A/N: Oh, okay. I guess I'll give you more fic. Hehe.
They hadn't really spoken the rest of the way home, but Bella held his hand, playing with his fingers as they drove. He wasn't sure what was about to happen or if he should speak. It didn't seem like a good idea. Bella's head was turned away from him, staring out the window, but she hadn't stopped touching him since they got back in the car.
She also hadn't taken off his jacket.
Pulling up in front of her place some time later, Edward unbuckled his seatbelt and went to get out of the car when Bella finally spoke. "Don't walk me to the door."
For a beat or two, Edward didn't move. Then, he sat back in his seat and looked over at her. She wasn't looking at him, but she also hadn't moved to get out of the car either. Her head was tilted back, staring up with a blank look. "Why?" he asked.
She took a deep breath and let it out again. "Because if you walk to the door, I'm going to kiss you again."
"That...doesn't sound like something I want to avoid," Edward said carefully.
The corner of her mouth quirked up, and she reached for his hand again. This time, instead of playing with his fingers, she twined them with hers. "If I kiss you again, I'm going to ask you to come inside."
Edward's cock twitched in his pants. That also didn't sound like something he wanted to avoid, but he didn't say that out loud. He had to think a minute before he said something like that.
Bella continued, "The problem is I'm not sure of the words that will come out of my mouth. I'm afraid I'm going to say something like, I'm single. You're single. We're both ridiculously attractive, and people tell me rebound sex is just what the doctor ordered."
"I've heard that one," Edward murmured.
"And it's not that I have an issue with casual sex in general." She grimaced. "Though, the fact that Jasper listed casual sex as a potential highlight of us breaking up makes me want to be anti-it on principle alone. Which, by the way, is part of what makes option one so fucking confusing."
"Okay. There's another option?"
Bella worried her lip between her teeth, her fingers flexing around his. "I might say something like...I'm falling for you." Her voice was scratchy, almost a whisper. "And that's really fucking confusing too."
Edward was quiet at that. His heart was beating too fast, and there was a lump in his throat that, thankfully, stopped him from speaking.
"So, I really need you not to come to the door," Bella said. "Because the only thing I know is that I want to do more than kiss you. I just need to figure out why."
There was a lot Edward could have said at that point. He could be charming. He could press—because, damn, a kiss and whatever came with it sounded like everything he wanted. But, he'd been actively trying not to look at her with those eyes; to be a friend without the creepy expectation that, one day, they would be more.
"I get you," he said.
She laughed and looked to him with a grin. "Well, hell, Edward. If you get it, will you explain it to me? I just got done telling you I'm a confused mess."
His cheeks flushed. "I meant, I understand—"
"I know what you meant." Her eyes were soft, fond as she looked him up and down. She reached over with her free hand and cupped his cheek, taking a deep breath before she spoke again. "You're important to me, but I was with the same guy for almost all of my adult life. Up until a few weeks ago, I would have told you I knew for sure what my love life would look like until death do us part." She smiled wryly, shaking her head.
"I get you," he said again, brushing his fingers through her hair. "And I'll be here when you figure it all out."
~0~
For five days, Edward played it cool.
Well, if cool included stalking Bella's social media pages. Which, could it really be considered stalking when they were friends? That was the point of social media—for your friends to know what you're doing or thinking about when you choose to let them know.
That thought was of some comfort to Edward as he tried to figure out what Bella was thinking through her status updates alone. He almost hoped she would vague-post—make a post that was so vague as to be infuriating to everyone on her friends list except the people who knew exactly what she was talking about.
What would that look like, he mused?
No wrong choice?
Just flip a coin?
Either answer would be okay.
I like muffins. Stud muffins.
EAC+BMS =5eva
Laughing at his own ridiculousness, Edward ran a hand over his eyes. He saw Bella's name lurking toward the top of his chat. His fingers itched.
Did he have to give her space? She hadn't asked for space. She'd only asked him not to walk her to her door. There was no reason he couldn't talk to her. He'd had no problem before.
Who was he kidding? He could feel the awkwardness in the air between them, across the city from her. The first couple of days, he'd had a major work catastrophe to distract him. It didn't work all that well. There was a sense of anticipation that had him preoccupied.
He knew what he wanted, but he still wasn't sure if it was a good idea. He understood why Alice was concerned. Like most everyone, he'd watched friends make questionable romantic decisions that had been obvious recipes for disaster when he had the benefit of distance.
