A/N; Well what should I say? I guess a bomb was shoved under my, well you get the picture. Sorry in advance for any mistakes and I hope I'm doing this story justice.

"I am not myself

Myself is not my own"

~Six60~

"What do you mean?" Narcissa frowned at the emptiness as Hermione broke away. She wanted the brunette to hold her again. She wanted Hermione to tell her that they were fine and everything would finally settle. She wanted Hermione to promise her that she would never leave her again. She wanted to tell the brunette that she would never hide anything from her again. But in Hermione's sudden wariness Narcissa felt a little panicked again, as if she were skating on thin ice and there were no magic in the world that could save her if she were to crack and sink.

The brunette moved toward the bed and gestured for the blonde to do the same thing. When Narcissa sat next to Hermione, the brunette found her voice. "Before we talk about Lucius, I need to know if you were trained in Legilimens?"

Narcissa nodded her confusion was beginning to turn into worry. This was not what she had hoped for.

"Good. I want you to go back into my memories." Hermione said softly. "I am not trained in it my self, so it may take a while before you actually get to the events in Guatemala."

"Why can't you just tell me?" Narcissa asked.

Hermione looked down at her hands.

"Mione?" Narcissa pressed.

"Because I don't know if you will believe me, so I want you to see it." Hermione said quietly.

"I will believe you, Mione." Narcissa assured her. "We don't have to go through Legilimens for that."

"No." Hermione shook her head and turned fully to Narcissa. She caressed the blonde's cheek softly. All her anger had finally evaporated and had somehow been replaced with guilt. "I was never the type of person to get jealous. Not in relationships no matter how casual they were. Not until I met you."

Two beautifully blonde eyebrows arched.

"I wanted to hex Blaise that night of the Ball. And we weren't even together." Hermione carried on. "You already know what I've done to Lucius. So I need you to see it. Because if it were you in my position, I would demand it."

'What is she trying to tell me?' Narcissa's inner thoughts mused.

"Please Cissy."

Narcissa reluctantly nodded and reached for her wand. "Close your eyes and try to focus on Guatemala. It will help me get there quicker."

Hermione took a deep breath and done as she was told.

Narcissa blinked at where she was. It was unusually hot. The rays off the sun were almost too unbearable, the air was dry. She looked down and the grass she stood on was also dry, it was not even green. She looked up and around hundreds of headstones lined the grass. Some looking medieval, other's looking as though they were erected recently. She was in a cemetery.

What was Hermione doing in a cemetery in Guatemala? She asked herself.

She made a closer inspection at the nearest headstone and frowned. The wording was not in Spanish but English. She looked at the next few headstones and found they were also in English.

Where was she?

That's when she heard it come from behind her.

She spun around and her heart nearly stopped at what she saw.

It was Hermione, a very young adolescent teenager on her hands and knees wailing. Her whole body was shaking uncontrollably. It was unnerving for Narcissa because she knew that she could not console her.

Narcissa stood there for a while and not once did Hermione look up at the headstone. The brunette kept her head down even as her wails turned into sobs. The blonde had never seen her young Gryffindor so vulnerable.

Slowly she moved around to see who it was Hermione was upset about. When she saw the names on the headstone, everything came flooding back. She was in a cemetery in Melbourne, Australia. This would have been after the war when Hermione came to look for her parents. This moment was the brunette's first time visiting their grave under their alias'. This was the moment Hermione changed.

Narcissa decided that she needed to leave, more so to stop her urge to comfort Hermione than anything else.

Narcissa blinked again. She didn't know where she was. It was dark and confined. She could tell that she was in a house. Probably in someone's wardrobe. Curious she went to open the door when she heard something and stopped.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" It was Hermione. And by the tone of her voice, she was not very happy.

Narcissa waited for a response and frowned when nothing came. Hermione must be on the phone.

"No, I can't make it to dinner." Hermione snapped.

There was another pause

"Why are you so hell bent on wanting to know everything there is about me?"

Another pause

"Oh for fucksakes!" Narcissa heard her brunette's feet stomp on the floor as she paced her room. "We met in a club three weeks ago. And we fucked. And we have been doing so since then."

Narcissa's eyes widened.

"And now you want to get to know me?" Hermione asked sharply.

Was this a relationship of sorts? Why was Hermione being so blunt? Narcissa asked herself.

"Oh really, you found out that my parents have passed away." Narcissa recognised the deep growl in Hermione's voice. "And you want to comfort me? Well let me make things really clear for you. We don't know each other. You better not have done a background check on me. And we had a relationship that consisted of just fucking, which by the way wasn't all that great. And now I'm going to hang up and I never want to hear or see you again. No more pesky phone calls, nothing. I'm not interested in you. I don't want to get to know you at all. GOODBYE!"

