Hello everyone !

I thought I would publish this chapter last week but well... Real life really got in the way as I was busy cooking and going out to see Aengers (don't get me started on that). But here it is.

IMPORTANTLY I have to say that for this chapter there is a jump backwards in time. I hope you won't be too confused by it and that you will still like the chapter. Oh, and it is also the longer chapter I've written (and it has given me absolute hell)!

I can't wait to know what you think of the chapter :)

As ever, thanks to my lovely Beta and you all for reading :)

Enjoy !

Chapter 13:

When Gwen had told Arthur to go look for Merlin, she hadn't the slightest idea of what was happening. She just thought that their friend was, once more, too busy to remember their meeting. It had, after all, happened several times since he had been appointed Court Advisor with enough free time to practice, in secret, his magic.

However, when she saw her husband come back with his brow knitted in worry, she immediately understood something was very wrong and dread filled her.

Questions immediately burned at her lips but she knew that there was a time and a place to ask them and it wasn't now or here, not in front of so many people.

She forced a neutral expression onto her face and resigned herself to wait until the meeting with Gunthred was over.

Said meeting seemed to last forever but, when it finally finished, Gwen lost no time in steering her husband to their chambers.

"What happened?" She asked without preamble.

Arthur sat down at their table with a heavy sigh that did nothing to calm the queen's frayed nerves.

"Do you remember the letters we sent for the position of Court Physician?" He asked, instead of answering her question.

Gwen nodded, willing him to hurry up.

"Well, one of them attracted the attention of a very specific person… Alice, Gaius' ex-fiancée."

The queen gaped at him. She remembered the old woman that had seemed so kind and loving but had ultimately tried to kill the then king.

'She came here and Merlin had to tell her that Gaius died." Arthur carried on. "She… Didn't take the news very well, obviously and accused him of being responsible for it…"

"But that's not true!" Gwen interrupted angrily, her protective instincts rising quickly.

"I know that." Arthur tried to pacify. "But she doesn't see things that way and, frankly, I'm still not quite sure Merlin does either."

Gwen sighed sadly, wearily taking the seat next to Arthur.

She may not have been the one who had spent the most time with Merlin after the physician's death but she knew perfectly well how harsh a blow this had been to her friend and how deeply he had been affected by grief and guilt.

It had taken months before things had begun looking even remotely like they used to be. Not that she was stupid enough to believe that things could ever go back to what they were.

But now, with this, it seemed like it had all been for nothing.

"Where is he now?" She asked.

"I don't know. I've sent Gwaine to look for him. If anyone can find Merlin and talk some sense into him, it's him."

Gwen agreed but this knowledge didn't help much with the pit of worry that had lodged itself in her chest.

"And what about Alice?"

The question looked like one that had also bothered the King judging by his expression.

"For the moment, she's under house arrest until I decide what I should do with her…"

Gwen understood the dilemma he faced and wished with all her heart she could help him choose. But, unfortunately, this was a decision he needed to make alone.

She reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.

"I'm sure you'll do the right thing, Arthur." She told him softly, making sure that she sounded convincing.

It didn't look like she had succeeded very much but he still drew her into his arms, hugging her tightly.

They spent the rest of the day in a subdued, anxious atmosphere, waiting for news from Gwaine while trying, and failing, to do some work.

They stayed up late, but finally had to concede nothing more would happen that day and, therefore, went to bed.

Neither of them slept well but Gwen was grateful to just have the occasion to lie in her husband warm embrace.

The following morning, Arthur left early for the council chambers and Gwen, after long deliberation, decided that she would go and talk to Alice.

At the very least, she should try to explain the exact circumstances of Gaius' death and the shockwaves the event has created.

Once dressed up, she dismissed her maid before going to the Physician's Chambers.

She had spent the whole night trying to come up with what she would say and how. She knew she would need all the tact she had learned since becoming Queen of Camelot.

When she arrived in front of the old wooden door, she nodded to the two guards standing there before entering with a deep breath, feeling just as nervous and awkward as when she was a serving girl interfering with royal matters she had no right to.

Inside the familiar room, she immediately spotted the old woman sitting at the table, thumbing through a book with tearful eyes.

Despite the fact that she had deeply hurt Merlin, Gwen couldn't help but feel her heart squeeze for her obvious grief.

For a moment, she imagined herself at Alice's place. What would she do if Arthur was snatched from her like that without her even knowing? She repressed a shudder. She couldn't imagine her life without him anymore.

She forced the thought away. This was not about her. This was about making Alice understand that she had misjudged Merlin.

She cleared her throat, trying to look far more confident that she felt at the moment.

