CHAPTER SIX
Mulder smiled a little as he walked away, knowing he had affected her with that touch, or at least tried to. He hoped he had succeeded.
Just to have her here at home, with him, her red hair which caught his eye all the time, and her scent, her smile, her voice.. she was everything to him and he had missed her so badly. He had seen her all around this house after she had left, everywhere, and it had taken him a long time to get over it, and truthfully, he wasn't actually really over it, he never would be.
He would never be over her..
He went to the kitchen to put the groceries away and left her in peace, hoping she would get some rest. After he was done, he then walked back through the living area, which was now basically his office, his desk was in the center of the room and all his papers and photos, newspaper clippings were now all over the walls.
He wasn't a changed man, not in that way. Not after all that had recently come to light with their work back on the X-Files. That was just how he worked, but he was ready to prove to her that he was stronger than before and was not going to spiral into depression again. He had gotten over that, it had nearly killed him, especially when she'd left, but he had to prove to her that he was less crazy than he had been. If that was at all possible..
He edged towards the stairs and walked up slowly, carefully not to disturb her. Books lined the edge of each step, hundreds of them. It was just normal to him now, but to her it probably looked a little crazy. What was that about proving to her he wasn't so crazy anymore..?!
He sighed and tilted his head a little, knowing it was a lost cause as he walked upstairs and into his bedroom. It was pretty messy and he should really tidy it as much as possible if she was going to sleep there. So he did, he tried to put stuff away in the wardrobe and cleared the floor, then stripped the bed sheets and bounded them all up in a ball like shape then threw them out of the door and onto the landing for washing, in the same movement as you would a baseball. Then, he went to get some clean sheets from the spare room and then changed the bed. He was sweating, he was not used to so much cleaning all in one go.
As he stepped back and looked at his accomplishment with his hands on his hips, he thought it kind of looked ok. It was going to have to do. He switched on the bedside lamp and switched off the main light. He decided if she was already asleep, may be he would bring her up here so she was more comfy and lay her down. He just wanted her to be ok, and safe and comfortable, after everything.
But then he remembered the clothes, her clothes, and he turned and rolled up his sleeves, walking to the wardrobe again and opening it to get her pile of belongings out from the top shelf where he had kept them for so long, folded up and neat. Freshly washed.
That was Scully's shelf, and he didn't touch it. Not since the last time he ever washed them and had decided that enough was enough, he needed to stop sleeping with them on his pillow.
He had to stop, it wasn't healthy.
He placed the pile on the bed and straightened up the sheets, suddenly a little nervous that this wasn't going to be enough for her, that maybe he should do more, but then he let out a sharp breath and scolded himself internally. She was his best friend after all, and she had wanted to come here, apparently, so he needed to be more confident.
It was going to be ok..
He closed the door behind him and bundled all the dirty sheets in his arms and slowly walked down stairs again, careful not to make too much noise. She was still on the sofa as far as he knew and the TV wasn't on, may be she was asleep. He was glad. She needed sleep. He walked past her and didn't check just yet, moving towards the kitchen and then the utility and put it all in the washing machine. He put in the detergent and switched it on, then turned back to face the sofa with a long breath from pursed lips, as he leant against the counter.
He should check if she was awake.
He swallowed and edged towards her, why was he so nervous? All of a sudden?
He didn't know, it was silly really, he needed to calm the hell down..
Stepping around the sofa and looking down at her, he saw that his suspicions were indeed correct. She was asleep.
He stopped and just took a moment to take in her incredible beauty. She was so amazingly beautiful, stunning. She actually took his breath away for a moment and he just watched her sleeping, her chest rising and falling slowly and her face so peaceful. He was glad, as she had been having nightmares or similar in the car. He wished there was some way to stop that, but there was only so much he could do for her. His heart was aching hard in his chest and he finally blinked and took a step forward, then bent his knees a little to very gently pick her up in his arms, with the blanket still around her.
He was very slow and very gentle.
He had picked her up like this a thousand times and had gotten very good at doing it without waking her, as he took a lot of care and time with it. He wasn't in a hurry, he loved holding her, so he took all the time in the world as he didn't know when he would get the chance to hold her like this again...
As he looked down at her face which was turned slightly into his shirt, he swallowed with emotion and felt tears rise to his eyes.
He was not sure what exactly he felt.
It was love, and also sadness, mixed with happiness, all at the same time.
He missed being with her, loving her, being her lover as well as her friend. He wanted it back, he wanted it all back. But he would have to wait for her to make the first move.
As he walked upstairs slowly he told himself over and over again, he had to let her do it, as that was the right thing to do.
He couldn't scare her away again.
What they had right now was better than it had been just a year ago, and a hundred times better than three years ago, so he needed to be patient.
He took her into the bedroom silently and laid her down very gently. On his bed. Which used to be their bed.
The bed where they used to make love, over and over, they were really good together, he remembered. More than good, they were incredible. She was incredible. How could he ever forget?!
How times had changed.. he thought to himself sadly.
Wasn't it amazing how life could bite you in the balls, and take away everything you had?
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