Splatoon: The Drafted Squid
Wood, Steel, and Ink
Walking is a healthy and common way of exercising. It stretches your legs and helps your heart rate, plus the added benefit of working off anything you eat provided you walk long enough.
But having Mai tag along made Phish feel as though this was the longest, most arduous walk in his life. He was rather close to simply turning the Octoshot on his head and pulling the trigger, because the amount of jabs the Octoling following him from "a respectable distance" was akin to that of a pro boxer. In reality, he had not walked far from the hills nor had Mai been running her mouth off for the entire trip, but each step upwards on a slope was tedious, as a single statement could pretty much irritate him for the next few minutes, making it a continuous barrage of unfavorable conversation topics. Finally, it seemed as though he was about to give in as Mai provided commentary on his clothing.
"Like, c'mon man. That can't be the only shirt you have. And why does the tie have so many fishes on it?" Mai asked, tousling the tie above Phish's shirt from behind, "You have a thing for them? Find them cute?"
Phish rolled his eyes, glancing back as he walked. "Mai, let me stop you right there. You have said plenty the past six minutes; you've mocked my choice of attire, somehow insulted my taste in music without an inkling of what I like. But for the love of Cod, can you just-"
"Stop!" Mai called out suddenly, Phish halting on a dime.
"What?!" Phish called out irritably, "Gah!"
Being headbutted by an Octoling was never on his agenda, and quite frankly, never will be again for Phish. As he fell to the ground, Mai's head slamming him in his gut, his anger was replaced with a mild confusion: Was the injury caused solely from her head, or from her goggles? Nevertheless, it stung, both getting slammed to the terra firma below combined with her head practically digging into his abdomen was extremely painful. Hitting the ground, he groaned, a suddenly diligent Mai glancing around frantically.
She hummed, staring over at the fields using her goggles, blinking as everything zoomed in from her perspective as she twisted a small knob on the side of her goggles. "Oh. Nevermind, just a bird."
Standing up, she stretched her arms in the air, yawning plainly as if nothing happened. An irritated Phish got to his feet, placing one hand on her shoulder, spinning her around angrily. She simply gave him a regular old innocent smile, placing one hand on her cheek.
"Coast is clear, pal." She spoke up in a sing-song like voice.
Phish shook his head. "Did you really have to slam me into the ground, though?"
She simply grinned, removing her goggles for the sole purpose of rolling her eyes at him. "Yes. Trust me, if there was ever an enemy sniper glaring in this direction, that could mean the difference between life and death."
He scoffed, standing back up straight, closing his eyes. "Oh, you saving me from a sniper. That'll be the- OOGH."
Once more, Mai proved to be quite the quarterback, tackling Phish down to the floor, knocking the wind out of him yet again. Irritated, Phish attempted to push her off until something caught his eye. Looking straight up, a violet laser danced above him, searching for something. Sweating, he glanced at Mai, lying by his side, a devious smirk on her face. She simply shrugged, whistling after a job well done. Frowning, he waited, watching the laser eventually disappear, getting up to his feet the moment it vanished. Glancing over the hillside, she stared out, adjusting her goggles somewhat. In the distance, an octopus on a platform, a rifle attached to the top aimed down the sights, the octopus in the distance seemingly bored out of his mind.
Motioning towards Phish, she switched into an octopus, sliding through the small grass on the hills. Blinking, the male Inkling lowered himself towards the ground, slowly switching into a blue squid, crawling among the dirt stealthily. It was somewhat tense for the young squid, who grit his teeth, moving forward constantly for fear of the laser catching up to him. Like a snake, he slithered through the grass nervously. Eventually, as he wriggled, he bumped into something.
"The sniper left about eight minutes ago, you know." Mai spoke up, using the tip of her boot to push Phish down the slope he attempted to ascend. "Good work, you managed to not die."
Switching back into his regular Inkling form in his clothes, he frowned, staring up at the Octoling. "...Gee, thanks."
"Hey, that's what friends do." She shrugged, beginning to walk off. "Now c'mon, I wanna see where your other Inkling pals are."
Frowning, Phish got to his feet, and began following her. "Fine. But we aren't friends."
