If Naruto had been looking up, he would have seen one of the extraordinarily rare occasions in Hiruzen's life that the Professor was reduced to utter speechlessness. The old man froze, gazing down at the blond-haired child in shock, his mouth literally hanging open. It was a look people would pay to see.
Hiruzen Sarutobi had, over the last few years, imagined many scenarios in which Naruto learned about the fox sealed in his stomach or stumbled across his parent's identities. He had prepared speeches and imagined literally hundreds of scenarios in which Naruto came to him with questions. Never in his life had he imagined this. He stammered incoherently for a minute or so, too shocked to even consider a response.
Eventually, the shell-shocked man got his act together and pulled the boy's face up, meeting his eyes. "Naruto… The Nine-tailed fox isn't your parent. You know that you need a boy and a girl to make a baby, right?"
Naruto nodded. He looked at him and said. "That is why I want to know. Was it my mommy or daddy? You don't have to lie to make me feel better. I'm not a little kid anymore."
The Hokage wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry. He was NOT going to give a six-year-old the talk. Those guileless blue eyes stared into his, and Hiruzen calmly explained, "The Nine-tailed fox was a mass of sentient chakra, Naruto. It didn't have a real body. So it most likely did not have a gender."
Naruto nodded seriously. He didn't understand some of those words, like 'sentient', but he got the idea. So my mommy or daddy could be a boy or a girl whenever he/she wanted. Weird. The men who lived on the third floor would be jealous. Everyone would let them marry if one of them could be a girl sometimes.
"So was it my mommy or my daddy when it made me?" he asked innocently.
Hiruzen had an urge to bang his head on the table. He managed to repress it mostly because his lap was currently full of blond-haired child. "Naruto… I already said the fox isn't your parent. You aren't related to the demon. Your mother was a wonderful ninja who loved ramen, just like you. Your father…" Hiruzen caught himself. He had almost leaked Naruto's parent's identities to a six-year-old! Anything he told Naruto would be all over the village by the end of the week. He would blurt everything out the next time another child called him a clan-less orphan. "I won't tell you about your father until you are older. It's an S-class secret." It was a cop-out, but hopefully Naruto would believe him now. He couldn't claim not to know again, because Naruto clearly realized he knew who his parents had been. He also refused to dirty Minato's memory by claiming someone else was Naruto's father. However, the last thing the world needed was another jinchuriki who believed his captive was his parent. Suna's was bad enough.
Naruto looked at him with wide eyes. "My mother was a ninja? Did you know her?" Thankfully, this seemed to cheer him up.
Sarutobi closed his eyes and sighed with relief. For the next half hour, he told Naruto many little things about Kushina. He described her temper, her love of Ramen, and even that she was a kenjutsu master. He even related a few tales of their interactions over the years. However, he told Naruto that he would not give him her name or any identifying information for fear people would figure out his father's identity.
After that, he took the much calmer boy on a walk to the market to buy some food. While he was there, he discretely asked Naruto which store owner had thrown him out that day and called him "demon brat." The man was going to pay for the shock Hiruzen had received this evening and for daring to kick a cute, helpless shinobi orphan out of his store for no good reason. Maybe Ibiki would be able to spare the time for a chat with the man? Ibiki had a knack for intimidation that would remind the idiot civilian of his manners. It wouldn't do for Naruto to learn about the fox before he made Chunnin or his father before he became a Jounin at the very least.
When he left, Naruto seemed to be on the road to recovery, if slightly traumatized. He was delighted to learn that his mother was a ninja, and seemed to have latched onto what he had told him with great fervor. He wouldn't be surprised if Naruto was caught trying to steal a sword by the end of the week. After all, he only left the boy with enough pocket money for snacks and a few basic items. There was no way he could afford a sword.
Naruto was feeling much better by the time he went to bed that night. His mother was a loyal, hard-working ninja. She sounded so cool! Now he knew for sure that he hadn't been abandoned, and found it reassuring that at least one of his parents was a good, loyal, human ninja. It was too bad the Hokage didn't think he could trust him with his father's identity, though. He didn't have to lie. However, Naruto could appreciate that only certain people, mostly high-ranking jounins with the hokage's trust, were supposed to know S-ranked secrets, so he could understand why his jiji was trying to cover it up.
Naruto knew that there was a secret involving him and the fox, even if he hadn't known what it was before today. After all, drunk villagers often found themselves dragged off by friends when they started shouting about the fox's attack being his fault. He heard the friends mention S-ranked secrets and the Third's law. So there was a S-rank secret involving him and the fox, and the Third said that his father's identity was an S-rank secret. He was certain that he wasn't important enough to have two S-ranked secrets protecting him, no matter how nice the old man was. So the fox was his daddy.
However, after learning about his mother, he was no longer so perturbed by this knowledge. The Hokage had said his mother loved his father, and that he had approved of the match. Therefore, there was probably more to the story behind the attack on the village. Had his father been controlled? He had heard a few horror stories about those unfortunate enough to piss off genjutsu and puppet masters. Had the fox gone mad? Had he deceived everyone like a spy? No matter what the situation may be, Naruto was sure he would learn about it after he became a ninja. Plus, he knew he had a human mother. He remembered a day long ago when the Hokage had reassured him that he wasn't a demon. Jiji had told him the truth, as he usually did. Naruto was half-human, and had concluded that he got most of his traits from his mother's side of the family. Plus, with the power of a demon and a mother as awesome as his, he was definitely going to be the strongest shinobi in the village. Becoming hokage suddenly seemed much easier.
