Splatoon: The Drafted Squid
We're the Heroes...Right?
His Bamboozler still poised for a strike, Portic grinned at the abundance of Octarian troops surrounding them. There was one Octosniper in the back of the crowd, aiming a mounted gun of sorts towards the Inklings, specifically Phish, muttering something under his breath about him being familiar. That only made him uncomfortable. The other two Inklings reached for their ink weapons as well, unsure of how to proceed. Now if Phish wanted to complain about the rate at which the war was progressing before, he would certainly have something to deal with now. Among the ring the Octotroopers had created, shining lights in each and every direction, a buzzing noise emanating from the lanterns. In front of the light, the shadow the head Octoling cast nearly overshadowed them all. Despite Rinse's intimidating stature and normally composed nature, his eyebrows narrowed dangerously as he glanced from each octopus.
The Octoling seemed to get quite the amusement out of the precarious glares. "Ah, right, I must apologize for an arrival on such short notice. My name is-"
"What?" Portic arched an eyebrow, raising one of his hands to his ears as if he were frail and elderly.
Pursing her lips, the Octoling just cleared her throat. "Apologies, is my voice too soft? My name is-"
"What?!" He yelled, narrowing his eyes, making a larger funnel directed towards his right ear. "Sorry, I can't hear you, the light's too blinding."
Phish cringed at how barbarically stupid that sounded to him and just groaned to himself. If they were not surrounded by a dozen Octarian troops, he would probably smack him on the head after that atrocious contradiction. Rinse on the other hand cracked a smirk. Even if it was a ridiculous thing to say, it made him relax somewhat.
What happened next was anything but relaxing or amusing. An irritated Octoling turned towards her colleagues, raising her hand into the night sky air, snapping her fingers once. Upon the sound of her fingers clicking out into the air, the lights shut off, one by one, with the last expressions on some of the Octotroopers that of fear. Blinded by the sudden shift in lighting, the Inklings glanced around, attempting to get a bearing for their surroundings. A bloodcurdling cry pierced the air, each one of the male Inklings turning in a circle to check on one another.
"Uh." They all muttered at once, seeing as none of them were currently on the verge of death.
However, there was definitely something awry. Without warning, another scream joined in, followed by another, and another, and another. The repetition of terrifying noises sounded off in a circle, echoing around them. With a final, very disturbing gurgling noise, the screams halted. The three pair of Inkling eyes present attempted to readjust to the darkness. Luckily for them, with another snap of the fingers, the light flooded back into their eyes, filling their vision.
It was also somewhat unlucky, or at least disturbing. As he blinked, Phish started to notice that the spots that Octotroopers were once sitting at were empty save for a few deactivated mobile platforms. Smoke rose from the shattered headlights. Standing in front of them, her back turned, an Octoling shivered and shook unstably next to a crowd of noticeably thinner and significantly more frightened Octotroopers, ink dripping down the two-legged Octoling's arms. All of a sudden, Portic's joke seemed a little less funny.
Turning around, the Octoling glared back at the three Inklings with her goggles now wrapped around her head, a psychotic grin on her face, crimson eyes eyeing them all hungrily, everyone but Rinse backing away in discomfort. "Ah, I'm so, so sorry! It appears that I set the lights too high…Can you hear me now?"
Portic raised a finger as if to say something, but was cut off immediately by Rinse's palm, who shut his mouth quite literally, the larger Inkling nodding quickly.
That seemed to pacify the murderous Octoling, who smiled back with a little less crazy. "Oh, thank you! My apologies for the delay, a few...Idiots must have mistakenly set the lights too high."
The lean blue Inkling rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, inhaling through his squid beak. "Yeah...Uh, minor inconveniences, right?"
Snickering as if she had just swatted some large flies, she nodded wholeheartedly. "I know! I've gotten my hands dirty what with every single time one of them fouled up!"
Sneaking glances towards the other octopuses present, it was clear from their mortified expressions that this was a recurring theme among her. Rinse glared back at the maniacal octopus with a half-lidded, suspicious expression. She did help thin down their numbers. It was bad enough they were leaking ink all over these plains, drenching the plants and environment. Phish gulped, reaching for the Octoshot by his side.
All of a sudden, her smile turned sour upon noticing Phish's weapon. "You…That's not yours. What are you doing with that Octoshot, silly?"
