Chapter 3: And the Tormented becomes the Tormentor

She looked down on her hands his blood was there, it had stained her skin, but she was unable to look away. She just couldn't look away from the crimson stains on her skin. She wonders is that what if felt like for him when she came to his apartment bleeding almost two years back? It must have been. She never asked him how he felt that night; she never cared what this image might have done to his brilliant mind. Now she wonders if she's ever getting the chance to have this conversation with him the paramedics let her ride with them to the hospital, she found herself unable to take her eyes from his pale face, his dark eyelashes softly touching his pale cheeks, she tries to shut out the sirens the doctors and paramedics working around her and imagine that he is safe, that he is sleeping. The oxygen mask was making it harder.

She waits for news for hours, unable to call Aaron; she knows he needs to know that Damian is still, not only alive but active as well. Her voice betrays her both times she tries to call him; she ends up texting him, her fingers more cooperative than her throat. He simply texts her "I'll be there" it was enough for her.

He came faster than the doctors; she was strong for so long that when he finally wrapped his arms around her shoulders it was enough to make her brake. She felt the sob leave her throat and rock her frame. He wasn't prepared but his hands just wrapped tighter around her keeping her upright, she used his chest to hide her face and let all the frustrations and pain out. He said nothing and she couldn't be more thankful.

She takes her time cleaning his hands, removing all small and big pieces of glass from the tender flesh, he sits on the stool in the kitchen, his arm softly placed on the island as she sits across from him working, he studies her, Alex had done the same a few times but her touch was so different…

"Alex!" he called her when he heard the door closing "Help!" he hears the thud of her briefcase hitting the floor and her heels merciless against the polished wood, he winches a bit, this place is a rental after all. "Tom!" he sees the worry leaving her eyes and the disbelief and then the amusement taking over "I tried to change the lamp." He tells her defeated.

"And how did you ended on the floor with cuts in your hands?" she asks, she doesn't move closer she just inspects him half lying in front of the sink with the blood from the shallow wounds staining his sweatpants.

"I lost balance fell off the chair and thought it was smart to grip the lamp tight." Her laugh was so joyful; it made the fall, the bruises and the cuts all worth it...

She had worked so carefully that night, her touch soft, when she finished with his hand she gently took care of his bruises both physical and to his ego. Kendra's touch is different, it's carful and warm but at the same time so cold and distant. She works fast, doesn't linger too long not because she doesn't want to, she just doesn't have time for comfort, they are not here for that. In a few hours the sun will rise and the rest of the staff will come, she'll have to move her things from the car to the little cabin she will have all to herself, just like last time they were there, it was just before the mess with Eva had started, just months ago really but right now it seems like a lifetime has passed. She'll have to pretend for over twelve hours that nothing is going on, that she didn't spent the night screaming at the president of the United States, that he didn't spend the night screaming at her too, that she didn't wake him up from a nightmare with tears in his eyes, that he didn't call his dead wife's name in his sleep, that she didn't spent minutes cleaning his hand. She'll have to pretend, he will too he became good at it, pretending that is, he pretends he cares what's going on around him, he pretend he cares about the world still spinning, he pretends he can breathe easily in the morning, he pretends he sleeps, pretends he eats , pretends that his life has meaning. It's so easy to pretend, to lie to everyone and even sometimes to themselves.

"Will you sneak in later tonight again?" he asks her, his voice is almost childlike, he looks down, ashamed of what he wants.

"If you want me to." She doesn't know why she agrees, they'll spend another night yelling at each other after all but she does. It's almost cathartic, the screaming, the fights; it makes her feel alive for the first time in ages.

"I do." He keeps his eyes on his wrapped palm, the white bandage contrasting with the granite counter tops. Kendra hates herself for agreeing, she hates herself for the words she's about to say.

"I'll be here Tom."

