Crazy trouble with love part 6

Vainglory and Edward

Series: Fullmetal Alchemist

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-Central City-

"What. Did. You. Call. Me?"

"Shortstack." Spoke a man with an eyepatch while tuning his automail leg.

Ed's eye twitched before letting out a loud cry and spear tackled the guy in the gut before slamming his fist against his cheek.

"Hey! Get off!" He yelled while Al tried to restrain him.

"I'M NOT A SHORT EXCUSE OF A PROTOZOA!"

"I, ah! Didn't, gah! Say that!" he got out before Ed started shaking him like a ragdoll.

"I SHALL BURY YOU!" He roared before clapping his hands and hit the ground with it.

The man groaned before kicking him in the face as Ed was sent back in mid transmutation. "GET OFF ME!"

Ed tumbled back before noticing that there was no ground under him, just a large hole going down for miles. "WAAAHHHH!"

"BROTHER!"

(A few miles down, like about 17 miles down)

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" He cried out while falling faster and faster into the earth while trying to grab the rocks, but couldn't get any grip. "How do I stop this!?" He then noticed a large pillar of unknown craft sticking out of the ground near his left and grabbed it. He managed to stop and sighed with relief. "That was close."

The pillar moved a little as Ed rushed to get back up and saw a opening with strange metal pipes going out the entrance.

"What's down here? A sewer? Weird, I don't smell anything rotten down here." He spoke to himself before getting to the entrance.

Creak.

Crack!

And saw the pillar falling down the hole and down into the depths of the planet.

"That was close." He muttered before hearing the sound of gears behind him. He turned and frowned. 'Well I'm here, might as well see where this leads.'

(Deeper into the tunnel)

Ed walked deeper into the tunnel as he couldn't see anything at all, but he did hear the sounds of gears and rushing water. 'I know this leads to someplace, but where?'

That was when he saw a shimmer of light and had to cover his eyes before seeing what it was, a large metal pyramid with tubes going crisscrossing across the rocks as water flowed down from the ceiling and formed a small lake around it.

"What the heck is that?" He muttered in confusion before seeing a small boat near the lake. He walked towards it and noticed it was made of bones and metal. He shivered while looking around with a frown. 'That's not normal.' That's when he noticed that it was almost like a steam boat, but had a small engine with a skull on it. 'Ok I'm a little creeped out.' He then carefully jumped onto the boat and looked around at the boat as the engine started to rumble.

Zoom….zoom...zoom….zoom.

Ed blinked before seeing it move on its own and moved towards the pyramid as it glowed a blood red color and the skull's eyes glowed green.

"Destination….laboratory 5." It said in a hoarse tone.

"Now I know that's just freaky." He said before it moved faster and faster before stopping at the base of the pyramid, which had a door made of some sort of metal that was fashioned with alchemical symbols of unknown origin.

"Destination complete…..shutting down." The boat said before powering down.

Ed looked at the door and saw a familiar symbol on the door. "Wait is that…" he took out his watch and looked at the symbol. "It is….holy shit."

As he looked at the door and his watch, he noticed that the door was cracked in one spot, about his size. He slowly moved over while transmuting a blade on his arm.

SLICE!

But the blade chipped on the metal. "Huh? How is that chipping my automail?"

SLICE!

Chip!

Ed grew a tick mark as he tried again.

Chip!

"Come on! Open you stupid door!"

(A few attempts later)

He groaned while trying again and again to open it, only for the blade to be chipped to a stub. "Just open up!" He started kicking it while getting more and more irritated.

Click.

Crrreeeaaakkk.

Which caused the door to slowly open up as spiders fell from cobwebs that were attached to the door.

"Huh? Now that's more like it." He smirked before a spider crawled down his neck and up on his face.

"Si?"

That got him to cringe before running into the pyramid as the doors slammed behind him.

(A long trek in the darkness later)

Ed stumbled through the darkness as the sounds of gears grew louder with each step he took. "Damn it, I don't know where the hell I'm even going!"

As he tried feeling the walls he noticed a small doorknob on it.

Click.

And fell through a hole in the wall as he entered a small laboratory with strange looking objects and a large metal cylinder in the center of the room. On the top of it was a symbol of a laughing humanoid with backwards wings.

"Gah! Ok I'm getting tired of falling down so much in one day!" He yelled out in rage before tripping on a pipe. "Fuck!"

As that happened the pipe came undone as the cylinder started to expel pressurized air.

"Subject Vainglory unlocked. Opening pressurized door. Energy level 100%." Spoke a voice that came from all around the room as the cylinders door started to open up.

"Huh? What?" he blinked looking at the cylinder.

