The gift exchange was full of laughter, teasing, and stories. It was briefly followed by a wrapping paper war between Antonia and JV, which was joined by the twins being used as human shields and ending in a pile of laughing, happy family members as Booth excused himself with an eyeroll to the kitchen to finish dinner preparation. He glanced into the living room to Antonia to help set the table, who tickled Luke one more time before heading toward the dining room.
She stepped to the cupboard and pulled down the plates, humming a Christmas carol as she gathered the silverware and napkins. "You seem to be in a very good mood." Booth said, glancing to his daughter, as she looked to him with a smile.
"Is that so rare?" she asked, watching as he shrugged, and smiled. "I'm feeling a lot better about things." She said, gathering the items and stepping into the formal dining room. Booth followed behind her to help, taking the silverware and napkins as she put the plates around the table.
"You two were upstairs for a long time." He pointed out, his daughter's eyes snapping up to his, she narrowed them slightly.
"Mom sent him up, so I know that the intention was to have a conversation. If you sent him up, I'm sure the directive would have been to simply get me to come downstairs. We talked, and we've decided that we'd like to see one another." She replied.
"I was just saying." He shrugged.
"First of all, I am an adult. Secondly, Grace literally lives at the Hodgins estate now. I don't see you giving her the third degree about the amount of time she spends with Jack." Antonia whispered with a bit of a defensive edge.
"She's only there because the pool house is accessible, and Angela and Hodgins were nice enough to set up in-home care for her." He said, watching as she shook her head.
"You keep telling yourself that, Dad." She said with a bitter laugh. "You know that as soon as she's feeling better, that Grace and Jack will be…"
"Stop, stop, stop…" Booth said, putting the napkins and silverware down in a pile on the table. Antonia just stared at him. "I'd like to believe that you two are sweet, innocent girls who would never compromise your futures by…"
"Following in your example?" She asked, laughing, trying to lighten the conversation that had seemed to become a bit heated. He shook his head. "Dad. Shane and Grace were practically living together. Grace has had several serious relationships. I don't understand why you're so concerned about me."
"Because this isn't about Grace. This is about you. Stop comparing yourself to your sister, okay? You are not Grace." He said, his voice stern. He looked up to see that people were starting to wander into the kitchen, he knew the next step would be the dining room. "I don't worry about her like I worry about you. You have a competitive edge, you take on everything as if it's something you need to conquer."
"Are you afraid that I'm going to break your new toy?"
"Toni." His voice was low with warning.
"I don't understand. You told me that I should do this. You told me that I should try, and now you're worried that I'm moving too quickly? Did someone change your mind?"
"We shouldn't be having this conversation now."
"I don't think we need to be having this conversation at all, Dad." She replied, the tone of voice showing a tinge of hurt. "Consider it dropped."
Aiden stepped into the room, unaware of the conversation that was happening, and could immediately feel the tension. He stood on the balls of his feet, and was about to turn when Antonia looked to him. "Aiden, could you please help me with the table. Dad was just going to go check on dinner." She said, her tone low and serious, she silently battled with her father for several seconds as he shook his head slightly.
"I'm going to go check on dinner." He muttered as he turned and walked from the room.
Aiden watched him go, and stepped over to the napkins and silverware, and quietly began putting them around the table in the proper place. He watched Antonia walk around with him, repositioning them to be just right, stepping up behind him with the last fork and spoon, she watched him for a moment. He turned around to see her standing there, staring at the silverware. "I still like you." He smiled, watching her eyes lift to his, her head tilted slightly.
"I still like you." She said very softly, feeling a bit of sadness in her chest that was unexplained.
"I like you even more than earlier." He said, watching her eyes as they lightened a bit more, the happy smile that he had seen on her face earlier made a reappearance.
"You're going to have to explain to me what the rate of return is here." She teased, grasping his hand tightly.
"I'll tell you anything you want, as long as you smile at me like that." He said, nodding toward the kitchen. "Let's get some glasses, finish setting the table."
She nodded her head, and walked from the room with him, in search of glasses.
Once the table was set and everyone piled into the dining room, there was a moment of chaos as everyone looked around, trying to find their place. JV helped Grace to the table, sitting to her left, as Antonia directed Aiden to sit between she and Grace, and Antonia sat close to the end of the table, beside her mother. Booth sat at the other end, keeping his eyes on everyone as they settled in. Parker beside Booth with Rebecca and Ace, Hodgins and Angela on Temperance's other side, and the twins had their seats between JV and Jared, on Booth's other side. The table was covered with food. Lasagna and pasta with sauce, as well as a mix of vegetables and rolls and other tasty treats. The bottle of wine made its way around the table, as Antonia reached forward and carefully lit the candles in the centerpiece. Everyone settled in and hushed as Booth stood to make his toast.
