Gideon had talked to Ana twice over the phone since he had found the tape and he didn't like the detached tone of her voice at all, so he once again had found himself on a flight to Seattle, this time to find out how Ana was really doing.

He considered her family and he couldn't stand the thought that by finding the tape he didn't finally gave her the freedom to be happy but instead had pushed her into another depression. Because he knew Ana would put up a show, his first way after he landed in Seattle didn't bring him to Ana but the headquarters of GEH instead where he requested to speak to Christian Grey.

After five minutes he was asked to go right through and he walked into Grey's office.

„Mr. Cross, I had no idea you would be coming to Seattle." Christian said trying for polite even though he wanted to punch the guy for wanting into his sister's panties.

„How is Ana doing, I talked to her on the phone and she sounded off." Gideon replied.

„Why didn't you convince her to see someone to talk about what that son of a bitch did to her?" Christian asked instead.

„I was trying to, she denied, she saw someone for her troubles with eating but she refused to talk about what has happened to her. You can't force someone to do the right thing and she was already in such a fragile state that pushing her in any kind of way wasn't an option." Gideon replied and sat down facing Christian.

„She blames herself, thinks she has to make it up to me... I don't know what to do about it. Yes, I'm pissed that she didn't come to me for help... but at the same time I can't even imagine what she must have felt and still feels... fuck, I don't know how to help her with this and she is obsessed with the thought that she has to grovel." Christian confessed frustrated. All Flynn had to offer was to convince her that even though she made the decision to go to New York nothing that had happened because of it was her fault. He already had known that but Ana had four years and a very traumatizing experience to convince herself otherwise.

„Fuck, I had hoped she had finally let go of that guilt when she was able to come home. Where is she now?"

„At work, she refuses to take time off. She has invited me over for dinner tonight, I'm not sure what to do, part of me wants to just move her in with me and take over but at the same time I do believe she has to heal in her own time and I can't force it on her."

„I guess... shit... Grey, I need your help, along with the tape of Ana my men recovered files of at least thirty women. I would just hand them over to the cops but then I would have to explain how I came into the possession of those tapes and I can't do that to Ana. I know you have a team of security experts at your disposal, I do believe if they work with my team we can track those women down and give them some peace by handing the tapes over. Just Ana can't know about this, she will only blame herself more when she finds out just how many women that sick bastard raped after he raped her."

„You are right, she can't know that, not now anyway. If you give me the contact of your security team I will have my team get in touch with yours. Together they should be able to figure this out. Christ, I want to find a way to bring that bastard back to life just to fucking kill him again."

„Get in line... after seeing some of those tapes..."

„You saw what that bastard did to Ana?!" Christian snapped while pushing to his feet enraged that her friend would even look at that fucking tape.

„No, fuck no I didn't. The only person who saw about thirty seconds of it to make sure we have the tape is the head of my security and even he couldn't bear to watch anymore. I only saw some of the other tapes because my men couldn't stomach to look at them any longer without getting physically sick."

„What happened to the tape with Ana."

„She asked me to give it to her, so she can destroy it herself, that is part of why I came to Seattle."

„And I assume the other reason why you came to Seattle is my sister?" Christian asked sharply.

„No, the other reason was to talk to you. I won't lie and tell you that I don't want to see your sister, but it is best for her if we don't so I'm going to do my best to stay away from her."

„Why?" Christian asked suddenly intrigued.

„I'm not relationship material which is what Mia is looking for. Unfortunately for her, she seems to fall for men like me who don't mix sex and emotions. In addition to that Mia is not good at hiding her attraction to me, so it is best for me to stay the hell away from her before I give in. I was trying to do the right thing, but to be blunt at this point I'm ready to fuck her against the next flat surface I can find and I don't give a fuck who is watching." Gideon said and Christian had to count to ten so he wouldn't knock Cross to his ass.

„I guess it is better for you to leave now because Mia will be here any minute to have lunch with me." He said and as if on cue Mia Grey walked into her brother's office.

She looked around saw Gideon and Christian felt the urge shake his sister when he saw her eye fucking him without any shame.

„See what I'm dealing with, Grey... and the worst part is, she doesn't even realize what she is doing." Gideon groaned.

„Gideon, why didn't you tell me that you are in town?" Mia asked with a pout. She had never met a man who was such an enigma, he was fun, charming and amazing one second only to become reclusive and closed off the next.

„It was just a quick visit, I have to go back tonight."

„Perfect, I've just decided to go to New York for a few days, I'm staying at my brother's apartment, I assume you are here with your private jet, so just text me when I have to be ready and you can take me to New York with you." She said with a big smile and then announced that she had to go pack leaving both men open-mouthed.

„Let me guess, you had no idea she would go to New York or stay at your apartment?" Gideon asked and Christian smirked.

„No, and right now I'm not sure if I should be pissed that you want to fuck my sister or feel sorry for you because she is not going to leave you alone anytime soon."

