Chapter 3 Where I Belong
Kocoum led John gently by the hand back to his teepee, pulling him inside and closing the flap between them and the rest of the village. He noted how John glanced around expectantly. "Pocahontas is visiting with a friend tonight. She wanted us to have this first night to ourselves, and I allowed it."
"Oh. That is good," John said with some hesitance, obviously unsure how to proceed in this situation.
"I want you to consider this your home now, with Pocahontas and I as your family."
"I do."
"Are you nervous, Sunshine?"
"..Yes. I have never actually done this. Only touching in dark alleys where no one knew or could see. But I do not want to live that way any longer, with shame. I want to be with you fully, to.. to turn my needs into something beautiful."
"You nature is beautiful, John," Kocoum replied firmly, his dark eyes calm and honest. "You are loved and respected here for who you are."
"Do you really mean that?" John asked him with hopeful sky blue eyes.
"Yes. I do."
"Thank you."
Kocoum smiled, silently drawing John over to his bed furs, gesturing for him to lie down. John nodded nervously, stretching out on his back atop the furs after removing and setting aside his boots. "I will ask Pocahontas to teach you to make a pair of moccasins," Kocoum stated as he sat down beside him.
"I would like that."
"And a buckskin shirt and pants."
"Alright."
John shivered as Kocoum slowly began to undo the buttons fastening his shirt closed, the other man figuring it out quickly despite the unfamiliarity of them, sitting up partially for a moment so that the shirt could be removed and tossed away. Kocoum's dark hands touched his bare chest, the warrior's skin hot and comforting at once, and all the tension instantly left John's body, a soft sigh escaping his lips as they parted a little.
"Better, John? Are you still nervous?"
"No, I- I do feel better. Maybe all I needed was the reassurance of your touch, to know that this is real. It feels like a dream, still."
"Then allow me to awaken you, Sunshine."
John gasped and shivered again, arching his back when Kocoum's dark palms slid over his small, pink nipples, causing them to tighten visibly as he moaned at the rough touch of his warrior's hands. His blue eyes slid partially closed, his golden haired head falling back, lolling limply on the bed furs as he moaned again softly, squirming as Kocoum's hands then slid down John's firm belly to the button on his pants. The dark-haired male unfastened the garment, pulling the pants down and off, pausing after he tossed them aside to land near the shirt, studying his two-spirit husband's bare form in the light from the hole in the top of their teepee.
"You are even paler beneath your pants," Kocoum stated, watching John's body pinking in certain places as he flushed at his perusal. "Such a color can not be healthy, surely."
"It most likely is not," John agreed. "We did not get much sun in England. It rains a lot, and everything is so strict there. Proper, they call it. There are rules for everything. Baring too much flesh is frowned upon."
"The two-spirits are persecuted. The sun's kiss upon flesh is not encouraged. I do not think I care for this England."
"Neither did I. I have not been there for long duration in many years. I have always been an explorer, looking for somewhere better. Now I have finally found it in this place. In you."
Kocoum smiled and nodded, reaching out to grasp John's shoulders with his hands, guiding him to roll over onto his belly. He ran his large hands down from his shoulders and over his back. He wanted to comfort him and keep his muscles lax and receptive for what was to come, reaching for a small clay jar nearby. John gasped and shuddered, groaning as he suddenly felt a single slick finger probing at the tight opening between his butt cheeks carefully.
"Is this alright, Sunshine? Shall I continue?"
"Yes, please. Feels.. good. Right," John panted, already shaking visibly under Kocoum's dark eyes when the finger was pushed deep into his body to ready him for his husband. "Oh-Ohh! Yes!"
Kocoum slowly added a second finger, easing it into the tight space beside the first, causing John to emit a gratifying choking sound of pleasure. "Ko-Kocoum!" he cried out, the shaking renewed in his body when the fingers went deeper still before withdrawing abruptly. His blue eyes widened when he was suddenly flipped over again onto his back, the strong male warrior moving up between his limp, widely spread legs.
Kocoum stared down into John's face, watching the two-spirit's beautiful sky blue eyes darken with need when he lifted his long, pale legs up onto his broad shoulders, lining up their hips and beginning a slow descent into his quivering, loosened hole carefully. John arched his back, pushing his hips closer to Kocoum's and making a ragged moaning sound as he was penetrated for the first time. John's hands lifted up to touch Kocoum's shoulders, his slender fingers tightening reflexively as he panted, tensing under him as he felt the bite of pain stab his innards when Kocoum went as deep as he could get inside him before stilling in response to his expression.
"Are you alright?" the dark-skinned male asked him softly, his voice low and full of caring.
"It- It hurts!" John admitted, his throat tight with the pain and his blue eyes intense as twin trails of moisture overflowed to slip down his cheeks. "But that is not why I am crying. I am crying because I am so happy!"
Kocoum nodded, reaching out with warm fingers to brush his tears away soothingly, a pleased smile curving his lips when John leaned his face into the gentle touch, rubbing against his palm needily despite the hurt. "It will fade," he promised him. "Just relax for me."