He froze in the middle of grabbing his weapon, or rather Mai's weapon, and narrowed his eyes. "I...um…" Running through his mental catalogue of explanations swiftly, he cleared his throat. "I stole it."
For a brief moment, the curled tentacles on the Octoling's head puffed up crimson. Portic and Rinse stared in awe, staring at the head as if it would explode as if it were a volcano. An Octotrooper behind her shook his tentacle like head and slowly shuffled away on his cylindrical hoverboard, leaving a fuschia trail of ink behind him, much to the sturdier Inkling's irritation.
Instead of an outburst, the Octoling just sighed once, rubbing her temples with both her gloved hands. "Oh my, M-41…You certainly have gotten sloppy since the start of this whole slaughter."
Flinching and stepping back, Phish grew extremely uneasy, his hand still reaching for the ink gun. It was not a war to her. It was a slaughter. Already Phish wanted to smack Portic a couple times and wished he was curled up next to Ophi by the fire.
She continued, her smile reemerging. "No matter. If you will, may I finally finish my introduction, please?"
Raising one of his fingers with intention to speak, Portic was cut off yet again, this time by Rinse standing directly in front of him, shoving him back somewhat. A muffled, "Hey!" rang out from behind him, but other than that, he nodded, gesturing for her to continue.
Politely curtsying among the other Octotroopers, the majority of the lights turned towards her. "Thank you so much. My field name is QU3." She spoke proudly, pronouncing each letter and number slowly, "Or, if you prefer, Query."
"...Wouldn't that translate to Que-" Portic began to point out.
Her tentacles heated up once more and the lights in her goggles flashed. "No, it WOULD NOT. Que is NOT a lady's name!"
"...Why is that a problem?" Rinse arched an eyebrow.
Her tentacles flopped back down onto her head. "It just is."
Phish sighed and shook his head. "Look, if you're not going to krill us or anything we'll just get going."
Stepping away, he almost forgot about the wall of Octotroopers up until the point where they crowded around where he attempted to escape, huddling together in a thick line. Frowning, he sidestepped, only for the other octopuses to converge around his escape route yet again.
"...That's a no, huh?" Phish muttered as he took a step back.
"Now, that wouldn't be very nice, would it?" Query spoke up, crossing her arms. "After all, I just found out that you may have stolen Octoling property. For that, I think a bit of a reward is in order."
"Reward?" Portic piped up almost eagerly.
"Oh, geez." Phish murmured cautiously.
Reaching one hand behind her back with a smile, she grabbed something from her belt. While Portic looked on curiously, the other two tensed up, reaching for the bamboo and metallic weapons. Rinse aimed with one eye shut and the other ready for shooting while Phish fumbled with the Octoshot somewhat, aiming it as well after a brief mishap, azure ink dripping from the nozzle. Whatever technology was in the weapon, it was helpful if not embarrassing, as unlike the Bamboozler weapons that Phish would have to refill manually, as he raised it in front of his face, he could already see the blue levels escalating.
In Query's left hand, a single, simple box-like device with a red button rested in her palm, the button glowing almost menacingly in the dark air of night. "Well, I hope you enjoy it, this is one of my favorites!"
A pervasive feeling of dread began to fill their chests. Without warning, both the Octoling and an Inkling triggered their respective weapons, Rinse firing towards the remote just as she pressed the button. As a splotch of blue ink smacked the controller out of her hand, the Octoling just smirked with her mouth wide open, revealing a row of jagged teeth, which were still polished to the point of where they could be mistaken as diamonds.
"Too late! Oh boy, this is going to be so exciting!" She squealed in delight. "This toy is one of my favorites! Inklings, say hello to your doom!"
Cackling with a crazed insanity, the trio of Inklings hesitated no longer, Phish, Portic and Rinse all aiming their weapons around them, fingers gripped on the triggers. Well, Portic still seemed as though he believed his gun was a baseball bat, but was still raring to go regardless. However, instead of moving forward like they expected their enemies to, it seemed as though the Octotroopers surrounded them were fleeing, as they turned and moved off into safe locations, creating a much wider perimeter as they went. Eventually, it seemed as though the Octotroopers had all flown the coop, until Phish caught a few glimpses of tentacles peeking over the green hills. Unlike the others, Query just paced around them with her sinister smirk, as if she were a predator ready to tear into the unfortunate prey now thoroughly caught.