Ana was frozen in front of her laptop. Ever since Gideon had stopped by this afternoon to give her the tiny SD card that held the tape that Jack took that awful night she had tried to tell herself to simply burn it, break it or even flush it down the toilet. But she couldn't, she didn't even know why but she had to see with her own eyes that this was really it. So, she had put the SD card into her laptop and saw that it held only one file. She had needed two shots of Fireball and another thirty minutes before she had been able to open the file and there it was a nearly ninety minutes long video. She had never known for just how long Jack had been in that hotel room with her... to her, it had felt like an eternity, but now she knew and it didn't make things easier.

And then she had pressed play, saw Jack how he adjusted the camera and undressed while she was on the bed not moving at all, but she knew just how terrified she had been. Everything inside of her screamed to stop the video and not just burn the SD card but also her laptop that now had been tainted by it. But she didn't, she was frozen in horror as she saw everything that was still haunting her in her dreams come to life in the video.

Mercifully, after twenty minutes of her watching in horror what was done to her there was a knock at the door. She closed her laptop got up and gasped when she saw Christian.

„Oh my God... I forgot... I'm sorry..."

„Ana, calm down. Come let's get inside and you tell me what happened." He said and gently led her back to the couch.

„So, what did you forget?"

„Dinner." She said and burst into tears. She felt so stupid and incapable, here she was trying to get a second chance with the man she loved and she couldn't even remember that she had invited him for dinner.

„Hey, stop with the crying, let's just order something or we can go out, whatever you want. There really is no need to cry." He said trying to reassure her.

„I'm sorry, I'm just such a mess lately, I haven't acted like this in almost three years."

„Well, you moved back to Seattle, took on a new job... you just had a lot of stress lately, it's ok to feel whatever it is you are feeling right now."

„But I hate it, I thought... nevermind."

„Talk to me, Ana. What did you think?"

„That once I had the tape everything would just magically get better... that I wouldn't feel this way anymore... like any second everything will come crashing down and I don't want to feel like this anymore... I don't want to put on a show... I just want to be myself again and I don't even know who I am anymore... When Gideon gave me the SD card I just wanted to burn it, but instead I found myself watching it... I mean who does that... what is wrong with me?" She sobbed and he pulled her into his arms and cradled her in his lap.

„Nothing is wrong with you, Ana. You just have been hiding for so long and not just from me and your friends, but also from yourself... I know that sometimes it seems so easy to just play the part, take on a role so you don't have to deal with how you truly feel but that way you will never heal. I know you don't want to see someone to help you with this but I know from experience that after taking the first step which is talking about everything there still is a long road ahead and there is no shame in asking for help, Ana."

„But what if I do go to see a therapist and he will tell me that it is my fault."

„If any therapist would tell you that then that person has no idea what he is doing. Trust me, a good therapist will never judge you but instead give you the tools to deal with everything that has happened to you."

„Did Flynn help you?"

„He did, I have seen him for almost ten years... ten years of me denying what he already knew since the first time we talked and when I finally was ready to admit that Elena didn't help me but abused me and that I love my birth mother even though she didn't help me he finally was able to help me understand that my past and what was done to me is not what defines me but everything I have done and achieved in my life is... and you know what the biggest achievement of my life is?"

„GEH?" Ana asked quietly.

„No, not GEH, my biggest achievement is that I'm finally able to understand that I'm capable of loving the people closest to me and that I can now see that I'm worthy of love. But above all of that my biggest achievement in life is that even while I was trapped in darkness I could make you love me and I hope that one day soon when we are both ready we can start over because you are still the same girl I fell in love with even if you can't see it right now but I can still see her every time I look at you." He said and softly kissed the top of her head.

„I want us to start over too... it's all I've wanted for the last four years... but I'm so scared that I will ruin us again." She confessed.

„I won't let you, baby... I promise you don't ever have to worry about that, but I need you to get the help you need. I want to be all you need, Ana, but in this moment I'm not. I can't even begin to understand what you are going through and have been going through ever since Hyde did that to you. I will be there for you every single step of the way, just think about it. You don't have to see John, we can find you someone else if that's what you want."

Ana looked at him for the longest time. Yes, she wanted to get better, not just for Christian, but also for herself so she could be everything he needed too and not feel like this anymore.

„Ok, I can try." She finally said and rested her face against his chest.

„See that is a good start, now, how about we go upstairs and I asked Gail to make dinner for us. I would offer to cook myself, but I guess you are not in the mood for food poisoning today." He joked to lighten the mood and a small smile played around her lips.

„No, not really... and since I couldn't face food all day it would be a bad idea." She said and he stopped himself from scolding her. This was her way of coping when she was upset and even though he hated it, in this moment he couldn't blame her. So, instead, he took her to his place and was relieved when a little later she managed to eat two helpings of Gail's pasta bolognese and some ice cream for dessert.

He knew they had a long road ahead of them but he would be there for her every single step of the way until one day he would have the girl back that he still loved more than anything else in this world...