Randolph and Bubba soon arrived in Missis Sippi, home of Doggone Door. It had been ruled by the Stewarts for as long as anyone could remember.
"Remember, Bubba, whatever happens, keep your damn yap shut. I'll do all the talkin'," said Randolph.
Denny T. Stewart of Doggone Door was seated at his throne, with a novelty horn in his hands.
"The horn of Beauregard!" exclaimed Bubba.
"My only son is dead!" said Denny. "Well, I guess there's Feauregard, but he don't count!"
"I'm so sorry, Mr. Stewart. I didn't do it. Honest! I'm innocent! I'll serve you in any way I can, even if it means givin' up my life for Doggone Door!" said Bubba.
"Shut the hell up! You've gone and signed yourself up for a suicide mission," said Randolph.
Just then, Feauregard walked in.
"I'm back, Daddy!" said Feauregard. "I found the Rig-driver on the outskirts of Moore Door."
"Incredible! And then you took their rig from 'em, right? Right?" inquired Denny.
"No, Daddy, I sent them on their way to Moore Door," replied Feauregard.
Hearing of his son's disloyalty, Denny became furious. "There is no way – no way that you came from my loins," said Denny. "Go back and find them, and this time bring the Rig back to me!"
"But there's a million bears between here and Moore Door! They'll kill me!" said Feauregard.
"Do what I tell you, you pile of monkey nuts," said Denny.
Feauregard turned and walked away, weeping at the thought of his certain death.
Turning to Bubba, Denny said, "Don't worry about him, he'll be back. Anyways, you're hired,"
"But..but…" stammered Bubba.
"It's too late, now," said Randolph. "In Doggone Door, you're hired for life - which ain't gonna be much longer now!"
And Feauregard did return to Doggone Door, pumped full of lead by the Smokeys. He was barely alive, and had a high fever. Outside the gates, there were Smokeys thick as far as the eye could see, and the nine Black Ryders had arrived too! Denny began to sink into the depths of despair, and began to make a barbecue for himself and his son Feauregard.
"Aw, we're done for," said Denny sadly, as he stood on a pile of charcoal. "We're surrounded by bears!"
"It's not all hopeless," said Randolph, pointing to an orange Dodge Charger with a not-at-all controversial flag emblazoned on the roof. "Two noblemen from the land of Hâzârd have kindly offered their assistance,"
"The Dukes of Hâzârd? They're just a buncha no-good slackoffs," said Denny dismissively.
"Just some good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm," said Randolph.
"But they've been in trouble with the law since the day they was born," said Denny.
The Dukes of Hâzârd took a running start, and flew over the wall of Moore Door in their Charger.
"We know you have the Rig, give it up!" said the sheriff outside, on his megaphone.
"They's comin' for us, I know it," said Denny Stewart as he poured lighter fluid on himself. "We're all gonna die!"
"Pitiful. Just pitiful," said Randolph, shaking his head. "Get a hold of yourself!"
Denny then lit a match, and quickly went up in flames. Randolph decided it was time to take charge of the situation, and saved Feauregard from being barbecued.
Just in the nick of time, King Ted and the Ryders of Rodeo arrived in Missis Sippi at high noon. King Ted jumped out of his rig, armed with his pistols and his signature cowboy hat, and confronted the Black Ryders in the old cowboy way.
"Ain't enough room in this town for the two of us," said King Ted, with his hand on his holster. "For Rodeo! Yeehaw!"
But before King Ted could draw his weapon, the leader of the Black Ryders drove right over him. Fatally wounded, King Ted beckoned to Elmer.
"Elmer, I'm leavin' the company to you. Don't give a penny to your sister. I go to my father's, in whose mighty company, I shall not now feel ashamed," whispered King Ted.
"Don't die on me!" said Elmer.
"Who said I was dyin'? I'm just gonna start working for your grandpappy," said King Ted.
Then he died.
Just then, a mysterious truck appeared in the distance.
"Breaker, breaker!" said a husky voice.
"What's your handle, over?" said Randolph, on his CB.
"Secret Beaver", the voice said.
"Well, Secret Beaver, we got a bunch of Ryder trucks painted all black blockin' the way. You think you can handle 'em?" said Randolph.
"Affirmative!" replied Secret Beaver.
The mysterious rig up to confront the Black Ryders.