John nodded in return, a quiet moan of sincere longing drawn from his core, his soul; when Kocoum leaned down to press his lips to his lightly. Kocoum increased the pressure of his lips when John seemed receptive, his tongue twining with his, claiming the two-spirit's hot mouth as his own as he began to move his hips slowly. John relaxed with a sigh into his kiss, opening easier for his cock now, and Kocoum realized that it has been his kiss that had softened his pain-tensed body.
He realized that he needed to show John what he felt for him was more then physical, because the pale two-spirit clearly did bear deep feelings for Kocoum as he had told Powhatan. How deep, he was unsure, but he clearly felt for him inside his lover's heart.
"Koc-Kocoum!" John panted, his hands moving to his lover's upper back as he gasped out desperately, "Oh-Ohh, more! Please!"
Kocoum sped up his thrusts as he had requested, moving faster and harder into his receptive body. They both released within minutes, Kocoum inside John, and John over both their taunt bellies. Kocoum could feel John's slender form shaking hard beneath him.
"That was wonderful, John," Kocoum murmured softly just as he slid out of his body, rolling them on the furs so that they lay side by side with John in his arms. "You are good for me, and Pocahontas. For our tribe."
"Yes. I love you, Kocoum," he whispered, wriggling closer to him and laying his head on his new husband's strong chest.
"I believe in your feelings, my Sunshine, even though we have not known each other long. I believe that you will do well among us here. You have a good, strong heart."
"Thank you, Kocoum. I know this is where I belong."
John was a little uneasy about Pocahontas's return to their teepee that night, though he tried not to let it show on his face.
He realized that he had failed when he felt Kocoum's warm hand touch the bare skin just above the waist of his pants, moving reassuringly up the line of his spine to his neck, his husband's gentle fingers moving through his hair in that already familiar and tender caress.
"What makes you anxious, Sunshine?" Kocoum whispered in his left ear, leaning in closer to place his strong chin against John's shoulder to comfort him.
"I- I just.. I am not used to this concept yet. I do not know how to behave acceptably when it is the three of us. I do not wish to shame you, Kocoum."
"You will not, John," the warrior replied seriously, taking John's chin in his hand, guiding his head to turn toward him so that he could look into blue-as-the-river eyes steadily. "She is your friend, your teacher. That has not changed now that she is also your teepee sister. We are a family. We are all a part of each other. We will all care for each other. It is the way of this tribe."
"Yes. I understood that part of this. She is yours, as I am. We do not belong to each other in the way that we belong to you."
"Yes, Sunshine. You are mine, and she is mine. You belong to each other as siblings. Brother does not lay with sister. But I, and you, already know that you do not desire women that way. You are a two-spirit. My Pale Two-Spirit. Shining Fish spoke to me of you. He is very pleased to have you as a friend. The other two-spirits are kind to him, of course. But they find his constant passion and enjoyment for this life somewhat exhausting at times. I do not think anyone in the tribe has ever seen him truly upset over anything."
"There is nothing wrong with being happy and enjoying your life. I am happy most of the time, but I do have the occasional periods of depression. I have ever since I was a young child. My parents did what they could, as did my older brother and younger sister. But they never really understood it."
"Depression?.." Kocoum asked in an unsure tone of voice for once. "I do not know this meaning."
"It means.. sometimes I get sad, or angry even, for no apparent reason. I can also get pretty despondent, too. It is a mental illness. An illness of the mind. My body is fine, but my mind tells me things.. tries to make me believe and feel things that are not true. So if I ever get.. grumpy with you, I am not mad at you, or Pocahontas. When I was younger I visited a doctor for a time. He explained all of this to me."
"A.. doctor?"
"A healer. A medicine man. I wanted you to know, just in case it does happen. But I am not really worried about it. I am very happy here. You make me very happy."
Kocoum was clearly concerned for him at his confession, a somewhat brooding frown curving his lips downward, and John felt his heart contract in his chest at the clear evidence that this strong warrior had come to care for him so quickly. He slid his arms around the dark skinned man's waist, feeling him stiffen slightly in surprise as he snuggled in close to his bare chest, laying his golden haired head against his warm right shoulder, feeling strangely sheltered by the well-muscled curve of Kocoum's neck.
"Everything is going to be fine, Kocoum," John murmured as the taller man gradually relaxed again. "I know, because when I am with you like this, I feel safer then I have ever felt in my life." He closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath through his nose. "Mmmm, your smell. I hope you do not think this strange, but you smell so much like a man. It makes my heart quiver inside me. I never want this feeling to end."
"It never needs to end," Kocoum reassured him, enfolding John in his arms tightly, as it seemed to be what he needed in this moment between them. "I could never think of anything that you said as strange. The way that you feel about me is what makes you who and what you are, Sunshine."
John sighed softly in contentment, completely relaxed where he leaned against Kocoum's warm chest with their arms wrapped around each other. His eyes were just about to drift closed in response to the comforting heat of his husband's bare flesh against his own when he felt Kocoum's hand beneath his chin, pressing upward gently to angle his head back as his mouth descended to his. John inhaled sharply in surprise as Kocoum's lips took his unexpectedly, melting against him even further if that was possible, which it clearly was, a low whimpering sound escaping him when the warrior pulled back from the brief but heated kiss.