At least, it seemed so, until the smirk on Query's face was replaced to an expression of bewilderment. Scowling, she glanced back at her little remote on the grass below.
"...Oops. Excuse me for a moment!" She said, with yet another deceiving grin as she took a seemingly innocent step backwards as beads of sweat dripped down her face.
Unlike before, Rinse was fully ready to shoot the crazed cephalopod down, aiming to shoot. Before he could click the trigger of the Bamboozler, a combat boot spun about, kicking his gun out of his hands. Scrambling back towards the remote after disarming one of the Inklings, Query grasped for the fallen controller, raising a fist.
Rinse cursed to himself, running after his sliding firearm. "Shoot her! She's up to something!"
"Shoot her?" Portic blinked, staring down at his Bamboozler, "Oh! Alright! I got it."
With a swing of his staff, Portic grunted as he flung the bamboo gun towards the swift Octoling, much to Phish's surprise. Across from them, a glimmer of sickening satisfaction flashed from within the Octoling's metallic mask, a violet light flashing in the night. The glow shut off as a clunk noise sounded off, the Bamboozler striking her in the back of the head, sending her sprawling towards the ground face first.
Flashing an accomplished grin, the lean Inkling stood with his helmet in his hand, pumping his fist up with his headgear in his grasp. "Alright!"
The Octoling dazedly dropped to the grass, her chin landing on the big red button, an alarm sound blaring from the remote. Despite her newfound head injury, she smiled dizzily, a few Octotroopers in the back laughing in triumph.
"...Oh." Portic muttered, placing his helmet back on his head in embarrassment. "...Can I get a redo?"
"...Shoot." Rinse grit his teeth.
Across the great expanse of plains, smoke began to rise. They could barely see it in the night, but the wisps that blocked out the stars seemed like a decent indication. It began steadily, until an overpowering pillar of black clouds erupted from the hills in the distance. Everyone stared in a mixture of awe and fear, the almost intoxicating aroma of the smog drifting over already.
Phish was not sure what he should do next. Without an inkling of an idea, he scrambled over towards the barely conscious Octoling, aiming the Octoshot towards her, glaring at the cowering octopuses among the hills as if to say, "Take one step and the lady gets it", despite his nervousness. Even if she murdered a few of their comrades, the other octopuses stared in worry. He smirked, reassured that he was doing something correctly.
"Rinse, what the shell is that?" Portic asked, unarmed and uncomfortable.
Rinse crouched and picked up his Bamboozler from the dirt, dusting it off. His eyes narrowed at the smoke suspiciously. Again, there was a brief pause before anything happened. Then, in a brilliant flash, a noise like thunder boomed across the land. An explosion sounded off, startling several of the cephalopods. As the three Inklings fell to the ground, the earth shaking, Phish glanced up into the air from the grass, eyes widening in surprise. Spiralling above the earth, a familiar round octopus death machine spun in the sky, long metal tentacles detaching in the sky, falling to the ground below with sizable thuds. Eventually, the main mass of the Great Octoweapon smashed into the earth. A handful of Octotroopers closest to the crash site were tossed up into the air, and screamed as they dropped back down to earth.
Throughout the spectacle, Phish realized that he took his eyes off of the hostage he had taken. Getting up to his feet, he glanced around him, eventually discovering Query standing above him, facing the machine. Sparks flew from the ruined eyes and oil spilled from the bottom, violet mixing with the black substance to create a strange dark fuchsia that spread among the ground. The tentacles twitched with a fervor, but soon fell still.
She turned around. Her Octoling Goggles were falling off of her face, dropping down to her neck once again. Phish stared at her, and she stared back. Her eyes were puffy and crimson. A few drips of violet dripped from her eyes.
"...You...the...my…" She stuttered, glaring at him with a sullen, almost soulless gaze, her eyebrows furrowing as if she was wondering how she should dissect him.
As pessimistic as he was about this whole war business, Phish did not feel like being dissected today. "Uh, guys?"
Before Phish could turn around, he was shot another glare. This time however, her smile returned. "...Did you do that? Did you destroy my machine?"
Portic popped up with his "melee" weapon in hand, brandishing it as menacingly as you could with a stick of bamboo. "Yeah, we did! And we're going to the same to you and your troops if you don't leave!"
