Chapter 3 – Ruffled Feathers

APOV

I slept like a baby last night and I popped up around seven for a morning run. I didn't overdo it this morning I only did about two miles – just over to the waterfront and back. I stopped off and bought some tea and took a leisurely walk back home. By the time I arrived Kate was up and clearly remorseful about our encounter last night.

"Ana, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean the things I said."

"Okay." I say flatly not making eye contact. I'm not interested in what she has to say right now, I need to shower, primp, prep and wait for Christian to arrive. I turn to leave the room.

"Ana please!" I hear desperation in her voice, I've never heard her sound this way before.

"Fine, what is it Kate, what do you want?" She looks absolutely awful, I could hear her crying last night and I didn't go to her. I have no idea what she's sorry for, but this can't be all about Christian and I – something else is going on with her. I have, however, no desire to delve into her shit today – I'm just not in the mood. There's been too many years of the all about Kate show – today is about me for a change.

"I was just hoping we could talk – I am sorry Ana."

"Yes Kate, you said that – I get it, you're sorry – I've heard you and I believe you, but right now I just want to feel good and not get caught up in your emotions for once. I feel happy and for the first time in a very long time I'm really looking forward to my weekend. I don't want to know the whys and the hows of this thing between us Kate – I don't want or need the drama. Am I upset with you? Sure I am. Will I get over it? Probably, I always do with you, but today? I won't give it any energy and please don't ask me to."

"I understand, I don't want to upset you Ana." She says through tears. Although it's killing me not to comfort her, I know she needs to understand that words weigh a ton and she can't keep treating me the way she does, taking our friendship for granted and demanding forgiveness in her own sweet ass time. I walk into my room and close the door to begin getting ready for my lunch date.

I'm all dressed minus my shoes when I hear the doorbell at 10:30 – Christian and I have texted a few times this morning – but he didn't say he would be so early. I rush to the door with eager anticipation only to open it finding my resident pain in the ass on the other side, I am completely deflated—a fact I don't bother trying to mask.

"Expecting someone else puddin? You don't seem happy to see me." He says acknowledging that he noticed my obvious disappointment.

"As a matter of fact I am Hyden—expecting someone else that is, what are you doing here this morning? Do you have a meeting with Kate? And please stop with the pen names Hyden, it's annoying, it's Ana not pudding okay?"

"No, I just dropped by with muffins – and bagels for my favorite girls. Don't you look pretty this morning." He completely ignores everything I just said.

I do look cute actually, I'm wearing a snug fitting heather gray tee shirt with "I'm Silently Judging Your Grammar" written in script – light denim distressed skinny jeans my berry suede Jeffrey Campbell lace up sandals and light denim jacket, along with my oversized blue suede hobo bag. My hair is up in a messy bun and I'm wearing large sliver hoop earrings and a clear lip gloss. I felt like wearing D&G Light Blue today and it's all for Christian, Hyden!

"So what do you have going on today?"

"I just told you I'm expecting someone – I'm going to lunch and then whatever who knows – why did you say you dropped by again?"

"I wanted to see you, we haven't hung out in a while. Nice flowers." I ignore this comment.

"Listen Hyden, I appreciate the baked goods, but it's really not okay for you to drop in like this, you seem to be making it a habit and frankly it makes me uncomfortable."

"Where is all of this coming from Ana? I thought we were friends."

"Well yes and no Hyden, we have a business relationship that is friendly. You have expressed an interest in me romantically and I have made it clear that I would like for us to remain friends ONLY; so it's that climate, where you want more that makes this uncomfortable for me, I feel as though you're using our friendly business relationship as a sort of gateway to a different kind of relationship – and I want you to know again that I'm not interested in you in that way."

"Why have you never said that before? We have hung out before and I've sent you flowers, I had dinner with you and your parents when they were in town a few months back…"

"Wait—Hyden, are you insinuating that I somehow encouraged you to keep pursing me? You know that nothing could be further from the truth. You show up uninvited and unannounced at Elite and all but demand to take our staff out for drinks – I have only shared one actual date with you, and I told you then it would be our last – every other time we've hung out we did so with Kate or Jose or both at your repeated insistence. I have turned you down every single time you have attempted to take me out since that one dinner – as far as dinner with my parents goes, Hyden you're a partner in one of my dad's ventures, so when you showed up at the restaurant, and he asked you to join us – I didn't think you read anything into that, we weren't on a double date and I left early to meet someone for drinks – which I made clear. Lastly, I have told you many times to stop with the flowers and you have ignored me, they remain in the lobby of the office for that reason." I am becoming seriously annoyed right now.

