Chapter 5 Grandmother Willow's Gift
John sat before Chieftain Powhatan in his longhouse with his golden head lowered respectfully, only looking up into his face when he finally addressed him after studying John for long moments. "John Sunshine."
"Yes, Chieftain?"
"Our Forest Guardian Spirit Grandmother Willow appeared to me in a dream last night. She wishes to speak with you. She asks for the Pale Two-Spirit to come to her in person. This is a great honor she bestows upon you. As I am sure you realize now that you know more of our ways."
"I do, Chieftain, yes. Shining Fish mentioned her to me, but I never thought.. I am honored."
"He spoke of her? She must be guiding his future as well. I am glad to know this, but it is forbidden to speak of another's guided destiny with another person. Even their Chieftain. Unless they are involved in it, as you must be for him to have spoken to you about it."
"Oh. I did not know. Thank you for telling me. Yes, I am a part of it."
"Of course, John. You must learn more of our culture in order to be a bigger part of it as you seem destined to become. To speak with Grandmother Willow, you must go deep into the forest. It is a solitary journey. Few are chosen for this honor. I do not know what she intends for you, but I am sure it will be something good. If you have the strength to reach for it. She will guide you to her."
"I see. May I tell anyone where I go?"
Yes. You may tell your husband, and my daughter. So that they will not worry for you when they can not find you. And your friend, Thomas, if you choose."
"Yes. Thank you. I will go as soon as my family knows that I will return to them safely."
John returned to Pocahontas, Thomas and Shining Fish when the Chief dismissed him after instructing him on the proper way to approach one of Grandmother Willow's higher status.
"Pocahontas," he said as he knelt beside her, smiling when she looked up at him.
"Yes, John? What is it? Have you spoken to my father?"
"Yes, I did. I must go on a journey. I leave as soon as I am finished here. Would you please tell Kocoum for me? I would do it myself but he is out hunting, and I really should leave now."
"Leave? I do not understand. Journey?"
"Yes. Grandmother Willow has sent for me. She spoke to the Chief in a dream last night."
"Grandmother Willow asks for you?" she gasped, the fingers of one hand moving to cover her open mouth for a moment. "Oh, John. This is a great honor for you. Grandmother is kind. And generous to those she deems worthy. She is the one who encouraged me to choose Kocoum as husband. Of course I will tell our mate."
"Thank you. I do not want him to worry for me. Choose? You mean that you are the one who pursued Kocoum?"
"Yes, I was. It is not always done that way, but neither is it forbidden. And I am Chieftain's daughter. It was my right to choose my mate."
"That is true. The rules that I am used to for courtship are much stricter then they are here. Just like everything else here so far, I like it much better. This place is where I know I belong. I will try to be back tomorrow. But I do not know if that will happen, as I am yet unaware of what she wishes to tell me. But I can promise that I will return as soon as I may."
"Of course, John. I wish you well, and we will see you soon."
John left his village and made his way deep into the forest, traveling for several hours while following the signs that Grandmother Willow sent to guide him. The damp-lichen scented wind stirring his golden hair as colorful leaves drifted past his left cheek. The ripples that had no source in the water of the small pond he had just passed by.
He knew he was getting close when he felt the rich, chocolate heat of cocoa coat his tongue. That barely remembered taste of his favorite treat from England was clearly meant to guide him because of its obvious link to his husband's name. Kocoum.
Barely a few minutes later John came to a clearing of the trees, seeing the long, swaying branches with their tiny green leaves of the same strange trees that he had noticed and felt an affinity for upon arriving here all those months ago. The trees that he now knew were called willows. He could feel a difference in this one, though. It was not the same as the others of it's kind. He did not know how he knew it, he just did. Her large, thick roots were deeply submerged within the large pool, spreading out from her center, both above and beneath the water.
"..Grandmother Willow?.." John called softly, his blue eyes alert and curious as he gently pushed her slender branches aside from his path, climbing up a large root and walking along it's length carefully.
"Come closer, John Sunshine," a quiet voice called to him, the sound of low, beautiful music filling the air around them then. "Come to me."
John took it in stride when a kind, wrinkled face appeared in the center of a large knot in the weathered trunk of the tree, moving to kneel in front of her on his buckskin clad knees. He was thankful for the soft and beautiful, comfortable clothing and moccasins that Pocahontas had made for him while showing him how to do it for himself.
"You sent for me," John stated respectfully, his head lowered before her. "I am here."
"Look at me, child."