No one came back to inform them about Chuck's condition till the sun rose in the sky, it was about 6a.m. when the doctor came in, he was exhausted. "You are here for Chuck Russnik right?" neither of them can talk so Aaron just nodes, "Well Mr. Russnik was stabbed twenty nine times in his entire body, most of the stabs were shallow, not really hitting anything meant only to cause pain, but six of them are the most worrisome, it seems that the perpetrator changed his weapon from the smaller bladed knife to a larger bladed knife his Femoral and Pulmonary veins were almost severed, his pulmonary artery was nicked, there were lacerations on his liver and stomach and three deep stabs at his intestines." Hannah felt dizzy all those information about different injuries made her upset; her logical brain told her that he wasn't alive, but the doctor would have said that first if that was the case.

"Doctor, will he recover?" She is thankful Aaron took charge, asking the question she so wanted to ask but was rendered unable by the knot in her throat.

"He will, right now we have no reason to believe otherwise, his recovery though will be long and difficult."

"Can we see him?" Hannah asked, she finally found her voice again, it was still so hard for her to talk, this was so out of place for her usually she was the one in hospital, she wasn't the one waiting for the information, she wasn't the one waiting at all.

"Of course, he's not in a good state but the nurse will lead you to him if you want to."

She was glad to have Aaron hold her hand while walking to the room the nurse pointed at them, she wasn't sure if she was able to walk there on her own. His hand was anchoring to a reality that although terrible was where she needed to be. Aaron opened the door to the room, she notices his hands are shaking a bit too and it puzzles her, he's been acting like a rock all night for her and understanding that there might be more than meets the eyes, that he might not be as strong as she thought. It's another frightening thought in the end, everything around her is shifting, changing, no one is exactly who she thought. She shakes the thought from her head, and focuses on the man on the bed, this is the first time she realizes how young he is, he looks barely adult, lying on the bed, bandages were covering his arms his skin barely darker than them, he had lost so much blood that she is wondering how is he still alive. He shouldn't be alive; logic told her that he should have died, but still he is here.

"Hannah" her name startles her, Aaron hadn't spoken to her in a long time, she turns her head and looks at him "Take the rest of the week off. I'll drive up to Camp David with the president."

Tom closed his eyes, he finally got the courage to walk around the cabin, opening the guest bedrooms, all signs of Leo and Penny living there for months were erased, a small sad smile formed on his lips, how easily the presence of a person could be removed from a building amazed him. closing the door behind him he came almost face to face with the room he was dreading entering, he hadn't spent many nights there, he spent even less time sleeping there, the master bedroom held many happy memories despite the fact that he had barely spent any time in it. He finally opened the door, a cold breeze hit him on the face, looking around he realizes that the window was open, mindlessly he goes to open it, smiling softly "Oh Alex come on!" he murmurs. As soon as her name falls from his lips his brain kicks in, he realizes, although late that she isn't there to open the window.

"She used to leave the windows open didn't she Tom?" he closes his eyes, the sound of the door slamming shut behind him startled him but he tried to hide it. "I was expecting you to come sooner" he admits, he refuses to turn around, he would try and keep this room untainted from her cold, unforgiving presence "Can we move to another room?" he begs her, hoping she won't notice, hoping she'll , for once, be merciful.

Her laugh is cold, unforgiving, he knows she's not willing to show mercy tonight. "No, no Tom, I think we should stay here." He turns around she is sitting on the bed, her bloody clothes staining the beige quilt. He tries to take his eyes away from her, tries to look at the wall, the newly closed window, he wishes he had left it open, anywhere but her face but he's unable, he always ends up looking at her face. "Why do you still torment me?" the question falls from his lips like so many times in the past "You asked me that, and I answered it" she responds, she looks borderline bored tonight. "Then kill me. Honestly either kill me or leave me alone!" he was tired, exhausted really, he couldn't keep doing this; he couldn't look over his shoulder all the time, waiting when she will show up.