Doorbell rings

Oh thank god, Christian! I may as well be talking to my sofa.

I hurry to the door and fling it open – and there he is – looking like an ad for Casual Grey Magazine. Fuck he's so hot! I throw my arms around his neck and hug him like I haven't seen him in a week, he smells like an ocean breeze and he feels so good holding me, as he picks me up burying his face in my neck.

"Hey baby, mmmm you smell good."

"Come in – I just need to grab my bag and lace up my sandals, I got a little sidetracked." I say rolling my eyes in Hyden's direction.

Christian walks in to find Hyden standing there like an angry statue.

"Christian Grey, meet Hyden Jackson, a business associate of Elite Staffing. Hyden this is my boyfriend Christian Grey." Christian does not flinch or show surprise at my introduction, I know I'm being presumptuous but he did say he wanted to be with me – this makes him my boyfriend. I have a boyfriend and it's Christian Grey. Hyden on the other hand looks like he swallowed something extra bitter – he nonetheless extends his hand which Christian takes, firmly and briefly never breaking eye contact with Hyden.

"I'm ready. I say after a few moments of awkward silence." I reach for Christian's hand and entwine our fingers. "Come Hyden, we'll walk you out – I don't think Kate is up for company this early." No way am I leaving this ass clown in my house to sniff around in my panty drawer. He grumbles something and walks hurriedly out the door and down the front stairs.

"Goodbye." I call to him just as he reaches his car.

"Christian, what kind of car is this? It's beautiful." I say noticing the obscenely expensive looking sports car in front of our house.

"It's an Audi R8, you like?"

"I do."

Once we're in the car he finally speaks, after taking my hand in his and kissing my knuckles.

"I like it when you claim me Ana, but was that for his benefit or mine?"

"It was for mine actually." He raises his eyebrows quizzically waiting for my explanation.

"Well Christian, last night you and I declared to each other our desire to be together exclusively, and although we didn't label it and I've not had one before, I believe that makes you my boyfriend." At that his delectable mouth turns up in a slight smirk. "As for my associate he wasn't getting what had been a clear message of disinterest for almost two years – so for my benefit I wanted to make it clear once again that he had no chance – the fact that you were there as the personification of my unavailability in your capacity as my boyfriend was merely a bonus…I would never use you Christian." Now he's smiling at me. He leans in and kisses me so sweetly.

"Fair points well made Ms. Steele. You look very pretty today."

"Not so shabby there yourself Grey."

CPOV

Never before have I been put in my place so thoroughly or elegantly. My girlfriend read my mood and thoughts it seems and shut down my nonsense in an instant and did so gently. I was angry, furious even – I felt so used when Ana kind of made a production of claiming me as her boyfriend in front of Jekyl the rejected. The way she handled me made it clear that bullshit was not on the menu and that if I am to maintain a relationship with her I need to keep my emotions in check and step up my communication game, Anastasia is a very smart woman and a worthy match for me.

I had noticed the ostentatious yellow Lamborghini when I pulled up in front of Ana's today, I really didn't pay much attention to it, but the moment I got a load of the smug asshole standing in Ana's kitchen next to a basket full of muffins I instantly knew it belonged to him. Seriously who brings women a basket full of carbs, even I know that! The look on his face when Ana introduced me was priceless, I know he hates my guts right about now – but if you had two years and you couldn't interest her in that amount of time guy? She's not interested, he must be a real glutton for punishment. He's an okay looking guy probably makes a better than decent living judging by his car and clothing, but he's obviously pushy and socially inept when it comes to women. He probably gets plenty of tail but treats women like shit because the one woman he really wants won't have him. Idiot.

At any rate I'll have Welch do his thing and dredge up his background. For now I need to concentrate on my relationship with Ana and that means today we will have a very difficult discussion about my past. I want this woman more than anything, but she needs to know exactly what she's getting into with me.

"How about we take a walk by the waterfront and then have some lunch?"

"Sounds great, it's a pretty day."

"It sure is." I say looking at her and not out of the window, she knows this although she doesn't return my gaze, but I notice her familiar blush. I take her hand as we get out of the car and pause briefly for Taylor to exit the SUV.

"Anastasia Steele, this is my head of security Jason Taylor, Taylor, this is Anastasia Steele."

"Pleased to meet you Ms. Steele."