"Haha! Ain't no man that can kill me!" said their leader, on his CB.
"I ain't no man!" said Secret Beaver, revealing his true identity as none other than Éolynn!
"Prove it!" the Black Ryder scoffed on his CB.
Éolynn then lifted up her shirt, distracting the Black Ryder.
Momentarily roused from his feverish daze, Feauregard exclaimed, "Daddy! The top came off!"
"Wow! That's a nice pair of ti–," remarked the Black Ryder, conveniently cut off mid-sentence. For at that very moment, the two rigs collided violently, sending the Black Ryder's driver flying out the windshield headfirst onto the concrete. Seeing this, the Smokeys and the other Black Ryders quickly turned around and headed straight to Moore Door.
"Huh, I never woulda guessed that Secret Beaver was a chick," said Randolph incredulously.
Murray stumbled out of Éolynn's ruined rig.
"You alright, Murray?" asked Bubba.
"I can't feel my arm. Where's Éolynn?" said Murray.
"They took her to the hospital on the meat wagon. Sideburns is there helpin' out," replied Bubba.
At the hospital, the convoy gathered around Éolynn's hospital bed.
"How do we know that Sideburns really is the King anyway?" Bubba said.
"Legend has it that the real King has healin' powers," said Legless.
"Wunfórthemuní túfórtheshó thrítúgetredí naugó-catgó!" Sideburns chanted, as he laid his hands upon Éolynn. Suddenly, she woke up.
"She is healed! The King of Rakinról has returned!" exclaimed Legless. "Now can ya do somethin' about my legs?"
Éolynn and Feauregard were placed side-by-side, recuperating from their injuries.
"Hey, babe, you're hot! Wanna get hitched?" asked Feauregard.
"No way, you chauvinist pig! I'm an independent woman!" retorted Éolynn.
"Would it change your mind if I told you that I'm gonna inherit a multi-million dollar trucking company?" said Feauregard.
And so, Éolynn and Feauregard were married, officiated by The King himself.
Meanwhile, Freddie Joe and Sam put the pedal to the metal and drove as fast as they could across the parking lots of Moore Door. Even though Mountain Dewm was just minutes away, it still seemed too far away. The remaining eight Black Ryders were hot on the trail of Freddie Joe and Sam, who were still dressed in their fish costumes.
"We're runnin' on fumes now, Freddie Joe," said Sam. "What are we gonna do now?"
"You're finished! You're finished! You're finished!" said the Black Ryders.
"Goddamn it, we gave it our best shot. I don't like it any more than you do, but we ain't gonna make it, Sam. We're gonna hang it up!" said Freddie Joe.
"Whoa, negatory, negatory!" said Sam. "What are you, crazy or somethin'? We come this far, ain't we? When we say we gonna do a job, we do a job!"
"You're right, Sam," said Freddie Joe.
The hillfolks soon arrived at Mountain Dewm. Freddie Joe and Sam wearily rode on, fighting off their fatigue. Driving the Rig up to the edge, Freddie Joe turned it off and stepped out the door.
"Well, what are you waitin' fer? Drive it in! Destroy it!" said Sam.
"I can't destroy it. The rig is mine! IT'S MINE!" screamed Freddie Joe, holding the key-ring in his upright middle finger.
Just then, Daggum hopped out of the back of the trailer and starting fighting with Freddie Joe! After some tusslin', he grabbed the keys from Freddie Joe, and jumped in the driver's seat of the rig. Excited by his victory, Daggum put the hammer down and drove the rig straight into the pit of Mountain Dewm.
"My precious!" he yelled as he drove full-bore into the pool of caustic yellow liquid. The Rig quickly dissolved right before Freddie Joe and Sam's eyes.
"Well, I'll be damned, that stuff's right nasty," said Sam. "Now how are we gonna get outta here?"
Moore Door quickly collapsed around them. The smokestacks and towers and walls instantly turned to dust.
Exhausted by his long journey, Freddie Joe's head grew heavy and his sight grew dim. Up ahead in the distance, he saw a shimmering light.
"Look, it's the Eagles!" Sam exclaimed.
"Take it eeeeeeasy, take it eeeeeeasy!" said the Eagles. "Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy!" The Eagles took them back to Doggone Door on their private jet and dropped them off at the Hotel California in Missis Sippi, before resuming their tour.