to ever touch my dead heart. What was wrong with me? But I knew exactly what was wrong. I was weak.

I snapped out of my reverie then as the sound of someone approaching became louder.

"It's Emmett" said Edward. He was calmer now.

Emmett emerged from the undergrowth and grinned widely at us. "You didn't have to wait for me, I would've caught up eventually...so no bloodshed then?" I winced visibly. Emmett was carefree. He was relaxed.

"It's better if he has a moment to sort out his head," Edward said to Emmett, answering an unspoken question.

"She wanted to come," he replied. What? Alice was coming here now?

"No, Carlisle convinced her to stay there a while." Edward said to me. Relief washed through me. I couldn't face Alice yet. Would she be angry with me? Would she see that I was not cut out for this life, that I was beyond hope? My past was too much a part of who I was for me to change my ways now. And that was just blood on fabric. What will happen when I'm around humans? I shuddered at the thought. How weak I was! To cause death and mayhem, no problemo, but to not…"

"You are not weak," Edward began, "This is a hard way to…exist, and this was your first encounter with blood when so thirsty. I think that it is even harder for you with your extra faculties. You have to fight, not only your thirst but ours as well."

I said nothing. The thoughts of Alice's reaction to my rude exit filled my mind. Could I not endure pain to be with her? This was what she wanted, this life. She wanted us to live like this. Was I not capable of giving that to her?

"Alice is not angry with you. She is worried though." Edward told me. "You will grow accustomed to the scent. It will get better...well I may get worse first but then it will get better," he said gravely.

"Well, if you two are done with the mushiness, can we go hunt now?" Emmett asked.

***

Our eyes now golden brown, we made our way back to the house slowly. Well, mostly I moved slowly and I guessed Edward knew why. I did not know what to say to Alice. If she wasn't angry then she would be disappointed in me. Could I handle that?

"Don't worry, she will understand," Edward reassured me for the tenth time.

Expecting us as usual, Alice burst from the porch and into me. I did not anticipate the force of her attack and so I was knocked over onto my back. She sat on top of me and words tumbled out of her mouth rapidly.

"Oh Jasper, are you okay? I wanted to come but I knew you would come back and …" she assessed my expression then, "Don't be embarrassed. I understand completely. It was hard for me at first too, it still is." She caressed my face and my neck. I could feel her intense worry and relief now that I was back. She leaned in toward me and pressed her lips against mine. I could not doubt that she wanted me still with the passion of this kiss. I could taste her venom in my mouth as her full little lips parted against mine.

I was vaguely aware of our surroundings and I sat up with her still in my arms and looked around. Everyone was inside the house. "Everything will be fine Jazz, stop worrying," she breathed against my neck. Her lips moved up and down my throat sending trickles of concentrated desire down my spine. I was hyper-aware of her state though. Last time, she was so restrictive and I still did not understand it. Right now, she was consumed with love and she seemed to want to show that to me. But still there was that growing undertone of self-posession, control. Too soon, she reached the point where her desire equaled her restraint and she stopped. Her breathing was erratic and she looked at me disapprovingly.

"You let me go too far," and she laughed blithely.

"Alice," I began solemnly, "I'm so sorry. I will try my best," she deserved to know the whole truth, no understatements, "but, I fear that I may not be able to live this way. I lose control too easily…" she placed her finger on my lips.

"Jazz, this was hard for me as well, but I've been doing it longer than you have. I understand the temptation but you can beat it. You can win. All we need is practice. I believe in you," and she placed a chaste kiss on my lips.

I decided then that I would do everything in my power to be what Alice wanted me to be. I would really try my hardest…for her.

Author's note: so hope I did not disappoint. The questions in your head should be answered in the next chapter which I hope (cross your fingers) to post by Wednesday. I still have loads of homework to do so until then.

Please review…it is the only thing that gives me incentive to keep going.

Love

Taz