"What's the fun in killing you Tom, I want you to do it yourself." he feels more tears falling from his eyes, he was too tired to beg, exhausted to fight, he just let the tears roll down his face, silently. "You are not Alex." He simply states, she smiles, for the first time the smile isn't cold "No I am not."

"She would like me to live; she wouldn't want me to die." He stops taking a deep breath "If you are not her then what are you, why do you wear her face and what the hell have I done to you?" she chuckles and stands up, walking slowly towards him, this is the first time he's seen her walk slowly and steadily, not threatening towards him she stands a few feet away from him "It's not what you did to me Tom, it's about what you did and didn't do for her" he nodes her head towards a leftover picture still left on the bedside table from the time Alex was living here, it was of the two of them, they were in their honeymoon, Alex almost six months pregnant at the time was leaning back to his arms, they were at a beach in Hawaii , lying on the soft warm sand. He doesn't remember who took the picture, probably a local person there. She had her hand on his face, her nose buried under his jaw, his in her hair. They were so careless back then, so young and free. "What did I do to her? All I did was love her, love her with every fiber of my being."

"You could have saved her, fired Forstell, cut a deal, not have given Hannah such a blank check, had Kendra do a better job!" the last one cut him like a knife, he had gone over the others again and again in his head, had he fired Forstell or used the Opposition research on him then Alex wouldn't have to be on the road that awful night, they could spend Christmas together, like they were planning, the four of them like a family. Had he stopped Hannah from involving his family in a witch hunt Lloyd had started Forstell would never had even the opportunity to start targeting his family. The last thing though, he never really thought about it, what would have happened if Kendra had done her job better.

"Kendra did her job perfectly." The words fall from his mouth with a lot of disbelief, he tries to make his exhausted, tired brain to believe those words but the little monster inside him just can't stop. He starts feeling his blood boiling; Kendra should have done her job better. She should have protected his wife better; he should have protected her better.

"You are right." She smiles and he looks at her with a puzzled look, of course she knows what he is thinking "You should have protected her better" he tries so hard to keep it together, he tries so hard to not start screaming at her to shut up but this breaks him.

"Shut up!" he stands up from the couch he was sitting and walks to the window, there's a small plastic potted plant there, he takes it in his hands, studies it, it frustrates him that in a cabin reserved for the president and his family there would be such a cheap decoration.

"What did you say to me?" the shadow asks him, her voice is back to being cold and threatening, 'Good' Tom thought that way he could hate her, he looks at the small pot in his hands and throws it to her "I said shut up!" He turns around his hands grab the lamp on the table closest to him and he pushes it to the ground "Shut up! You know nothing!" he made his way to her, smashing things his way, throwing pillows, books, ashtrays on the floor at her, at the wall. He reaches there, standing right in front of her and reaches forward he half expects his hands to pass through her arms but they don't, instead his hands grip two warm boney arms. A soft gasp falls from her lips, he ignores it.

"You'll be Alex tonight dammit!" he should have known something was wrong when his hands touched flesh and not just mist but he didn't. It was such a shock that he was holding someone that he didn't stop to think was that might have meant. "Just shut up" he repeats again, tears escape his eyes again and he leans forward, his lips touch hers, he tastes blood, on her lips, they feel so different from what he's used to. She removes her hands from his grips and uses them to push him away; a blinding pain explodes on his face when her hand slaps his cheek with all her force.

"I'm not gonna be your fucking bootie call" her voice shocks him out of the state he was and for the first time he truly sees the woman in front of him, her hair aren't the long blonde ones he expects but they are short and dark brown, her eyes aren't blue but dark brown, her figure, face everything is different and it makes him hate himself.

"Kendra!"

She hears sobs the moment she enters the cabin, they are coming from the back towards the bedrooms, taking off her coat she almost runs there, she knows it's the president and she probably should not go there but she made a promise to Alex in that damned FBI building and she was going to honor it even if it killed her…

Kendra sees Alex pacing up and down the dull corridor, she's clutching the phone in her hands, she honestly is shocked with her face, she finally was free of the nightmare and yet her face had the grimmest look she had seen.