Inside was a woman, about his size, with very pale skin, a medium ass and a D cup chest, her EXTREMELY long black hair came tumbling out of the cylinder and landed on the ground as it nearly absurd her face. On her left arm was a tattoo of a single number, 8. And she was naked without the hair covering her body.

His jaw dropped, face turned red, and steam went out of his nose while gawking silently.

The woman's eyes slightly opened as her greenish eyes scanned the room. "..."

'W-W-Why was there a girl in there? And where are her clothes!?' He thought before seeing the girl getting up, strange wires being pulled off her skull in the process.

"...salutations." She said while looking at Ed. "I am Subject Vainglory. Built to bring god into the world and to use alchemy to strengthen mankind. Are you my maker?"

"Uh, no." he replied while looking away from her naked body.

She chuckled before putting a hand to her face like a noble woman. "Good, because you're not in the same level as me. Ha ha ha."

He blinked and frowned. "Just what were you doing in there anyway?"

"Why should I tell? You're a peasant." She said while laughing like she was better then him.

His eye twitched. "I'm the one who got you out of there, so just tell me!"

"Nope." She said with another laugh. "A lady doesn't reveal her secrets to peasants."

"A real lady at least wears clothes!" he snapped pointing at her body.

She looked down and shrugged. "A lady is beautiful when naked or clothed. Plus my body is sexier than any woman on earth."

"I know more women that weren't as shallow as you."

Her laughing stopped as she started to growl in anger. "You dare call me shallow?"

"I dare since you are shallow." Ed said before getting wrapped by the girls long hair.

"You shall be punished!" She yelled before throwing him to the ground and started pulling at his arms and legs.

"Gah!" he cried out with wide eyes at the strenght before gritting his teeth to pull back on them.

"Submit, my hair is as strong as steel!" She growled while moving closer to him. "Just call me beautiful and I might not cut you up into pieces."

He groaned before quickly putting his hands on the floor beneath him before the ground stretched up and lifted him up while the hair got tighter. 'Fuck!'

"Ow ow ow! Quit pulling it!" She yelled out in pain. "This is no way to treat a lady of my caliber!"

"What caliber?!"

"My goddess caliber you short peasant boy!"

"SHORT!?" he yelled at the top before tugging harder enough to free his arms and transmuted another sword before cutting the hair around his ankles.

"..." she went wide eyed before shaking in rage as her hair started to take the shape of sharp blades. "My….my…MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!"

"YOU GOT SOME NERVE CALLING ME A MIDGET!" he yelled jumping down at her.

She grabbed his arm and used her hair to slice it up before throwing him into a wall. "I SHALL MURDER YOU FOR THIS HAIR CUTTER!"

He groaned from the impact and glared at her as the hair lashed out and held his arm out before causing it to split apart with deconstruction.

She went wide eyed before pulled away and held her hair close her. "My hair! You monster, look what you did to my beautiful hair!"

"You took my arm, so this is payback!"

She growled while looking very very mad. "Stupid boy! Stupid lacking boy!"

"W-WHAT?!" he growled with a small blush. "What I'm lacking is an arm! Who cares about hair!"

"I do you fuck! Hell it's the one thing I love in this world, besides my boyfriend, but I don't have one so MY HAIR IS MY LOVE YOU SICK DWARF!"

"DWAAAARF?!" he yelled out before charging at her like an animal and tackled her into the wall before grabbing her arm and swung her up and then slammed her on the floor. "WHO YOU CALLING A TINY TINY BEAN SPROUT OF A MAN?!"

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT!" She yelled before kicking him in the crotch.

"YYYYEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWW!"

"TAKE THAT TINY!"

"TINY?!" he yelled out before surprising her as he lifted her above him with one arm and then brought her down while slamming his knee into her stomach. "COULD A TINY BUG DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!"

"GAH!" She gasped as the wind was taken out of her. "You….monster….." she then grabbed him and punched his face.

Ed groaned before doing something very stupid, grabbing her hair and pulled it. 'Huh? Kind of soft.'

"Let go you barbarian!"

"Not happening!"

She growled while feeling her hair getting pulled again. "Ow! Stop! Don't pull my goddess hair from my beautiful Homunalpha body!"

"Homuna-wha?" he blinked. "Wait….you mean homunculi?"

"No, Homunalpha. That's what my species name is." She groaned. "I'm one of eight successful Homunalpha to survive the alchemy process!"

He blinked and tugged harder.

"Ow! Stop that!"

"There's a homunculus for every deadly sin, which is seven, not eight."

"I don't know what a homunculus is!" She yelled out. "The makers called us Homunalphi!"

"Homunculus."

"No it's Homunalpha!" She yelled out while some tears of pain came from her eyes. "Ow! You're so heartless!"

He saw the tears and felt a little bad before slowly letting go. "There, I let go, happy?"