A couple of the guests who knew the possibility of a longwinded speech groaned playfully as Booth shot a playful glare around the table. "Okay, okay. I'll try to make this short and sweet. We all remember how cold the turkey got on Thanksgiving." He laughed with everyone. "First I'd like to thank you all for coming to our home to share with us this meal. It may not be Christmas morning today, but we thought that New Year's Eve might just give us enough of that Christmas magic so that we can pretend. Second, I wanted to just say that Bones and I love each and every one of you, and we wish you love, luck, and hope in the New Year to come. In the past few years, we've had our family grow, and unfortunately, we've lost some people at our table. I hope our future is bright, and that next year we will all be here in one piece to continue our forward momentum. I love you."
"To love, family, and the future." Temperance said, holding her glass up, as everyone toasted happily, and began the family feast.
After a few minutes, Antonia glanced to Aiden as he cut his lasagna with his fork awkwardly, her eyes moving past him to her sister. He glanced to Grace, and back to Antonia. "What's up, Tex?"
"Just checking to see if either of you one-armed bandits needed help with anything." She said, watching as Grace glanced to her and smiled.
"Tex?" Grace asked curiously.
Aiden laughed. "Yeah, she's got the fastest gun in the west." He said, spinning his fork with his hand, he pointed it at Grace, who let out a joyful laugh much to Antonia's chagrin.
"He's showing off." Antonia said, nudging Aiden playfully. "Just eat, or the boys are going to start trying to do that."
"Look at her being all modest." Aiden teased, receiving another nudge, and a tap to his plate to keep eating. Instead, he smiled at Grace. "I'm not very good at following directions." He whispered, listening to Grace giggle.
"Toni, how's the head?" Ace asked from across the table, her eyes reaching his as he smiled happily.
"I can only recite the alphabet to the letter R, and my left leg drags a little, but overall I think it's an improvement." Antonia teased.
"And apparently my chocolate ice cream is a cure all?" Temperance teased.
"I'm healing." Antonia joked. "Chocolate ice cream heals all wounds."
"I'm going to agree on that one." Angela called from her end of the table. "Head cracks, heart aches… chocolate ice cream is the answer."
"I don't believe there is a scientific basis for that fact, Angela." Temperance responded with a concerned look, smiling slightly as she finished. "But I'm willing to continue experimenting on it until we come to a conclusion." She laughed. "As soon as Antonia replaces what she ate." She winked at her daughter as she watched her smile at her.
The playful banter continued through dinner as everyone traded stories and snarky comments, and Temperance watched Booth across the table as he participated halfheartedly, his eyes not shining as they typically do during these family events. She caught his eye across the table, and she could see that something was weighing on his mind, though he smiled across to her happily, his eyes kept shifting to his daughter. She stood up to clear her plate, and tapped Antonia's hand, catching her attention. Everyone else continued their conversation as Temperance left the room quietly.
After a moment, she was joined by Antonia, who stepped up alongside her mother and placed her plate in the sink. "What's wrong, Mom?" Antonia asked, watching Temperance's eyes meet hers.
"Your father has that look on his face." She said, lifting an eyebrow at her daughter who rolled her eyes and leaned back against the counter. "Did you two have an argument?"
"It was a discussion, and it's over now." She said.
"Was it about Agent Fitzgerald?" Temperance asked, glancing to the dining room.
"Yes."
"Well, he wasn't pleased with me when I sent Aiden upstairs to get you, so don't feel bad about your conversation with him. He's just being your father. He wants to protect you, and he knows it's out of his hands, and doesn't particularly like that. You handle your life how you see fit. I trust that you will make good choices and decisions, and while your dad also believes that, he also knows that love comes at a price." She whispered.
"Woah… wait." Antonia shook her head. "I'm just dating the guy, Mom. I am not in love with him."
"Mmhm." Temperance said playfully as she reached up into the cupboard for dessert plates.
"No, no… no 'mmhm'" she shook her head, starting up a pot of coffee as her mother gathered the forks and napkins for dessert. "Dating, just dating… trying it out. He's going to find out how absolutely messed up I am, and he's going to turn and run away faster than the speed of light in the opposite direction. I give it a week." She said with a shrug, listening to her mother's melodic laugh. "Mom, I'm serious."
Temperance turned and leaned against the counter, watching as Antonia shook her hands in front of her, her eyes wide and defensive. "See, when you're sure of something, you get defensive… you get snippy and sarcastic." Temperance, watched as her daughter put her hands down, swallowing hard. "What you're doing right now is a fear response. Give it time, like all of your other fears, and you're going to see that they are unfounded and rooted in loose ground. Fight or flight, Antonia."