John lifted his head obediently, his blue eyes gazing into hers steadily.
"Hmm.. You are strong and brave, Pale Two-Spirit. And your heart is good and pure. This is why I have called for you. I wish to give you a gift that no man has ever been offered. If the strength of your spirits is enough that you can accept it."
"I.. I see. Though I do wonder, why me? I mean, I hear what you say, grandmother, but.. I am not of your tribe. At least, not originally."
"Because you deserve it, John Sunshine. You life has been hard for you. Hard, and at times cruel. But you never gave up. You made it here. Far from the land of your birth, to your happiness. Surely managing to make such a difficult journey deserves a reward? Something that has never been given to another man before?"
"I.. I do not know, Grandmother. But I do know that I am happy just to have found the place where I belong. And to have found the man who I belong with."
"Which is yet another reason that you deserve this gift I can share. Will you accept it?"
"I.. That depends on what it is. I never make a life altering decision without being well informed."
"Wise words, Pale Two-Spirit," Grandmother Willow said with obvious approval. "It is the gift of child-bearing that I would give to you."
"You- I- What?" John stammered, his blue eyes going wide and his expression clearly shocked at her words. "What do you mean? How is that possible?"
"The power of nature can make it possible. If it is truly what you desire."
"You mean.. I could conceive my husband's child inside me? Give birth? Real birth?"
"Yes. However, when making this decision, you must think of more then just yourself. Any male children that you may have will also be given this gift, if they but ask for it in the deepest part of their hearts. When you have made your decision, I will know. You need not return here to receive it if that is what you decide."
"I understand, Grandmother. Thank you. I must speak with Kocoum. And I will choose wisely. I thank you for giving me this opportunity, no matter what decision I make."
"Mmm.. Farewell, child."
By the time that John made it back to his home teepee night had fallen like velvet over the now silent land. He scratched lightly at the flap before entering to discover Pocahontas was already sleeping close beside a patiently waiting Kocoum.
"You have returned, my wife. I take it that your journey was successful?"
"Yes, my husband," John replied, inclining his head in agreement while removing his moccasins and going to sit close beside him with a warm smile. "Did Thomas return to the camp across the river?"
"He did. He will return tomorrow to see you are well."
"That is good," John grinned briefly, his expression turning awed as he continued speaking softly. "I met Grandmother Willow, Kocoum. I saw her."
"I see. And what did she say to you, my Pale Two-Spirit?"
"Something important. It is pretty serious. I felt I needed to speak with you about it before I accepted the gift she offers."
"Grandmother wishes to give you a gift? And you said no?"
"Yes. And I did not say no. I said that I first needed to discuss such an important choice with my husband."
"I see," Kocoum repeated, reaching out to John now. He took his Sunshine into his arms and pulled him in closer against his hard, muscular chest. He then spread a large blanket over the three of them against the increasing chill in the night air and looked into his second mate's deep blue eyes. "What is it that Grandmother offers you, my Sunshine?"
"The.. the gift of child-bearing," John confessed, biting his own lower lip between his teeth with obvious nervousness about how he would respond.
"What? Child-bearing? I do not understand, John," Kocoum responded with a confused frown in reaction.
"She wishes to give me.. she said that the power of nature can give me the ability to carry your children inside me. To give birth to your babies. I was shocked when she offered this to me as a gift. I do not want to cause problems for you with the tribe. But I will not lie to you, and I would be lying if I said I was not excited at the idea of having your babies. But it also scares me, as well. To be the first man to physically have a child? The prospect is actually terrifying. I really need your advice about this, my husband. ..I do not know what to do."
"This is truly astonishing, my wife. I do see why you would be so torn about what to do," Kocoum replied in his low, rumbling voice while reaching out with his warm right hand to stroke over the back of John's golden haired head with clear tenderness in his eyes. "But what does your heart tell you? What do you feel, inside?"
"..Inside? My heart? I do want this, Kocoum, but I am also so scared to accept it. I watched my mother give birth to my sister at a very young age, and it looked just awful through the innocent eyes of a child. How much worse would it be on the adult? On me, a male?"
"I can not answer these questions for you, John Sunshine. I am not a woman, and I am not a medicine man. But such pain as what you saw your mother experience that day must have given her great joy as well. For it gave her children."
"I am sure that you are right, Kocoum, but I.. I just do not know. I am frightened.."