Narcissa was shocked and momentarily stunned. That was until she heard the brunette muttering.

"Only sex!"

A few more stomps later.

"Why do women, fucking care about wanting to be in love?"

Narcissa frowned.

"Thank fuck, she was not a witch!"

With that silence fell upon the room and Narcissa guessed Hermione must have left. The blonde concluded that this was probably Hermione, after the death of her parents and breaking up with Ron, but before their first meeting in her office. This Hermione, was, intolerable.

Narcissa decided to leave. Many things were fogging her mind. She had a lot of questions for the brunette. She wasn't sure about whether they would get answered or not but she came to the startling realisation that, however angry Hermione got with her, the young witch had never spoken to her like that.

Narcissa opened her eyes again. She took in her surroundings. She was in a hotel lobby, it was fairly busy. The concierge talking animatedly in Spanish with a couple that looked like tourist. That gave her the indication that she was in Guatemala. This is what Hermione wanted her to see? Maybe she should wait.

She didn't have to do that long when she saw her brunette. Dressed in grey cargo pants and a white tank top, she looked so alluring. Her hair was tied up in a loose ponytail, it brought her features out. Hermione was a very beautiful woman but Narcissa already knew that. She smiled and Narcissa thought she was smiling at her, so the blonde smiled back. And then she frowned when Hermione walked straight past her.

She spun around and everything seem to fall to pieces when she saw a very captivating olive woman sauntering her way to Hermione. Narcissa glared as the woman closed in on Hermione, kissing her on both cheeks. She gripped her wand as she watched the woman talk flirtatiously with her brunette.

Was this what Hermione wanted her to see? Was this the brunette's form of punishment because she could not bring herself to tell the young witch about the rape? Narcissa began to ask herself. She didn't want to be there, she didn't want to see whatever those two were going to do.

She growled out aloud when she saw that woman run her finger tips along Hermione's arm. She needed to leave.

But in between her decision making and watching Hermione with the other woman, something told her to stay.

She took a deep breath and remained in her spot.

Nothing had happened yet.

Merlin help Hermione if something did. Narcissa said to herself.

When they both opened their eyes they looked straight at each other. Hermione already saw the questions edged on Narcissa before she had even asked them. And it was something she was sacred about.

"So Camilla." Narcissa started.

"Yes, that's what I wanted you to see." Hermione responded

"Oh, I saw a lot more than that." Narcissa retorted. Hermione grimaced. "But we will start there. That night you left your phone at the hotel when we found Draco and I had been trying to call you. And you were out drinking, were you with her?"

"Yes, well, I met her that night. In a bar." Hermione was unsure of how much Narcissa saw and she was beginning to get worried.

Narcissa nodded.

"Please say something Cissy." Hermione begged after a long overdue pause.

"Now I understand why you, spoke about being jealous and why you wanted to show me." Narcissa muttered.

"Yes." Hermione said quietly. She wanted to reach forward and touch the blonde. But she couldn't, she wouldn't not with how Narcissa was being icy.

"She kissed you!" Narcissa exclaimed. "Then tried touching you!"

"Yes." Hermione admitted. "But I never kissed her back and you saw that I pushed her away and then I told her about you."

"What has annoyed me, is that she kept talking about your night of drinking with her and how you told her then that you weren't playing hard to get!" Narcissa exclaimed again. That Camilla was beautiful and it made Narcissa jealous. Not just jealous of the fact that she tried to seduce Hermione, but also jealous that this girl was nearly everything that she was not. She was accomplished in a career, she was modern and she was around the same age as Hermione. Camilla was a threat and Narcissa saw her as a very dangerous threat.

"I only done that Cissy to get information out of her." Hermione pleaded and then went on to explain the full report of her mission. "You know about me going there to get the vial. And what I'm about to tell you, is to stay between only you and I."

"Oh, enlighten me!" She waved her hands around muttering sarcastically.

"Gladly. My meeting with Kingsley this morning was not only about my fate over Lucius." Hermione began. Narcissa frowned. "When he gave the brief before I left he told me that we were not the only one's after the vial. Do you know Julio Estevez?"

"The name sounds familiar." Narcissa's frown stayed in place until she remembered. "He was an acquaintance of Lucius'. He supported the dark during the first war."

"Yes, well he was the other person after the vile." Hermione told her. "And Camilla is his daughter."

"Ahh, so seduce the daughter to get information." Narcissa rolled her eyes. Inwardly she felt she was going to break into small pieces and there would be no magic in the world that could put her back together.