Mai stopped for a minute, Phish giving her a less than trustworthy glare from behind. The wind, ever the dutiful companion, covered the silence with its whistles.
All she did in response was chuckle, glancing back at him with a grin. "I spared you twice now. Two times you could have been completely destroyed, two times I saved you. I think me being your friend is the least painful fate."
Feeling as though she had gotten her point across, she started her trek once more, only to be stopped. "You didn't let me finish."
Blinking, Mai removed her Octoling Goggles, cocking an eyebrow at Phish curiously, rubbing the goggles free of any dust. He sighed, glancing away towards the ground for a second, adjusting his tie very slightly.
"...I have no idea who you are, and I have no idea what your true intentions are." Phish spoke up, the Octoling beginning to open her mouth to interject, "You just show up, try to shoot me, and that's that?"
Crossing her arms, Mai smirked. "I take it you'd rather have it so that one of us died?"
Frowning, Phish sighed, staring at the ground. "We're not friends," He repeated, "At best, we're acquaintances, and at worst, you're plotting to splat me while my back is turned."
Hearing that made Mai frown as well. "Not very trusting, huh?"
Ignoring her, Phish continued. "I don't know anything about you other than the fact that you are female and an octopus."
"And my wondrous personality? What about that?" She winked with a smirk, leaning on the side of the hill.
Without a word, Phish deadpanned at her behavior, standing up straight. Walking up the hill and past Mai, he looked up briefly. Blinking, he noticed something bizarre in the distance. Attempting to stare, he found that it was significantly difficult considering that it looked like a blur of colors contrasting with the green and blue. As he grit his teeth, attempting to make out the commotion in the distance, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Before he could turn around, he found that a hand offering Octoling Goggles to him was in front of him. Arching an eyebrow, he turned around, his Octoling acquaintance's irises staring at him, offering the goggles to the Inkling with a frown.
"Well?" She asked, poking him with the metal mask.
Staring down at the goggles, Phish gripped them somewhat reluctantly, staring back at the Octoling. She tilted her head, sighing at him.
"If you don't want it, I'll take it back. But you seem to like stealing my stuff." She shrugged.
Blinking, Phish shook his head quickly. "No, no. I'll return this. ...Thanks."
"Mm." She hummed, lying back on the hill.
The metal mask now in his hands, Phish raised it to his face, staring through the violet lights. On the other end, the obscure blur soon appeared as though it were clearing up. Across the hills, Phish seemed to notice some activity. Three Inklings, he counted. Among a thicket, there were three familiar Inklings standing off in the distance, all wearing helmets atop their noggins. Out of the forest ahead, he could just barely notice a glint out of the corner of the trees. Frowning, he pulled the goggles away from his face, turning around to the Octoling, depositing it by her side. She nodded, taking the strap and pulling it over her head, pulling it down further towards her neck, where she let it dangle by the back.
Walking up the mounds of dirt, he began to break into a small jog, before Phish himself was interrupted by a, "Hey, hold on! You're not leaving me behind."
Yet again, it seemed as though Mai was hindering his progress. "Mai, I think it would be best if you would stay back. You know, just in case the others-"
"What? And miss out on watching the fight?" She said, laughing, "In your dreams."
He froze on the terrain, peering back curiously. "Wait, what?"
While Mai had spoken up, she had her eyes set on the other Inklings, frowning. "Yeah. They should really get out of those trees."
"...Why, what's going to happen in the trees?" Phish asked cautiously.
The earth shaking beneath them began to give him an idea. Glancing over into the distance, though the earth shook rampantly, he could make out the others just barely. It seemed as though Ophi and Portic could definitely feel the shaking as well, with Portic stranded in the canopy of the trees shivering. Rinse appeared to be more confused than anything, and while the tremors continued, he simply put his ear down towards the ground. As he did so, Phish steadily yet carefully made his way forward, unsure of how to proceed. Behind him, Mai was grasping onto tuffs of grass to keep her steady.
"Huh. And everyone said we got rid of it." Mai hummed.
"What?! What is- Oh." Phish frowned, staring ahead.
