Good evening everyone !
Well, okay, this one is very, really, late. But, I have relatively valid excuses! First: well, to be honest, all this sun outside is not helping my writing. Second: I've spent the time I should have been writing this story writing a one shot for this french writes in english contest. A small thing about dragons and stuff... Cross your fingers that this time I'll actually be pre-selected (truly, this is my ultimate dream, no thought about winning, just be printed because pre-selected is enough)
And third, but not least, two weeks ago someone here made me noticed that some random guy stole my french Doctor Who story and posted it on google books where people can BUY IT. Honestly, I don't have enough words in my english vvocabulary to explain how shocked and disgusted I am at that. I've spent more than 3 years working on this story. I love it. It is my baby. And it has been stolen. It is disheartening.
But, anyway, here it is. Chapter 15. I hope you will like it! Do not hesitate to leave me a little review! It will make my day!
Chapter 15:
Merlin didn't know for how long he stayed locked in Gwen's embrace but for once he let himself enjoy it.
He couldn't say that he was truly okay with Gwen and Arthur looking for another physician without even consulting him but he understood the reasons now. And he knew that Gwen had had only good intention in heart.
It didn't really make it hurt less but he wasn't sure that Gaius' death ever would be easier. He was just hoping that he would eventually get used to it and move on.
Reluctantly, he pushed away from Gwen and offered her a small smile.
"Better?" She asked and he nodded weakly.
"Sorry." He whispered, sitting back down at the table and taking a drink.
"You know, Arthur is feeling really bad about lying to you, right?" Gwen said, also retaking her place.
"Yes… Yes I know. And I know I shouldn't be angry at him for not telling me. Not with how I lied to him in the past but…"
"You can't stop yourself. I understand. Truly I do. And I'm sorry we did. I promise we won't make that mistake again."
"I believe you Gwen. I'll… I'll go talk to him. Just… Not yet."
Gwen nodded.
"Okay. That's all I wanted to hear." She smiled at him. "Well, I think I'll better go."
She pushed herself up and went to him to kiss his cheek.
"Just don't forget that we're here for you if you want to talk or anything. Really. You are not alone Merlin, yeah?"
Merlin nodded.
"Thank you Gwen."
She smiled at him and left. Merlin sat back on his chair and sighed. He hadn't lied to Gwen, he knew he would have to talk to Arthur. Apologize for being so hard on him. But he just couldn't face his friend at the moment.
His gaze fell on the darkening sky and he decided to just get an early night. He felt exhausted and was sure he would see things differently in the morning.
Wearily, he got to his feet and dragged himself to his changing screen to put on his sleeping clothes before falling ungracefully into his bed and snuggling under his covers. He had been even more tired than he had thought because in only minutes he was fast asleep.
The next morning he was awoken by an annoying ray of light shining right in his eyes. He grumbled under his breath at his forgetfulness just as the door open to let Jonathan enter.
For a moment the servant looked surprised to see Merlin already awake but then he kept on his way to the table.
"Good morning, si... Merlin." He said, still unused to call the warlock by just his name but knowing how Merlin disliked being spoken to too respectfully. "I brought your breakfast. Have you slept well?"
"Good morning Jonathan. Yes very well, thank you."
Merlin went to the table to see the usual bowl of fruits, fresh bread, ham, chicken and cheese.
"You know that I am actually only one person, right Jonathan?" Merlin asked, like almost every day since Arthur decided his Court Advisor needed a servant. "Come here and help yourself to some food, I'm sure you haven't eaten much anyway."
The servant hesitated, his training telling him he shouldn't sit at his master's table to eat but his head knowing Merlin wouldn't let go before he picked up at least an apple. So he did, one apple exactly.
Merlin sighed inwardly. One day he'd manage to get the younger man to actually sit down with him and eat. For the moment, he resigned himself to watch as the servant began tidying up his room while munching his fruit.
Merlin grabbed his own plate and began eating, planning out his day. He had his meetings with the magical community in the morning and was supposed to go to the council session later on.
He was already dreading it. He really couldn't comprehend what had gone through his head when he put Alice in such a position. He was sure she would hate him even more when she had been faced with those close-minded nobles that would surely be everything but nice to her.
"Should I put out your clothes for the day?" The voice interrupted his thoughts.
"No. No. I'll manage, thank you. I'm finished with breakfast. Can you take the rest to the lower town? And then you can find me in the meeting room." Merlin said.
Automatically, Jonathan bowed before beginning to put the dishes together in silent efficiency.
Before long, he was out of the door and Merlin was alone. He went to change into his official clothes and went out of his room.
The morning passed in a blur for Merlin as he was kept busy with all the work he had missed during the whole human-dragon adventure and the meeting with various people of the lower town, neighboring kingdoms and even a couple of druids.
A long time after noon, Jonathan came in with a plate piled up with food.
"Thank you." Merlin said, only then realizing he had been starving. "I didn't even notice you leaving."
He tucked in the deliciously smelling plates and let his thoughts wander. He hadn't had time to think about it but now he remembered the apprehension he had for the upcoming council meeting.
And the more time that passed, the less he felt ready to go and face it.
"I'm going for a walk Jonathan, you can have your afternoon off." He announced finally.
The servant eyed him curiously but didn't comment and Merlin left him to tidy the dishes.
He didn't really know where he wanted to go but he knew he needed to move, have some fresh air before finding the will to head to the council chamber.
His feet led him outside where he was met with bright sunlight that temporarily blinded him before his eyes caught up with the fact that he wasn't in the candle-lit castle anymore.
For a moment he simply observed the life going on in the courtyard with the merchants and servants going back and forth. He loved the normality of it all.
His eyes caught on the glint of armor and from afar he recognized Leon, Percival and Gwaine coming back from training and he quickly decided that he didn't want to talk with them at the moment so he quickly ducked in the shadows and moved again.
Next, he found himself at the back of the castle and only then understood where he had been unconsciously heading. He kept on and finally arrived in front of the memorial of Gaius' burial place.
He had never been there since he had come back from Ealdor. In fact, he had avoided even thinking about it since Gwen had told him it existed. He had just wanted to forget about it all. And yet, there he was.
He walked slowly to the beautiful stone with Gaius' name on it and sat down on the sun-warmed grass.
For a long time he just stayed motionless, observing the markings as the sun warmed his back through his shirt. He felt numb and sad.
"I don't even know what I'm doing here." He whispered, then felt utterly awkward for talking to an inanimate object but he had seen other people do it in Ealdor and, somehow, it felt good. He wanted to believe that wherever he was now Gaius could hear him. "I so wish you were there to tell me what I should do Gaius."
He wanted to say more but his throat felt suddenly clotted and he fell silent, fighting tears.
So? How was it? Any good?