Naruto fell asleep with a grin on his face and thoughts of getting a sword like his mother's.
True to the hokage's prediction, Naruto was hauled into his office by an amused ANBU before the week was up. He was caught trying to get his hands on a sword. Thankfully, he had already planned how to handle this.
Hiruzen looked at the hyperactive blond pacing his room. "So, Naruto, I hear you want a sword. Are you sure you want to learn kenjutsu?"
"Yeah, old man. I'm going to be even better than my mommy - mom. Believe it!" Naruto gave the hokage a wide, happy grin. He was going to be Hokage someday, so he definitely needed to be better than his mother, who was only a jounin. The Hokage was the strongest ninja in the village, after all!
Hiruzen grinned back at the boy, feeling his mood improve. Naruto really was a breath of fresh air after a day sending ninja on potentially fatal missions, arguing with his old teammates and the council, and a visit to T&I. "Why aren't you calling your mother mommy anymore?" he asked with a raised brow.
"Only little babies call their moms mommy. Sauske and Hibachi and Kiba all said so." Naruto said, looking a bit leery. Hiruzen had to wonder whether he had been bullied or whether he just wanted to look more grown up. He hoped it was the latter. "Can I get a sword now, old man?"
Hiruzen repressed a snort. He really should teach Naruto manners, but he did enjoy the change of pace. "If you want to get a sword and learn kenjutsu, you need to promise me three things, Naruto," he declared seriously.
Naruto looked nervous and excited. "What do you want, old man?"
"First, promise me that you won't practice with your sword indoors unless you are in a training area and you have permission. I am serious about this, Naruto." Hiruzen was certain that if he failed to impress the importance of this order on Naruto, the boy would destroy half his apartment and good amount of Academy property. He really did not want to deal with the extra bills and paperwork.
Naruto looked him in the eyes and agreed. "Okay, old man. I promise not to practice indoors without permision." He looked anxiously at the hokage, clearly putting his all into being patient.
"Second, I want you to promise not to spar with anyone using a real, sharp sword until I give you permission." Hiruzen could already picture an over-enthusiastic Naruto challenging one of his classmates to a spar and injuring him. Naruto really couldn't afford the dip in reputation that would cause, considering how he was already treated. Or worse yet, and quite likely, Naruto could challenge Sauske Uchiha to a spar. The boy might not know kenjutsu yet, but he had enough training to do some damage. He didn't want to risk Naruto being hospitalized, and he knew Naruto was just too stubborn for his own good. Unfortunately, the shinobi training from clans usually led to children being less hesitant to hurt others.
"Okay, old man. I promise. Can I have a sword now?" Naruto asked, gazing at him eagerly. Hiruzen chucked.
"You have only given me two promises, Naruto. Now, I want you to repeat what you just promised me before you make the third promise."
Naruto scowled at him impatiently. "I promised not to spar with anyone using a real sword until you let me."
Hiruzen nodded at the young, impatient boy. "Good, Naruto. Now, the last promise I want you to make is serious. I want you to take lessons from whatever kenjutsu master I assign. You have to be polite to your kenjutsu sensei and pay attention to what he tells you."
Naruto looked doubtful "But what if he hates me?" Lots of people hate me because my father almost destroyed the town.
"You can always tell me, and I will try to get you another teacher. However, not many shinobi are willing to teach. It may be a long time before I can find another. That is also why you should try to be polite," Hiruzen reasoned.
Naruto squinted at him a bit warily, then nodded. "I promise to listen to my teacher and be nice to them if they are nice to me."
Hiruzen chucked again and agreed. It was only fair. He was glad to see evidence that Naruto had a better head on his shoulders than most people realized.
"Now can I go get a sword, old man? The store had this awesome sword I was looking at. It was huge and the hilt was orange!" Naruto pleaded, flushed with excitement and energy.
Hiruzen rose and pulled two short swords from their hiding space under his desk. One was wooden and the other was in a sheath. "I have one for you right here, Naruto. I also got you a practice sword."
Naruto ran forward and grabbed them. "Cool! Thank you, old man!" Then he frowned. "But what about the cool sword I saw? I want that sword."
Hiruzen hesitated. Naruto was still far too small for any adult sword. Even geniuses like Kakashi stuck to short swords and knives until they were at least ten or eleven. He knew better than to point it out, however. Naruto would take it as a challenge. "Keep an eye on that sword, Naruto. You need to learn the basics first, like learning the basic handseals before trying a henge. Maybe in a few years."
Naruto scowled at him, pouting a bit. However, the boy quickly gathered himself and glanced thoughtfully at his swords. "You mean I can get one like that when I get older?"
Hiruzen nodded seriously. Hopefully, Naruto would change his mind or forget the sword. He did not have the body type for large blades.
Naruto smiled happily at him. "Thanks, old man! I'll practice until I'm as good as my mommy. Believe it! And don't worry, I won't tell anyone that the S-ranked secret is that the fox is my daddy! So you don't have to lie." And out the door he went, leaving a speechless Hokage and snickering ANBU.
This time Hiruzen did bang his head on the desk. Repeatedly. Unfortunately, it would appear Naruto had inherited his mother's stubborn streak.
The desk broke on the eighth bang.