The woman in front of her looked up sharply at the noise, eying her from head to toe with a slight frown.

"Good morning. My name is Guinevere. I'm the Queen of Camelot." She introduced herself, feeling a twinge of ever-present disbelief at her new position.

Nevertheless, Alice must have heard of her one way or another, because her eyes widened and she scrambled up for a little bow.

"Gaius wrote about you in some of his letters." The older woman explained. "However, he told me you were a maidservant…"

"I was." Gwen acquiesced, sitting herself down at the table to look less threatening.

"Have you come to pass judgment instead of your husband then?" Alice asked, voice bland. She was obviously one of those people who had no trust in Arthur.

"No. I've come to you for a totally other subject."

A curious eyebrow rose, encouraging Gwen to carry on.

"It has come to my attention that you've talked to Merlin yesterday.' Gwen began, watching as Alice's face closed off with a dark, hard look. "No, listen to me. I think you don't fully understand what happened…"

"Really? Because from his story it seemed quite clear that he was the one to let Gaius rot in a cell until he died."

Gwen had to fight not to flinch at the thunderous tone and the harsh side of this reality.

"I don't deny that he didn't free Gaius before it was too late. However, I suppose he didn't tell you that during that time he was busy saving thousands of other innocent lives by fighting Morgana. He sacrificed so much in doing so…" Gwen hesitated, she saw she hadn't yet convinced Alice but she was reluctant to share details of Merlin's feelings with her.

"Listen… I know it's hard to hear but Gaius chose to stay in Camelot to aid Arthur's and Merlin's escape. It was his gift to the man he considered a son: to allow him to go free while he stayed behind. And I know that Merlin would have done everything in his power to change that. I saw how conflicted he was about it and I saw how much he suffered, how broken he became by guilt and pain…"

Gwen breathed deeply to try and control the rising tears in her eyes. She didn't like to think back about the whole thing but she wanted to make the woman in front of her understand that Merlin was a great person and didn't deserve her ire.

When Alice didn't react, the queen carried on.

"I can't say I know how you feel. I can only imagine it. And I know that forgiveness is hard. But what I'm asking you is to think about what I say. To try and see things differently. Because all I know is that Gaius loved Merlin like a son and that if you truly loved Gaius you should, at least, respect his opinion and know he couldn't have been so wrong in his judgment."

And with that, the queen pushed himself up and crossed the room, knowing that there was nothing else she could do to convince the old woman to trust Merlin.

However, when she arrived at the door, she stopped.

"And for what it's worth, I am sorry about how you were treated during the purge but it's a new time now. Under Merlin's guidance, Arthur has become a far better man than his father. He is a fair and just king. I'm sorry you couldn't witness that first-hand with Gaius."

And only then did she leave, nodding to the guards again before heading outside, needing fresh air. When she arrived on the battlement she could only watch as her husband and best friend rode away into the forest.

She frowned but resigned herself to, once more, waiting for answers.

She was sitting at Arthur's desk in their chambers, preparing for the council meeting, when her husband finally showed up.

His defeated face and the way he slumped in the chair near the fire did nothing to ease the worry that had been ever present since Merlin disappeared.

"Arthur?" She asked softly, getting up to kneel next to him, uncaring of the dust that would undoubtedly get on her dress. "What is it? Did Gwaine not find Merlin?"

The blond let out a tired sigh.

"He did. Took Merlin out in the tavern. They ended up drunk enough that Merlin turned Kilgharrah human."

Gwen gaped at him. She did not expect that.

"How did he do that?"

"I don't know. And he doesn't either I think…" Arthur answered, his tone subdued.

It obviously wasn't what was really bothering him.

"Did he manage to give Kilgharrah his right form back?"

Arthur hummed as he nodded.

"Then what is the matter?"

Her husband took a very long time to answer, his eyes lost in the low flames of the fire.

"We messed up Gwen." He finally said, the use of her nickname shocking her.

"What… What do you mean?"

"I told him we sent letters to find a new Physician. He… He didn't take it well… God, he looked so betrayed…"

Gwen felt tears pickle at her eyes and she let her head fall in Arthur's lap, squeezing his knees. There really was nothing she could say. They had never expected Merlin to like the idea of trying to find someone to replace Gaius. She had just hoped to be able to explain everything to him.

Their broody mood was interrupted in by the door opening.

Arthur immediately jumped up, reaching for an absent sword at his waist, and placing himself in front of Gwen ready himself for an attack.

Only to immediately relax.

"Gwaine! What..."

"What have you done to Merlin?" The knight interrupted angrily.

