The morning sunlight falls on me softly as I slither towards the cornucopia, flowing like water between the endless trees dotting the arena. The pine needles have muffled my footsteps and made me silent, perfect for this little mission. According to Rue, we need to gather intel, observe the careers and see if anything in their routine suggests a weakness before we make our move. It's a solid idea, although the separation makes me nervous. It's necessary. The careers are more likely to spot us if we're all clumped together at the tree-line. Separation is far better for stealth, making us a lot less likely to be discovered…but if we are discovered, we've split our forces and left ourselves vulnerable.
I shake the fears off and whistle the simple tune Rue taught Katniss and I before we separated. The mockingjays pick it up and carry it through the trees in search of my allies. The responding tune comes back quickly and I let out a sigh of relief. I shouldn't worry this much. Rue and Katniss are pretty damn capable and certainly don't need me looking over their shoulder…but somewhere along the way I softened to them. I started caring about them beyond the scope of an alliance. I started caring for them as my friends…well at least I know that's how I feel about Rue.
That relationship is uncomplicated. She's my friend, a sweet kid that I'm glad to have at my side, but Katniss is something else. We still haven't spoken about our kiss last night. I should've been angry at myself for being so weak. I should've regretted it and said that it was meaningless mistake that was just the result of a lot of stress and loneliness…but I've never been a very good liar. Whatever that was, it was sincere and it was the happiest I'd been since I entered the arena. I know that much. I don't quite know my own feelings and I doubt Katniss has hers figured out, but I can't pretend it was nothing. To make matters even more complicated, Katniss and I must've fallen asleep under the tree because when I woke up this morning, we were holding each other. Without so much as a word, we untangled ourselves and looked for anything to occupy our time. Katniss went hunting and went to refill my water bottle, which I drank twice on the way back just so I'd have the excuse of going to refill it again.
Rue woke up, excited to get the day going and brimming with ideas about how to handle the careers. Thank god Katniss isn't exceptionally talkative or else she might've noticed how we weren't really speaking to each other and were making conscious efforts to avoid the other's gaze. There's nothing hateful or angry about it. Rather, it's more like we don't know what to say and neither of us really has an idea about how to approach what happened last night.
I sigh and push all the confusion to the back of my mind. Whatever's going on, it'll have to wait. I've got careers to spy on and I have to be mentally present. I creep to the edge of the tree-line, secluding myself behind a group of bushes dotting the edge of the clearing. I can spot the cornucopia easily, golden and gleaming in the sun like some ornate piece of jewelry. Our target, the giant supply pyramid, is right where I left it off to the side of the cornucopia. I spot Cooper sitting just outside the mouth of the giant horn, but, weirdly enough, not another person. That's odd. I suppose Clove and Lewis could be out…hunting again. I try to suppress a shudder at the thought. But what about Cato? Rue said his leg was fucked up and he wasn't hunting with Lewis and Clove, so I thought he'd be here. But where is he? I find myself rubbing the whiskers on my chin, searching for an answer. I wonder if Katniss and Rue can see something I can't? We're spread out along the tree-line, but I don't know how far. Part of the lake is hidden by a small rise, so I suppose they could be down there…or if they were feeling crazy I suppose they could've gone down into the wheat field behind the horn in search of Thresh, but I highly doubt that. Cato's injured and he's their best chance of defeating the District Eleven giant.
I hear a loud whoop soar across the clearing from the other side of the clearing. My eyes narrow as I spot Lewis and Clove strolling across the grass, weapons in hand. I see Cooper stand timidly to meet them, offering them full water bottles and trying to seem useful. Poor kid. He must know that the clock is ticking when it comes to his safety.
"Any luck?" I hear Cooper ask nervously.
Lewis glares at him. "Did you hear a fucking cannon?" he sneers.
"Well, uh…n-no. I didn't. I just thought you guys might've seen a sign of somebody," Cooper manages, looking incredibly uncomfortable under Lewis' unnerving gaze, a look I never saw in his eyes before yesterday.
Clove chuckles at Cooper's nervousness and slaps Lewis on the back. "Where's Cato?" she asks the nervous boy.
