*Here we have Rollie being absolutely adorable with Leanne.
Chapter 8 – "the Nightmares"
Rollie arrived at Leanne's office a few minutes later and he knocked softly when he noticed the blinds were drawn and the lights were off. He didn't receive a response, so he turned the knob slowly, calling her name softly into the dark room. He heard her sniffle, and the light from the hallway outlined her body, curled up on the small couch tucked against the left wall.
"What do you want Rollie?" Her voice was rough, and Rollie knew instantly that she had been crying.
"I came to check on you." He inched his way inside and shut the door behind him, allowing himself a minute for his eyes to adjust to the darkness before continuing his way towards her. "I found Mario outside of Ethan's room." He decided it was best to leave out the part where he actually found Mario and Jesse fighting over what to do about Ethan's pain meds, figuring she was probably better off not knowing that her boyfriend was upstairs suffering. "He told me that you assigned them to a watch."
Leanne huffed and scrubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. Sitting up, she swung her legs over the edge of the couch and pulled the blanket closer to her chest. "I didn't want him to be alone." Her voice was so soft that Rollie barely heard it, and it broke his heart to see one of his dearest friends in so much pain.
"Oh Leanne." He whispered, moving to sit next to her on the couch, his arm going around her shoulders as she leaned into him, sobbing softly into the fleece material of his vest.
Rollie didn't know what else to say so he just sat there and held her. Letting her cry it out. He figured he was probably the only person, other than possibly Jesse, that she would feel comfortable enough being this vulnerable in front of, so he took it. He had known Leanne a long time, in fact, almost 15 years. And she was one of the strongest people he knew. He had been there when she had gotten married, had helped deliver both of her children, and had seen every proud and happy moment in between. He had also been there when it fall apart. He had been the one to tell her that John had passed, holding her tightly in his arms when she screamed out her heartbreak. He had also been there with Jesse when they had delivered the news that both Caitlin and Eli had died as well. He could still remember the sound of her screams. The look on her face, the way her whole body trembled as he and Jesse held her tight.
He had also been there for her recovery. He and Jesse and Neal had taken turns being with her. None of them ready to leave her side. And when she had finally returned to work, he had been the one to help her pace herself, the one who helped her get back on track. He loved Leanne like she was his own, and there was nothing in the world that he wouldn't do for her.
"Rollie?" Leanne's hushed voice brought him out of his thoughts and he pulled back from her enough so that he could see her face.
"I'm here Leanne." He whispered, rubbing her arms gently with his equally shaking hands.
"Can I tell you something?" Her tone was quiet, timid even, and Rollie was reminded of a small child.
"Anything." He replied, pressing a kiss to her temple before leaning back against the couch again, giving her some space and time to get her thoughts together.
"I've been having bad dreams." She said quietly. "Nightmares really."
"About what?" He turned his head to look at her, and the sight before him was truly heartbreaking. Her hair was a mess, something that he noticed she never let happen, even in complete chaos. Her eyes were swollen and he could see the darkness on her cheeks even in the blackness of the office.
"Ethan." Her voice cracked at his name, and so did Rollie's heart. "The accident actually." She wrung her hands together in front of her and sniffled. "Both of them."
Rollie sighed as he patted her leg. "What kinds of nightmares Leanne?"
Leanne took a deep breath before speaking, her eyes focused on some far off object that Rollie couldn't see, or maybe it didn't even exist, Leanne's focus wasn't something he was entirely sure of anymore. "They're different really. Except there's one thing in common." She ran a hand through her messy hair, her eyes still transfixed on something in the dark corner. "Ethan's in all of them."
"All of them?" Rollie was surely intrigued now. "Even the ones about your accident?"
Leanne nodded her head, finally taking her eyes off of her invisible target. "Yeah. In some of them he's there instead of John, and he always dies, just like John." The catch in her throat made Rollie weak, and the older man fought back tears of his own. "In some of them, I'm there for his accident. Like, I see him get hit and I see him get thrown and I always try running to him, but I can't." She sobbed loudly and Rollie resisted the urge to pull her in for another hug, knowing that he needed to let her get it out. "And then there are others." She paused, turning to look at Rollie as she spoke. "Where he dies here. Laying in his hospital bed. All alone." The tears started falling at an alarming rate and Rollie pulled her back into his arms.
"Oh Leanne." He whispered against her hair, tears of his own falling and leaving wet patches on her head. "I'm so sorry."
Leanne shook her head under his chin and sniffled. "That's why I wanted them up there with him." She swallowed, pulling back to look Rollie in the eye. "If I can't be with him, I trust that you guys will make sure he's okay."
Rollie nodded his head at her, his voice failing him as he realized just how real this whole situation was. They had all almost lost Ethan. Not just Leanne. And that thought broke his heart. He had grown to not only respect the Army doctor, but he was actually pretty fond of him. And the way he treated Leanne, the way he made her laugh, the love her poured into their relationship. Well, it would make any father happy. He couldn't imagine if something worse had happened. He didn't even want to think about it.
"Have you talked to Ethan about this?" Rollie's voice was soft, his hand gentle against her back.
Shaking her head back and forth, Leanne rubbed the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. "I can't Rollie."
Rollie let out a soft sigh. "Why not?"
"It's only been four days." She sobbed, leaning her head against Rollie's shoulder. "I can't let him see me like this."
"Leanne, he loves you." Rollie gently pulled back, moving his head so that they were eye-to-eye. "You know that right?"
Leanne simply nodded her head. The tears picking back up again at Rollie's words. She didn't want to admit to Rollie that she had doubts. Because she knew that was simply ridiculous. Ethan loved her, and she loved him, and she couldn't imagine life without him. But sometimes, she wondered if he wanted better. If he wanted someone who wasn't as emotionally fucked as she was. Someone who could, and would always, return his love in leaps and bounds, just like he did for her. She was almost certain that he would want someone who would marry him someday. Possibly even give him children of his own. She knew that she could never do that. And it killed her to think that he would one day leave her when he realized just how much she didn't have to offer.
"Whatever you're thinking in there," Rollie tapped her head softly with his finger, "stop."
Hiccuping, Leanne shook her head back and forth again, sighing when the older man took her shoulders in his hands and stilled her. "He deserves better."
"Bullshit." Rollie's voice was quiet, but harsh, and Leanne knew she was being silly. She looked up, catching the humor in the man's eyes, and she smiled softly. "You should really talk to him Leanne."
Nodding her head, Leanne wiped her eyes one last time before standing, the blanket on her legs falling to the floor around her feet. She turned back to Rollie and extended her arms out, smiling when he rose and wrapped her in a tight hug. "Thank you." She whispered against his shoulder.
"Always." He whispered back, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head and squeezing her gently. "Always."
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