"Excuse me! Excuse me young lady..." his mom nudged sweetly, tapping his shoulders for effect.
Or rather, her shoulders.
"W-wha... Mahm, what happened?"
"Uhm... I'm afraid you're not in your home, young lady. This is the Cartman residence, are you okay? Are you a friend of my son?"
"What are you talking abou-" As her mind cleared, she suddenly realized her raspy, masculine voice had somehow transformed into an airy, female voice. (kinda like Emma Stone) Her eyes widened in shock, as she sprinted towards the bathroom.
"What the fuck is going on...?."
Cartman splashed cold water against her face, praying to satan this was all just some stupid, crazy nightmare. But after a few minutes of feeling her body up, she realized this was as real as it could get. She removed her now baggy sweatshirt and pants to see if what she felt were the real thing.
"My dick is fucking missing- that's just great... Oh! Look here, a VAGINA." She exclaimed, staring at herself, totally new to the absence of what was once attached there.
After around 10 minutes of deep thinking, eyes shut with both hands planted on the rim of the sink, Cartman slowly tilted her head up as she got to observe her new features in detail through the mirror. Her face no longer had a triple chin. To her surprise, it was more of a heart shape, with full cheeks, a dainty chin and long lashes. Thick, wavy, caramel brunet locks flowed just passed her full chest. The fat that was once in all the wrong places have somehow found its way to her ass and boobs, creating very sensuous curves along her waist and back. Her legs were shapely and cute, and her arms, just as fitting as the rest of her voluptuous self.
"Holy shit. I'm HOT." She exclaimed, wiggling her ass and cupping her new breasts.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. "A-are you okay in there, miss? What might your name be? I could call your parents-"
"Mahm, jesus christ... It's me, Eric! I've turned into a fucking CHICK!" She shouted through the door with mixed emotions of confusion and delight. (I have no idea how that would sound like)
"Oh... Well that explains a lot... I've been trying to figure out who you were and how you got here all morning, poopsikins! Thank goodness you're okay! And you look absolutely gorgeous as well-"
"Shut up mahm! This is already fucking embarrassing as it is, jesus christ!"
"Oh sweetie.. I had no idea you went through gender reassignment surgery! The doctor did a wonderful job! It's almost too good to be true"
"This is not- ugh...Y-yeah the doctor sure did a great job giving me tatas and a snatch!"
In typical Cartman fashion, she pinched the bridge of her nose and thought to just go with the flow for now. Even Eric herself didn't have a clue as to how the hell this could happen.
"Mahm... Co- could you get me some chick clothes and... And maybe a bra or something?"
"Of course sweetie, right away! Oh this is so exciting! I've always wanted a daughter!"
After sending her mother off, Cartman looked at herself in the mirror once again. The weight on her chest was a totally new sensation, "Almost like having water balloons fucking sewed into your flesh" she thought.
The vagina thing was very new as well, with nothing flopping around underneath. She suddenly really missed her mini-me and stared at her new genetalia in disgust. "Why would guys be willing to lose their souls in one of these little monstrosities?"
*Knock! Knock!*
"Sweetie, i've picked out really cute outfits for you to wear! I believe you might be a size or two bigger than me, so we've got to take you out shopping soo-"
"About fucking time! Now hand them over."
Mrs. Cartman cheerfully placed the clothes in her daughter's arms, completely delighted at the sudden turn of events.
Cartman slammed the bathroom door shut and surveyed the clothes. "Too slutty, too pink, too cheap, too... lingerie? What the fuck is that doing here? ...Ay, this is perfect!" He cooed, eyeing a red v-neck gap top with elbow-length sleeves, brown ripped-up short shorts and navy blue leggings.
She quickly strapped a bra and g-string on, (conveniently experienced in cross dressing to do it with ease) and then the outfit.
After one last look at her reflection, she started tracing back events that had happened earlier that week. Faint memories of cheap meals and video game/ beer sessions flashed through her head, none of which particularly contained any trace of sex-change inducing reactions.
"I didn't try any fucking chemicals or drugs lately, as far as I know... Shit someone must've drugged me!"
And of course, when Cartman thinks of culprits to any personal crime, it would always have to be...
"That sneaky, good for nothing Jew!" Eric screamed at the top of her lungs, which actually didn't sound very threatening with her newly acclaimed voice.
"I don't know how the fuck you did it but you BETTER be prepared for some major damage control, you filthy Jew!"
"Kyle, wake up!"
"Wh-what...? Ike? What's going on?" The redhead asked.
"There's this sexy chick in the living room asking for you! Did you knock her up or something?"
Kyle Broflovski, already used to so much random bullshit throughout his life, sighed and rubbed his eyes in irritation. The springs on his bed sagged as he stood and shoved his feet into a pair of green slippers.
"I had at least 30 minutes of sleep left Ike, this better be worth-"
"You good for nothing Jew!" An unfamiliar, female voice spoke out.
Kyle's ears perked. He was frozen mid step as he descended the staircase, his eyes locked to his front. The green orbs refused to turn, as he felt a knot twist in the depths of his gut.
"That voice is strangely; disturbingly familiar... And yet, it's totally foreign. I don't think it's any girl from my school...The fuck?" As the thought darted through his head, he turned.
"Stop acting so surprised, dickwad. This is all your doing!"
Kyle was finally downstairs, and blinked at the frantic brunet in front of him. He towered over her, probably half a foot taller, with her height a good 5 feet. Her eyes had a dark gleam he found disgustingly familiar, yet they were adorned with long, curled lashes. The girl's lips were peachy and plump, pursed as she was clearly upset with him.