Sitting at his desk at work, he scrolled idly through Bella's Instagram page. She was no selfie queen. Most of her photos were random things that caught her eye, pictures of sea life and the beach. Most of the selfies she did have were her making funny faces with equally weird statues and standees. He recognized one statue of a bear holding a dinner tray with the word "Hungry" on it as being a random statue in Disneyland near the Honeybear Cafe in Critter Country.
Because he couldn't get enough Bella these days, he clicked to see Instagram photos she'd been tagged in. The very first one was from earlier that day. There was Bella, making a silly face and wielding a huge crab claw like a weapon as the co workers beside her pretended to cower in fear.
His chuckle died in his throat as something caught his eye. There was a jacket draped over the back of Bella's chair. His jacket. It had to be. Edward would recognize the logo of his high school in Alaska anywhere.
She was still wearing his old, worn, letterman jacket.
Edward rubbed a hand over his face, covering up the silly grin that overcame him. He sighed.
He couldn't pretend he had the benefit of distance. No amount of thinking about it was going to give him that perspective.
Edward tapped his foot, staring again at Bella's picture on Facebook messenger. He could charm her. Wrap her around his little finger. He was good at that, he'd been told, and he'd be good to her. Of course he would. He had good intentions.
Rather than click on messenger, he scrolled through the contacts on his phone and dialed. After three rings, the call connected.
There was a long beat. Then, "Edward?" asked an incredulous voice.
"Hey. I need a favor."
~0~
Edward arrived at the wine bar first and ordered a white for her, a red for him, the cheese plate, and the meats plate. He drummed his fingers on the tabletop, trying not to watch the door. Just chalk this up to another thing he wasn't sure he should be doing.
She arrived a few seconds after the wine did, and what anxiety Edward had immediately eased.
Nothing. There was no ache when he saw her. There was a bittersweet tug at his heart, but no pull toward her.
She spotted him and flashed a small smile, tossing her hair over her shoulder. There was caution in her cat-like eyes, but her gait was confident as she strode toward him.
"Kate," he greeted as she slid into the booth across from him.
"Edward." Her grin grew wider as she saw the wine. She lifted the glass and considered it a moment before she looked back at him. "You make a girl wonder, taking me to the place we had our first date."
He scoffed. "Our first date was an unmitigated disaster."
"Yes, but you were so endearing."
"I told you what this was," Edward said softly. "I chose this place so you would know I come in peace."
"Hmm." She took a sip, eyeing him over the rim of her glass. "I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, you know."
He shrugged. "I understand what you did as much as I'm going to." He swirled the wine around his glass, trying to find the right words. "I asked you here because I needed to talk to someone who knows me, knows how I am when I'm...interested in a woman, but isn't as protective as my sister."
Her face lit up. "Is this about whatever drama went down between you and some random chick a while back? On Facebook?"
"You heard about that?"
"Of course." She rolled her eyes. "Your ex gets engaged five minutes after you break his heart, and half your friends' list crawls out of the woodwork to make sure you know. Drama queens." She cocked her head, looking at him. "Are you going to tell me it was true?"
"No, but it is about the same woman."
Edward told Kate about Bella then. He told her about Alice's warning, and how he'd honestly tried to be just friends. Bella deserved that—a true friend who wasn't trying to be something more. But, he worried too because almost everything they'd done together, that he'd done for her, could be construed as romantic.
And honestly, he wasn't altogether sure that was an incorrect assessment. He had romantic feelings for Bella. He had almost from the beginning. He'd had every intention of being her friend—no strings or expectations or even hopes—but there was that saying about what the road to hell was paved from.
"Alice is right," Kate said. "This is quite possibly the worst timing ever. There's a high likelihood it'll all end in tears."
Edward's heart dropped to his feet.
"But who cares?" she asked before he could speak.
He blinked, looking at her. "What?"
"Life's a risk, babe. Why shouldn't love be?" Kate put her elbows on the table and leaned in, her eyes earnest as she met his gaze. "I don't know what you think about what I did to you or why I did it. I don't know if you'll believe me, but it was never about me not loving you. I did. I do love you. But love is just an element—one piece of a huge, complex whole. We're complicated—people are complicated, I mean. Beautiful, unique snowflakes."