"Ma'am the motorcade is waiting." Kendra tells her, Alex turns and looks at her, a warm smile gracing her tired face. "Let's get going then." She tries to sound cheerful but something betrays her "I heard you and the president have a date." Kendra wants to hit her head to a wall as soon as the words left her mouth, way to put her foot in her mouth again "Yes" her answer is soft, almost inaudible. She suddenly stops and turns to her. Taking both her hands in hers she looks the younger woman in the eyes. "Look, I have a bad feeling that this isn't the end. I want you to promise me something Kendra." Kendra is puzzled, she doesn't know what the first lady means but the worry and pain in her blue eyes make her nod positively to the woman "Whatever you want ma'am" Alex takes a deep breath "If anything happens to me, anything at all, I want you to take care of Tom. Don't leave him alone, he's so good taking care of others, but he is completely unable to care for himself. Please don't let him do anything stupid, if anything happens to me, I want you to be there for him, will you?" this was the strangest request she has ever gotten by a client but the distress on the older woman's eyes left her little to no room to say no…

That's why she is here after all, why she offered to help the president, of course she didn't know at the time what the first lady meant but between the last night and tonight she now knows what she meant. Entering the bedroom she had a plastic potted plant nearly miss her head. He walks to her almost blinded, almost as if he doesn't see her there. He walks to her side, pushing a lamp on the floor and breaking it, "Shut up! You know nothing!" he growls, he makes his way towards her, smashing everything in his path, the crystal ashtrays, the books left on the coffee table, the pillows from the couches, everything. He is standing in front of her, his eyes for the first time she sees the deadly darkness in his eyes she was sure he didn't have in him, she gasps when his hands grip her arms tightly "You'll be Alex tonight dammit!" she is scared right now. The man in front of her is unpredictable, she thinks back to her promise to the first lady, she is sure this wasn't part of it, but on the other hand him gripping her arms tightly, probably leaving bruises on her skin surprisingly made her yearn for more. "Just shut up" this time his command is soft, almost as if he run out of strength and she can clearly see the tears rolling down his cheeks.

His lips crashed onto hers, his force made her release her lower lip from her teeth, and he bit down on it hard enough that both of them could taste the blood. In his haze he releases the grip on her arms and she manages to pull them away. She uses them both to push him away, no matter what she had promised to the first lady this would not be one of them. She doesn't know what comes over her but her hand mechanically rises and slaps him across the face; the back of her ring catches his lip and tears it slightly

"I'm not gonna be your fucking bootie call" her anger lasts for another minute until he opens fully his eyes, then she can see the blue of his irises slowly clouding with tears, she's curious but the way he says her name is enough to make her wonder if he even knew it was her.

"Kendra!" there's fear in his eyes, as if he's frightened with what he did and then some anger. His face turns to stone fast and it scares her.

"Kendra, Miss Daynes, I need you to leave right now. Take a week off." She opens her mouth ready to fight him, she just came back to work she wasn't going to leave "You don't get it do you?" his voice is raising, his whole posture scares her more "I don't want to see you for at least a week!"

XXXX

Kendra drove back to the city the same night; she didn't really need to stay around, what for? After all tears were blinding her, running down her cheeks uncontrollably, she should have stayed away from this man, she should have kept her distance never gotten involved but the first lady made her promise that she will take care of him, she made her promise just minutes before she died. This was their last conversation and she can't really ignore it that easily but then this night happened, he obviously didn't know that it was her he was kissing but his force and strength when he gripped her arms, his anger in which he wrecked the room frightened her, she wished she could, somehow speak to the first lady, ask her if this was the real man she had to deal with or not but she couldn't, there was no way she could ask the woman.

