One word. Two syllables. Five letters, each one like a successive slap in the face. Peeta. Fucking Peeta. Katniss' acquaintance, wannabe boyfriend and, most importantly, her district partner, the one person you can never turn on if you want to show your face in your home district again. The one person who could basically drop a nuclear bomb on all my hopes.
"He's my district partner…" Katniss says, "I can't just…I can't just turn on him."
I merely nod. I feel like somebody punched me in the stomach. A second ago, everything seemed perfect, a dream suddenly seemed reachable. It was so close I could practically feel it between my fingers. And now that dream is broken beyond repair, yanked away at the last moment and crushed under the Capitol's boot like everything else.
"Marvel, I-I'm sorry," Katniss says, placing a hand on my arm, "Maybe you could still work with us…at least until after the feast?"
I meet her gaze, seeing my pain reflected across the shining silver I've grown to love so much. I sigh wearily and step back, feeling Katniss' arm slide off and hang limply at her side.
"I don't think that's a very good idea," I say, feeling the words attempting to choke themselves in my throat, "Three's a crowd…especially now."
Katniss' face falls and she stands there awkwardly for a moment. She opens her mouth to say something, but stops and remains silent. My gaze drifts out to through the woods again, looking at but not seeing the endless trees. All I want to do is say Yes and that I'd love to work with her as long as I possibly can…but I know it can't be that way. Off in the distance, I do spot a mockingjay perched on a branch, but it's too far to hear its music.
"You should probably go find him," I finally say, avoiding Katniss gaze. If I look at her again, I may lose my nerve.
Katniss hesitates for a moment before she sighs, shoulders slumping. "Take care of yourself," she says sadly. I don't look, but I hear her turn and walk away, her soft footsteps moving across the forest floor, off in search of the person the Capitol wants her to be with.
"Katniss!" I shout, suddenly remembering Peeta's injury.
I look up and see Katniss turn around about twenty feet away.
"Yeah?" she asks.
"Cato cut Peeta's leg pretty badly. You'll probably need to treat him," I say.
Katniss nods and, with one melancholy gaze back in my direction, turns and disappears into the distance, swallowed up by the trees. Everything in me scream to go after her, find her and convince her to stay with me and be my ally, my friend. But I can't. Nobody can betray their district partner. It's just how things are. This time, there is no last minute convincing. I have to let her go and it hurts worse than any injury I've sustained in here.
I begin walking and I don't stop. I walk aimlessly, in search of nothing. At this point, I've got nothing. I have nobody to search for, no friends left, no supplies to destroy. All there is to do now is wait and kill any enemies I come across. Time slips away as I walk, as far from me now as District One. It has no bearing on anything I do. Strangely, all feeling is gone. All my fatigue, my hunger, my thirst, my longings have all vanished and I move like a zombie, wandering across the arena in search of something to kill.
I don't notice the whole day has gone by until I spot the sun slipping behind the unending wall of trees that is the arena. I wonder if Katniss found Peeta? It's a big arena so maybe not. Finding anyone would be hard, much less someone who's been injured for about a week and is probably lying low. I still can't believe that jackass is still hanging around. I should've let Cato kill him.
Whoa, wait. Where did that thought come from? Peeta hasn't been my favorite and I was inclined to killing him when I thought he was betraying Katniss, but now? He was just trying to protect her and he's been in hiding for a while. Is him taking Katniss away from me really enough for me to want him dead? He doesn't really deserve it and yet I can't deny that it's a seductive idea. Is this what the Games do to you? I thought I was being vigilant, but are they seeping into my thinking? Altering my mind?
I shake the concerns off. Nobody's gonna make me kill Peeta. He's no threat and Cato, Clove, Thresh or mother nature will probably do it for me. I try to think back to Brooke and Rue and even Ava, the deaths that affected me most. I can't give in. I have to ignore that pull, that voice in mind telling me to let go and kill anyone I desire; the voice that whispers seductively and gets louder as the end of the Games approaches. I think of my mother and how she'd feel if I gave in. I think of my father and the disappointment that'd cross his weathered face. I think of Striker and how his green eyes, the same eyes I have, would widen in horror at what his big brother was doing. I can't allow myself to go down into that place. If I do, I don't know if I'll ever come back.