"Right." Edward's tone was wry. There were a few sarcastic, possibly mean-spirited, things he could say just then, but he reminded himself he was the one who'd opened up this can of worms by inviting her here.
Her expression turned sheepish. "Give me a second to get this out. I promise it's relevant to what you're asking."
He gave her almost a minute as the waiter returned with their food. He watched, impatient, as she wrapped a thin slice of prosciutto around a bit of cheese. "You don't do anything halfway, Edward. When you decide something or someone is worth your time, you go all in, right then and right there. It's why you drove all the way to Southern California the minute, the very second, high school was over for you. You were so done with Alaska."
So done that he'd turned Kate down when she wanted to vacation there. He'd done it all—Denali, Glacier Bay, the Northern Lights. That was how she'd ended up going with her sisters.
And why she'd met Garrett.
"There's nothing inherently wrong with the way you are," Kate said, oblivious to his internal monologue. "I knew going in that it was one of your elements. You don't know how to play it cool."
"But you do." Edward couldn't quite take the bite out of his tone. "Cool and casual."
She winced. "I know how to play it casual, and I don't have a problem with casual. You do, and I knew that too." She shrugged. "I don't think about anything in terms of forever. I'm a day-by-day kind of woman. We've talked about this before. Neither of us has ever believed in the mysticism of a soul mate. One person for everyone my ass. That's a theory easily debunked by just looking around.
"Love is an emotion. If you feel it, it's true. Therefore, all love is true love. So what? In the scheme of things, it dictates nothing except that it demands to be felt." She pointed at him. "It's when you decide to do something about it that it's like Space Mountain."
In spite of his mild irritation, even anger, Edward quirked an eyebrow in amusement. "Space Mountain?"
"In theory. When you start something with someone, it's a ride in the dark. You don't see the twists and turns coming. It could be thrilling. Could be scary. Could make you sick. You don't know. And every ride ends eventually. Whether it ends because one of you dies or—"
"Because one of you meets a guy you want to fuck."
Kate ducked her head. "Okay. I deserved that." She peered at him. "You don't have to believe me, but I was all in too. The whole time. Up until Garrett happened, I was happy with you. We were never on fire, right? No great passion. Plenty of attraction, compatibility, love, but no consuming flame. Right?"
Edward grimaced, but he nodded. "Good and smooth."
"Great, even." Kate sighed. "We dated. We had a good time. We loved each other, and we liked each other. I wasn't unhappy. That wasn't why we ended, and it definitely isn't why I did what I did."
She waved a hand. "But let's not get into that right now except for me to say this. I regret hurting you. That was never what I aimed to do, and it's not what I wanted. But that being said, I don't regret that I had what I had with Garrett." Her eyes glassed over. "And that ended in tears. I don't know if that's a comfort to you."
Edward let out a long breath, deflating a bit. He couldn't say he felt terrible about that news, but he also didn't revel in it. "I've never seen the point of being the vindictive ex."
"Yeah," Kate said with a small smile. She took a deep breath, steadying herself. "You're a better man than most. Don't think I don't appreciate what I lost. What I gave up willingly." She scoffed. "We had a good thing going, babe. And it could have been good for a long time.
"I guess that's what I'm trying to say. There's no such thing as perfect. Not in relationships and not in people. We all have one kind of ticking time bomb in ourselves, in our lives, or both. Love is one element. Or attraction. Possibility. Whatever it is for you and her right now. The fact she's not over her ex, that the timing is the absolute worst, is another element. It's a tick in the negative category. It's a problem. But again, so what?"
She reached out, and Edward stiffened when she grabbed his hand. She squeezed once and let him go. "Be smart. Keep your eyes open. But live your life, you know? It may not make you happy forever, but—"
"So what?" Edward picked up her refrain.
"Life is always going to hurt," Kate said, tilting back the last of her wine. "You may as well be outrageously happy as often as you can."
~0~
That night, hoping Bella was already asleep, Edward sent a message.
Edward: I'm going to be at the Cabrillio National Monument area tomorrow. If you have some time, come play with me at the tidepools. I'll be there at one sharp. No worries if not.
He pressed send and tried to sleep.
A/N: Let's play at the tidepools!
Incidentally, if you want pictures of some of these things, I put them up in my group on Facebook. Come join the madness, if you'd like. The group is called Stories of LyricalKris (so original, I know).