Chapter 19: Forgiveness
After they finished eating, their mothers offered to let Penny and Leo have a sleepover with them in their cabin. Tom and Alex had the house to themselves, neither of them knew how to feel about it, or even what to say, for a long time they were just sitting in the living room, side by side but barely touching, Tom makes the first move, his hand reaches for hers before he asks her a question that's been bugging him since she came back, "What happened in Alaska?"
Alex chuckles, where to begin after all, so many things happened in Alaska that she almost lost count. "A lot of things." She simply states.
"Which led to you having to shot Damian." She smiles turning to look at Tom sitting next to her, she doesn't know why but she leans closer. He wraps his left arm around her shoulders, leaning back to make them both more comfortable. "Yeah." She thinks about that almost all the time, it's better now, she knows that she didn't have much of a choice after all, it was either kill or be killed. Looking up Tom's face was twisted with worry; she smiles and reaches up for his hand that was resting on her arm. "At one point he had me pinned to the ground, telling me in every detail how he was going to kill me, how he was going to take pictures and send them to you, how it wasn't going to be long till he kills you too." She doesn't know why she starts telling him this, it's probably going to make him freak out, but she can't keep lying to him any longer, if they want to make it work in the end they have to be truthful, like they always were with each other. "Sometimes, I can still feel him, I still feel his grip on my wrists, his weight on me," she feels the grip of his hand on hers tightening but she didn't have the strength to look up just yet. Taking a deep breath she continues. "One night you had rolled over in your sleep and I woke up nearly had a panic attack."
Tom feels his breath getting caught in his throat, he look down, Alex is almost hiding her face on his shoulder and uses his free hand to gently get her to look at him. "You never told me." He tells her, his voice in not judgmental or accusing, it shocks him, he was used to hearing the little monster inside him in his voice these days that he almost forgot what he actually sounded like.
"Tell you what Tom? You were dealing with many things yourself." He turns away for a moment, the tears in his eyes were burning him and he couldn't keep them at bay any more. What a sight that was the leader of the free world in tears.
"I am constantly terrified that this is just a dream, that I'll wake up and," he stops himself, looking down he finds Alex's eyes focused on him, she didn't expect him to start talking, not about what he had gone through. "You'll still be gone."
"Why did you push me away then?" she asks him, Tom knows that this is it, this is the moment he has to explain everything to her. it scares him, what if she can't look at him anymore?
"While you were away, I had those dreams, nightmares," he stops, Alex is sitting up looking at him, she's still holding his hand tightly, it's enough surprisingly to give him the strength he needs to keep talking, "this shadow, she used to wear your face, she took pleasure in messing with my head, my pain was pleasure for her." he sees her tears shining in her eyes.
Alex reaches forward her hands cupping his face, "I don't blame you, you know that right?" she tells him, he smiles and turns slightly placing a soft kiss on the inside of her palm. "I know, but I also know that you hate the white house, you hate the spotlight and," she covers his mouth with her hand silencing him, a smile on her face puzzled him, "I don't, I used to think it was a gilded cage but, I see how happy you are in this job, you love it and, I guess I can learn to love it too." She takes her hand away, Tom looks at her in amassment, he never guessed that this would be her answer, Alex rarely if ever was known of compromises. "I don't promise not to lash out though if they keep asking me about cookie recipes." He laughs, for the first time in a while and so does she, it's short lived but it feels so foreign to both of them, "I wouldn't have it any other way." There's a short lived silence between them before Tom remembers to ask her what so many people told him to. "People are asking me if I'm going to run again. I want to know that you are ok with it," he sees her getting ready to open her mouth and this is his turn to cut her off, "Please wait, this is potentially the next four to eight years of our lives, are you sure?"
"Yes." She responds immediately, it takes Tom by surprise and he asks again, as if he was sure that his ears were deceiving him. "Really?" her smile only grew when she told him again, "Yeah." Tom wraps her in his arms tightly, her laugh warms his heart, in the end this went far better than he had thought.
"Thank you." He tells her, but Alex ignores it.
"So have you thought about a running mate?" she asks him after they both settled back in the couch.