I suppose I'll have to find a new place to stay. I begin walking again. I think I'm heading in the direction of the river, but with so many trees that all look exactly the same, there's no way to be sure. The wind is at my back, sifting through the trees like grains of sand and pushing me forward. The area seems to have this vague familiarity.
Then I see it, a crystal clear pond of water just below a slight rise of limestone. It all comes back to me, the nice spot I was sitting at right before Katniss blew up the pyramid of supplies. I venture forward. Upon closer examination, it's a little bit more than a rise, it's a bit of an overhang. The spring water is as cool and fresh as I remembered and I drink a full bottle before I feel even remotely satisfied. As I refill, I begin to wonder what I should do. There's almost nobody left and even fewer who'd actually want a fight. I can always count on Cato and Clove for that, but as long as I'm alone and they're together, I'll try to avoid them. Thresh is a big threat but there's no way I'm going after him in that wheat field. The girl from Five seems to have spent most of the game hiding. She's not a problem.
But what about Katniss and Peeta? Peeta's easier. He's kinda like the girl from Five, although I can't deny the tiny fragment of animosity I have for him. He's no threat, especially with that bum leg of his, and I won't need to kill him unless we're the final tributes left. Katniss is a different story. Unlike Cato and Clove, who've been made infinitely more dangerous by the fact that they no longer have to compete with each other, Katniss is probably being dragged down by the new rule change. Instead of a sturdy ally, she's got someone who needs her protection. I can't help but frown at that thought. I certainly wouldn't require her protection. We'd probably be able to kick some serious ass.
I still don't quite know what to do about her. I know her well enough to know that she's going to do everything she possibly can to save Peeta's life. That's just the kind of person she is. I still don't doubt that she's got it in her to kill me if push comes to shove. But can she really vanquish the five remaining tributes, four of whom scored a ten in training. I may be hesitant to hurt her, but I doubt the other three are. Every instinct tells me not to kill Katniss, but what about my family? The whole reason I got into this mess was to win, to give them a better life. How can I let them down like that? But what would they want? Would they want me to come home by any means necessary or would they rather I hold onto who I was, someone who wouldn't kill their friends?
If I had to guess, I'd say they just want me to come home. They'd probably forgive me…but I doubt things could ever be the same. With every glance, it'd be there, the knowledge of what I had done to get to the top...and I'm not sure I could bear that. Along with that, the knowledge that I killed Katniss would always be there, gnawing at the back of my mind like a termite destroying the foundation of a house. It'd only be a matter of time before it collapsed.
I lean my pack and my spear up against the limestone. The sun is falling behind me, throwing its remaining light over the pond. I can spot my shadow stretching out ahead, as lanky as the shadows of the trees beside it. I lift up my shirt and inspect myself, counting the scars I've accumulated since the Games started. I spot Cato's slash wound, now healed, and the marks of claws and teeth that make me shudder. I notice other changes in my body too.
I was always thin, but it's getting worse. Whatever muscle I used to have has vanished, leaving my ribs and other bones clearly visible. Whenever I look into the pond, I'm startled by my reflection. My cheek bones look sharper than ever, my eyes sunken and skin pallid. I look like a walking skeleton. Thank god for my belt because I doubt my pants would stay up anymore without it. If I get out of here alive, first thing I'm doing is sitting down to a feast. If the Capitol is going to put me through all this, they better at least feed me afterwards.
The pond and the overhang prove to be better shelter than I ever could've anticipated. As I suspected, the water is spring-fed and pure. It doesn't even require iodine or boiling to drink. Off to the left side of the overhang, I pushed back some brush to find a small cave about the size of the shower stalls back in the Academy. It's not much, but it's dry, warm and not exposed to mutts or other tributes. The brush acts like a curtain, completely concealing the opening from the outside.
It's been two days since Katniss and I went our separate ways. I don't know if she's found Peeta or not. Even if they're looking for each other, this arena is huge and finding one person is next to impossible…unless the gamemakers want two tributes to find each other. Thinking back on the rule change, it seems like it was designed specifically for Katniss and Peeta. I guess the star-crossed lovers angle was just too enticing for the Capitol. As if us killing each other isn't dramatic enough, they feel the need to throw in some romantic tension as well.