Adjusting his tie on the ground, Phish muttered something about being vastly outnumbered with a sniper setting their sights on us right now, which just fell on deaf ears.
Query did not seem too fazed by the threat. "Oh, I was actually going to thank you. We did leave a malfunctioning prototype around somewhere, still plugged into the grid. I'm so glad you found it and gave it a final test run."
"Of course it was just a prototype." Phish thought to himself with a scowl, "And here I was hoping that all killer robots were fragile."
"That false arrogance isn't going to win the war, octopus." Rinse chimed in with his Bamboozler cocked.
She shot him another friendly smile as if she were just his neighbor. His very psychotic looking neighbor. "Maybe not, but the droves of completed machines will probably do finish the job. The Squidbeak Splatoon of yours is off flinging themselves at one as we speak."
Phish arched an eyebrow. "Squidbeak Splatoon?"
"Those other savages who intend on hindering our progress…why do you insist on dragging this war out, Inklings?" She asked as she walked, a violet laser sight towards them. "It's a shame...perhaps I should have brought a spare Octoweapon. Alas, the other one is still fending off those ridiculous pests...Inklings, they never know when they've gone too far."
As she spoke, the Octosniper in the background trained one eye on the group, ready to fire at will. Rinse took aim as well, shuffling closer, taking caution with each step.
Frowning irritably, Portic started swinging his Bamboozler like a flyswatter. "Well that's because YOU people keep trying to splat us! I'm not going to wait around for you to come to our city and gun us down!"
Query immediately shook her head as if she were a teacher scolding a student. "Oh, silly, naïve Inkling. If only you could realize that it was your kind's fault we're in this mess to begin with. We could have shared land. We could have had peace. But no, you just decided to WALTZ UP and take what was OURS."
"You know what you did wrong!" Rinse shouted suddenly, stepping forward again. "You're all murderers. If we weren't willing to share, it was for good reason."
The Octoling's eyes narrowed in irritation, contradicted with a simple smirk. "Ooh, interesting." Turning around, she stared at the Octosniper in the distance. "Cover us, we're leaving. You're very lucky Inklings. If we all had weapons, this conversation would have ended a long time ago. Mark my words, however. Your little, 'hero' shenanigans are pointless. Once I find you next time, I will make sure myself that you are all eliminated. I will make sure myself...it will be fun."
Portic scoffed, shooting her a grin. "Says the person who wanted to hide behind a machine."
Query just spun around and shot him a smile of her own. "Oh, my, I smell a challenge. Don't worry, I'll be sure end this whole silly charade myself, later. That is, if my little Octosniper buddy here does not end you first. Toodle-loo!"
With that said, she began to strut among the grass, walking around the destroyed Octoweapon that laid in shambles. As she walked, she playfully smacked the side of the machine with her boot. Another eruption ensued, the machine bursting into flames yet again as she jollily walked off, several Octotroopers following behind. Still perched on a knoll in the distance was the Octosniper, who smirked, already aiming the cannon towards the Inklings. Before it could fire, however, it caught a glimpse of something blue heading towards his its face. A yelp sounded out as one Octosniper fell to the grass besides its platform, attempting to clean its one exposed, now coated in blue eye out.
Pausing momentarily, Query glanced over at the fallen Octosniper, which rolled around, attempting, but failing at cleaning its eye, and just gave him a pout. "I'm sorry, but maybe next time you should have tried, I don't know, shooting."
She continued on her way, several intimidated Octotroopers shuffling after her as she ascended a hill as their sniper writhed about in fright. Without a word, Rinse began to walk towards it. Shooting a glance at each other, Phish and Portic just followed him from behind slowly, readying their weapons. As they approached the octopus, they could not help but feel somewhat uncomfortable. Standing over the octopus, they stared down at it, the Octosniper having finished its roll.
For a moment, it glanced up at Rinse through a shade of blue. Rinse appeared to give it a look of sympathy, and for a moment, it felt somewhat peaceful. The grass was comforting, and the octopus was no longer spazzing out. Closing its one, organic eye, it rested back on the grass, the less stocky Inklings staring at Rinse in awe. Then it happened. Without warning, Rinse took his Bamboozler and began firing. Ink blast after ink blast sounded out, until the spot where the octopus once laid was nothing but a puddle of blue. The other two Inklings' mouths gaped open as they stared at where the Octosniper once sat.