"He's down by the lake, said he wanted to rinse his wound off again," Cooper answers, sitting back down by the mouth of the horn.
"HEY CATO!" Clove screeches.
He appears moments later, cresting the small rise overlooking the blue glassy waters of the lake. He looks alright, but walks with a slight limp, which I can't help but smile at. Whatever his wound is like, it's hidden by his pants.
"Have a good night hunting, you crazy bitch?" Cato asks, smirking at Clove as he arrives at their camp.
"It was alright. Didn't catch anyone though," Clove answers bitterly.
"We haven't even seen a footprint since we caught that crippled fuck yesterday," Lewis comments as he eats a pack of dried fruit from his pack.
Cato chuckles as I feel a shiver run down my spine, awful memories flashing in my mind's eye.
"I still can't believe I missed that," Cato says with a shake of his head.
"You wouldn't have if you could keep up with us," Clove teases, motioning towards Cato's bad leg.
"Fuck off," Cato says with a sibling-like tone reserved just for Clove.
"How's it doing anyway? The painkillers Brutus sent helping any?" Clove asks.
Painkillers? Of course the lucky bastard gets painkillers. It's District Two. Why wouldn't they?
"They help some," Cato answers, rubbing his leg gingerly, "I should be ready to go soon."
"Good," Lewis says, leaning against the wall of the cornucopia, "We're gonna need you to deal with the bitch on fire."
"Don't forget the pair of fucking traitors," Clove adds.
My old friends don't sound like they're exactly missing my company. Good thing the feeling's mutual.
"Think they're all together?" Lewis asks.
Clove thinks for a moment while playing with one of the many knives she keeps in her vest. "Marvel could be anywhere, but I'd bet you a fiddle of gold that the lovers are together," she says.
"You think so?" Lewis asks.
Cato nods in assent. "They'd have to be. I know where I cut Loverboy. There's no way he's lasted this long without somebody looking after him," he says.
That's actually a really good point. Cato almost took Peeta's fucking leg off and I don't think he had much in the way of medical supplies…so how has he lasted this long? We aren't helping him, wherever he is, and I doubt the Thresh or the girl from Five would risk their lives to help him. He must be hiding, just trying to stay out of the way while he recovers…if he's even capable of recovering. It'd take more than a bandage to fix what Cato did to him.
I wonder how Katniss feels about this conversation? She may not love Peeta, but she definitely seems to care about him…at least she did before he joined the careers for a few days. I still don't quite know what to think about that. Peeta joined us, offering Katniss up on a silver platter, but then he intervened and saved her from Cato during the tracker jacker incident. Was that his plan all along or did guilt make him change his mind at the last moment? Like so many people and so many things in the games, Peeta is pretty ambiguous. I still don't know whether or not it was a good idea to save him from Cato. I suppose I'll find out eventually.
I realize the careers kept talking while I was lost in my own head. Cato, Clove and Lewis are still clustered around the mouth, while Cooper has slipped behind the cornucopia, probably just trying to avoid drawing their ire.
"I still can't believe we haven't seen any of those motherfuckers. It's been like five days," Cato huffs.
"Game's getting scarce. There's only ten of us left in this entire arena and there's a million hiding spots out there," Clove answers, "Hell, four of the ten tributes left are right here. That means we're looking for six fucking people hidden somewhere in the miles and miles of forests and fields."
"You don't think we're gonna find them?" Lewis asks.
Clove shrugs. "Odds aren't in our favor," she says.
"We found the boy from Ten, though," Lewis argues.
"That was pure luck. If that dumbass hadn't stumbled and made a lot of noise, we would've walked right past him," Clove retorts.
"We could go after Thresh," Lewis suggests.
"Hell no," Clove says, fierce gaze snapping towards Lewis instantly, "What's wrong with you?"
"At least we know where he is," Lewis offers.
"Yeah, we know exactly where he is: somewhere where he'll have a huge advantage. We can't do that. We need to be patient, make him come fight us on our terms," Clove says dismissively.
Lewis turns to Cato. "C'mon, don't tell me you agree with this?" he asks.
Cato's icy gaze studies the boy from Four silently, his features frozen and betraying absolutely no emotion, like the face of a statue.