"Oh, please call me Ana." Taylor smiles politely although he and I know that's not going to happen.

We walk along the waterfront with entwined fingers chatting about nothing and everything – she tightens her grip as I stroke her fingers with my thumb. It's odd that I've never been this intimate with a woman, I love the feel of her hand in mine, it feels so natural. We decide to head over to the Market and walk around a bit check out the vendors, and perhaps pick a place for our lunch. After walking around for some time we decide to eat at Matt's in the Market, she's never eaten here before and is excited to do so.

We settle in and order cranberry spritzers and mineral water. Ana has never had oysters so I order those along with the devilled eggs for our starters. To my surprise Ana ordered the bacon cheeseburger and I got the BBQ pulled pork sandwich.

"I'm sorry Ana, I didn't mean to come off like a jerk earlier. I felt jealous seeing that guy Jekyl." She spits out her spritzer laughing at me, it's so cute I can't help but laugh…out loud at myself, it was kind of clever, I think my dry sense of humor caught her by surprise, I love making her laugh, I've never made a girl laugh before.

"Christian there is no need to apologize, we're just getting to know one another. I do want you to understand that if I'm going to trust in your sincerity I want you to afford me the same consideration. I desperately don't want to be hurt and I would do anything in my power to avoid hurting you."

I lean forward and plant a kiss near her ear and then whisper.

"Your heart is safe with me Ana." She intakes a sharp breath.

"I trust you Christian."

"I went out ONCE! with Hyden because my dad encouraged me to do so. He had helped my dad when he decided on a new direction for his businesses about ten years back – five years ago Hyden moved to the Seattle area, he absolutely idolizes Bill Gates and always wanted to set up shop here. After Kate and I graduated and started to formulate our plan for Elite, he helped us out with IT stuff and became our first client. I felt somewhat obligated and my dad said he was a good guy and really liked me so I went out for one dinner, in retrospect I should have stood firm and said no. I was very clear after that that I was not interested in him romantically; he said he understood but would drop by the office semi-often and check in - insisting he take us all out for happy hour, I went along because he is our customer mainly, but also I always had Kate and Jose, and sometimes Jose's boyfriend Chad. He has backed off to a degree but clearly he hadn't gotten the message."

"This morning was the third time he dropped by unannounced and uninvited at our home – Jose and Chad were with me along with Kate and her friend Kevin the first time. He has never been invited to our home, as a matter of fact I didn't allow him to pick me up for our date—I chose to meet him on a weeknight, a Tuesday just so I could leave early. To me Tuesday was far enough from the weekend so that it seemed less than friendly, more like business; I refused to have him pick me up because he would be in control of how much time I actually spent with him. Just before you arrived this morning I let him have it—I hadn't had the time to tell him about you before you rang the bell. When I opened the door and saw you I just wanted to wrap myself around you because I didn't have to deal with his bullshit alone anymore, I felt safe."

"Ana baby, I don't want to worry you, but his behavior is troubling to me. Sounds like he's using his connection to your father's business and yours as an in to force contact. Tell me how did he react when you were stern with him this morning?"

"He was not pleased at all – that was obvious. I was frustrated, he was twisting the meaning of our encounters. He asked why I never told him I wasn't interested, I did – he asked why I "hung out" with him – well I didn't actually do that - he would show up and insist on taking us out for the random happy hour, I would always have one beer or cocktail and make an excuse, leaving Kate and Jose at the bar with him. Imagine my surprise when I walked into my living room on one of those occasions to find him practically carrying Kate into our house one Friday night – she and Jose stayed for happy hour, and I couldn't wait to get out of there – I faked an urgent text and left almost as soon as we got there. Kate was basically passed out and I was stuck awkwardly in my sweats and tee shirt wanting him to leave my house, I was kinda pissed at Kate for bringing him to our home – after that he just started showing up."

"Each incident by itself isn't troubling to me Ana, but when you put them together, he's not taking no for an answer. If you want I can look into his background and place someone with you; which brings me to another topic. It won't happen right away, but when word gets out that we are dating, you are going to need security; I have made enemies in business and just by the nature of my business and the amount of money I'm personally worth I provide security for those closest to me. Is this something you would have a problem with?"

I'm so afraid to scare her away with all of this.

"I understand Christian. It's a bit unnerving I must admit mostly because people want to hurt you and I would be devastated if something were to happen to you." She's incredible.

