I haul myself into a sitting position, feeling a lot less powerful now that I'm out of my…dream? Rue immediately embraces me in a hug, but I wince as she wraps her tiny hand around my shoulder.
"Sorry," she says, jumping back, but still looking excited.
"It's alright," I say as I pull my shirt aside to examine my shoulder. It's wrapped up like some kind of present, but small red splotches of blood are still visible. My left arm, the same arm the mutt mangled, is also wrapped in clean white bandages and on its way to healing. I can feel more on my back and legs, where the mutt's claws shredded my flesh. I feel like a torn up suit in desperate need of a tailor.
I try to stand, but my legs quickly collapse under me, shaking and feeble. I manage to catch myself on a tree as Rue rushes over to help me down. I hate feeling this weak.
"Easy," Rue says, "We can't have you passing out on us again. It was hard enough carrying you back from the river. Y'know you're a lot heavier than you look."
The river. The mutts. Katniss. My mind whirls back to that dark night, full of howls and snapping jaws. How long has it been?
"How long was I out?" I ask.
"Only a day," Rue says.
"Jesus," I mutter.
"What?" Rue asks with childlike curiosity.
"Nothing. It's just at this rate I'll spend most of the games unconscious," I say with a small chuckle.
"Sounds like a good way to spend it if you ask me," says a familiar voice behind me.
I turn to see Katniss leaning against one of the pine trunks, her bow and quiver slung over her shoulder and an expertly-killed squirrel dangling from her belt. Her dark hair is pulled back in its usual braid and, strangely enough, there's actually a small smile on her face.
"How're you feeling?" Katniss asks.
"I don't know the polite word for it," I chuckle, "But I suppose not being dead is still a win."
"Well, that's a win we almost didn't have," Katniss says back, taking a seat beside me.
"Anyone die while I was out?" I ask.
"Aside from a few stupid squirrels, no," Katniss answers.
"What happened…after I passed out?" I ask.
"We carried you back, but you'd lost a lot of blood. We weren't sure if you were gonna make it," Rue says, jumping into the conversation with her usual eagerness.
"Your sponsors saved you. They sent bandages and everything else we needed to patch you up," Katniss says.
You gotta be kidding me. Gloss actually helped me out and allowed some gifts to come my way? I haven't received so much as a cracker for the entire games thanks to him and then he saves me in my most desperate hour. Well, actually Katniss and Rue saved me but the supplies were unquestionably valuable.
I start laughing at the thought of Gloss holding his nose and sending me supplies. There's no way he's pleased with me for double-crossing the careers and aligning with the outer districts, but with Glimmer dead I'm the last hope for District One to have a victor this year. If he let me die, our dry streak would continue and his mentoring stats would continue to suffer. Despite our past success, Gloss was our last victor and that was eleven years ago.
"Something funny?" Katniss asks.
"Just imagining Gloss biting the bullet and helping me out. I don't think my decision to work with you guys instead of the careers is sitting particularly well with him," I chuckle.
Katniss and Rue both chuckle at that. I wish these moments didn't have to end. These moments are pleasant. Hell, they're better than pleasant. I'm not dead and I've got everything I need right now. I've got my life, my spear, my knife and my friends. That's a lot more than most people get anywhere in Panem and I've got it in the Hunger Games, of all places.
"So…what're we going to do about my old friends?" I ask.
They stop chuckling immediately.
"We were actually waiting to ask you about that," Katniss says flatly.
My mind sifts back through the memories, trying to recall what information she could want.
"Right before the mutts showed up, we were talking about the careers. Rue suggested we destroy their food supply, but you said that wouldn't work," Katniss says, her piercing grey eyes studying my face like the answer was written on my forehead.
I remember now. The food. The mountain of food surrounded by a deadly minefield curtesy of Cooper.
"Yeah, it won't work," I say demurely.
"Why not?" Rue asks.
"Mines," I answer tersely.
"Mines?" Katniss asks, eyebrows furrowing.
"Yeah, there's a minefield surrounding the food supply," I say.