"He who is prudent and lies in wait for an enemy who is not, will be victorious," Cato answers stoically.
"What the fuck does that mean?" Lewis asks in frustration.
"It means Clove is right. We wait. We wait for Thresh to leave that wheat field and fight us in the open. Three on one, he doesn't stand a chance. We know it and so does he. That's why he's down there. He needs that advantage. He's counting on us getting impatient and going in there after him half-cocked…But we're not gonna play his game. We're gonna make him play ours," Cato answers, sharing a wicked smile with Clove.
The careers are definitely getting more serious. That cockiness that was practically seeping out of them during training is long gone, the result of being reduced the three fighters, only two of which are uninjured.
"That's a great plan and all, but how are we gonna get him outta that wheat field? And what about the bitch on fire and Marvel? I highly doubt they're just gonna stroll out of the woods and challenge us to fight," Lewis questions.
"My guess is the gamemakers will force us all together. With fewer and fewer tributes, they're gonna get desperate for action," Clove answers.
"Think they'll try a feast?" Lewis asks almost longingly, probably imagining what might be offered.
"Maybe. Although after the forest fire, I wouldn't put it past them to come up with something more creative," Clove answers.
"So what do we do?" Lewis asks, eyes drifting off to the other side of the forest where the snow-capped mountain rises above the trees and into the sky.
"We keep doing what we've been doing," Clove says, balancing a knife delicately on one of her fingers, "I doubt we'll see anyone…but you never know."
The grin on her face quickly spreads across the trio and makes me shudder, bringing back memories of what happened to the boy from Ten. Poor bastard. He couldn't even run away.
Through the trees, the mockingjays carry another tune, a different one, but still one I know. It's the signal to pull back, the one Rue gave us to let us know when to regroup. I start to slip back, but stop to spit in the careers' direction. Hopefully the cameras picked that up. I inch back from the bushes and into the safety of the forest depths. If we're lucky the careers will take a break and give us some time to outline a plan.
XXX
By the time I reach our meeting spot, a large oak tree with branches that stretch out like an umbrella, Katniss and Rue are already there, whispering to each other about something.
"Sorry to be tardy to the party," I say as I stroll over.
Rue smirks but Katniss betrays no emotion. I wish she was a bit more open. Most of the time, I have no idea what the fuck she's thinking.
"We were worried you might've gotten lost," Rue quips as I join their huddle.
"No worries. I just stopped to smell the roses," I say, "So, you pulled us back. I trust you have a plan?"
"That I do," Rue says, "I was just mentioning it to Katniss."
"Yeah, but it might not work," Katniss interjects, unusually skeptical of Rue's idea.
"It depends," Rue retorts, her gaze flickering to the taller girl.
"On what?" I ask.
"On whether or not Cato can leave the cornucopia," Rue answers.
Cato leaving the cornucopia…that's a big maybe, especially with that leg. It seemed like it was getting better, but that doesn't mean he's ready for a lengthy hike into the woods, especially if there's the possibility of a fight.
"That's a pretty big if. His leg still hasn't completely recovered and as long as he's there, getting rid of the supplies will be damn near impossible," I say.
"But what if it was something he couldn't resist? Like the chance to kill one of the few remaining tributes?" Rue asks mischievously.
Katniss shakes her head. "There's a pretty good chance he won't go hunting on that leg," she says.
"He's not going hunting. He'll be going after a guaranteed sign of a tribute. A long hike won't get him up, but a giant cloud of smoke from somebody's campfire just might do it," Rue says, her voice brimming with satisfaction.
Once again, it's another good idea. Cato's been out of action so long, he'd probably jump at the opportunity to get any tribute other than Thresh. Lewis and Clove would definitely be in…that just leaves Cooper.
"Think the boy from Three would go with them?" Katniss asks, seemingly reading my mind.
"I don't know. I haven't seen him leave the cornucopia once since the games started," Rue says, "Still, with their numbers down, he'll probably go with them."
"But what if he doesn't?" Katniss presses.
"What if he does?" Rue counters, meeting Katniss' silver gaze.