"No, pretend to like her to not only get information but she actually help me find it." Hermione corrected her. "You would have seen that."

Narcissa pursed her lips, she still wasn't convinced.

"Anyway, Julio was working alongside Lucius, a partnership of sorts." Hermione began to explain when Narcissa interrupted her.

"What does Lucius have to do with Camilla?" Narcissa asked bluntly.

"Cissy I'm trying to give you the full story. Not only about Camilla but also about why I'm not going to spend the rest of my life in Azkaban." Hermione said seriously.

"Oh."

Hermione continued to inform Narcissa of Lucius and Julio's plans to conquer the world. She noted the blonde's interest peaked as she heard more and more about Lucius' plot and who he had working for him in the ministry. Hermione tried to make it very clear that Camilla, though was not part of the plan, proved to be very useful in getting the vial. She watched for Narcissa's reactions but was not rewarded as her blonde retreated into being the Ice Queen once again when the subject of Camilla was brought up. "So she really did end up helping out a fair bit."

Narcissa nodded not saying anything.

"But I never touched her, Cissy." Hermione murmured quietly. "She wasn't you."

Narcissa let the full impact of Hermione's words sink in before she spoke.

"I'm glad." Narcissa whispered. It was all the confirmation that she needed, she felt relieved. "I don't know what I would have done if you did."

"But you must know by now that I would never do that to you." Hermione frowned. "Not intentionally."

"I would have never thought that," She whispered, her head down, her eyes avoiding Hermione. "Until I saw her with you."

"Look, why don't we go into the living room and talk." Hermione suggested. "Being in here is….distracting. And I'd like a drink and I want to get out of these robes and change into something more comfortable."

"Very well." Narcissa complied and then asked. "You do not have to get back to your office? Don't forget you have a meeting at two o'clock."

"I left instructions to post pone until tomorrow morning." Hermione shook her head. "We have all day and night to try and sort this out."

The blonde merely nodded.

Narcissa had changed out of her robes and her clothes as well. Hermione was surprised when she saw the blonde go to her set of draws and change into her own grey sweats and a white tank. The brunette just stood there watching in fascination as Narcissa casually went through her wardrobe picking out a grey cardigan. This woman was could not get more irresistible than what she already was.

Narcissa turned and found Hermione staring at her intently. She smiled wryly as she tied her hair into a pony tail. "You still haven't changed?"

"I got distracted." Hermione smirked.

When had she started wearing my clothes? Hermione asked herself. God, she looks good enough to eat in anything or nothing.

"Then it's a good thing we are going into the living room to talk." Narcissa smirked finishing tying her hair.

"Indeed." Hermione replied as Narcissa walked past her and headed toward the door. She raced to get whatever she could find which ended up being black sweats and a grey jumper.

They both settled on the couch with two steaming hot cups of tea. The mood between them was sombre, something they were both grateful for.

"Where were we?" Narcissa asked.

"I was telling you that I could never hurt you." Hermione replied before taking a sip of her tea.

"Oh, yes."

"And I meant it Narcissa." Hermione's tone turned serious. "Earlier, in my office, when you left. I knew I had hurt you with what I was saying. I knew that's why you gave up and walked out."

Narcissa bit her lip.

"And it really made me angry. God, made me angry enough at myself that I chased after you even though, I should be working my arse off right now because I owe Kingsley my freedom." Hermione carried on. "But whenever you are concerned I find that nothing, not even what used to be my priority, like my job, stands in the way. I just leave it."

Narcissa eyed Hermione warily when the brunette put her cup down on the coffee table and turned fully to her. Hermione lifted one leg onto the couch, bent at the knee, her foot dangling off the edge and moved closer to the blonde. Narcissa mirrored Hermione's actions, they were now facing each other.

"And I would have just left Guatemala if I knew about what Lucius done to you." She said quietly. "I'd leave anything when it concerns you."

"We had only been together for one weekend Mione, how could I turn to you already?" Narcissa asked quietly.

"We only had sex on one weekend." Hermione threw back defensively. "But I knew you at least a few weeks before that. Did you know the reason why I came to you when you were leaving Lucius?"

Narcissa shook her head.

"I came because I was concerned. The relics had been in the papers and I was in a meeting with the Minister when he informed me that Lucius was back." Hermione started. "I was worried about you, about your safety so I left my job, this time, a meeting with the Minister to go after you."

"Hermione, if I remember correctly. You came, we went to the Three Broomsticks and there was a lot of tension between us because you ran after you kissed me in the Manor." Narcissa said matter-of-factly. "And then you left again."

Hermione's lips clenched together in a thin grim line.