She moved away while rubbing her hair before pouting at him. "Why I never." 'That human is evil!'

"Hey you're the one who started all this."

"I was only stating the truth. That I'm above the peasants."

"You're not even older than me!"

"I'm over 1,015 years old!" She snapped. "I'm your elder and perfect goddess of beauty!"

"...you're an old hag."

PUNCH!

"I'M NOT AN OLD LADY YOU CHILD!" She yelled while punching his face.

"I'M NOT A TINY FLEA YOU WITCH!" he yelled punching her back.

She yelled before punching him again.

(Three hours of punching later)

Both panted while feeling their arms getting heavy.

"Brat…."

"Bitch…."

They gave one more punch to the face before stumbling back and fell on each other with the girl landing on top of Ed's body.

"Get….off…"

"Too….tired…" she panted while her hair covered Ed up like a blanket. "Need…..nap…..zzzzz."

"Fuck."

(Much later)

Ed groaned as he got out of the pyramid while the girl walking behind him. "You were like a oven Vanity."

"It's Vainglory!" She glared. "And you should be honored being the bed of the most beautiful woman in history."

"Where?" he looked around with a smirk. "I don't see her."

She glared before grabbing him with her hair. "Don't push it boy."

"If I had both arms I could kick your ass no problem, but SOMEONE tore one off."

"You destroyed my hair. That kind of gem of perfection takes ages to grow back!" She then threw him down and looked away. "But you were agitated and I sympathize with it slightly."

"Gee I can tell." he remarked sarcastically.

"You are young." She said before grabbing him and patted his head with her hair. "You just need to go to school."

His eye twitched. "If you're suppose to be a homunculus then why were you down in a place like this?"

"Homunalpha, and I've been down here since a sinkhole caused the lab to be submerged in the earth." She shrugged. "And I was still developing in my incubation cylinder, back then I was only a fetus."

"...you're nuts."

"I'M NOT NUTS!"

"Well here's a question, why didn't anyone leave you any clothes?!"

"Why would anyone give a fetus clothes?" She retorted.

"I meant when you got bigger." he sweatdropped.

"Oh that, well they thought I could use my hair to make clothes. But that's boring and beneath my expectations."

Ed sweatdropped again hearing that before looking at the hole where he came out from. "Well now we're both stuck down here, if I had my other arm I could just make a flight of stairs straight up."

She looked at the hole before looking at Ed's ponytail and then at his broken arm. "Maybe I could help, which a perfect goddess of beauty is compiled to do when my interests are the same."

"Like what?"

She moved half of her hair towards him before wrapping around the ponytail and caused a little bit of it to fall off as it then stretched down to the arm and formed a long arm of hair. "There, a perfect gem of beauty….even if it is mucked by your….stature and gender."

"You calling me short?!"

"No!" She snapped as she got sick and tired of that. "I was saying you're beneath me!"

"Well what the heck am I supposed to do with this thing?"

"Just think about getting back up." She deadpanned while grabbing on to him. "And don't let go, not even to admire my perfect breasts."

"They ain't that perfect." he muttered with a blush.

She frowned hearing that. "Fool."

Ed frowned at this before thinking about getting back up and saw his new arm stretching towards the top of the massive hole. "Woah! How'd I do that?"

"That's the power of a homunalpha." She said with a hearty laugh. "And the perfect goddess Vainglory."

He rolled his eyes before feeling them get pulled up by the arm.

(Back above ground)

"That kid is dead." The eyepatch wearing man said with a frown. "That things about fifteen or seventeen miles down."

"Brother's not dead!" Al frowned before a long hand stretched from the hole and grabbed a pole. "What the?"

"...aaaaaaahhhhhh!" Cried out a voice as two figure came out of the hole and flew towards the pole.

BONK!

"Ow!"

"Stupid metal tree!"

"Brother! And...some girl?"

The girl groaned before letting go and took the hand off of Ed's stump before putting it back in her hair. "I'm not come girl, I'm Vainglory! And I deserve respect, especially since I'm a perfect goddess of beauty."

"Hey kid! Put some clothes on." spoke the eyepatch man.

She looked at him before walking towards him. "Did you just call me, a perfect woman, a kid?"

"Yeah, whatcha gonna do about it?"

She looked at the hole before pulling his pants off and held him by the underwear over the hole. "Maybe I should send you to the core of the earth?"

"Ahh! Wait wait wait!"

"What? I have a long day and I don't want to touch your peasant body any longer." She said while moving one finger off his underwear.

"Ah! Sorry sorry sorry!"

She smirked. "Sorry what?"

"I'm sorry lady!"

"Just lady? Not perfect goddess of beauty or sexy girl of radiance?"

"I'm sorry oh magnificent goddess!"