"Cornelius suggested someone I hadn't thought about but it stuck with me." She looks up, the curiosity in her eyes obvious. "Who?" she asks, her interest clearly peaked.
"Congressman Charlie Young."
"President Bartlet's son in law."
"Yeah." She smiles widely, it shocks him that she would be so interested in a political campaign she's not that fan of it, but apparently when she told him that she could learn to love it she meant it. "That would be amazing. And having President Bartlet around will be helpful too. He's still an amazing campaigner." She reminds him, Tom nods, he had thought about it too, Jed Bartlet had never lost a campaign in his life, he was beloved, competitive and one of the best campaigners to ever walk this earth. "So you agree?" he asks her, his boyish smile and excitement makes her laugh.
"Yeah, it's Leo you'll have to make an effort with."
"I know."
Tom opens his eyes, he's drowsy, Alex groans and he feels her burring her face on his shoulder. He reaches for the offensive phone on the bedside table, and picks it up "Yeah?"
"Sir I need you to get ready we have a code red!" Mike's voice is urgent, the words 'code red' are enough to wake him up completely.
"Fuck," he whispers through his teeth, "Thank you Mike." He says and hangs up the phone, Alex is still sleeping, her head on his shoulder, he hates having to wake her up, she looked so peaceful sleeping and he had missed this sight. "Alex." He tries to wake her up. Softly calling her name but she just buries her face on his neck and refuses to wake up, he tries again "Alex!" this time nudging her too.
"What?" she asks, he stops for a moment, he had totally forgotten how she looked first thing in the morning, hair tangled, eyes drowsy from sleep. He pulls himself together fast, "Wake up there's a code red, they're moving us underground." He sees the words registering with her, sitting up she clutches the sheet on her chest with one hand while the other runs through her hair, "What happened?"She asks, "What about the kids." Tom was putting his pants on froze while buttoning his pants, in the haze of it all he forgot for a moment that Penny and Leo were not in the cabin with them. "Them too." He knows that Mike isn't going to leave anyone unprepared just in case this is actually happening, "I don't know more, just get dressed the secret service will barge in, in a few minutes." Alex gets up, holding the sheet tightly against her chest gathering her clothes from the floor, "I don't like that part of your job very much." She says smirking letting the sheet fall on the floor as she walks in the bathroom
"Me neither." Tom muses as he watches her walk away.
Mike barged in a few minutes later, the full detail in his tail; Tom barely had time to look at Alex before being, almost carried out of the room and down to the bunker. He sees Alex entering the outer room just as the door of the comms room closed. He takes a deep breath and turns around, the generals are there sitting in their seats, this reminds him a lot PEOC in the white house, he guesses that when the camp started being used as a presidential retreat they also built all the secure rooms needed to respond to attacks. he walks to his seat and sits down. "So what is going on?" he asks.
"Sir we have intelligence saying that the North Korean government has acquired fully operational nuclear missiles and there is the possibility that one of them is going to be fired on the US in the next hours, we have people ready to deploy." Tom looks around at the faces of the people in this room, he remembers the first night being president, general Cochrane was pushing him to launch an all out attack after the capitol bombing on Iran, he half jokingly told him then that he should launch a nuclear missile, he never thought he would have to ever actually do it.
"Fuck," he murmurs under his breath, he turns to Admiral Chernow, he looks back at him, his face carrying a look of almost defeat, one that scared him frankly. "That's gonna mean a full blown nuclear war, right?" all of his generals are looking down, even Cornelius looks away before answering instead of the Admiral, "I'm afraid so sir."
"Do we have anyone on the ground able to sabotage the missiles?" Tom asks, he doesn't know how much of good that would make, especially if the missiles are launched or close to being launched. The director of CIA looks up, his face almost lighting up, "We can get people there." He says, Tom stops for a moment he realizes what he just asked, he is putting boots on the ground.
"Director I don't want you to put your people in any unnecessary risks." The director smiles, it's a sad smile not at all reassuring, "Only the necessary sir."
Alex sat down on the couch outside the secure room Tom was in, she was tired, but couldn't close her eyes, waiting for Penny and Leo to come. "Penny!" Leo follows a few steps his face conveying the worry that she also feels.