Lowering his weapon, Rinse muttered, "Rest in peace." Though, considering the low voice and the rapid discharge of ink shots, it may have occurred to Phish that he may not have been too depressed to see the unknown octopus pass on. Portic looked somewhat dumbfounded, he glanced at the heftier looking Inkling in shock.
"...We should get some rest." He muttered, slinging his Bamboozler over his shoulder, and began to walk off.
Still sitting over by the Octosniper's platform, Portic had his Bamboozler on his lap, staring at Phish incredulously. "...He just splatted that guy."
Glancing back in the general direction of camp, Phish sighed, getting up to his feet, an uneasy feeling churning in his stomach. "...Great, something we can sleep on. We'll talk about that in the morning…"
As he said that, he could not help but feel extremely uneasy. He most certainly did not want to talk about the fact that Portic's friend completely annihilated that octopus. Slowly, with a reluctant Portic following shortly behind, the two other Inklings kept a steady grip on their helmets as they left the battlefield, several marks of ink and abandoned Octarian equipment marking the scuffle they had left behind.
By the dying embers of the once roaring campfire, Ophi stirred, eyes opening slowly. She yawned, getting up to her feet just as sluggishly. Humming somewhat, grasping at her neck, she caressed her wooden necklace, the brown, polished surface glowing somewhat in the glow of the remaining flames. All of a sudden, she heard a brushing noise from behind her. Spinning around, she noticed a few clumps of grass that looked disheveled and trampled. By the side of the weapons tent, there was a sleeping bag, Phish's to be precise with his name embroidered on the top, curled and twisted in an almost disturbing way. It looked like a crow's nest, though it was sturdy and erect as if someone was inside with a few weapons poking out of the top as if they would ward off any competitors. Before she could ask Phish what he was doing in there, Phish came along.
"Hey Ophi, how are you doing?" He asked, startling her.
Turning back around, she noticed three very weary looking Inklings toting their weapons with an exhausted demeanor. She could make out a few ink stains on their clothing. Before she could ask where they had gone off to, both Portic and Rinse immediately dived into their respective sleeping bags, curled up in the warmth, and began to doze off.
Phish yawned, bags already growing heavy around his eyes. "Long story...we'll talk about it in the morning. Where's my-"
He froze, glaring at where his sleeping bag laid. A second passed, and Ophi swore that Phish may have saw something. Tracking his gaze, she tilted her head. A crashing noise sounded off, and when she snapped her head back to Phish's knapsack, it was turned over on its side, and a few of the weapons sticking out were scattered among the ground.
"...Probably like a bird or something." He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.
While it did look like a nest previously, Ophi was pretty sure seagulls do not steal Inkling beds. But regardless of what did the damage, Phish seemed much more content with the ground. A thump sounded off to her side. When Ophi glanced towards the other Inkling, he was already falling off to sleep on the ground, his snores sounding like the distressed sighs he already uttered in the day. As he snored, the last embers of the fire began to blow out with the wind, the temperature beginning to drop in degrees by the second. Frowning, Ophi looked around one last time, then, after surveying the area, crawled over to where her comrade slept, the male Inkling shivering somewhat.
She sighed and shook her head. "Stubborn Phish."
Climbing out of her sleeping bag, she stretched her arms, took hold of the knapsack, and dragged it over Phish, encompassing him in warmth. Switching into a blue squid, she slid up over him and into the entrance of her sleeping bag, resting in the entrance in her smaller squid form, drifting off to sleep with the knowledge that she was sleeping nearly on top of her friend. She then shivered in embarrassment at how inappropriate that sounded. Pushing the sleeping bag a little further off of him, she slept on the ground with the rest of the comfortable cloth resting on top of him, drifting off to sleep. For a brief moment, she could have sworn she had seen two violet orbs peer at her curiously from the dark, but, brushing them off, assuming they were just stars of some kind, she began to snooze, eyes shutting almost instantaneously.
Mai blinked back, taking the Octoling Goggles off of her face with a sigh, leaning on the side of the weapons tent, staring at the amusing situation that had unfolded in front of her, a pair of Inklings snoozing together. She just shrugged, turning back towards the new fort she had made out of her Inkling acquaintance's knapsack. "You owe me, Phish."
AN: Now, if any readers of my previous Splatoon stories are confused to how exactly the time setting of this story will work out considering Phish, don't fret, I have something planned.
Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, see you.