"I think that it is good, my Sunshine. But before you make your choice, I think that you should speak with Pocahontas. And I will tell you why," Kocoum said, his naked, warm chest rumbling against his with his words. "This is something that no one else in the tribe knows but for me, Pocahontas, the Chief and the medicine man. My wife.. my First Wife, Pocahontas. She is not physically.. right, inside. She can not have children. We tried for two years before the Medicine Man finally told us it would never be when he looked at her intimate pieces. I thought that I would never have them, because I promised her before the Great Spirit that I would never take another woman to my chest as wife. It was before we knew, but out of my respect for her I hold to my Vow. I hold the same respect and feeling for you, my Pale Two-Spirit, and so I would never push you to make a choice that would result in something occurring that you truly do not feel capable of handling without causing any kind of harm to yourself. Talk to Pocahontas. If you search your deep, loving heart, and can know for certain that you are strong enough in spirits to bear this pain.. Then I would be most honored for you to be the wife to give us all children to love."
"Oh, Kocoum.." John whispered, tears coming abruptly to his eyes, causing the blue to gleam even more brightly in the dying light of the small fire shining into their teepee through the partially open flap. "I am very sorry. For both of you. I will talk to her tomorrow while we gather food before we visit the two-spirits. Blue Feather and Shining Fish are to begin teaching me their craft."
"I believe this to be a good plan. And I hope that you enjoy yourself with the other two-spirits. Creating things has a calming power of it's own."
John knelt beside Pocahontas in the field of corn early the next morning, the two of them wanting to beat the heat of the sun as usual. They picked the golden ears and lay them in their small baskets at their sides, working in silence for a while before Pocahontas spoke quietly.
"John."
"Yes, Pocahontas?"
"Something is upsetting you. I can tell."
"I.. I would not say upsetting, exactly. Worrying."
"Worrying, then. Do you wish to talk about it?"
"No. And yes. I have to if I am going to make the right choice. I need your advice."
"You do?"
"Yes. It is about what Grandmother Willow and I spoke about yesterday. She.. She offered me something. Something amazing. A wonderful gift. I am honored, of course. But.. also scared. To accept it. To experience it. When I spoke to Kocoum about it after returning home last night, he said it would please him if I accepted her gift. But he also said that I should speak to you about it as well. I do not mind, because we are close. And because he explained things to me, I understand how this could effect us all, but especially you. I do not wish to hurt you, my sister."
"I do not understand, John. How could an amazing gift hurt me?"
"Because.. Because the gift that Grandmother Willow has offered me is the gift of childbearing. She wishes to allow me to be able to conceive and give birth to our husband's children. I think I am hesitating because of my fear of the pain. And because it might cause you pain. I do not want that, Pocahontas. If I do this, then it has to be right for me, yes. But also right for all of us. To give us all more family to love, not harm the family we already are. Please.. What are your thoughts?"
"I- I am astonished, John," Pocahontas replied, her face appearing mostly calm in response to his explanation, through there was also uncertainty in her dark eyes. "To think that you could fall with child.. With Kocoum's child.. A male has never been able to bear children. Even the two-spirit males. It has always been the women's gathering basket to bear. But as Kocoum told you.. I can not give him this gift. I wish with all that I am it were not so, and it still hurts even after all these years, but time heals in a way. We have grown used to it. Or as much as you can get used to something so life altering. I do not know if this choice is right for you, Sunshine," she stated, deliberately using his chosen tribe name. "Only you can make that decision. I love children, my teepee sister. I ache for them. And even though they would be of yours and Kocoum's blood, and not of mine, I would love them with all of my heart. Because they would be ours. I can not fathom how such a thing will be accomplished. You giving birth. But if Grandmother Willow says it will work.. I trust her. As does Kocoum. The tribe trusts her. But the choice must be yours, as I said. I would not advise rushing yourself, for there is not need for hurry. Grandmother has much patience. The elders always do, and she is very old. Older then our tribe, and many of the other tribes that are close to us."
"I.. I see. Thank you, Pocahontas. I will think on what you have said to me. And of course they would be ours. We are a family. All three of us. I will let you both know when I make my mind up about what to do."
"Of course, John."
John sat beside Shining Fish on tanned deerskins spread in front of the other two-spirit's teepee, the two friends talking, smiling and laughing together while they worked on their blankets. Shining Fish's star blanket was much further along in creation then John's, but that was to be expected since he had started first and was also much more experienced with the process.
"So, how long have you been making blankets, Shining Fish?" John asked curiously as he worked slowly and carefully, clearly enjoying himself.