Katniss' eyes, usually narrowed in suspicion, completely widen at that. Rue's do the same and I'm sure her jaw would've fallen off if it wasn't attached.
"Where'd they get mines?" Rue asks incredulously.
"The tribute platforms, the same ones that would blow us up if we got off before the countdown. We dug 'em up, rearmed 'em and buried 'em around the food to protect it," I answer.
"Who the hell did that?" Katniss asks.
I try to suppress a smirk. Obviously Katniss doesn't have a high estimate for the collective career IQ.
"Glimmer did," I lie.
"What?!" Katniss asks, sounding like I just told her day was night.
"I'm just fucking with you," I say through my laughter, "It was Cooper."
"Who's Cooper?" Katniss asks, disbelief replaced with confusion.
"The boy from Three," Rue answers before I can.
"He joined us not long after Peeta. In exchange for protection, he rearmed the mines and secured our food supply," I say.
"How'd you guys get food if there's a minefield around it?" Katniss asks, already looking like she's trying to come up with a plan.
"Cooper had us leave a path through the minefield up to the pile, but…" I trail off, trying to remember how the damn thing was laid out.
"Can't you remember?" Katniss asks, frustration seeping into her voice.
"Not completely and it's not the type of thing I'm willing to guess on," I snap back, "I've had a lot of shit going on lately. I can't remember everything."
There's silence for a moment. We all know we've gotta find a way to get at the careers, but the right method is proving elusive.
"I still think taking their supplies is the best way to hurt them…short of actually hurting them," Katniss says, removing a gleaming arrow from her quiver and examining it like a work of art.
"Well…yeah. It's definitely where they're weakest, but unless you've learned to fly, I'm telling you we can't get to the damn pile," I say back, groaning in frustration and feeling fatigue from my injuries. I can feel the blood pounding in my aching head and I know I'm not one hundred percent yet.
"We may not have to get close to it," Rue says, a wry smile creeping onto her delicate features.
I know that look. She's got an idea.
"It's not like we have to throw the food in the lake…or burn it…or eat it ourselves. It just needs to be gone and the careers just need to be hungry," Rue says with a mischievous look on her face, the same look she wore when she stole Cato's knife during training.
"What're you thinking?" I ask, feeling my features stretching into a grin.
"You know what the great thing is about mines?" Rue asks.
I see Katniss arch her eyebrow, just as intrigued as I am.
"They blow up," Rue finishes, flashing a porcelain-white grin that quickly spreads around our little group.
The next day passes quietly. Nobody dies except for whatever creatures are foolish enough to wander in Katniss' path. I mostly rest, hidden beneath the ferns, only venturing out to…relieve myself. I need to regain my strength and give my wounds some time to heal, especially after all the blood I lost during the mutt attack. Rue's idea, while good will require me to be at one hundred percent. I can't believe I didn't see it. It was right there the whole time, sitting right under my nose and I just didn't see it. The careers practically gift-wrapped a way to destroy their precious supplies. Thanks to Cooper, there's two dozen mines sitting directly beneath all those goodies, just waiting to be set off by somebody with a bone to pick.
I'm almost giddy at the thought. Cato and Clove won't last too long without food. I can't help but smile as I remember their sneers at the survival stations during training, like the idea of anything going wrong and requiring such skills in the arena was too ridiculous to even consider. I can't wait to see the look on their faces when there's nothing left but a smoldering crater. Rue's plan is still in development but the concept itself is flawless: Draw the careers away from the cornucopia and find a way to set off the mines without blowing ourselves up. Easy enough.
I wonder how Cooper will fare without the supplies? Probably not too well. I don't have any animosity for the kid and I hope he doesn't suffer too much, but I doubt he's much of a survivalist. He looked pretty weak when he showed up to pitch his idea. Now Lewis is a different story. With his fishing skills, he might actually make it without the supplies. I feel a twinge of sympathy for the fifteen-year-old, recalling the moments of genuine fun I had with him and Brooke.