Phish was far from interested in study the ecology of the plains, but despite his lack of knowledge on the grasslands, he knew for a fact that trees should not move. Yet, across the plains, he could see them as they began to unearth themselves.
Unfortunately for Portic, climbing up into a tree meant he was at the mercy of the shifting plant, writhing and wriggling intensely. He had no idea what he was in for, and for a brief moment, the thought of karma caught his mind.
That thought was replaced with yelling, "Hey! What the heck, this tree is broken!"
"I don't think these are even trees, Portic!" Ophi gasped, attempting to grip one of the shifting branches.
As she stumbled, Ophi finally managed to grip to one of the branches, she gasped suddenly. The "trees" began climbing into the air at a tremendous speed. The leaves and branches holding the greenery slowly appeared to retract back into the trunk of the wood, leaving Portic dangling from the tentacle. From the ground, Rinse's eyes expanded as the true nature of the trees unearthed themselves. Propping itself up on the many oaks that once served as a thicket, a large orb-like machine rose up from the ground, scattering dirt and grass. Both Inklings previously gripping the tentacles promptly released their grip, willingly falling to the ground with a thud, getting up without so much as a scratch.
Groaning, both of them stared up, squeaking as the bizarre machine began falling towards them. All three Inklings switched into squid and leaped off of the hill, barely avoiding the crushing blow of the mech. Sliding down the hill, all of them switched back into Inkling form, carrying their Bamboozler ink weapons in their hands, aiming at the mechanical miscreant. Upon getting a closer look at their adversary, they noticed it had the guise of an octopus. Two glass orbs with searchlights beaming through them served as the eyes, and a large filter of sorts acted as a mouth. The aforementioned "trees" twisted together, creating eight large tentacles, stretching out of sockets on the machine. Rising up from its own crater, it stared down at the squids. They stared back, only more horrified than anything.
"...Quick, Rinse!" Portic called out, the other Inkling arching an eyebrow, "Formations!"
Acting swiftly, Portic switched into a squid immediately, hopping over onto Rinse's back, reverting back to his regular Inkling form. Legs dangled over Rinse's shoulders, both he and his companion aimed their Bamboozlers. While Ophi was staring in awe at the sidelines, both of them glared at the machine, convinced that they had the tactical advantage.
"Fire!" Portic shouted, with Rinse nodding as well.
Two streams of blue launched out of the Bamboozlers, simultaneously blasting the octopus machine's round abdomen. Laughing, Portic continued pulling the trigger, back and forth. Eventually, it seemed as though the worst it dealt was mildly paint the machine. This continued for quite some time, up until the point where the ammo supply seemed to dry. After hearing a couple clicks coming from the gun, it occurred to the the Inklings that perhaps this was not working.
"...Well, I think we got some good hits in." Portic commented positively, watching as the octopus began raising itself into the air again.
Frantically, Ophi slammed into the two, shoving the entire squadron, including herself, out of harm's way as the mech body-slammed the ground once again, causing a sizable tremor. Across from them behind a safe barrier of hills, the other two protagonists watched as the battle raged on. Phish could hardly believe what he was seeing from a distance.
"How do you forget THAT exists?!" Phish asked frantically.
Clearing her throat, Mai began to explain as metal clanged in the background, "Hey man, that Octoweapon was scrapped. We thought it was long gone."
"Wait, Octoweapon? Scrapped?" Phish probed curiously.
She ceased speaking for a moment, eyes lighting up as she stared at him. "Ooh, right. Uh, yeah, we built these giant deathtraps to krill you guys."
"..." Phish could not believe what he was hearing as he stood on the grass.
Staring across the fields, he had one hand firmly on the Octoshot holstered on the side of his pants. Without a word, he started to run, much to Mai's surprise.
Ophi, on the other hand, could not be more distressed. The fact that she had to avoid getting squashed by a robot was one thing, but attempting to keep her friends alive was another. For a reason unknown to her, Portic continually attempted to smack the mech's tentacles with his bamboo staff, and Rinse would follow his every move without complaining. Unless she warned them, they would just wham the tendril repeatedly until the next attack. It was a merciless cycle that went on and on, and it continued over and over.