"It doesn't matter," I interject. It may not be a pleasant idea, but I know what has to happen if Cooper won't leave the cornucopia.
"What do you mean it doesn't matter? Of course it matters. The plan will fall apart if they don't all go," Katniss says, almost like she doesn't believe her own words.
She knows. She knows, but she doesn't want to think about it. She doesn't want to think about axing a scrawny kid who can't defend himself, even if he did work with the careers.
"If Cooper doesn't go with them, we'll deal with it," I say firmly.
"Deal with it?" Katniss scoffs, "Why don't you just say it? We'll have to kill the poor kid won't we?"
I let out a deep sigh, trying not to think about the twitchy nervous kid dying on the ground in front of me. Ava, Brooke, the boy from Ten…I've seen too many people meet fates they didn't deserve lately.
"Yeah…we'll have to kill him," I concede.
"And who gets the honor?" Katniss drawls sarcastically.
"Probably you or me," I answer, before turning to Rue, "I assume you're going to set the fire?"
"I actually think two of us should do that so we can have more than one fire. It'll keep them out in the woods longer and might even split them up. While two of us handle that, the other heads to the cornucopia and disposes of the supplies," Rue says.
"I don't like it," Katniss says.
"Katniss, we're not the careers. If Cooper's there, neither of us would make him suffer," I say, trying to ease her doubts. Rue and I are in, but we need Katniss on board to pull this off.
"It's more than that. I don't like the idea of killing non-careers, but I could handle it if there was no other way. It's the idea of separating while taking on the careers that bothers me," Katniss says quietly.
"Katniss, it'll be okay," Rue says, offering her most soothing smile, "Whoever sets the fires will be long gone before the careers get there."
"And the person disposing of the supplies?" Katniss fires back.
"You and Marvel are careful. I know that neither of you will go for it unless it's safe," Rue answers calmly, defying her age.
"And what happens if the careers catch one of us in the woods alone? There'll be nothing we can do to help each other," Katniss says, her mouth drawn into a tight frown, "Or what happens if they get back before whoever's disposing of the supplies escapes?"
I shudder at what they might do. What happened to the boy from Ten would seem like mercy compared to that.
"Katniss, we'll be cautious," I start, my gaze flickering between my two friends, "And I'll destroy the supplies. That's the biggest risk and I don't want either one of you taking it."
"Fuck that! You've already risked your life multiple times for us! I'm not about to let you do it again!" Katniss snaps, apparently furious at the idea.
"It's my life to risk and I already said I'd do it!" I spit back.
"And what if I say no?" Katniss returns.
"I don't give a damn if you do. I'm still handling the supplies," I say firmly.
What can she possibly say to that?
Katniss is silent for a moment, her silver gaze darkening into a charcoal gray. I can see the wheels turning in her head and feel her eyes boring into me.
"You're both committed to this?" Katniss asks, peering at Rue and I.
It was Rue's idea. I look at her and can almost feel her resolve, like it's something tangible. She's completely committed and if a wispy twelve-year-old can sign on to this mission, I certainly can.
"I am," Rue says.
"Me too," I add.
Katniss doesn't say anything, just watching both of us with those silver eyes that never reveal anything.
"Katniss, we really need your help on this," I say, hoping to break down her walls.
Katniss meets my gaze and once again I can't decipher the swirl of emotions in those shining silver orbs. I see all the emotions of the games there, all the fears and apprehensions mixed with the excitements and desires. It's confusing, just like everything about Katniss, the girl who's made me do so many things that make no sense.
"I don't like it, but I'll help," Katniss says, Rue and I sharing a grin.
"But I have one condition," Katniss adds.
The smiles drop from our faces.
"What?" I ask.
"I go in to destroy the supplies. I don't want either one of you anywhere near it," she finishes.
XXX
Hours later, long after nightfall, I sit beneath a pine tree, just like the previous evening. The only difference is now I'm alone. Katniss and Rue both disappeared up their trees to sleep a while ago. I'm glad. I wish I could sleep. I'm going to need it for tomorrow.