"Mmm, Kocoum," he hummed, looking up at him with hazy, dazed blue eyes. "If I were not still.. tender from last night, I would beg to have you inside me once again."
"I would not hurt you, Sunshine," Kocoum promised him in his low, purely male voice, causing John to shiver when pleasure flared in his lower belly and slithered up his spine. "But I would have you as often as you could handle. I very much enjoy giving you what you need."
"What about what you need?" John asked his husband almost timidly.
"What?" Kocoum asked him, clearly not understanding his question.
"I know that you love Pocahontas, too, and I am not trying to take her place with you, I promise. I care for her, too. But.. the things we did, did they give you pleasure? Not just because they are the things that I need and you promised to take care of me, but because you enjoyed them? I just need to know that there is really a place for me here with you."
"I enjoy being with you, yes, John. Your body gives me pleasure, and your strong heart and loving spirit give me comfort. Because you are my husband, and because I have chosen to love and care for you. But you must understand, I am not a two-spirit. I also do not wish, nor crave, for the unpaired two-spirits to share my sleeping furs. You, John Sunshine, are the two-spirit that I have chosen to cherish and take care of. Because you told me you needed me. So of course there is a place for you here with me. Are these the words you wished to hear from my lips? I will admit I do at times still have some difficulty understanding you, though it grows less frequent over the time that you have spent here among us."
"I still have some trouble as well with the language barrier," John admitted, biting his own lower lip briefly between his upper and lower teeth before continuing quietly. "But yes, that is all I wanted to know. I only want to know that I please you, Kocoum. I love you so much, that I believe if I could not please you, it would break my heart.. No one I have ever met means as much to me as you. You are the only one I truly need."
"Good. It is good," Kocoum stated firmly before inquiring, "And the things in your bag from England? Do you truly need those?"
"My bag?" John asked in clear puzzlement, instinctively reaching for the leather satchel that sat nearby on the soft, clean dirt floor of their teepee and pulling it into his arms. He sat down on the furs with it in his lap, Kocoum claiming the space directly across from him, his dark eyes watching his two-spirit husband closely. "It is not like there is that much in here. I only packed what was necessary.. Mostly. A few changes of clothes. I will no longer need those once I have the clothes that you have promised me. My compass. I will need that until I know my way around here better when I am on my own. But even when I do not need it to find my way any longer, I shall still keep it. It was a gift from my father when I turned seventeen years old."
"Then it is a good thing to keep. Good medicine. Honor from family is important. I will have Pocahontas teach you how to create and sew your own clothing while she is making your first set. After that you can make your own when you need them. What else did you bring with you?"
"Only a few small framed paintings of my family. My mother and father. Younger sister, older brother. Grandfather and grandmother. I will just keep them in my bag with the compass. It does not take up much room. If that is why you asked?"
"I was merely curious. Put your bag away again, Sunshine. Pocahontas will return soon to assist you in preparing our dinner."
"Of course, Kocoum," John agreed softly. "Creating our clothes and preparing our meals are some of my duties. Pocahontas told me."
"Yes, Sunshine. Yours and Pocahontas's duties," he agreed with a nod and a brief smile that made John's heart flutter in his chest. "Creating and cleaning our clothing, preparing our meals, and seeing to my physical needs are what wives and two-spirits are traditionally for in our villages. Also for bearing children, though that is of course not the two-spirit's duties. Husbands are to provide food, shelter and protection for their wives and two-spirits. It is a simple, uncomplicated life that we have here."
"I am glad of that," John said fervently as he placed his bag near the back of the teepee and returned to sit with Kocoum. "I just wanted to find a place where I could be safe and happy. Only in my wildest imaginings did I dream to find one who could love me for who I am. I am happy, so happy, that it was you, Kocoum. I would do anything for you, just to see your beautiful smile again. Oh.. it is not an insult to refer to a man as beautiful, is it? I do not want to offend you. I meant to compliment you. I get this.. feeling, when you smile. A swelling feeling in my chest. Like.. my heart physically reacts to you and your smile. To being yours. I know that you are a strong warrior, but you really should smile more often. Although.. it might make me jealous if others see you smile. Perhaps it means more if you only share it with Pocahontas and me."
"I am stern by my nature, John. I reserve my smiles for those who deserve them. You and Pocahontas are of course included in that small group. It is not usual here for our warriors to be called beautiful, no. But I understand you are still unaware of many things in our ways. I take your words in the gentle, loving spirit with which they were meant and am not offended. Come, lay with me until Pocahontas returns to us."
John nodded in agreement, watching Kocoum lay back upon the bed furs, moving to lie beside him and curl in close against his side. He laid his head down on his husband's chest with a soft sigh of pleasure and contentment as he draped his left arm over the dark skinned warrior's upper body lightly and closed his sky blue eyes.