Brooke.
Poor Lewis. If her death hurt me, I can't imagine how he must've felt, losing not only his district partner but also a friend so close she might as well have been his sister. I hope the games haven't stolen everything from him yet. We're all too young for this, but kids like him, Rue and Ava definitely are. The games take a lot from everyone, but it hits the young tributes the hardest. They're the ones who usually breakdown, either in tears or psychotic fits of violence. There's exceptions of course, but the older ones tend to be more resilient…like Katniss.
My oldest ally spends most of her time out in the woods, either hunting or patrolling. Sometimes accompanied by Rue, sometimes not. I wonder if District Twelve has woods? I know Seven does, but Katniss is way too good a hunter for this to be her first time in this environment. Thing is, hunting on Capitol land anywhere is strictly prohibited. Katniss just might be more of a rebel than anyone realizes. I'd probably never be able to pry a straight answer out of her, especially while we're on television, but the shoe definitely seems to fit.
Rue spends most of her time moving around the trees like a squirrel, occasionally gathering food, but mostly scouting for any sign of other tributes. We can't go after the careers until I'm back in action, but that doesn't mean everyone else is taking a break. Rue stays vigilant, eyes peeled for any signs of danger in the quiet forest. Hopefully the audience was sufficiently entertained by seeing me turned into a chew toy and won't demand that the gamemakers spice things up anytime soon. I can't imagine where those bastards would go from there and I don't want to know.
It's mid-morning by the time I finally feel ready to move again. Rue's off in the trees again and I haven't seen Katniss all morning. I gingerly get to my feet and find my legs surprisingly stable. They may not be what they were back in training, but all things considered, they feel pretty damn good. I pick up my spear with my right arm, which was fortunately undamaged from the mutts. I've been sedentary way too long for my tastes and I feel the woods calling, begging me to explore. I leave my pack hidden beneath some foliage and begin my trek. I can't go too far, but I'm done doing nothing and once Katniss and Rue get back, the real work begins.
The woods look the same as before, but the weather's much more pleasant. A cool breeze flows between the trees like water and washes over me. It appears the gamemakers have shown some mercy since the scorching days they subjected us to during the first few days. I wonder how long I've been in here? I try to remember the days I've been through, but the time I've spent unconscious leaves everything a bit muddled. I'd estimate around a week, give or take a few days. A week and over half the tributes have already bought it. Who's left right now? Let's see, me, Katniss and Rue. Three. Cato, Clove, Lewis and Cooper. Seven. Thresh, the sly-looking ginger girl and Peeta, who's somehow still clinging onto life despite Cato damn near cutting his leg off, make ten. Oh, and the boy with the bad foot makes eleven. Eleven tributes left, only one leaves the arena alive.
That thought makes me stop walking and lean against a trunk. Ten tributes gotta go for me to see Striker again, along with my parents and my home. I know that includes Katniss and Rue, but I find myself hesitating. I've always known it would come to this, but as it gets closer to the end, it becomes much more real. The smart thing, the thing anyone trying to win would do, would be to take Katniss out the second after we destroy those supplies. Or maybe sooner. She's a huge threat and the longer she's around, the risk of me getting a silver arrow in my forehead only increases. And yet…I don't think I could do it.
I know I couldn't kill Rue. She's too young, too much like Striker for me to ever go through with something that heinous. But Katniss is a bit different. She's a fierce warrior, practically made of determination and probably willing to do anything to see her family again, including killing me. So why do I feel this hesitation? This weakness? We've been allies and we may have bonded before the games and we may have even saved each other, but so what? I've seen people who were best friends before the games tear each other apart in the arena. And yet I don't think I could kill Katniss…and it terrifies me. If I can't, my only hope of going home in anything other than a coffin is for someone else to do it for me. But I feel this sick feeling rising in me like bile, this awareness that if Katniss ever was being attacked, I'd back her up instead of letting her get taken out.
I groan and start bashing my forehead into the tree, trying to numb these thoughts bent on my destruction.