"Sure, no problem. To be perfectly honest, based on our recent interaction – I want to sever the relationship Hyden has with Elite Staffing and I plan to have our attorney review his contract first thing Monday. I think he will react badly and I'd like to keep him at bay. I know Kate will flip she's all for appeasing his non-sense, I could ban him from our offices and keep the client, but for me it's just not worth the headache. I know I haven't seen the last of him because he has a very strange relationship with the truth"

"I will have Taylor assign someone to you right away if that's okay with you and I'll get my man working on his background to see what we can dig up. Don't worry about this at all Ana, I would do anything to make sure he never hurts you baby, and we can stop him from using the business as a means to have access to you and your staff."

"Wow, official date number two and this has gotten very heavy." She remarks with a slight giggle.

I feel so nervous right now – but I don't want to waste Ana's time and though I'm terrified of losing her – a woman I've known just over a day I have to level with her. I cannot avoid having this conversation much longer because the risk is too great that someone else might reveal the information to her. This woman is possibly the love of my life and I can't risk having her devastated and leaving me after I've fallen head over heels.

"Ana, I need to talk to you about something – but I would prefer doing so in a private setting, would you feel comfortable coming to my apartment with me?" She looks worried, she might think I'm running a game on her.

"Christian you're worrying me a little, but…sure…sure I'll go with you."

APOV

We arrive at Christian's apartment. And it's like a friggin movie set, the sunrise from this place must be mind blowing.

"Holy understating of the apartment thing Batman!"

Christian roars with laughter. The only thing better than hearing Christian Grey laugh is watching Christian Grey laugh – he needs to do that more often, he looks so young and carefree.

"Would you care for a glass of wine?"

"Yes, red please a Shiraz if you have it."

"Coming right up, please – make yourself at home Ana."

"Your place is breathtaking Christian." The centerpiece of his great room is a Fazioli grand piano one of the most expensive pianos in the world – I am in awe. "Do you play?"

"Yes, I will play something for you in a little while – I have your wine, come…join me on the patio?"

I follow Christian onto his outdoor opulence – I can tell his mood has shifted. Is it me? What does he have to say – is it over before we really got started, no he made it clear he wants to be with me. I shake off the urge for jumping to negative conclusions.

CPOV

"Ana, I want you to know right away that I'm committed to building a lasting relationship with you and only you. I have in fact never been in a relationship before, last night was the first time any woman has met my family and it was my first date ever." She intakes a sharp breath, then looks at me with questions in her eyes.

"So you are a virgin?"

"No Ana, I'm not and I assure you I am heterosexual and attracted to you to the point of distraction." I say with a warm smile which she returns.

"When I was fourteen years old I became involved in a sexual relationship with a much older woman who introduced me to BDSM. She was one of my mother's friends; I was adopted by my mom and dad when I was four and prior to that I had a pretty horrific childhood that was laced with abuse and neglect, for that reason I developed a fear of touch and serious anger issues – I got into fights and had been kicked out of a number of schools before my parents thought I could be helped by a family friend who offered to have me do odd jobs around her house as a positive outlet. She took advantage of the situation and I was sexually abused by her, though it took years for my adolescent mind to grasp that."

Ana doesn't react to this other than to move closer to me and place her hand on my knee without breaking eye contact.

"I ended our sexual relationship after I went to Harvard in spite of her repeated attempts to draw me back in. My unresolved touch issues prevented me from seeking quote unquote normal relationships with women – I continued in the BDSM realm because I was able to fulfill a sexual need and be in control without risking being touched by a woman. When I was at Harvard I visited clubs designed for people with certain needs. When I returned to this area after graduation I did the same, in that I was a member of a club that catered to people with similar needs but eventually I decided mainly because of this woman's influence that I was in need of more private arrangements – she began contracting women who were a part of my lifestyle for "arrangements" that lasted a maximum of six months. BDSM can encompass a punishment element if that's what the parties are interested in, I inflicted punishment on my submissives or subs, in a controlled environment with safe words and I have never hurt anyone beyond the level that was acceptable to them."

I wish I could read her mind right now, she's giving nothing away.