"What is going on mommy?" Penny asks, Alex gets herself more comfortable on the couch and makes some space for Penny.
"Nothing sweetheart, it's just a drill, come get back to sleep." Penny closes her eyes falling back to sleep pretty easily. She looks at Leo, he was standing at the end of the couch, he looked worried, "Leo?"
"It's not a drill is it?" he asks, Alex bites her lip, looking away for a moment.
"We don't know."
"We have confirmation it's a hoax. Delta Out" Tom feels like breathing out for the first time in hours, he sits back on his chair, relaxing for the first time in since the phone rang hours ago. "Thank god." He murmurs he looks up, Cornelius' face greets him, there's a small shy smile on his mentor's face. "Cornelius you heard that?"
"Yes I did!" Tom feels his heartbeat slowing, but there's a headache spreading. "I want you to get on it as soon as possible; you have the all clear from me to negotiate a solution alright?" Cornelius nods, he writes something down on his notebook, "Yes sir!" he says, Tom waves him off and Cornelius ends the feed.
"Good night everyone." Tom says to the people in the room before getting out, he comes face to face with Alex and their kids, Penny is sleeping curled up against her side, Leo is using one of the decorative pillows from the couch his head on Alex's lap, his feet tangling off of the couch. He smiles at the image in front of him, "Hey," Alex looks up smiling, she looks tired, apparently not getting any sleep, he wouldn't blame her, neither of them would be able to sleep well for a while."Shh, they're sleeping." She warns him with a small smile.
"What happened?" she asks him, Tom smiles, "It was a hoax, false alarm." Alex smiles back, the relief etched on her face.
"I can get Penny, we'll have to wake up Leo though." He tells her, Tom lifts Penny who in her sleep seems to sense the change and wraps her arms around his neck, Alex gently wakes up Leo. "Leo" Leo opens his eyes, the florescence light bothers him and he blinks a couple times, "Hey, come on get up" he sits up rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Is Armageddon here?" he asks, Alex bites her lip tightly not to laugh.
"No, just a hoax." Tom says, there's a smirk on his face that takes Alex by surprise.
Leo stands up and starts walking side by side with Tom, "Meh, I was hoping for the post apocalyptic monsters to come."
"Maybe next time." Tom responds mischievously.
Morning came far too soon for both of them; Alex looked at Tom packing his briefcase, not taking yesterdays clothes with him, a warm feeling made her believe that he was planning on coming back soon. She liked this Tom; he was more like the man before the presidency, a man she had missed greatly. "I have to leave, but I want you to come back, please?" she's taken back, she thought he would ask to visit again, she's not sure whether or not this was a good idea, the man she saw was the man she wanted to miss, and he handled a nuclear crisis without losing his patience, something that she was sure wouldn't have happened a few weeks ago.
"I will, but there's one condition." She tells him, she doesn't know why the hell she asks him of that, she's actually scared, probably for the first time in their shared life together, of how he was going to react, she now knows that he went through three therapists, dismissing them all after they dared to get a bit closer to the issue
"Anything." He tells her taking her hands in his.
"I want you to see a therapist, I need you to work, actively on your issues," she sees him freezing but to her delight he doesn't let do, instead his hands clutching hers tighter "Trust me, hiding behind our fingers is not going to help." He looks up, there's the realization in his eyes, "You did?" he asks her.
Alex smiled softly, "Yeah." She tells him, there's a tense silence between them, Alex was rigid she didn't know what to expect, it took him just a few minutes before responding simply, "Alright."
Alex smiles, she takes her hands from his and wraps her arms around him, hugging him closely, she feels the tears filling up her eyes, tears of joy for one.
"Alright."
A/N: Here it is, we're only two chapters away from the epilogue, it seems only yesterday I was screaming with MeredithBrody about this idea and now here we are. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, please let me know what you are thinking till next time here's a sneak peek!
Sneak Peek:
Tom looks at his staff awkwardly entering the room, they seemed to be fidgety, he wouldn't blame them, "I gathered you all here because I need to talk to all of you." Tom sits down waving them to take a seat as well…