"God…Damn…It!" I say between hits, feeling the bark pounding into my forehead like a hammer.
"What the hell are you doing?" questions a familiar voice.
That fucking voice. The source of all my misery right now.
I turn to see Katniss standing there. The look of genuine concern on her face knocks all the anger and frustration out of me.
"What're you doing up? You're supposed to be resting," she says, her beautiful grey eyes landing on my red forehead.
"I felt better…thought I'd go for a walk," I murmur, my eyes drifting lazily around the woods.
"You sure you're feeling okay? Not to be rude, but you look terrible," Katniss says without even the slightest hint of mockery.
The anguish of my realization must still be on my face. I can't kill her and am increasingly likely to die at her hand for all of Panem to see. Why am I so fucking weak? Why did I do this if I'd falter over some misplaced sentiment?
"I…I think I'm just confused," I say wearily.
"What's wrong?" she asks, stepping to my side and looking up at me.
Katniss is pretty tall but I've still got about half a foot on her. I hesitate for a moment, looking down into her grey eyes that now look like pristine silver up close, like something a District One jeweler would craft. My gaze drifts down her lovely features to her pink lips, pursed in concern and waiting for an answer. My tongue doesn't work, even as I search for words. The one thing I'm keenly aware of is this strange desire to pull Katniss into my arms and kiss her.
"I…" I start, not even sure what I want to say.
"Yeah?" she asks quietly, almost whispering as her eyes search my face for the truth.
I clamp up, feeling our close proximity with every fiber of my being. The air itself seems to crackle with something powerful, like an electric current…or a gas leak that could be set off with one spark. It feels more dangerous than anything else in the games. I shake it off and step back.
"It's nothing," I say, "We should probably head back."
Katniss almost look disappointed, like she's knows it's not nothing and wants to help. I don't look back at her as I walk. If I do, I know I'll feel all those strange feelings stir again and I really don't need that. I keep my eyes focused on other things. Simple things, like the pine needles scattered over the ground or the sunlight sifting between the branches. The forest, for all its danger, is simple and that's really what I need right now.
I hear footsteps. I assume it's just Katniss behind me, but then I notice a difference in pitch. They're faster and somehow spastic, like something's impeding them and Katniss hardly makes a sound when she walks anyway. Katniss hears it to and stops rigidly beside me. When I hear the first sounds of panting and angry voices, I know what it means: tributes.
Without thinking, I grab Katniss and pull her into a thick clump of bushes. For a moment she tries to squirm out of my grasp, like a cat. She pauses when the hears the sounds getting closer and peers out through the leaves. Seconds later, the boy from Ten comes into view, panicked, sweating and stumbling over his bad foot. He's running, or hobbling actually, from something, something dangerous he desperately needs to escape. A knife whizzes into his thigh like a bullet a second later and he goes down, screaming in anguish. He tries to haul himself to his feet when another zips into his kneecap. As the poor boy writhes on the ground, only one thought crosses my mind. There's only one person in the arena who can throw like that.
She comes into view a moment later, grinning wickedly and circling the injured boy like a prowling lioness. Clove, sting free and more lethal than ever.
"Don't feel too bad," she taunts before delivering a bone-cracking kick into the boy's ribs that leaves him wheezing, "You did pretty well for gimp. I didn't think you'd last beyond the bloodbath."
"This worthless piece of crippled shit isn't what we're after, Clove," sneers another voice I know well. A voice colder and more venomous than I have ever heard it.
Lewis stomps into view behind Clove, clutching his spear and scowling as he approaches his ally.
"Think maybe he's seen her?" Clove suggests, casting a haughty glance at the injured boy as he feebly tries to crawl away.
"Only one way to find out," Lewis says as he storms over to the boy from Ten. I have to suppress my desire to retch as he stomps on the boy's extended tibia, breaking it with a sickening crack and sending jagged shards of bloody bone through the fabric of the boy's pants. I feel Katniss cringe in my arms while Clove lets out a bark of laughter.