"Good boy." she pulled her hair back before flinging him down the street while Ed sat up and Al looked him over and gasped seeing the stump.

"Brother your arm!"

"Oh this? I broke it."

"On what?!" 'Winry is going to kill you!'

He pointed at the girl as she walked towards a shop and grabbed a red and pink dress.

"Looks fine for a goddess." She said while her hair moved above her hair as she started getting dressed.

Al and Ed blushed with Al covering his face.

"Much better." She sighed while looking herself over before the hair fell back down as she turned to the boys. "How do I look?"

"Um…."

"Meh."

"..." she looked at Ed before saying. "Your peasant clothes are pathetic. I can make better clothes than that."

"Knock it off with the peasant talk!"

"Just saying." She chuckled before looking at Al. "Are you a knight?"

"No."

"This peasants father?"

"No, this is my brother."

"...I don't see the resemblance." She said before looking at Ed. "Besides this child is more angry than a normal human, and is a hair killer."

"You destroyed my arm!"

"You called me shallow!"

"Oh look at me, look at my naked body and long hair." he mocked doing a pose. "Everyone look and praise me like a goddess ah ah ah!"

"..." she huffed before grabbing him and pinched his nose. "You're doing it wrong. Your pose is sloppy and your laughing needs more work."

"Ow! I was mocking you!"

"And I was teaching you a lesson." She said before sighing. "Look, let's just start over and get along, even a goddess doesn't want enemies."

"What?"

"I want to start over."

"Oh, well bye then." he spoke before turning and walking away. Only to get grabbed by her hair.

"Don't even try it." She glared. "I mean start over on friendlier terms."

"How was I supposed to know that?!"

"Didn't you learn anything in school?!"

Al sweatdropped at that while seeing them act like a married couple. That's when he blushed thinking about it. 'Did brother get really close to her down there?'

'Ah, yes kiss me.'

'Don't worry I'll enter gently.'

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" He screamed while causing the two bickering people to jump in shock.

"Al! What's wrong?"

"Brother! W-Why did you have sex with this woman?!"

"WHAT?!"

"WHY WOULD I HAVE SEX WITH HIM?! I NEED TO FIRST DATE HIM BUT I DON'T THINK OF HIM LIKE THAT!"

"B-B-But you two seem so close."

"We just met!"

"B-But you and her...brother please take responsibility!"

"SHUT UP HUMAN!" She yelled with a blush. "I'M NOT HAVING A BABY!"

"And I'm not gonna date her!"

Al blinked while noticing the hair was moving all over Ed's body and blushed. "I...um….brother."

"What?"

"If you have her as a lover please don't...do it in public."

That caused them to blush as the girl nearly fainted.

"I….I'm...not…" she stuttered while feeling faint. "A….whore…."

(One explaining later)

"Oh! Now I get it."

'You couldn't get it the first time?' thought Ed with annoyance.

"So you're a homunculus."

"I'm a homunalpha!" She huffed while blushing red. "And you owe me for being so disrespectful towards a goddess of beauty."

"No you don't Al."

"He does."

"Just stop."

"Only when he apologizes for acting like I was some kind of whore."

Ed blushed a little.

"Wait, so you're called Vainglory?" Al asked.

"Yes, and I dare say it's the perfect name for a goddess."

"So….in a sense you're the sin of unjustified boasting?"

"I'm more a goddess then a sin. I mean I'm the most beautiful woman on earth."

Ed and Al glanced at each other and coughed while clearing their throats and looking to the sides.

"Right?" She asked again.

"Sure, let's go with that."

She huffed before sticking her tongue out.

"Brother, what should we do with her?"

"Simple, turn her into the cops."

"Brother! That's a horrible idea, think of the police!"

"Oh right, she might kill them."

"How about we let her join? She might be fun to have around?"

"Hell no!" He yelled as Vainglory started looking at him and her hair changed into hearts.

'Kind of cute for a peasant.'

"She tore my arm off and now Winry's gonna be pissed! What do you think would happen if this girl stuck around? I'd lose my leg next time."

"Um….maybe she won't do that?" Al shrugged.

"Well what if she tries something like the other homunculi?"

He shrugged as the girl moved her hair and took off a piece of hair off before giving it to Ed.

"For you." She said as the hair turned into an arm.

"Huh?"

"I thought you needed an arm just in case." She said with a smile. "Plus a goddess must be benevolent to their subjects."

He sighed before taking it. "Fine."

She smiled before giving him a slight hug. 'I hope he likes my gift of love?'

'I hope things don't get so crazy….er, crazier later on.'

Al noticed the hair making a massive heart and felt like his brother might be in trouble in the future, and not in the normal way either. 'Why do I feel like brother's going to be limping more often?'