Come on skinny love just last the year. That's all we had to-do, we had to last that year. The five year itch they call it, couples are more likely to divorce before their fifth anniversary or something like that. We are an example of that, if we had managed to stay for their last year. We could have made it. I'm sure we could have made it Sam. I could get past Iain, it was you with Tom. I couldn't do it anymore. You were happy, and I didn't want to wreck that for you. You were happy, happier than we had ever been.
If you pour a little salt we were never here. We could disappear, pretend that it never happened. We could have pretended we never knew one another. People might have believed it, had you not been my next of kin, had their been no fire. You went by Nicholls, not Keogh
When you left, I remember just staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer. Trying not to cry. It's not me, but I was so sad, I was angry and hurt. I loved you, and the thought of never seeing you again was haunting. Only I did, you came to Holby. Completely unannounced. Thanks. We used to slam the door and storm out, I never thought it would end. That wasn't us, so I thought. Except it was. That was how it ended. That's how we ended.
I tell my love to wreck it all', you told me that you would rather be in love than anything else. I laughed, I told you that, in the words on Bon Ivor, 'Cut out all the ropes and let me fall'. That's when we were happy. We used to laugh, despite what I say we were okay. We were happy, I was grumpy, but you knew that before you married me.
I told you to be patient, that we would find our way through. We would stumble around, we would annoy one another. But we would survive. We would survive, like we did when you were in Afghanistan. I told you we would be fine, when you left. I told you we would be back together in no time, you would come back uninjured and we would soon be curled up in front of the TV, just like old times. That was one thing I was right about.
I told you to be balanced. I told you to be fair, not to judge people too quickly, just the way you do. I told you to be kind, you laughed at this. You said that I couldn't say that, because I'm too grumpy, I laughed at, as I kissed you goodbye, unsure if I would see you. Our tears mixed, as we hugged goodbye.
I told you that in the morning I'll be with you, but it will be a different kind. It will be in the form of a photograph. The one that you packed in your luggage. You didn't bring your normal phone, instead you have a brick phone. You have your laptop, so that we could skype. You promised me that you would stay safe, that you would be okay. The one promise you managed to keep, you came home. Just as you said you would. I just wanted you to come home mine.
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split. There was so much, it too long for it to end. I had hope, maybe that we could reconcile. That we would be okay. We could survive. Except we couldn't. We tried, and we failed. It hurts, maybe that's why I am an alcoholic. I can't deal with the hurt bubbling up inside me. Maybe that, even five years later I miss you lying in bed. Kicking me./
Now all your love is wasted? At least that's what I told myself. Tom didn't deserve you. He bloody well hit you, I never did that. I was rude, and grumpy but I never hit you. Zoe told me, I don't know how she knew. She just told me. I felt so bad, I was supposed to protect you. Except I didn't, and it made me question who the hell was I? Except I wasn't your husband. I was your ex-husband.
'Who will love you?' You told me when we got married that you thought no one would love you, when you grew up. You were ballsy, and determined. It scared people, not me. I loved you. You knew that. We loved one another, at least we did before it fell to pieces. Before we fell to pieces.
Who will fight? Who would fight for you? I didn't fight for you, I tried too. I just fought for you too late, when you were someone else's. We seemed to have gone on, forgotten. I thought you would forget about me, maybe you had forgotten about me when you came back to Holby. Except you hadn't, each day you stay here you remind me. You remind me of what I have lost. When you question me, about my alcoholism. You remind me of what I had. And how I didn't really know you, and you didn't know me. We were both wrong.
We both fell behind. We both lost out on things we didn't. We grew apart, showing we didn't really know one another. Not really. Maybe we spent our whole marriage playing games against one another. Until it ended, the door was slammed. And that was it, it ended everything. We ended just like that. At the sound of the door slamming, after an argument about I don't even remember what. The sound of the door ended a four year marriage.
Come on skinny love, just last the year./p