The boy from Ten screams in agony as Lewis pounces on him, rolling him over and seizing him by his shirt collar. The boy looks up, meeting Lewis' furious gaze. Before he can scream again, Lewis delivers a vicious punch to the boy's face, shattering his nose. He quakes in terror as blood streams down his face, remaining features contorted in agony and fear.
"Have you seen any sign of the bitch on fire?" Lewis asks.
"The…the what?" the boys asks, confusion and terror mixing as one.
Lewis stomps on his injured leg again as a response, sending the poor boy writhing in fresh waves of pain. I can feel Katniss seething in my grasp, muscles coiled and ready to lash out. I only tighten my grip. We can't give ourselves away, not while there's two of them and I'm still injured. No matter how much everything decent in me says to do something, I can't.
"The bitch on fire! The girl from Twelve! The cunt that killed my District partner!" Lewis spits, towering over the injured boy.
"No! I-I haven't seen her since the bloodbath!" answers the panicked tribute, still trying to inch away from Lewis.
"You sure you're not working with her?!" Lewis thunders, taking a step towards the boy, "I've been fooled before."
"No! No! No! I'm not with her! I swear! I've just been by m-myself the whole time…just trying to avoid trouble!" stammers the desperate boy.
I see Lewis' jaw clench while he examines the boy like some type of specimen.
"I believe you," he says, picking his spear up off the ground.
The boy from Ten sighs in relief before wincing in pain again.
"But it's not going to save you," Lewis says emotionlessly before driving his spear into the boy's abdomen.
Of all his screams, those are probably the worst. Clove and Lewis go to work immediately, cutting off toes, fingers, ears and whatever else catches their attention, laughing like a pair of giddy clowns as they go. They gut him like a fish, slowly, while he's still alive, weeping and begging for mercy. I shut my eyes and draw inward, desperately wishing I could stop hearing the sounds of what they're doing. I wish I could stop hearing every slash, every laugh, every scream and every whimper. I would give anything to be deaf right now.
I don't know how long they work. It feels like hours and I don't look up again until I hear a cannon shot. Lewis and Clove both stand over the bloody, brutalized corpse, sweaty and stained themselves. They pick up their weapons and leave as quickly as they came, probably off to find more victims.
I let Katniss out of my grasp who immediately bends over and vomits onto the forest floor. I lean against the tree and try not to pass out, my vision hazy and my body shaking with every breath. Only one irrefutable truth pushes through my foggy, panicked mind: Lewis has changed.
I sit beneath one of the pine trees hours later. Night has fallen and Rue's gone to bed, hopefully sleeping in relative peace. She was so panicked when me and Katniss got back, having heard the boy from Ten's cannon and assumed it was one of us. We lied and said we hadn't seen him. Rue doesn't need to know what we saw. She doesn't need to know why neither of us could look up when his face appeared in the sky or why neither of us had any interest in eating meat tonight. I know I won't be sleeping tonight. I keep hearing those fucking screams and cracks echoing in my head and whenever I'm not focused on something, I can almost see it happening again.
Instead, I focus on the sky, the different shades of blue and black mixing together with the clouds. I try counting the stars. I lose count many times and I don't care. I get to start over and it keeps me from having to find a new distraction.
I'm at eighty-three when I hear soft footsteps. My hand instantly goes for my spear.
"Hey," says Katniss quietly.
I immediately relax, feeling the tension roll out of my shoulders. My hands leave my spear and go back to my lap.
"Hey," I answer, "Can't sleep?"
Katniss shakes her head and sits beside me. Fortunately, the trunk is big enough for two to lean on it.
"Me neither," I mutter, shivering at my memories. It's no secret why we're both having this problem.
"How'd you ever work with them?" Katniss asks quietly. "You're different. You're human, but…they're something else. Something worse."
I sit quietly for a moment. How do I explain that they weren't all evil after what we just saw? How do I make her see Brooke's decency and friendship when she's gone? How do I make her see that Lewis wasn't always what he is now when she never knew him before?