I wish I could say that I didn't miss Katniss, that everything that happened was for the best, that her choosing Peeta over me didn't hurt like hell. I can't though. I miss her. I miss having someone to watch my back and having someone's back to watch myself. I miss her unshakeable conviction. But most of all, I just miss having her around. I miss her as my friend and possibly as something more.
I need to focus on something else. I'm getting too caught up in the impossible, thinking about fantastic scenarios where everything works out and Katniss and I both get out of this thing alive. I've got bigger problems right now. I'm almost out of food. Aside from an errant rabbit that strayed too close to the pond and few roots I dug up, I haven't eaten anything the past few days. I've got plenty of water, but it's not drawing in as many animals as I thought it would.
Maybe that gamemakers are doing that. The Games are almost over and the hungrier we are, the more desperate we'll be, the more risks we'll take for food. And when we finally have it, we'll fight even harder for it. Everything else about us is gradually getting shut down as our bodies go into the ultimate survival mode. We're all so close to going home but the hardest part of the Games is still to come.
By nightfall, the only thing I've managed to find is a wild onion. I nibble at it like a squirrel, trying to prolong the sensation of eating. It does virtually nothing to fill my cavernous stomach, but the flavor is nice nonetheless. I sit out under the overhang, watching the last vestiges of light slip away. My spear sits beside like a good friend always ready to lend a hand. I've even still got my fire-starter knife in my boot. You can't afford to be unprepared in here, even when there's nobody left.
I sit there for a while, listening to everything but the rumbling in my stomach. Every now and then, I'll hear a bird call and mockingjays mimicking it soon afterward. It makes me think of Rue and how she's not here. Hopefully she's somewhere much better than here.
The sound of the anthem draws my attention as quickly as it loses it. There's been no cannons the past few days. No faces appear after the seal, confirming that everyone's hung in there another day. I finish my onion and am about to turn in for the night when I hear the familiar voice of Claudius Templesmith.
"Attention Tributes!" he booms, silencing everything else in the forest.
What is it now?
"Congratulations on making it to the Final Seven! You've all fought hard to get here and, as a reward, we are inviting you to a feast. Be at the Cornucopia at dawn tomorrow to claim your spoils," he says.
A feast! My mind is instantly overrun with images of desperately needed food…but should I go? I need food, but is it really worth risking a fight with Cato or Thresh?
"Now hold on. Some of you may already be declining this invitation," says Claudius, seemingly reading my mind, "But this is no ordinary feast. Each of you needs something desperately."
Yeah, food.
"Each of you will find that something in a backpack, marked with your district number, at the Cornucopia. And to make things more interesting, one of you will be given special advantage," says Claudius mysteriously.
A special advantage? A million different possibilities flood into my mind. Some type of superweapon? Impenetrable armor? Capitol stimulants?
"Think hard about refusing to show up. For some of you, this will be your last chance," Claudius says ominously.
Silence follows, hanging over me like an axe. My last chance? He makes it sound like no more food is coming my way. Can the gamemakers control that? I know they can control the animals but can they really remove all edible plants from the area. What am I saying? They're the gamemakers. They can and will do anything they want.
Still, I don't like the sound of this feast. There's no way Cato, Clove or Thresh will miss it, already guaranteeing a hell of a fight. And Katniss? That may be the ultimate danger, someone who can distract me and make me hesitate. Still, there may not be another chance to get food and if I don't get some soon, I won't stand any chance by the time the finale comes. And what about that special advantage? Something about it seems off. Whenever the Capitol offers something like that, it's usually too good to be true. Like the glories of being a victor, I suspect that advantage will come with strings attached…but what exactly? Can I risk Thresh or District Two getting their hands on it? They're huge threats now. What will they become if they get ahold of whatever's gonna be at the Cornucopia?
No, that can't happen. There's no other option. I have to go tomorrow, whatever the cost.
A/N: A bit of a slow chapter, but that's just because there's a big one inbound. Battle lines have been drawn and the chances of friends having to fight each other are only going up, especially with some desperately needed resources up for grabs. Who will live? Who will die? Who will find the next wild onion? Stay tuned