"About eighteen months ago I began therapy with a new therapist because I was growing weary of the what I now realize was the lack of intimacy, I found my encounters and arrangements less and less satisfying and my desire to continue had begun to wane. I stopped contracting submissives shortly after beginning therapy, once it was clear that she used them to stay connected to me and was trying to drive a wedge between myself and my family, specifically my brother and I – she wouldn't take no for an answer. I cut off contact with her – told my entire family about what happened between us including the lifestyle. I visited the clubs less and less frequently and eventually just stopped going altogether. That was nine months ago—I was still unsure if I could desire a normalized relationship with a woman considering my indoctrination and history – that is until I met you. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you Ana, and I know it's brand new, but I couldn't run the risk of falling in love with you and having this come out later and losing you – I don't think I could handle giving you my whole heart just to have you walk away because of my past."

"Do you still have a desire for the lifestyle – the punishment aspect I mean?"

"No! the thought of hitting you or seeing welts on your skin is repugnant to me. I only want to make you feel good Ana, I would never physically hurt you. There are aspects of the lifestyle that are both sensual and erotic that are not about inflicting pain or punishment – I will leave our indulgence entirely up to you."

"What happened to that awful woman?"

"Well, it was long past the statute of limitations when I finally felt secure enough to talk to my family – so she walks the earth free and clear. She owns Escalva salons, we have had no contact in more than eighteen months."

She takes a gulp of her wine. "Wow. And to think I was nervous about telling you that I'm a virgin."

"Why on earth would you be nervous about telling me that?" Whoa.

"I think some guys especially one with your experience wouldn't want a novice or the responsibility for that matter." She shrugs.

"No man in his right mind would think that way Ana – I would be honored should you choose to share yourself with me someday. That is if you haven't been scared off."

"Is that why you told me – to give me an out, or to give yourself one." She looks crestfallen…scared.

"No, no – Anastasia I would be devastated if you walked away even now – I've never felt happier than I feel right now – trust me I don't want an out, I just didn't want some random asshole showing up a year from now and you being hurt because I lied, even if it would have been by omission. I want you Ana, only you – if you'll have me."

"Christian, it's in the past – I would be lying if I said I understand it completely, but I'm glad you've been so forthcoming and that you've trusted me with all of this. I would never judge you on your past unless it involved harming someone or breaking laws. I really care about you – you should be so proud of what you were able to accomplish in spite of what happened during your formative years. I'm proud of you Christian. I'm proud that you're my boyfriend. I do have one question for you though." She says with a sly smile.

"Yes?" I ask with childlike anticipation.

"Did you demand that they replace Jugs during our lunch yesterday?" I laugh out loud at the name Jugs.

"Well yes and no."

"Jugs as you called her was replaced, after I told the manager she had worked her last day there – she was being extremely rude to you and won't tolerate that in my staff."

"Oh no! I didn't think you fired her!"

"I know you didn't – and I thought it was incredibly gracious of you not to complain at all about her rudeness. She had to go, imagine her behavior when she's not trying to make an impression on the owner. She had too many buttons undone, improperly wearing her uniform and most importantly unprofessionalism; honestly though had it been anyone but you I might have waited until the end of service, but I didn't want her handling anything you consumed."

"Will you show me around your apartment?"

"Absolutely."

I give Ana a tour of my place – all ten thousand square feet – including the room that used to be my romp room. It is now converted into a home gym with state of the art equipment including an aquatic treadmill and a sauna, my brother built it shortly after my confession. We settle into the media room and decide to watch a movie, I let Ana choose something and she picks a chick flick from Netflix - Walk to Remember or something like that. I pop us popcorn and I have Twizzlers and Milk Duds from when Elliot and Mia came by and we watched a Godfather marathon. I shut off the lights and we get cozy on the sofa.

Ana curls up next to me and before long we're in a full on make out session – I kiss her like her tongue is the cure – I manage to keep my hands to myself though I have a raging hard on, she knows this, because she's sitting on my lap. We manage to actually get through the movie, and I'm thinking what kind of love dipped dream crushing snuff film is this shit? That was thoroughly fucking depressing. The poor guy fell in love, changed his life only to have her die of cancer? .FUCK?!

"That's the last time I let you pick the movie Ana – good lord – I'm sad as hell for that guy, so what he gets to go to medical school – he lost the love of his life and his consolation is the wind? And that song at the end…Cry? Really? Who thought that shit was appropriate?"

Ana is in stitches – I don't know why but I love being the brunt of the joke when it comes to her. She is hysterically laughing at me, so I tickle her until she begs me to stop.

"Christian that's what we women love, stories of angst and love lost, we're not happy unless we're crying and depressed over some tragic love story…hello…Romeo and Juliette? I think you would like the Notebook, it has a sad but no so tragic ending – they got their happy ever after."