After some arguing, Katniss delivered the ultimatum: let her go after the supplies or she would personally see to it that the plan never came to fruition. I hated it, but what could I do? I should be celebrating this, but I'm not. Katniss wrenched the most dangerous job out of my hands, greatly increasing my chances for survival, but I'm not happy. I'm sick at the idea of her putting herself in danger like that, especially while I have a job as safe as starting a fire to distract the careers. Why do I care about her so much? It's beyond all reason. Hell, I jeopardized my own safety multiple times for her and all I want to do now is do it again. And what is Katniss probably gonna do once the numbers are down? She's probably gonna put an arrow right between my eyes when it comes down to me or seeing her sister again. And she'd be right to do it. I just wish I had the resolve.
I wish I had more experience with this. I've managed to make the connection, especially after last night, that my recent insanity stems directly from my budding romantic feelings towards Katniss. I still don't know why it's there but I know it's destroying me, like some cancer eating me up from the inside.
I'm feeling another wave of self-loathing coming on when an acorn hits me on the head. I look up, only to be hit by another one and hear a familiar giggle. I spot Rue dangling from the lowest branch of a nearby pine tree, about seven feet off the ground. I should be annoyed, but I can never muster negativity around Rue. She just brings out the best in people.
"Shouldn't you be getting some sleep?" I ask with a slight grin.
Rue drops down and shrugs. "Couldn't sleep knowing what's happening tomorrow," she says with a surprising bit of enthusiasm.
"You're awfully giddy," I say tiredly as Rue plops down beside me.
"And you're awfully miserable," she says, "What's up with you? You've been off all day."
"Yeah," I say with a sigh, "I suppose I have."
"Mind if I ask what's going on?" Rue ventures.
Oh, nothing. I'm just infatuated with Katniss beyond all reason and am constantly putting myself in harm's way because of it. Y'know, pretty standard stuff.
"I think I'm just confused…" I finally answer.
"You worried about what's going to happen when the numbers are down?" Rue asks again, boldly treading into delicate territory.
"Sorta," I say, remembering how I freaked out and bashed my forehead into that tree trunk when I came to my realization.
"You worried about having to kill me or Katniss?" Rue asks quietly.
"No. I already realized I can't kill you guys. I just don't have it in me," I say, my voice weary, "I am worried about Katniss killing me, though."
Rue looks surprised, her small eyes widening and eyebrows raising high onto her small forehead.
"Marvel, Katniss isn't going to kill you," she offers.
"Maybe not now," I say, "But once the careers are out of the way, I know she could do it. Her sister needs her."
Rue doesn't answer and just watches me with sympathy all over her face.
"I don't blame her for it. It's the way things are. I just wish I had the strength to do it. Look at me! I'm fucked! My family needs me and I'm afraid I won't be able to do what's necessary to see them again!" I almost shout, my caution long gone just like my sanity.
"I feel like some fucking defective. If I'd known it would be like this…if I'd known I'd meet people I'd learn to care about, I never would've volunteered," I finish.
Rue watches me thoughtfully before answering. "You're not defective, Marvel. You're just human. It's normal to feel that way. That's how you're supposed to feel about your friends," she says.
"Not in here," I counter wearily, "You're not even supposed to have friends in here."
Rue looks up cautiously before leaning in to whisper in my ear, where the Capitol can't hear.
"This isn't how things are supposed to be. Nobody should be prepared to kill people they care about. That's not normal. That's not right," Rue whispers, "You feeling that way doesn't mean you're defective. It just means you have a heart."
Rue gets up and looks down me with a smile of genuine friendship, one that makes me ache for something, somewhere where things like that could exist without the threat of the Hunger Games or the Capitol taking it all away.
"And trust me when I say that Katniss has one, too," Rue says aloud before walking off and disappearing up her tree.
I sit alone after that, surrounded by silence. I want to believe Rue's words. I really do.
"Is she right?" I ask aloud, desperately hoping for some kind of answer or sign.
No answer comes. There's only silence.
A/N: Whew! Sorry for the long wait, but college keeps me pretty busy. The good news is that I have the rest of this story pretty much planned out and have no intention of giving up. I love you guys for hanging in there and following Marvel's story. As always, all reviews, follows and favorites are greatly appreciated.