"Oh, years and years," he replied, smiling and gesturing with a hand airily before returning to work on his own blanket, still looking at John as he spoke. "Ever since I was a young boy and asked my mother to show me how to make blankets and baskets. I did not wish to go out hunting with my father, you see. It was not long after that I realized I was a two-spirit. I had grown up with the stories, of course. He was disappointed, as I was his only son. But mother gave him another not long after, so he seemed to accept it. And it is an honor for a two-spirit to be a part of your teepee. It is good medicine. This pleased him. Honor in the eyes of the tribe is a good thing. And I know that he loves me. They visit me often. They are very pleased about Thomas, even though it is not certain yet."
"I see. That is interesting. The history of your.. our people is so beautiful, Shining Fish. If it would not make me other then I am, I would almost wish that it were my history as well. Thomas should be coming soon to see me after I left so suddenly yesterday."
"It is your history now, John. Sunshine. You are a part of us now. I am glad that he is coming. It will give us more time to spend together while you are with Blue Feather learning his moccasin craft."
"Yes. It will. Has he said anything to you about what he is feeling? I mean, do you think that he will choose you to be his two-spirit wife?"
"He has not said much to me, no. But I understand that it is a big decision for him to make. It is not as though he will be able to take me back across the river with him to live there. Your former people would not understand. He will have to have our Chief's permission to join the tribe and live here among us in order to take me as his wife. It will be hard for him, I think. To adapt to our way of life and culture. Perhaps I am being selfish by asking him to do so. But I love him, Sunshine. Is that not a good enough reason for him to leave his people for mine?"
"No. I do not think that you are selfish, Shining Fish. You said it. You love him. And if he loves you in return, then no sacrifice is too great for him to make. I gave up my culture, too, after all. Love, when it is true, is always worth it."
"I believe that you are right. But it is not what we believe that is important here. It is what Thomas believes. The path of my future rests with him. In his beautiful, moon-pale hands."
"That is true, my friend. That is true."
"Yes. So what did the Chief want yesterday? Did it go well for you?"
"Yes. It did. But that is all I can say right now. It needs to stay within my family until I make my choice about it. But I promise you and Thomas will be among the first outside of our teepee to know."
"Oh? Very well. I am pleased by this promise between us."
Three days later John had made his decision about Grandmother Willow's gift, telling Pocahontas what he had decided quietly where they worked together gathering food in the fields.
"Pocahontas?"
"Yes, Sunshine?"
"I have decided. I want to accept Grandmother's gift. I want to go to our husband tonight and tell him. Then I want to.. well.."
"I understand, John," she promised, her dark eyes glittering with sudden, though unshed tears of joy about his choice. "I will visit my father's house so that you may have privacy for your lovemaking. I know you would be too uncomfortable with me there to enjoy it. And I want you to enjoy it. I want you to conceive a child for us all."
"Thank you, Pocahontas. Your selflessness astounds me, my sister. I am not sure I could be as gracious in your place. Will you explain this to your father? I know he will ask why you do this."
"You would be, Sunshine," she objected firmly, her expression serious as she looked at him. "You are a beautiful person. Inside and out. It could not be me to give our mate children to preserve his line, but I am glad that it is you, my sister. Yes, I will tell my father. The Chief needs to know before anyone else does, so as to prevent potential conflicts. But I see no real reason to expect any since Grandmother Willow is involved in this."
"Kocoum?" John called when he arrived home after leaving Pocahontas at her father's house. He took a deep breath, in that moment leaving John outside and fully taking up his chosen life as Sunshine as he entered their teepee.
"Yes, my two-spirit wife?"
"Pocahontas is staying with her father for a few days. She told me to tell you this. She knew you would not mind, because I have decided to accept Grandmother's gift. She wanted us to have this time together so that we might.. well, try to conceive."
"I understand," Kocoum replied, coming to him and wrapping his arms around his wife. He seemed to sense the difference from his usual demeanor, proving this when he addressed him by his tribe name. "Are you sure, Sunshine?"
"I am. I have made my choice. I want to give you children. You and Pocahontas. I know they will be ours, but she will love them just as much. I want her to be happy, too. I know this is the right decision for us. Grandmother Willow would not have offered this gift to me if she knew me to be incapable of enduring it. And.. I wish to hold your babies in my arms. Very much. If your heart aches for something, then how can it be wrong?"
"Your words hold much wisdom, my wife," Kocoum answered with a rare smile, leading him over to the bed furs by the hand. "We will make love these few days, and we shall conceive, if Grandmother is kind."