"Of course you knew about my failing marriage and some of the details behind it." Narcissa carried on more confidently than she felt. "You knew about his affairs, about Draco and a lot about the Malfoy family. I have never shared that with anyone."

Hermione ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to calm herself. She had to give Narcissa a chance to explain. She had to try and see it from her perspective. Narcissa had taken steps with Hermione. Had the blonde not quite got there enough to trust Hermione with everything?

"Ok, so we really didn't know each other." Hermione said evenly. She stood and began to pace.

"Mione don't get angry." Narcissa eyed her.

"I'm trying very hard not to." Hermione stopped. "But it's difficult for me to just sit here and listen to the blatant facts that lead to us being together. And try to understand why you couldn't tell me about Lucius."

"It's just how it happened." Narcissa paused. "Us getting together before actually really knowing each other."

Hermione nervously ran both her hands through her hair.

"I saw more than Guatemala and Camilla." Narcissa treaded into dangerous territory.

Hermione threw her a sharp look. "None of that matters."

"I tend to disagree." Narcissa murmured.

"Why?"

"I never knew you then." Narcissa replied. "And it has given me a lot of insight to you now."

What the fuck had she seen? Hermione thought. She couldn't even stop the next words that came out of her mouth, "I don't even know who I am."

Narcissa cocked her head to the side. "That's intriguing."

"Tell me what you saw."

"Is that a demand?"

"Yes"

Narcissa took her time quietly sipping on her tea letting the warm liquid trail down her throat. She saw Hermione become agitated and was growing impatient. "Your parent's deaths definitely changed you."

"How so?" Hermione began to pace again.

"I always thought that you were far too career orientated to want any relationship. But your career wasn't what held you back, it wasn't even what broke you away from Ronald." Narcissa said softly.

"What was it then?"

"I have no idea." Narcissa murmured. "But I got an inkling that you saw being in a relationship was a weakness. I guess we both brought a lot of baggage with us." Narcissa continued. "There are many things we have to deal with together."

Hermione cracked. She had had enough. She walked over to Narcissa, took the tea cup out of her hand placing it on the coffee table and hauled the blonde up so they were facing each other. Eye to eye. "I don't care."

"You should."

"Dammit Narcissa I don't give a flying fuck what you saw." Hermione snapped. When Narcissa tried to look away, Hermione grabbed her chin and forced the blonde to meet her eye. And when she spoke it was the most commanding she had ever felt. "I just want to know that you will never leave me. Because if you ever do, I'll come after you and haul your beautiful arse back to where it belongs. With me!"

Narcissa gasped.

"Yes go ahead and gasp" Hermione said darkly.

Narcissa began to shake her head. "Hermione…we…should-

"Be talking, discussing our feelings, our pasts and trying to work on a future together?" Hermione asked menacingly. "Well I'll tell you now, my past is exactly where it is, the past. I fucked up big time and my parents are dead because of it. I never wanted a relationship, why? Because I'm shit scared that they would die or get hurt because of me. So I avoided it until you. And I'm still shit sacred because I'm madly in love with you and I can't even keep my temper in check, I've lost my best friend, I nearly got my arse landed in Azkaban and I killed your ex-husband. Would you like to know something else?"

Eyes wide, Narcissa only managed to nod her head.

"I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if anyone so far as even harms a hair on your head!" Hermione carried on. "I'm hurt that you couldn't tell me about Lucius. I'm happy that you got to make the peace with Draco that I couldn't do with my parents. And I never want you to ever leave me."

Narcissa just stood there, looking into those brown orbs, shocked. How many times can one be shocked in one day? Many times, she concluded. When Hermione didn't speak again or even kiss her Narcissa took her cue not really knowing what to say and uttering the very word she was not used to using. "Please."

"Please what?" Hermione's tone softened.

"Say it again." Narcissa whispered.

"All of it?"

"No, just say it again." Narcissa pleaded quietly.

A frown formed on Hermione's face when she tried to figure out what Narcissa was referring to. It definitely wasn't the part about Lucius. Couldn't be the part about her being shit scared, or about Harry, or Draco. And it couldn't be her temper. All thoughts stopped in her brain when she realised what she had said. There was no point in hiding or denying it anymore.

She cupped Narcissa's face with her hands. The older witch looked hopeful, Hermione didn't want her to feel otherwise. Her heart tripled in beat when she whispered, "I love you."

She watched closely for the blonde's reactions. An ignited sparkle in her blue eyes and a shy smile graced Narcissa's features. "I'm madly in love with you, Narcissa Black."

I hope that was not confusing and once again I apologize about any mistakes.