She found herself parking outside the cemetery, she wasn't sure why, why was she there, why the hell didn't she drive straight home, but she just realized this was the closest she'll ever get to being next to the first lady ever again. She walks to the grave and wonders what she should do; she's dressed in sweatpants and one of her Georgetown sweatshirts a heavy coat thrown over her shoulders. She notices a fresh bouquet lying softly in front of the headstone, and realizes she didn't bring anything with her.

She sits down facing the headstone; it was as if the black marble was taunting her. "I didn't bring any flowers, I'm sorry." She bites her lower lip "I don't even know what flowers you like" her voice was steady, it surprised her, she was sure that she was going to break. "I tried to do what you asked me, I tried to be with him and help him but he… good lord he is so different from what I've seen." She feels the tears filling her eyes, "I… I wanted to ask you if he was always like that, I don't know how to phrase it, but anger seemed to be a second skin to him, was he always like that?" the tears rolled down her face freely and she found herself sobbing unable to control her feelings that were just purring out of her every pore.

She felt a cold breeze on the back of her neck and a light feather touch on her shoulder. "He's in pain Kendra" she looks up, her eyes falling on the face of a woman she never thought she'd see again. Her hair was flowing freely behind her, she was dressed in a light white dress, the soft fabric flowing in the cold breeze but she didn't seem to care or notice. "Ma'am!" the woman smiles and sits down next a soft smile graces her lips "Don't call me ma'am Kendra; you came to get answers, call me Alex." Kendra nodes, she wipes her tears from her face and takes a deep breath "I did what you asked me Alex, I tried to be there for him but today… he was so angry Alex, he wrecked the master bedroom in the cabin in Camp David and he… he kissed me" there's no emotion in her eyes or face for a moment Kendra stopped, for a moment her brain started working that she was actually talking to nobody. "Tom is hurt, but he isn't an abusive man, he's in pain, hurt, betrayed, he needs someone to talk to, someone who won't judge him. Someone who is not going to be afraid to tell him when he oversteps the line, someone who will not be scared to kick him around, slap him silly if he is out of line. I can't do this, not now… not anymore but you can." Kendra looks up to the woman sitting next to her, her eyes were shinning with unshed tears, and Kendra was sure hers were too "He sees me in you and he's not wrong, we have a lot of things in common but the only thing he needs right now, is you not being afraid of him, well of his office."

"He suspended me, well he told to take a week but let's be honest it's a suspension." Alex smiles again, one of her arms falls around her shoulders "Then take the week Kendra, go away, fly to warm beach or a snowy mountain, but leave D.C." Kendra smiles back, for the first time since Christmas a real warm smile appeared on her lips "I think I will."

"I think you should"

Tom couldn't lower his heart beat, he was trying to calm down his breathing, his heart beat. He couldn't, he was trying so hard but he couldn't even stand up from the spot. What had gotten into his head he probably pushed away the only person left treating him without the kid gloves but right now he can't look at her. Maybe he should take the week as well, think what he really wanted from this, what was the true goal in this.

"I told you Tom, I told you I would take her away from you" looking up he sees her sitting right in front of him, her slender legs crossed her hands on her lap. "Leave." He knows it won't work, he knows she's not going to leave but he finds himself unable to stop himself from asking her.

"You can't really be asking me this right?" a cold chuckle fell from her lips; it became a second nature for her.

"No harm in trying right?" he looks up, slowly standing up taking a seat on the couch across from her "You won" he admits, it's killing him to but he does "You were right." There was a long pause, neither of them talking, he was looking at the carpet, she was looking at him, he knew she was.

"Kill me."

A/N: Chapter 3 is over and with that we reached the end of the first part of this story. Next chapter takes place three weeks after chapter 3. Thank you for reading and as always let me know what you are thinking.

As always the sneak off from the next chapter:

She did an amazing job avoiding him for a week, after Emily was kind enough to give her an extra week off. The white house she came back to though was completely different, once again, from the one she left three weeks ago…