Eventually, it seemed as though it was the case. With every minor scratch that the two dealt to the tentacles, they were given bruises in return. It was pandemonium, and while Ophi attempted to shoot the tentacle as to assist, it seemed as though it were pointless, with the machine continuing its rampage despite the resistance. Eventually, she stopped shooting, staring at the machine. It was almost unstoppable, and seemed
"We've almost got it! Don't worry!" Portic called it as reassuring as he could while bashing a tentacle.
But in reality, all Ophi could do was worry. Without a good estimate of whether or not they were doing damage, she worried. However, it seemed as though her other squad members were not finished. Continually smacking the tentacles left and right, Portic and Rinse alternated between left and right, shouting warnings at each other as a tentacle lashed out. She looked on, thoroughly impressed at the two. Each time they were nicked, they just leapt right back into the action. Staring at the many appendages of the mech, she aimed her gun again. Pulling the trigger, a burst of blue rocketed out of the barrel, splashing the side of one of the artificial tentacles.
It did not do a single thing. Eventually, Portic grew tired of using his gun has a sword, and sulked, gasping for breath. Rinse simply stared up at the monstrosity, nodding.
"This thing is strong." He commented, staring at the many tendrils.
"Tch! Why won't it die?!" Portic asked, punching the tentacles irritably, the octopus mech standing proud.
Rinse hummed, eyes tracking towards the dirt. "A machine can break just as easily as any of us can perish. ...You just need to find its weakness."
Blinking, both Portic and Ophi tracked their sturdy companion's sight towards the ground as well. Staring in the dirt, they noticed a cord running up through the dirt, attached next to one of the tentacles.
"It only has seven tentacles?" Ophi commented, narrowing her eyes.
All of a sudden, Portic began grinning. Chuckling mischievously, he gripped the end of the bamboo and sprinted.
Raising his bamboo to strike, he started to smile the widest he could manage as he aimed for the cord, bringing it down as hard as he could. "Oh, this is going to be so- GREAFIGHAOGHOAHFIHF."
Floating down towards the ground, looking about as charred as coal itself, the burnt squid laid on the floor, just barely blinking. Walking by him, Rinse simply picked up the squid and slung him over his back.
"Good work." He spoke simply, Portic springing back to life to give a thumbs-up with his tentacle, albeit somewhat shakily.
Above them, the Octoweapon shook unsteadily, looking ready to fall at any moment. Walking over to Ophi, who stood perched on the grass in awe, Rinse laid the overdone Portic on the ground, who raised a tentacle in the air. Giving a slight smile, she began to say something, until she noticed something. Just above her, the machine made a noise akin to something being jammed in a printer. Frowning, all three of them stared upwards. Slowly but steadily, the mouth started to shake violently. Eventually, out of the cylindrical maw of the Octoweapon, after many creaks, a cannon revealed itself from the insides, held up by metallic joints.
Staring at the cannon for a second, the trio began to take a step back. Then, as they could see a viscous liquid through the nozzle peak out slightly, they began to dash. Turning around a full one hundred and eighty degrees, they sprinted, the lights in the Octoweapon's head flashing red. During the dash, as the squadron attempted to escape, Ophi stumbled over a knot of grass on the ground. Noticing her stumble, the other two attempted to turn around, only to meet the foreboding gaze of the Octoweapon.
Her eyes shot open as violet ink began spewing at a tremendous rate, aiming towards her, ready to splat her on sight. She turned and attempted to run again, the beam of ink already gaining on her in a moment. Higher up on the hill behind cover, the two other Inklings gasped, reaching out for her. Just barely, they could catch the sight of something slamming into her, the weaponized stream of violet firing into the sky, missing them completely. With its final attack spent, the Octoweapon's lights dimmed, and with a large groan, leaned backwards slowly until it spiralled into a fall, smashing into the earth, dealing its last damage, its eyes shutting off. Behind the hill, both Portic and Rinse waited as the dust settled around them. Glancing at each other, they were both fraught with a cold, sheer feeling of fear they had never experience prior. Slowly climbing up the side of the hill, they stared out at the destruction.