"Do I know you?"
"Like hell you know me, Kahl."
"Kahl...?"
Suddenly, it clicked. This girl is somehow related to Cartman!
"Dude, are you like.. Cartman's twin or some shit? The resemblance is.. kinda uncanny.."
"Resemblance?! Cut the act Broflovski and give me back my dick! "
"Hey, look I... Wait... Cartman?"
"Yeah, dickhead. Although I don't see why I need to explain myself since this is OBVIOUSLY some elaborate trick you fucking pulled for your sick amusement!"
"I don't understand.. All I did was-"
"So you DID do something!"
"I swear the only thing I wanted to do was enlarge your breasts for kicks-"
"Enlarge her what what WHAT?!"
Suddenly Mrs. Broflovski appeared before them, still in a bathrobe and green facial mask to boot. She just descended from the stairs, her red hair up in rollers. "Kyle, even if this young lady is your girlfriend, forcing her to enlarge her breasts for your selfish desires is just-"
"MA! Cartma- this girl is NOT my girlfriend!"
"Even worse, bubula!"
"Ma... Come on!" The red head, in typical Kyle Broflovski fashion, just pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Mrs. Broflovski, I can assure you that your son is not only a perverted sicko, but he's also a gigantic-mphphh!" Before Cartman could utter another word, Kyle shoved his hand against her mouth.
"Could you give us a moment?"
Safely hidden behind the door of Kyle's room, the red head takes a breath before examining the situation again.
"Okay Cartman. So I played a little prank on you, alright? I snuck a tin of Nesquick in your pantry... filled with some Japanese breast enlarging mix. I didn't really think you'd chug it in one go, so-"
"But I did, and now I have a vagina and fucking tities you asswipe!"
"Yeah, but i'm sure it'll only be temporary!"
"How sure ARE you?! Did you even keep the goddamn packaging?"
"I, uh..." Suddenly, Kyle heard the familiar beep of the garbage truck outside his window.
"-threw it away..." He scratched the back of his head, unsure of what to do next. The brunet, in a fit of rage, pounced on Kyle as she screamed insanities.
The red head actually expected a lot more weight since this wouldn't be the first time Cartman tackled him to the ground. But surprise was evidently in his green eyes as he felt nothing but softness and warmth against him. Her fists were easily avoidable, with Kyle blocking them using just one arm.
"L-look, Cartman! I promise to get you back to normal, alright?! Just get the fuck off me! Punching me won't solve anything!"
"Oh it won't, but it WILL help me feel a lot be-"
*creak*
Kyle's door suddenly swung open, just enough for them to spot a patch of messy black hair through the frame.
"K-kyle... Mom said it's inappropriate for you to be alone up here with a girl for so long. Also, the shouting was getting pretty intense... Is this some sort of break up or something...?"
"Ike. I'm not asking you again. Get. The. Fuck. Out of my room"
"Okay- but mom wants you down for breakfast pronto or you'll be grounded for a week. Kthxbye!" And with that, he sprinted out of Kyle's room.
As if someone pressed the play button from a paused youtube scandal, both of them mentally froze as they realized the awkward position they were in.
"So... Is this what porn is like?" Cartman blurted out, sincerely curious and unfazed. Kyle's entire face turned into a red, flustered mess as he realized he's never been so physically close to a girl before, even if Cartman.
"G-get off me, Cartman!" Kyle rolled to the side, forcing Cartman's plump body off Kyle's lean one. He stood up and rubbed his temples in deep thought.
"We need to think of a way to get your old body back without garnering too much attention" Kyle quickly sat on his desk, booted his PC and browsed through his internet history.
Cartman snuck a peek at one of the links. "So you're going to help me by watching Princess & Tentacles XXX?"
At this point, Kyle and his flushed face would have to be considered a biological relative to the tomato. Ignoring the comment out of sheer embarrassment and shame, he clicked the ebay link he was looking for and took out a notepad.
Just when he was about to list down the information of the infamous Mushi021, all the monitor displayed was 3 numbers written in a fat, black letters: 404
"...User not found." He read out loud, as if by some miracle reading it aloud would lessen Cartman's fury.
...It did not.
"YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" Cartman screamed as she lunged at Kyle, knocking him off the chair.
"How the fuck am I going turn back into a dude at this rate!? The goddamn asian who sold you that shit isn't even on the internet anymore!"
Angry fists came in at Kyle from all directions, but they felt more like good-hearted fist bumps than attacks.
"C-Cartman... Cartman! Knock it off! We have to think things through, fatass! I'll figure something out but for now let's just make it through the day, okay? We have school in an hour!"
"SCHOOL?! WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I CARE ABOUT CALCULUS WHEN MY DICK IS M.I.A?!"
Wishing it was the last time he'd have to get up and off the weird she-he hybrid called Eric Cartman, he stood up and brushed himself off.
"Well we could ask for some help. Clyde and Kenny might have some info about shady internet protocol, and it wouldn't hurt to ask the guidance councilor about your... transformation. Either way, it'll be much more productive than bumming around at home" he said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"What happened to, not garnering enough attention, huh Kyle?"
"...Just say your a cousin of the Cartman's or something! Anyway, please just home and get your school shit so my mom won't rip my head off."
A/N: Suddenly wanted to continue this story after a while. Are any of my old readers still out there? If so, or if you're entirely new to this story, thanks for reading! Reviews are always and very much appreciated, so I hope you can send one over!