"He knows nothing about me." Antonia said softly.
"And your father knew nothing about me, but he kept me around." Temperance shrugged. "That's how you build trust, baby. You share things."
"Dad said that I am trying to conquer this, like everything else I do. I don't know what that means." She whispered, stepping closer to her mother, her eyes glancing to the empty doorway that led to the dining room.
"I don't think he expressed himself properly." She whispered. "He just means that you tend to put your entire heart on the line when you want something. You learn and grow and focus on things so diligently, and so completely, that sometimes you block out everything around you and you act before you have thought it through. Like when you ran after that suspect at the crime scene, right? I bet you didn't think about whether he had a weapon in his hands until you were literally feet from Seeley. You were out there, doing a job that I usually do, and you were trying to put your entire self into it, and why?"
"To be more like you." She shrugged. "You would have gone after the suspect, wouldn't you?"
"Don't tell your father or Christopher, but yes. Probably." She winked. "But you know you're not me." She said, watching Antonia nod.
"Ace has made that abundantly clear to me." Antonia responded.
"But it's not because you are weaker than me, or less intelligent, or more brazen or thick headed. It's because you are who you want to be."
"I don't want to be you, Mom. I don't want to be Grace. I just want to be the best part of everyone, because there are times when I feel like I am part of nobody and nothing. Dad thinks that I want to conquer this fear I have of sharing myself. He thinks that once I figure it out, that I'll abandon it like I did with violin lessons, or fencing, or any of those other things that I tried, completed and moved on from. He's wrong. This isn't about conquering, it's about enduring. It's about pushing forward and sharing something of myself that I have never shared with anyone, ever." Antonia said, tears springing to her eyes.
"Mom, there is a part of me that never left that room in that warehouse. There's a part of me that is still sitting in that corner of that room, my eyes closed so tightly, whispering again and again for someone to come save me. It's there, and it has never, ever seen the light of day, and I am so eager to let it out. I'm so scared, and so tired of pushing it away." Antonia watched her mother's eyes fill with tears, a response to her daughter's pain. Antonia moved closer to her mother, lowering her voice to a barely audible whisper. "I just feel like it's time. I feel that for all of these years that I've been waiting to open my eyes and see Deuce standing there to save me, that it's supposed to be someone else entirely standing there."
"You feel safe?" Temperance whispered, swallowing her pain.
"I do." She nodded, swiping at the tear on her cheek, she sniffled.
"That's all I ever want for you, sweetheart." Temperance said, resting her forehead on Antonia's for a moment, they shared a silent conversation that they had been avoiding for a long time. She then wrapped her arms tightly around Antonia and held her for a moment, her eyes flicking over her shoulder to the man who stood in the doorway. The concern in his eyes was deep and loving for his wife and daughter, and Temperance closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, opening to see him smiling back at her, a tear rolling down his cheek. She pulled slowly from the hug, and watched Booth turn and walk back into the dining room. "Okay." She said softly, wiping the tear from her cheek, she carefully wiped the tears from her daughter's cheeks as well, watching her for a moment, she leaned forward and kissed her nose. "No more crying." She whispered, taking a deep breath. "Okay, let's get this pie and these cookies out there." She whispered, swallowing hard, she took her daughter's hand and grabbed the plates with her other hand.
"Pie?" Antonia asked, glancing to the counter as her mother tugged at her arm. "Who brought pie?"
I've allowed the light into my heart, the hope into my soul, and the fears to finally leave my mind. I've taken the leap, reached up and grabbed for the stars that I always thought were looking down on me, but in reality, were surrounding me with their light.
My father never used the word 'love' in his advice to me, which at the time seemed odd. He's always the first to label it when he sees it, he has always been the one to love freely, and express it openly. It was my mother that first used the word 'love'. My mother. The logical, intelligent, analytical scientist looked me directly in my eyes and used that word without pause, without fear of a misunderstanding. She has always been my first source of trust, my safe place, my shelter from the storm. Her strength and pure heart are what I carry with me, and what I trust above all else. When she says the word 'love', she means it.
So I move forward in my life, in my work, and in my relationships knowing that everything happens eventually, and if Aiden is that piece of my soul that I have been looking for. If he is my 'eventually', then I think I'm prepared to move forward with that, I'm prepared to give this my all.
The End...
1. Please comment... because... #2
2. If you want another story, I'm willing... but you should probably listen to #1 first... ;) (If there is going to be a new story, I'll post here, and you know, if i'm a 'favorite author', you'll be informed... but also... I've already written chapter 1 of the next installment, so... again, #1 ) Love ya'll... PJ.