"The games change people. Lewis wasn't always like that," I finally say.
"The boy from Four?" Katniss asks.
I nod in response.
"What was he like?" she asks.
I look out at the stars, recalling better days. Days that had some friendly conversations and decent meals, when the only things being torn apart were dummies.
"He was nervous, kind of goofy. He was still a good kid. He certainly never…got into it like that," I say.
"What changed?" Katniss asks, her voice soft and smooth as a note of music.
"Brooke died," I say, trying to keep my voice even.
"His district partner," Katniss says, probably recalling the angry words Lewis hurled at the boy from Ten.
"Yeah. They'd been friends a long time. They acted like fucking siblings, always teasing each other and sticking together no matter what. I think when she died, Lewis lost himself…or at least any connection to who he was," I say sadly.
Katniss doesn't say anything and she doesn't need to. I hear owls off in the night, their who-o-o calls drifting over the breeze that rustles through the forest.
"Brooke was...Brooke was my friend. She was never afraid to stick up for Lewis, even if it pissed off Cato and Clove. She wasn't bloodthirsty and she always had good advice. Y'know, she told me something that I haven't been able to get out of my head," I continue.
"What?" Katniss asks.
"It was about allies. It was the first day of the games, not long after the Bloodbath. I hadn't been able to find you and I already didn't trust most of the careers. Lewis and Brooke were busy watching each other's backs and I was feeling pretty fucking alone. And Brooke just laid it out perfectly, why allies are important. I was wondering if they made you too vulnerable, but she told me that the right allies don't make you weaker. They give you somebody you can depend on…somebody who makes you stronger," I say as I look into Katniss' shimmering silver eyes, making it obvious who I'm talking about. A soft smile graces her features and my mind drifts back to moonlit conversations like this only a week ago, when things were simpler. Before all the tension and misunderstanding.
"She sounds like a good friend," Katniss says simply.
"She was. She really was," I answer.
"I'm sorry…about the tracker jackers, I mean," Katniss says, her voice laced with a bit of guilt.
I sigh. I don't blame Katniss. She had no choice. I just wish Brooke hadn't been caught in the cross-fire.
"It's alright. You weren't trying to kill Brooke. You were just trying to survive. Anyone in your situation would've done the same thing," I say earnestly.
The look of relief on Katniss' face is obvious and it stirs something in me.
"I never thanked you for saving my life…when the mutts were after me. I'm sorry," I say.
Katniss lets out a soft chuckle. "It was the least I could do after you led them away from us."
I chuckle a bit myself as I look at my left arm, which is still bandaged up. In the moonlight, the dirty bandages are white as alabaster.
"I'm sorry for the way I treated you when we reconnected. I treated you like you were a monster, just looking for the first opportunity to kill me. I didn't know what you'd been through…and I didn't know what you were willing to go through for me and Rue," Katniss says, her gaze on her hands fidgeting in her lap.
I can feel myself softening at the sincerity of her words and I suddenly know why I can't kill her, why I'll never be able to kill her. I don't like this idea of her feeling guilty and I instinctively reach over, covering her small hands with one of mine. They stop fidgeting as Katniss looks up and meets my gaze, gleaming silver eyes tender and curious all at the same time.
"You have nothing to feel guilty about," I say softly.
I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the soft rays of moonlight or our gentle words or the stress we've been under. Some inexplicable force pulls us together like a magnet and I feel myself leaning in, ignoring all the training screaming at me to control myself. It's only when I feel our lips gently meet that everything clears away. I feel her arms wrap around my neck as my hands go to her hips, pulling her closer. Everything disappears except the forest, the shimmering stars and the beautiful girl kissing me back right now and for the first time since I entered the arena…I feel at peace.
A/N: Okay, this is by far my favorite chapter and I'm so glad to get it out there. Will the Karvel ship float? Can anything save Lewis from himself? Where the hell is Peeta? So many questions still left. Unfortunately, the updates are probably going to slow down now that I'm back in college, but fear not. Nothing short of death will stop me from finishing this story.