"She will be, my husband. I am sure of it."
Kocoum nodded, laying Sunshine down upon his bed and proceeding to strip his wife of his buckskin clothing, followed by himself. They kissed then, their bodies entwining, their passion clear as they came together. Sunshine moaned and arched his back, whimpering in helpless reaction as Kocoum's fingers probed and stretched him carefully for their joining.
"Ohhh! Kocoum! Yes, yes! ..Please, more! I n-need you.. inside me, please! I love you!"
And when Kocoum finally entered him, going deeper then he ever had before, he cried out joyfully, uncaring that he could probably be heard for miles because of his volume. The dark skinned warrior did not seem to mind, either. In fact, his expression appeared proud that he could give his two-spirit wife so much pleasure from his touch and presence on and within his body. Then he convulsed beneath him, yelling out when he felt Kocoum shove deep once more before filling him with his hot, life-giving seed, coming along with his husband.
Sunshine shuddered hard, then went limp beneath him, though his form continued to shake with his sudden tiredness and spent passion. He moaned softly, helplessly, his deep blue eyes meeting his husband's just as Kocoum slipped out of his body and began to soothe him down with gentle caresses from his strong hands over his love-warmed body.
"..Thank you, Kocoum. My sweet husband," he sighed, snuggling close into his mate's tender embrace when Kocoum took him in his arms. "I love you."
"You are welcome, my Sunshine," Kocoum's voice rumbled deep in his chest, his arms pulling him closer still within their furs. "I love you, too, John. You are tired, love. Sleep. With any luck we will all soon have a little one to love."
"Yes, Kocoum," he whispered, his long blonde lashes fluttering as he closed his eyes sleepily, beginning to drift off into dreams, murmuring quietly, "I would like that very much.."
John Smith dreamed.
He wandered through moonlit trees, the steps of his moccasined feet quiet and sure as he found himself within Grandmother's Willow's swaying branches. He smiled, feeling peaceful and safe as he weaved among the rippling vines, reaching out to touch them with careful, caressing fingertips. He did not actually see her face this time, but he heard her voice whisper in his ears as the gentle breeze stirred his long golden hair, the gleaming strands whispering over his pale cheeks.
"John Sunshine. My gift is now yours. Accept and bear it well. Though the gift takes physical form, it will work for none but you. The boys of your and Kocoum's line who will wish for this gift need but ask it of me in their deepest hearts to be given it."
"I understand. Thank you, Grandmother Willow."
"You are very welcome. And John?"
"Yes, grandmother?"
"You are with-child."
"I- Really?"
"Yes."
"Boy or girl?"
"Now, Sunshine. Surely you do not wish me to reveal all the secrets of the universe to you?" she replied with a clear smile in her voice.
"No, I- I suppose not, Grandmother."
"Mmm.. You can wake up now, John."
John stirred from sleep, waking slowly, his blue eyes fixing on Kocoum's beautiful, peaceful face before drifting downward, feeling an unfamiliar weight around his left wrist. There, on his arm, was a silver bangle bracelet of the elegant type that he had seen women wear in England and envied. The top half was in the shape of a curved, slender feather, a beautiful rendition, and the clasp was barely noticeable.
"..Sunshine?" came Kocoum's voice, low and heavy with sleep as he propped himself up on one arm to look down at his wife. "What is it? We have hours yet before waking time."
Then he saw the bracelet John was admiring.
"It is Grandmother's gift," John explained softly, smiling up at him with shining blue eyes. "Well, her gift is inside me. But it is a reminder. She came to me in a dream this night. And you know what else she said, Kocoum? I am with-child!"
"Truly?" his warrior asked him in a low voice, sounding more awake now then before. "This is wonderful news, my Sunshine. You will be a wonderful mother. Did she tell you?.."
"Boy or girl? No. I did ask, but I think that she wanted to have at least one secret for her to know and us to find out. I do not mind, as long as the baby is healthy and strong."
"Yes. That is of course the most important thing," Kocoum agreed, drawing John tighter against him and pressing his lips against his two-spirit wife's forehead lightly.
"Mmm.. So when should we tell Pocahontas?"
"You may tell her tomorrow while you gather. That is soon enough, my wife. For now, sleep. You need your rest. Not only for you now, but for our child."
They came together once more that night, and twice each for the next two nights. And when Pocahontas returned to their teepee on the fourth night both men were exhausted and there was no doubt in any of their minds that John Smith, now Sunshine, was well and truly with-child.