The Octoweapon sat in its crater, smoke rising from the shattered glass bulbs it had for eyes, dirt covering it from head to toe as it laid sunken in its crater. Rinse cringed, staring away from the grass drenched in an acidic violet, staining the earth. Portic on the other hand glanced around nervously, leaping on the top of the hill, staring out at the destruction.
"...Ophi!" He shouted, looking around.
He slid down the hill, now thoroughly concerned. Staring down at the ground scorched by the violet, contemplating digging. Gritting his teeth, he got up to his feet again, and began searching once more.
He tried once more. "OPH-"
"Ow!" Was her immediate response.
Blinking, Portic stared down. He realized that he was stepping on a long blue tentacle. Following the small trail, he found a mildly dusty Ophelia, lying on the ground, waving at Portic from the ground in her Inkling form. Next to her, in his own squid form, Phish laid, staring at the sky almost blankly. When Portic leaned in close, carefully placing an ear up to the squid, Phish hopped up in shock, switching back to Inkling form, gasping for breath.
"...Oh Cod, I'm so stupid." He grit his teeth, holding his head in his hands.
Glancing at the confused Portic, Ophi simply smiled, standing up, walking over to Phish, tapping him on the shoulder. Removing his hands from his face, he peered at Ophi morosely, eventually diverting his attention to the ground.
Hands on her hips, Ophi nodded. "Yeah, I agree, that was pretty stupid."
"...Well, I suppose I'm going to have to… Get used to not… Living?" Phish blinked, glancing at a smirking Portic, "Did you-"
"Wow, you are stupid." Portic began snickering almost uncontrollably, with the other male Inkling beginning to catch on.
"...No." He stood, mouth agape.
All of a sudden, Ophi gripped Phish, hugging him tightly. "Thank you for being stupid."
Phish could not say a word, just stand in shock of it all. He felt as though he should say something, but for the moment, all he could do was stand. Sighing, he just returned the hug out of a social instinct. Letting go, Ophi stared at Phish with a smile.
"Still the first few days of the war, and you save me from a laser beam?" Ophi smirked, "What happened to being mopey all of a sudden?"
Phish sighed, shaking his head. "I- You're really making me regret this."
"Ah, but I'm loving it, stupid." She sighed, grinning at him.
Frowning, Phish glared at her. "No, stop."
"Nah, she does have a point, stupid. That was pretty stupid." Portic grinned, slapping him on the back.
"Not you too." He frowned, slowly walking backwards.
"...Try not to jump straight at death next time."
Slowly, Phish turned around. Staring at him face to face was a less than happy looking Rinse, towering above him. Gulping nervously, he began rubbing the back of his neck, backing away down the hill, the other two's smiles diminishing.
"Of course I wouldn't do it again. What do you think I am-" Phish began to speak up, glaring at Rinse.
"Stupid." He put simply, adjusting his helmet above a small scratch on his forehead, smirking down at Phish.
The other Inklings began to chuckle to themselves. Frowning to himself, Phish began stomping off, uttering something about walking back to camp, storming off with his arms straight down by his sides. As the laughter died down the farther he walked, he eventually came across a smirking octopus, leaning on the side of the grass, taking in the aroma of the grass and the smoke that rose into the air, wafting over by her nose.
"Eh, don't listen to them," Mai grinned at him, "I think you did pretty good."
Phish cocked an eyebrow at her curiously.
"Stupid." She smirked, resting on the grass peacefully.
For a moment, Phish shook somewhat violently, Mai's smile fading. For a moment, she contemplated whether or not she should get moving. She was surprised, however, to see as he dropped to the floor, resting besides her on the fields, the wind blowing above them.
Closing his eyes, he sighed. "Thanks, Octojerk."
Rolling her eyes underneath her goggles, Mai crossed her legs, beginning to lounge. "You too, Inklidiot."
AN: Well, there it is folks. The first Octoweapon in the story, give yourselves a pat on the back.
Thanks Recurring Guest for reviewing! That does seem like a pretty simple plan. Alright, from this day forth, under the ambiguity of the Internet on this review page on a random site, you shall henceforth be known as Sir Recurring Guest of the Squid's Blue Table. Or just Recurring Guest, I suppose. That works just peachy.
Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, off to catch up on my schedule, see you.