"Yeah I'll pass, poor guy got a fucking summer and a homemade telescope – bullshit!" And she cracks her side laughing again.

"I was pulling for that couple you know the fairytale ending they deserved happily ever after -"

"Me too, that's the whole point – How about we make our own happy ending." The second it's out of her mouth she realizes what she's said – and we both laugh our asses off.

"Not what I meant Grey."

Her phone keeps going off and she checks it but doesn't answer or text anyone.

"Everything okay?"

"It's Kate, she keeps calling me – she's worried that we're not okay. She's pissed off that you and I are seeing each other. She was upset that she caught the chickenpox after pursuing you and GEH for so many months – it was clear that she had zero faith in my ability to deliver a worthwhile presentation to a client of your caliber. I found it frustrating and after my meeting and lunch with you I really could have cared less about any of that because I couldn't stop thinking about you – so I only arrived home in enough time to tell her you were mulling it over and get ready for my date with you."

"When she found out I was going out with you she lost it, I still have no clue why. She waited up for me and said some pretty nasty things before I yelled at her and walked away. She tried to make conversation this morning I could see she had a pretty rough night – but I blew her off, she's called me a bunch of times, but this time sorry just won't cut it with me. Hyden has called twice as well."

"Ana, I have a confession to make. I had no intention of considering any proposal pitched by Ms. Kavanaugh; professionally I'm a bit of an asshole, but her interaction with me from the start was inappropriately familiar and entitled. I didn't like the way she ambushed me at a charity event about eight months ago and it was clear to me that while well researched her only concern was name recognition and not what is best for GEH. The truth is I would have tossed the paperwork the moment she left my office – which would have been too bad; the proposal is brilliant according to Ros, and she's hardcore, more than me actually, we're working the numbers."

"Christian I don't care about…"

"I know you don't baby – I'm just explaining to you why I listened to you – and I would never wish chickenpox on anyone, but I will always be glad you walked into my office yesterday, no matter what the reason." I reach over, caress her cheek and plant a chaste kiss on her lips.

APOV

"Hi Kate."

"Ana, why haven't you answered my calls, I know you're upset, but I said I was sorry."

"I know Kate, but I'm just not ready to accept your brand of friendship or apology right now, I deserve much better and you'll have to wait until I'm ready to talk and move forward."

"Is this because of him – now that you're dating Christian Grey you don't have time for me…"

"Don't wait up for me Kate." I disconnect the call and switch off my ringer.

"Is everything okay baby?"

"Perfect actually." I say standing on my tip toes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Christian, how would you feel about a slumber party tonight?"

"As long as it's with you – I would love it. What's wrong Ana?"

"It's Kate, I don't know what's wrong with her – I just can't face her right now...could we run over to the mall so that I can pick up an outfit and toiletries for brunch tomorrow?"

"Let's go."

"Ana I don't want to be too forward, but why don't we pick something up for Monday as well, I'd like for you to stay the weekend with me."

My boyfriend is awesome.

"I'd love that Christian – I just didn't want to be presumptuous."

After shopping Christian and I decide to have dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, he's never been there before! True enough their entrees are at best hit or miss, but they do pasta well, make portions that could fatten a horse and the best part of all are those pieces of cheesecake for later at home.

We watch a little TV until we both get sleepy – we're due in Bellevue at 11:00 tomorrow and want to get in an early morning workout so we decide to turn in. Christian told me during his discussion about his past proclivities that he'd never shared his bed with anyone, and that his housekeeper, mother and sister are the only women who have ever even seen his room. He invited me to share his bed with him if I felt comfortable doing so; I did.

We showered…separately and I dressed in Old Navy pajama bottoms and a crew neck tee, Christian is wearing pajama bottoms and a v-neck that fits him oh so well – my god he's built. We get into bed and move towards the middle – my first thought was to turn my back to him, but I wanted to kiss him goodnight. I've never slept with a guy other than RJ and I'm pretty sure I won't wake up with Christian's foot in my neck. I giggle to myself as I wedge my body next to his.

"What's so funny?"

"I was thinking I've never shared a bed with anyone but RJ – he used to climb into my bed when he was little and scared of the monster in his closet. I would wake up and find his foot on my neck or him wrapped around my feet it was hilarious. He's a great kid, I can't wait for him to meet you."

We lie in bed and kiss, in between talking to each other – we only have moonlight but he's visible to me and totally gorgeous.

"I love the way you smell Christian." I say as I drift off to sleep snuggled next to his chest.