Gwen stood up, putting a hand on her husband arm, sensing that the situation could rapidly evolve into a violent one.

"I followed you into the forest and arrived just in time to see him fleeing in tears! And when I tried to talk to him he didn't even open his door!" Gwaine carried on, obviously uncaring of Arthur's thundering glare.

"I don't have to answer to you Gwaine." The king all but growled.

Gwaine opened his mouth to retort but Gwen put herself in the middle of the two.

"Boys! I know you both care about Merlin but arguing will get you nowhere."

Both men stared at her.

"I think that what Merlin needs right now is peace and quiet which we will let him have and, after that, I will go and talk to him. Try and explain things to him." She carried on, keeping her calm between the two still angry looking knights.

Gwen had to admit, she didn't expected to see Merlin in the Council Room later that day. But he surprised her by arriving there, on time. He quite obviously ignored the king but that was to be expected.

She discreetly observed him the whole time and saw that he wasn't paying attention, obviously lost in his thoughts. Until, of course, he opened his mouth to bring forth the topic she hadn't thought he would willingly talk about. That shocked her more than she cared to admit. Part of her wanted to stop him and tell him that this wasn't the place to do this. But she also understood why he was doing it.

He was saving Arthur the trouble of making a decision he would come to regret. Even mad against him, Merlin was still trying to protect his king and friend. And that despite the fact that it brought harm to him.

It was clear that he heard the murmured comments about his ineptitude by the slight blush that overcame him. Gwen had to force herself not to intervene. She knew she couldn't allow herself to defend him. It would only serve to gift those councilmen who thought she was an inadequate queen. And she didn't want to add that kind of worry to Arthur.

So she resigned herself to wait and watch as Merlin all but fled the room as soon as possible, making Arthur deflate with a defeated sigh.

"Don't worry." She whispered to him as the last advisors picked up their parchments. "I'll talk to him."

Before that, however, she went to the kitchen and ordered a plate of food for two, making sure to take Merlin's favorites. At the astonishment of the cook and kitchen maids, she took it herself and went off, easily maneuvering through the crowds of servants, the familiar work soothing her nerves.

Keeping to the lesser used corridors, she quickly arrived in front of Merlin's door and knocked. She was afraid he would turn her down like he did Gwaine but he finally invited her in.

They sat themselves at the warlock's table and Gwen couldn't help but notice that he had obviously been busy reorganizing his things. It worried her. Merlin was just not the type of person who could keep everything in its right place.

"It isn't like you." She told him.

"Yeah…" He answered vaguely, playing with the bread in front of him.

She sighed inwardly and took his hand.

"What is it Merlin? Something is bothering you… You know you can talk to me, right? Always." She could see that he didn't want to burden her so she squeezed his hand tightly. "Is this about Alice?"

"Yes… And no…" He answered, not looking at her.

"Then what is it?"

"It's nothing." He answered, now pacing. "I know it's stupid but… It feels like Arthur and everyone thinks I've been doing a bad job as physician… And he didn't even tell me! He just went behind my back and looked for a replacement. I know I can't be one to judge with all the lying I have done but still… I thought we were past that…"

Gwen almost felt her heart break. She hadn't wanted that. She never thought that he would think that they thought he wasn't capable enough. She blinked tears away and hugged him.

"Oh Merlin!" She said against his neck, feeling suffocated by guilt. "You don't understand. It's not that at all. In fact, it wasn't even Arthur's idea, it was mine."

She felt Merlin freeze in her embrace ad she let him go.

"But… But I don't understand…" He said.

"Merlin." She interrupted quickly, keeping her hands on his shoulders and griping him as if it could make him believe her. "I never, for one second, thought you weren't competent as a physician but I can see how exhausted you are. You work too much, don't think you can hide it from me. I know how much you do and I worry constantly about you and your health. I just wanted you to have some respite. For you to be able to work on your magic, to enjoy your freedom for once!"

For a long moment, Merlin just stared at her and then, his eyes filled with tears. Gwen hugged him again, squeezing his thin frame even more strongly.

"I thought I was doing good Gwen. Isn't that what Gaius would have wanted? He always tried to teach me medicine and science. I… I feel like I have to do it. That, with that, I can make him proud."

If she thought her heart had been broken before, it was nothing compared to the pain she felt at that moment.

"Oh, Merlin… I'm sure he is already proud of you! He always has been, no matter what you do!" She said, rubbing his back soothingly. "I'm sorry I made you feel as if you weren't good enough. You are perfect Merlin!"

So, what do you think? Loved it? Hated it? Leave a little review if you please, it'll make my day. :)